My advice for brides-to-be

MoxieGrrl · #1 10-03-2003, 10:21 AM

ELOPE!!!

Just kidding

Since I just had my wedding, I thought that I would share some of what I learned with those of you who are engaged or one day will be.

1. Take everything you read in bridal magazines with a grain of salt or better yet - Throw them away!!!!
-Most of the stuff in there is unrealistic, expensive, and unnecessary. They are good for flower, dresses, and cake ideas, but the timelines are made for people who do not have a job and spend all of their time thinking about their wedding.

2. Do not stress out over stuff like table centerpieces, flowers for the church, or favors.
-Seriously, no one will remember this stuff. People do not pay attention to anything in the church or on the tables. They steal the centerpieces. And the favors are probably thrown in a junk drawer once they get home. Yes, a little sachet or CD sounds nice to give away, but do you really think that anyone looks at that and fondly remembers your wedding day? No. Get all of this stuff as cheaply as you can. Even better, find someone to it for you.

3. Let your bridesmaids choose their own dresses.
-Tell them what color you would like and whether you want long or short. But as for style, let them fight it out amongst themselves. I asked my bridesmaids to pick out something in a lilac or mint green and long. Also, I asked for silver strappy shoes bought wherever and to have their hair up. This way, if they do not like what is done, it isn't something you have to stress about. Also, they can better pick something more affordable and have a little more flexability.

4. EAT!!
-For the two weeks before your wedding, you will be stressed out and sick to your stomach. If you do not eat, you will get crazy. Trust me on this one.

5. Do not be afraid to hold the phone away from your ear when talking to your mom/his mom about the wedding.
-Everyone has an opinion and they will voice it. Loudly and repeatedly. Parents may be chipping in money, but it is YOUR wedding! Just say, "Uh huh" a lot and do what you want anyway.

6. Spend some quality time with your fiance where you do not talk about your wedding.
-Wedding planning will take over your life and dominate all of your conversations if you are not careful. That is very boring.

7. In the end.....it doesn't matter!!!!
-So things might not be perfect or the way you wanted it. WHO CARES! You are just as married as the person who had the fairy tale wedding. What is important is that you are surrounded by your family and friends and have said your vows to the man that you love. Have more fun at your wedding than anyone else. The day goes by so quickly, so you should enjoy every minute. Besides, if things go wrong, they will be an amusing story later.

(For the record, we didn't have enough tables when setting up the hall, it was extremely crowded during the reception, the priest accidentally gave one of my readers the wrong verse - instead of I Corinthians, it was the one about the wife being subserviant to her husband

, they gave my dad someone else's tux, my dress ended up being stained with lipstick, champagne, cabbage roll, and dirt by the end of the night, I lost my flowers, and everyone got really drunk at the reception. It was the best day of my life.)

honeychile · #2 10-03-2003, 12:15 PM

It's been a few years, and the ink is dry on the divorce papers, but except for MoxieGirl's last statement (in my case, anyhow), it's Truth Personified.

Congratulations, MoxieGirl & Mr. Moxie!!!

MereMere21 · #3 10-03-2003, 01:13 PM

congrats to you both!

I also agree with everything you already posted Moxie

Take the $$$ and RUN! Save money on your wedding and get the rock of a ring your friends will awww and oooooo over for the rest of your life

Weddings are one day, but Diamonds DO last forever tee hee

ZTAngel · #4 10-03-2003, 01:28 PM

My mother said she would give me the money that she would've put into the wedding if me and Mr.ZTAngel just go ahead and elope instead. Hmmm....it's tempting but I've always wanted my fairy tale wedding....even if it doesn't go 100% perfect.

The biggest problem with weddings is that you end up paying more for each guest than you receive in gifts.

aephi alum · #5 10-03-2003, 01:34 PM

I agree with most of what you said, except for the part about letting the bridesmaids pick their own dresses. I've been to weddings where the bride gave everyone a swatch of material and told them to match the color, and they all came back with dresses that (a) were wildly different styles, and (b) didn't even remotely match each other in color. The result is usually pretty awful.

I picked out a nice dress and shoes for my BMs and told them to go order it. But I picked out something nice, that they could wear again. I was very flattered when I went to a wedding last fall to which my MOH was also invited, and she wore the dress I picked out!

Oh, and the one and only time I joked about eloping, my MIL threw a temper tantrum.

AOII_LB93 · #6 10-03-2003, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ZTAngel
My mother said she would give me the money that she would've put into the wedding if me and Mr.ZTAngel just go ahead and elope instead. Hmmm....it's tempting but I've always wanted my fairy tale wedding....even if it doesn't go 100% perfect.

The biggest problem with weddings is that you end up paying more for each guest than you receive in gifts.

Last time I checked you don't have to give a gift when you go to a wedding. Yes it is appropriate but not required as to etiquette standards. When a couple gets married and sends out an invite to someone, it should be because they want to share their special day with their family and friends, NOT because they want to get a gift- that is extremely cheesey and inappropriate.

And ladies/gents take it from me, even if people who show up don't give a gift you are supposed to send a thank you for the people who come anyhow. It's very tasteless not to.

Along those lines, you also shouldn't wait forever to send out a thank you...Very rude.

Allie · #7 10-03-2003, 02:39 PM

AMEN! I don;t have a bf, let alone a finace. but my big sis does. Her wedding is in June and all I hear about it the house, the wedding, the dresses, the cake topper.

I tiold her not to stress about this kind of stuff. Save yourself some friends and some stress and don't sweat it.

MeLikey · #8 10-03-2003, 07:54 PM

Thanks so much for that advice, MoxieGrrl!!! *Hopefully* I can use it in a few years, which is when I want to be married by ideally, though I'm single.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #9 10-03-2003, 10:51 PM

Awww, Moxie. The last statement made me make the "awww" face. :-)

SonatinaDG · #10 10-04-2003, 01:16 AM

I just got engaged in August to my favorite TKE

And this is definatly some of the best advice I think I've gotten so far about getting married. Thanks

Stephanie

JennRN · #11 10-04-2003, 01:52 AM

Hey! I want to add some advice( in my long long 3 weeks of marriage-we just got back from the honeymoon!!

)

1) Definately spend time with your fiance where the wedding is NOT mentioned. Sometimes I would come home from a 12 hour at the hospital and we would immediately have 5 items to discuss, and it made me crazy!!

2) Pick a nice, yet inexpensive bridesmaids dress!! Seriously, who wants to spend a couple of hundred on a dress they aren't crazy about that they'll never wear again??

3) Set limits with parents. When my husbands mother called 5 times in one day with stuff about the wedding, we started to let people know that it was not ok to do that.

4) Remember it's YOUR wedding. Not your mom's, or his mom's, or your grandmothers-just yours. You should have your wedding any way you want it!! Even if others hate your ideas, or are chipping in money-the day is yours!! So if you want goldfish as centerpieces, do it!! (Which I did, by the way

)

5) Bridal magazines are the devil's playground. They will make you feel bad and unorganized and behind schedule. Burn them immediately.

6) At the reception, don't feel like you have to make the "meet and greet" rounds-people will come to you, so if you want to dance to every song, do it!!

And the most important-during the day, take breathes and REMEMBER EVERYTHING. It's so easy to get caught up in the excitement, and later you don't remember what happened. At the reception, my husband and I sat down to eat, and we stopped for a minute and looked around the reception, and at the people and the cakes and decorations-and how perfect it was. And have a sense of humor about the day!! The head fell off of my husbands cake right before the reception(his cake was in the shape of a horned frog) and the bakers had to come back and fix it-but by that time I was married and didn't care!!

Ok, now I'll stop because I could go on and on!!

juniorgrrl · #12 10-04-2003, 02:50 AM

Thanks for the advice girls - I especially like the one about how you should spend QT with the FI where there's no wedding talk.

I feel like I sound like this lately "Blah blah blah wedding blah dress blah caterer blah blah blah wedding wedding blah."

A little less than 8 months to go for me!

#13 10-04-2003, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by JennRN
6) At the reception, don't feel like you have to make the "meet and greet" rounds-people will come to you, so if you want to dance to every song, do it!!

I'll have to remember that... I'm actually dreading my reception a little bit because of all these people I don't know (mostly extended family and FH's family) that I'll have to make nice with. I'll let them come to me

Word on what the other girls have said. It's nearly impossible for me to talk about anything other than the wedding... and it's still almost a year away! I think I've officially become dull.

G8Ralphaxi · #14 10-04-2003, 09:12 PM

I'm not married, but it seems like ALL of my friends are doing the wedding/baby thing lately. I now consider myself an expert on wedding shower/baby shower games.

anyway...two tips I can give from watching all these festivities:

1. Make sure whereever you're going to live is set up and ready and clean BEFORE the wedding. You do not want to have to deal with unpacking after all that chaos. My friends came home from a honeymoon to Boxville. Spent a very stressed out week trying to find things.

2. WRITE THE DARN THANK YOU NOTES ASAP. One girl who I grew up with at my church didn't send them - for the wedding or the shower. She got married over 5 years ago and people are STILL talking about it. The little old church ladies bring it up all the time, even when it's not relevant. "Oh, I saw Mr. Smith the other day - you know he's at such-and-such Presbyterian now. His daughter never sent thankyou notes after her wedding!!!" And then they all sigh, and "tsk tsk tsk!" Trust me, if you don't do it you (and your poor mother) will never hear the end of it.

Do what my friend did: write the same note for everyone:

Dear _____: Thank you so much for the _________. It is really lovely/matches our new house/useful. We enjoyed seeing you at the wedding/We wish you could have been at the wedding but we were thinking of you. Thank you again and Merry Christmas.

Love, Mr. and Mrs. _____

Rudey · #15 10-04-2003, 09:30 PM

Make sure you don't let yourselves go and become really ugly after the marriage.

-Rudey
--That's what guys everywhere want to tell their wives to be.