the BLACK PANTS sorority email . . .

[southern_theta]

someone recently posted wanting to find a copy of this. i thought i'd put it up for those who missed it last year because it's actually really funny & rings really true.
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It's all about the black pants...

I am a sorority bitch. My daddy is a Lawyer and my mommy stays home and goes shopping to keep me up on the latest fashions since I am
nearly 20 minutes from the mall here at college. I have highlights in my fashionably short hair and my skin is always bronzed despite the three feet of snow outside. Good thing I have a Jeep Grand
Cherokee or I'd never make it through the elements! I wear diamond studs in my ears and enough silver jewelry to blind oncoming traffic. I have a frat-boy boyfriend. My frat boy boyfriend and I met freshmen year at the rec center. I spend a lot of my free time at the rec center. I realized after I gained the freshman 15 that working out has got to be my number one priority if I am going to make it through college and still fit into a BeBe dress at graduation. I work out at least once a day and go to the rec when it is the most crowded, that way I am guaranteed to see people and be seen. I love sports bras. I love the way they look with my Adidas running shoes (You know the frat boy gray ones) and my patagonia shorts. Sometimes when I'm feeling fat I'll wear my Derby days t-shirt
instead, or something that has my Greek letters plastered on it somewhere. I am very motivated, or at least pretend to be. I carry a coach planner and you'll notice that all
major social events are highlighted in pink marker. That way I'll have plenty of time to figure out what I am wearing for our date party on Friday. I often complain about how busy I am, how stressed out school makes
me, etc...But only because all my friends and my frat-boy boyfriend and his friends do too. I go out every night. Last night I stayed in though because all my black bootleg pants are at the dry cleaner and I chipped a nail which put me in a wretched mood. All my friends told me this morning that last night was pretty "RANDOM" anyway. Today it is 65 degrees! Time to shed the patagonia pullover and the North Face Jacket! I shower and do my hair every morning before I go to class. I have enough MAC makeup to open my own store. I call Banana Republic "B-REPS" and buy my black pants at "BeBe". I wear bootleg everything. Somedays I try to look like a frat-boy and wear my bootleg khakis with my boyfriend's ****S baseball hat. I use words like "sweetheart" and "baby" often as ways of
showing my affection for others. Daddy pays for all my credit card bills. Last night daddy called and was angry that I went over my limit. I tried to explain I was having a bad day and I really needed that new cardigan, but he just wouldn't listen. Sometimes he's so insensitive. I love sex. If I say I don't I am lying. If I go to a late night party, I have intentions of hooking up.If I cry, it is my first time. If I scream, I am being dramatic. If I talk about sex, I am a tease, If I don't I am a
closet whore. My frat boy boyfriend and I dont have sex. We make love. HE says there is a big difference. Well, enough boring details of my life... I am running fashionably late so I'd better cut this short! I'm off to meet my sorority bitch friends for coffee to gossip about our frat boy boyfriends and talk
about how much we hate the girls in other sororities. Oh shoot, has anyone seen my pea coat! Gotta go now, talk to you soon "HONEY"!