Spouse hates my GLO!

[aephi alum]

Am I the only one with this problem?

My husband really dislikes my sorority and most of my chapter sisters. He hates it when I wear sorority T-shirts etc...

I have problems with some of my sisters too, and I've fallen out of contact with some of them since graduating, but they're still my sisters, you know? And my husband is conveniently overlooking the fact that we wouldn't have met if it hadn't been for one of my sisters.

I should mention he's a GDI from a long line of GDI's. (I also come from a long line of GDI's but that didn't stop me! )

Anyway, I would love to get involved on the alum level - but I'm finding it impossible because of my husband - "You want to do WHAT??!"

Anyone else in this situation??

[AchtungBaby80]

Well, I'm not married, but I used to be really good friends with a guy (who liked me as more than a friend) that absolutely hated the idea that I rushed and hated even more the fact that I pledged and initiated! Fortunately for me, all I had to do was quit talking to him, but since that's not an option here...

I would almost be willing to bet money that your husband is jealous of the relationship you have with your sisters. Maybe he secretly wishes he was Greek and tries to put down your organisation as a means of making himself feel better. Or maybe he thinks that he plays second fiddle to your sisters. Or maybe since there's so many of them and one of him, he feels "outnumbered." Whatever. I can think of a zillion reasons why he doesn't like your sorority, but the thing is, if it's important to you then he should at least try to accept it or not make disparaging remarks about it. Try to talk and reason with him. If that doesn't work, which it might not, just go ahead and do what you want. Wear your shirts, hang out with your sisters, etc. He will eventually see that whining and bitching will not change the way you feel, and ideally he will stop bugging you about it. (That's my mom's advice, by the way--I'm a 21-year-old who doesn't know much, so I went to the higher authority. )

[justamom]

A similar situation happens here, but it's with the Junior League.
Wife joins and is working with people she has known in the past through college, HS, or other orgs. She does meet new people, but a large number she interacts with, she has a "history with. She gripes and complaines about the other women, the work involved (there is a LOT of work) and the calls are more frequent than a tela-marketer. (Thy made an announcement at one of our meetings to TRY to NEVER CALL after 5:00!) He finds himself taking care of the kids while his wife is attending meetings, only to come home and gripe. One day, he puts his foot down and says, "Enough is enough!" If this was the way things went in the past, then I can see why he would be dreading you getting involved. HOWEVER here is the other scenario-

Hubby is the "take charge" type man. He is on his way up and feels everything should focus on career building. His friends are the ones invited over. Any plans of entertaining focus on his goals. You will soon find that you have NO FRIENDS of your own. You tolerate the wives of his buddies, but don't really have that much in common. He can go out and grab a beer, you aren't doing anything so you can watch the kids. After all, that IS your job! (This can escalate into real problems of control)

Best case-
You re in a position where you want to broaden your network, meet new people and continue growing. Hubby has concerns, because he knows you throw your whole heart into things. He's afraid it will take you away or make you unhappy...LIKE IN THE PAST. You must convince him that you want to give it a try. You NEED to be with others you have something in common with and if it creates a problem, you will rethink your involvement.

Many women quit the League because their husbands didn't like the amount of time it took and the fact that they had to feed and bathe the kids once a week. The women just formed other groups. You just have to find out what his REAL fear is and attempt to unravel his argument-You should have the freedom to give it a try without his negativity in other words...tell him to put a sock in it! (AT LEAST FOR A WHILE)

[Tom Earp]

Well, you can tell him to Piss Off, or maybe try to explain to him that you back him and hope he backs you as much!

GDI are afraid of what they do not know and maybe he thinks that this will take you center of attention away from him?

Most people are afraid of not being the center of attention and feel they lose self esteem! Hell I have been around so long, I really do not care what people think of me and that is the truth! TTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOZZZZZZZZTTTTTTT!

Dont know if I spelled that that right?

The typo King!

[shadokat]

One of my sisters has a husband who calls sororities cults! He's so funny though And it's only because he doesn't understand why 20 something college grads are still involved. But he doesn't HATE it, and he doesn't hold it against her, or any of us for that matter. He's always respectful of us.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

One of my pledges had a similar problem with her boyfriend. He didn't like her doing anything that excluded him. She wound up depledging three days before initiation in order to make him happy. It was weird because when he pledged his fraternity, she was very supportive of him. The next semester she regretted her decision and wanted to be a sister. We told her that her bid was still valid, and she could pledge again. She decided not to. They wound up breaking up. I always thought that it was so sad that she quit something that had been important to her because of her boyfriend.
I suggest that you share with your husband how important your sorority is to you. A couple of hours a week isn't so much time that it will impact your relationship unless he decides to make it an issue. I hope that you don't let this stop you from getting involved with your sorority. Maybe you can figure out a way to include your husband so he doesn't feel left out.

[pbpck]

Originally posted by justamom
A similar situation happens here, but it's with the Junior League.

My mom is in Junior League and my father wasn't too stoked about the time commitment either, but they met middle ground eventually. We had meetings for her commitee at our house all the time when I was growing up.

[CutiePie2000]

aephialum, I am sorry to hear that your husband doesn't like your sorority. That must be very tough for you.

Here is something "sneaky" you could try...
Invite over your sorority sisters and get them to bring their husbands or boyfriends. That way, while the women bond, the men can bond too, amd maybe your husband will make friends with the men there. You never know, it might work.
And if it does work, your husband will be wanting your sorority sisters and their significant others to come over more often!

Don't let on to what you're up to (and don't divulge your ulteriour motives to your sorority sisters either, as they will likely tell what you're "up to" to their husbands who will blab to your husband upon meeting him). You just want this to seem so natural, like you never intended for him to become buddsy buddsy with the other men... hee hee!

And then the men can start some sort of an "auxilliary group".
AOII has the IIOA's for me, and I have heard of Alpha Phi's refering to the men in their lives as "Alpha He's". Cute huh?

Let us know if this works!

[peachy]

aephi alum,

Does your husband control your actions in other situations? You don't have to answer - just a question for you to ponder. It worries me that he doesn't even like to see your sorority t-shirts. His GDI status might seem like the obvious answer, but there may be more complex reasons.

He knew that you were in a sorority when he proposed to you and married you... steps that (hopefully) are taken after much thought.

Even if he expected that your sorority involvement would fade after college, a loving spouse typically is supportive when his/her "better half" has personal interests. And what husband wouldn't like one evening a month when he can order pizza and play cards with his buddies?

For me, my marriage bond outweighs my sorority bond. Difficulties with the marriage bond must be fixed before anything else. I hope that you and your husband can resolve this - and that you soon have a great alum experience with all of your sisters!

"Peachy!"

[aephi alum]

I should probably clarify some stuff...

I'm an alum, and have been for nearly 5 years. I live nowhere near my chapter or any of my chapter sisters. I am sure there's an alum chapter around here (with national HQ being not that far away), but I haven't inquired yet. (Never really thought about doing stuff on the alum level, until I discovered GC... )

I've had disagreements with some of my chapter sisters - but since we've all graduated and moved on, we just don't talk. I do keep in close contact with others from my chapter - 2 of them were in my wedding, etc.

I'm thinking that by getting involved on the alum level, I'll meet and network with lots of new people. I'm not even sure quite what an alum chapter or alum panhellenic typically does... (Did I mention I'm from a long line of GDI's?? )

The thing is that my husband doesn't see beyond my chapter and those few sisters I had disagreements with, so he thinks it's strange that I would want to be involved with AEPhi AT ALL... even to the point of wearing a t-shirt.

It's not a control issue at all. If I want to go do something, I'll go out and do it. I don't have to answer to him. It's more that he can't comprehend the idea of being involved in a GLO beyond college, and can't comprehend the idea of my wanting to get involved with a group where I've had problems with some of the members (even though this would be a whole different group of AEPhi's). (I hope you guys can make sense of that last sentence )

[peachy]

So glad to hear this isn't a control problem... happy to read your response!

I hope that very soon you'll be hooked up with a local alum group. Yes, if HQ is nearby then an alum group is likely just around the corner - and is likely quite active too.

Tell "Mr. Aephi alum" that "Mr. Peachy!" loves his bachelor nights... Hot Pockets for dinner and computer games after.

Best of luck to you!

"Peachy!"

[AGDLynn]

If your hubby doesn't see why one should maintain college friendships, then what are all those people (mainly guys) doing at college football and basketball games that they show on TV?? It would be an interesting survey to see how many there ACTUALLY went to one of the schools participating.

As we've said before on GC, being a collegiate and being an alumna can be an almost totally different experience. As an adult, you go to meetings, fundraisers, philanthropy projects, etc., because YOU want to, not because you will get fined if you don't.

Different alumnae chapters have different participation levels..some are very large or very small, some are very very involved with the community and some only meeting a few times a year socially.

Think of it as behavior enhancement!
v "You'll be glad you did.".

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I'm glad to read that about your husband. A control freak can be a little scary.

[justamom]

It sounds like a very USUAL situation. I bet if you go ahead and he sees you enjoying it, it will make him happy for you.

Nobody gets along with everyone from their chapters. I think we just gripe about it longer and louder when it's such a huge part of our every day life. He will see your priorities are in order and may actually enjoy the time you spend doing things on your own!

[AchtungBaby80]

Yes, just because you didn't get along with some of the members doesn't mean you should stop being involved if you really want to be. There's probably zillions of other sisters out there besides the ones from your chapter that you'd get along with, so it's not the sorority that's the problem, it's just a few people.