Dropping Out of My Sorority

GreenEyedGirl27 · #1 01-12-2009, 05:03 PM

I can't decide if I want to drop out of my sorority or not. I've been thinking a lot and it seems that I should, but I don't want to regret my decision. Everyone is really nice but I don't have a lot of real friends or "sisters" in the group. Just people I'll say hi to when I see them somewhere. I'm paying a lot of money just for people I say hi to. I haven't been to any mixers or semi-formal yet because I always have already made plans on those nights so I haven't really done a lot with the sorority but everyone already has their group of friends and I'm not in a group. I don't know what I should do.

SAEalumnus · #2 01-12-2009, 05:11 PM

It sounds like you've been intiated, but haven't really 'joined' your sorority in the sense of really being involved. The benefits of membership aren't given out for free; they have to be earned through participation. It's been my experience that official events like mixers or semi-formals are planned well enough in advance that unless your personal social life is that busy that your own calendar books up months ahead of time, there really shouldn't be any reason why you can't make time for your sorority. Besides, since you've described all your sisters as really nice, I can't imagine it would take more than the tinest bit of effort to develop lasting friendships with them. Good luck to you.

MysticCat · #3 01-12-2009, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

I don't know what I should do.

Stop making plans to do other things when mixers, semi-formals or other events are scheduled. Perhaps you're not "part of a group" because you're not around when everyone else is doing the things that form the deeper friendships.

#4 01-12-2009, 05:27 PM

If you aren't willing to put yourself out there, then HELLO? Do you really expect your sisters to come to you? The sorority does not revolve around you or your schedule. It takes effort.

Benzgirl · #5 01-12-2009, 05:41 PM

Sororities are not just about mixers. Sororities are for life.

What have you participated in so far? Philanthropy? Scholarship? Making your chapter a stronger group?

Example...when I relocated, I knew no one in my sorority locally. I showed up one night at an Alumnae meeting without knowing a soul. By the end of the night, I talked to everyone at the meeting (over 20 women). I swapped phone numbers with several of them and met some for coffee, etc.

You need to reach out to them as much as you are expecting them to reach out to you. Get off your butt and make it happen.

Kevin · #6 01-12-2009, 05:54 PM

This is like that passive-aggressive people do when they're dating to 'test' the relationship, i.e., don't call them or communicate to see if they'll initiate communication, even though the accepted norm in the relationship is that you are the one who initiates things.

Greek life is not unlike most things -- you get out of it what you put into it. Maybe it's not for you.... the internet is a bad place to look for advice though.

The situation really isn't that complicated. If you think you'd be happier if you quit, then you're probably right.

gphifoxAL · #7 01-12-2009, 06:11 PM

Try asking some sisters to hang out. Ask them if they have time to grab lunch or do something on campus. Try going over to the house and just hang out with them. You get what you give to your sorority. The more time and effort you put into it, the more time and effort you will get from other people. Try going to as many events as you can. They should tell you with advance when all the mixers/philanthropy events are so you will minimize scheduling conflicts. Sororities aren't 'paying for your sisters' as you see, you have to put some effort in as you would any other relationship with a friend.

KSUViolet06 · #8 01-12-2009, 06:25 PM

If I had a dime for every time I have had to post about this on GC:

Sorority relationships are just like ALL OTHER RELATIONSHIPS.

They are a two way street.

Think about all the other relationships in your life. You didn't just sit back and wait for your best friend to ask you to hang out. You reached out to each other, made plans, etc.

It's the same with your sorority.

You have to reach out to girls, go to events, and make friends with them.

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE FRIENDS IF YOU SKIP ALL THE SOCIALS.

It is completely unreasonable for you to expect that you can sit back and not talk to girls or attend socials and still have tons of friends in your chapter. It just doesn't work that way. People are not generally inclined to want to hang out with girls who NEVER COME TO EVENTS.

It's not instantaneous.

You said yourself that you don't attend social events because you have other plans. In order to make friends with other girls, you also have to attend events, because that's where the bonding happens.

So in a nutshell, you can't sit back and be passive, waiting for girls to ask you to hang out and be your friend. You also can't always skip socials and expect girls to get to know you and be your friend. You have to be active.

If you aren't willing to reach out to other girls and make friends, then you may as well drop out because you can't make friends just sitting back and waiting for girls to notice you.

ComradesTrue · #9 01-12-2009, 07:00 PM

Along the lines of a two way street...

Have you considered the situation from your sisters' perspective?

"GreenEyedGirl" seems nice, and we say 'hi' to her when we pass on campus. However, it doesn't seem that she likes us very much, as she always chooses to hang out with others when we have scheduled events."

In other words, you feel rejected and left out by them. I would suspect that they feel the same way about you.

As everyone else has said- you have to meet them half-way. How do you expect them to get to know you if you are never around?

Why not make chapter events a priority this semester and see what happens. That means that you may have to do the asking, inviting, organizing, whatever. It also means that you need to attend every event that does not conflict with class. I suspect your tune will change by May.

In addition, consider there will be a whole new crop of members this fall.

GreenEyedGirl27 · #10 01-12-2009, 07:59 PM

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

KSUViolet06 · #11 01-12-2009, 08:04 PM

We're not being rude. We are just trying to tell you that friendships are a two way street and they take effort. You have to make friends, they don't just come to you. You have to be willing to put in the work.

If that's not something you are willing to do, it is best to drop out.

GammaPhi88 · #12 01-12-2009, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

No one is being rude. They're telling you that if you want friends in your sorority, you have to reach out and show friendship first. I don't think thats rude, I think thats good advice. You may not have a house, and its understandable that you can't make mixers (as long as they know why), but how hard is it to pick up the phone and ask one of your sisters to have lunch or coffee with you? And how hard is it to ask someone to go to a party with you on one of the nights where you don't have an early doctors appointment? I'm sorry, but they're right, you need to reach out. Telling you so was for your own benefit, not to be rude.

#13 01-12-2009, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

You're asking a bunch of strangers for help and we were presented with only a few details. Did you expect copious amounts of sunshine blown up the ass? Sorry honey, you won't find that here.

When I was in chapter, we had to get the semester's events squared away well in advance. For example, the Fall events were set in stone by finals week the previous Spring.

Mixers aren't the only means of getting to know your sisters so don't even try to use that as an excuse. Same thing about not having a house. Ever heard of asking them to have lunch somewhere on campus? My collegiate chapter does not have a house, but the sisterhood was still there.

If all you're going to do is complain about how you're not making any friends because you're stuck in self-pity, then go ahead...QUIT.

And regarding this:

Quote:

If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

violetpretty · #14 01-12-2009, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

How were we supposed to know that you have a medical condition when all you say is "I always have plans when we have socials" ? You can't fault us for thinking that you sound like someone who would always rather go out with other friends when that's all the information you give us. The words "plans" has a connotation of social plans for most people.

About socials planned...I guess that's a campus culture thing. We knew our whole social calendar at the beginning of each semester (minus the grab-a-dates, but that's the point), and I know this is common at many schools. Besides, with paperwork that needs to be sent to your advisors, I don't see how a social could be planned in only 2 weeks (unless it's an illegal one). Now do you see why many GCers jumped to these conclusions?

Anyway, Greek Life is not just about socials. What events do you go to? Programming, sisterhood, philanthropy, meetings, etc? I'm sure your chapter doesn't cram everything it does into the wrong Friday night of every month. When I was a collegian, there was something to do almost every day in my chapter. Maybe it's different for yours.

What efforts do you make to hang out with your sisters? It's the little things that build frienships. Do you study with sisters of the same major/sisters you have classes with? Do you get lunch/dinner/coffee/ice cream/bagels with sisters? Another suggestion, though I don't know how far you have to drive to get home, but if if it's close enough to drive straight from school to the doctor on Saturday mornings instead of going home on Friday night, how about having a night in watching movies with a few sisters who don't feel like going out? That way you're not up too late but you can still have fun and get to know your sisters. There have to be some sisters who aren't going out on any given night. If you haven't made any effort to bond, you have to expect to feel alienated.

DrPhil · #15 01-12-2009, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

Unlike with your sorority sisters, you did initiate contact with us. Keep your conundrum to yourself if you can't handle straight forward responses that are based on what you type.