What's Up With Dr. Phil?!!!

[korkscru]

A couple of weeks ago I was watching Dr. Phil on the Oprah show. There was a lady who revealed that she is often late to appointments (even her job). Dr. Phil just went off on the lady and told her that her chronic lateness was due to arrogance and that it was a way for her to get attention. Now, From time to time I'm late for appointments or events so I took slight offense to Dr. Phil's interpretation. I sat there thinking that Dr. Phil may have been quick to judge without hearing this woman's entire story. Now, I'm also a counselor and my job requires that I help people be more aware of their actions and to help them "face the demons" which may cause them to react in certain ways. I work with at-risk teens and I have found that using reality-based and existential-based (believing that one has choices)therapies are more effective. But I just could not get with Dr. Phil going off on this lady like that. Maybe I'm wrong, but sometimes I feel that Dr. Phil has a great deal of arrogance himself. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? What are your thoughts on Dr. Phil and his often "cut-throat" approach to the topics on Oprah?

[soror6]

Hey, korkscru!
I gotta say that I am a fan of Dr. Phil. As a woman who has also counseled in the past, I understand what he does b/c he lets people know up front that he is very direct and to the point with his style of counseling. If they don't want that type of advice, they shouldn't ask him! Gentle and soothing he's not! That's why Oprah always calls him tell it like it is Phil I know he can be harsh, but as a person who is a recovered late addict, I think that he was probably right on point. The woman was saying that she is ALWAYS late. She also said that she does not do it on purpose, which made Dr. Phil respond:

"It must be on purpose, because you would stumble up on a meeting, or something on time by accident without trying." (something like that )

For me, I know that the source of my habitual lateness was my internal desire to be the center of attention, because I was so self conscious and insecure about myself. After a while, arrogance probably played a part because subconsciously I felt that people should have to wait on, or acknowledge my presence since I had done it for others for so long with what I felt was no reciprocity. When you are late ALL OF THE TIME, somewhere you are doing it for a reason, even if it is subconscious. For example, I would typically get up timing myself to the minute thinking if I leave by this time I'll be fine....although I have left at that time 100 times before and been right on time, or late, but I did'nt stop doing it. There was a reason.

I think you said in your post that you have been late a few times, but that is not the type of person or behavior he was probably referring to. That seems to be normal. IMHO, he is referring to the person that really thinks they are trying to be on time, and the universe is working against them b/c they are a victim to outside extenuating circumstances, not to their behavior-NOT! Been there, done that.

I personally think that everyone does things because there is a payoff that they receive from the behavior, whether they realize it or not. If not, they wouldn't do it. That's another story! I do think that he can be blunt, but sometimes people are so engrained in their behavior that his "guerilla tactics" are the best way to force them into acknowledging the issue. Just my $19.13 Thanks for reading my ramble!

soror6
_______________________________________
Get your greek on! www.greekuniversity.com

[korkscru]

Greetings Soror6!!! I agree with you 100%. Now I have something to confess. I too am one if those people who is late most of the time. Before that particular show aired, I agreed with just about EVERYTHING that Dr. Phil said. But when the tables were turned and the issue related to ME, I guess I became defensive because deep down I knew that Dr. Phil stepped on my toes. The approaches that he uses are much like the approaches that I use in counseling at-risk teens. I've been thinking about this since the show aired. And after consulting my supervisor (she's a good friend) and chatting with you, I understand CLEARLY where he is coming from (really I understood when he first said it) To be honest, in certain situations, it's hard for me to take my own advice. I guess it's time for me to "face the demon" which causes me to do this and I can see how this may be a way for me to get attention. However, I'm still trying to see the ARROGANCE in chronic lateness. BUT I'M WORKING ON IT!!!

Thanks

[Salience]

I don't watch Oprah intentionally, btu I have stumbled across a Dr. Phil episode, and his advice was hit-and-miss IMO.

As far as tardiness, mine is from lack of preparation and sleep, not arrogance. I double-check everything to make sure I haven't forgotten something, and time slips away.

[VctoriasSecrt]

I like Dr. Phil! He gets all up in your comfortable space and makes you think about yourself, your choices, and your reality...His approach may not suit everyone, but from what I have seen on Oprah, he has really helped a lot of people, so more power to Dr. Phil I can't see tardiness though being that deep of an issue for everyone, like if I am late to class I want attention from my instructors, no...I just got up late, its not that deep...

[This message has been edited by VctoriasSecrt (edited April 12, 2001).]

[silver]

If you are tardy every now and then,it isn't that deep.If you are chronically late,it is a BIG deal.It is arrogance.I had a friend who was always late and I got tired of it.I finally asked her one day what it was that made her time so much more important than mine and everyone elses that she would constantly keep us waiting.After putting it in that context she understood what the problem finally was and made an effort to do something about it.