When your non-greek S.O. doesn't understand...

aephi alum · #1 10-04-2004, 01:48 PM

Next weekend, my chapter is having a reunion. There are a bunch of alums going (most of whom I've never met) and of course the collegians will be around. They've got some fun stuff planned, and we will have some free time as well. Mainly I'm going in order to meet the younger alums and collegians and see what has become of my chapter since I graduated.

My husband said he'd come along and "do the dutiful husband thing" if I wanted. He has never been fond of my sorority or most of the sisters who were active when I was. So I left it up to him, and he's decided to come. (A few other people are bringing their S.O.'s, so it won't just be him.)

We have a few friends still living in Boston, so whenever we go up there, we call or email them and try to get together. So my husband emailed a couple we're friendly with (we all attended the same school, and they didn't go greek either) to see if we could meet up with them. He was pretty snarky: "aephi alum has this sorority reunion thing that she decided she (a) wants to go to and (b) wants to drag me along to, so..." I am NOT dragging him along - I left it up to him, and he chose to go!

I think he's having a little trouble understanding why I'd want to go socialize with a bunch of women I've never met. It's not like they're my sisters or anything!

Tell me I'm not alone ...

</vent>

AChiOAlumna · #2 10-04-2004, 02:18 PM

You're not alone here...my husband doesn't get my alumna involvement as well...especially as his dad is a TKE and his sister is a XO..both of which have not continued their participation as alumni...my husband will begrudgingly go to my events too when I ask, but what's hardest is most of the women in my group don't have S.O.s so he ends up being one of 2 or 3 men who attend...as a result I feel bad for him and don't force him to come with me...I ask him, if he says "no" I don't press it. It's his choice.

What's even more funny is how much it bothers him that he doesn't know my ritual...I won't tell him anything about the symbols, ritual, NOTHING!! He'll be cute and ask questions, trying to trick me into telling him, but I won't budge...his reasoning is that we're married and I shouldn't hold secrets from him...is that a guilt trip or what?? LOL...he doesn't hold it over me, but it's cute how he'll try to finnagle something...

PhoenixAzul · #3 10-04-2004, 03:01 PM

my boyfriend was really against me joining in the first place. He thought that they were going to make me drink and have sex with frat boys. The school he went to didn't have a greek system, so he had no idea. He likes my sisters now, but he worries that they think he's too old for me (he's 24, i'm 19).

LouisaMay · #4 10-04-2004, 03:06 PM

My husband gave me the "go ahead" to try for Alumnae Initiation, and he's been supportive, but he REALLY doesn't understand.

We went to college together, and he knows how hard it was for me to decline my original bid. I agonized over it, and at the time, he was my best friend (not boyfriend), so he heard it all. Nonetheless, he doesn't really "get it."

I believe that a good S.O. will support your desires as long as they aren't harmful or damaging to your relationship. If either of these two things are the case, then you need to evaluate things.

LM

aoiikristi · #5 10-04-2004, 05:33 PM

My husband doesn't get it, but after almost 10 years of marriage, he understands that it's important to me. He gets jealous if he thinks I'm spending too much time on AOII stuff (like when I was a chapter adviser). I've tried to talk to him about sorority stuff (NOT ritual) before and he just has no concept. The part that gets him is the balance between "sisterhood" and the fraternity as a business.
My husband is not an overly social person, so he's not too into going to events, regardless of whether they are sorority related or not. But, he does if I ask him to.
I think that part of it is that his brother was in a fraternity and it was nothing but an excuse to get out of his parent's house and party, so it's hard for him to think of it any other way.

PhiStar · #6 10-04-2004, 05:38 PM

i laughed when the bf said to me last month:
'you really like your sorority don't you'
i was looking up info on buying buttons or something cute for the new Phis online. i told him 'it took you how long to figure that one out, dear?' and kinda giggled. he didn't get it. never will! and that is ok with me for the most part.

last year he asked me why i never invited him to any more formals with me. ( i took him to my first one) I asked him nicely "hon, remember how you acted at my first formal? (pause) well, thats why. have a good evening with the boys!"