New member I need greek advice

[kyang08]

Ok. I'm in my freshmen year of college. i never thought about joining a fraternity. but one day at a party i talked to some guys and they got me to go to some events. it seemed cool, i just followed along. i decided to pledge and ive been 4-5 weeks in. we are probably going to be initiated soon. the problem is that i don't feel a connection with my pledge class. im the only one that lives far from campus and i dont seem to ever associate with them outside of pledge events. should i just drop now even though im so deep in and wait winter semester to actually rush so i can see other fraternities? (i never rushed to see other fraternities) now i have the thought in the back of my mind that i wont be able to bond with pledge brothers in winter semester because we have less time. ehh. i should i have just rushed fall semester. would be so much easier.

thanks!

[Kansas City]

Have you bonded with members outside of your pledge class? In my opinion, pledge class bonding is less important following initiation since you are now a "member" and part of the entire chapter. The decision is up to you but you should consider the chances of you receiving a bid elsewhere if you decide to rush again next year (nearly impossible at some schools).

[kyang08]

Originally Posted by Kansas City

Have you bonded with members outside of your pledge class? In my opinion, pledge class bonding is less important following initiation since you are now a "member" and part of the entire chapter. The decision is up to you but you should consider the chances of you receiving a bid elsewhere if you decide to rush again next year (nearly impossible at some schools).

is it nearly impossible because im a sophomore? i plan on rushing winter term.

[33girl]

No, it's nearly impossible (some places) because you quit pledging elsewhere. And I can't imagine a guy going thru rush and saying "I quit because I didn't bond with my pledge brothers" and getting a bid.

4-5 weeks is not that long...I definitely didn't feel super bonded w/ my class after that long, and there were only 5 of us. It's a fallacy that you have to be BFFs with everyone in your pledge class. Have you gotten to know other brothers? Do you have a big brother?

Kids, be a little patient. Friendships are not microwave mac & cheese.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Friendships are not microwave mac & cheese.

Excellent! May I quote you??

[33girl]

of course

[kyang08]

Originally Posted by 33girl

No, it's nearly impossible (some places) because you quit pledging elsewhere. And I can't imagine a guy going thru rush and saying "I quit because I didn't bond with my pledge brothers" and getting a bid.

4-5 weeks is not that long...I definitely didn't feel super bonded w/ my class after that long, and there were only 5 of us. It's a fallacy that you have to be BFFs with everyone in your pledge class. Have you gotten to know other brothers? Do you have a big brother?

Kids, be a little patient. Friendships are not microwave mac & cheese.

i never rushed though =\

[lucgreek]

Originally Posted by kyang08

i never rushed though =\

No one knows what school you're at or the campus climate so no one could really tell you if you'd have a chance at rush in the spring. Generally if you've stayed in for 4-5 weeks and are about to be initiated, it would seem weird to drop at that point. If I was in another chapter and your excuse was "I didn't bond with my pledge brothers" I'd wonder if you put the time and effort to hang out with them.

Something drew you to those guys in the first place. I'd take an active stance in getting to know more actives and your pledge brothers. Trust me, if you aren't bonding with anyone in your fraternity then I'd wager you would have gotten the boot long ago, so the actives think you are a worthwhile asset (unless they are a really crappy fraternity and just need numbers and well we won't go into that).

Also you said in your OP you were in your freshman year of college, in one of your replies you say you are a Sophomore, which is it?

And if you didn't go through rush, why not? If you're a sophomore, it will be harder to get a bid in the spring, though it is possible. Again, I don't know what your school is or greek life climate, so at some places it will be impossible and others it will be plausible. Though with your excuse of not bonding with your pledge brothers I still would have reservations about extending you a bid.

[RU OX Alum]

Originally Posted by kyang08

i never rushed though =\

me neither, and I wasn't really close with my pledge class until around graduation time. It's the time between getting initiated and graduating that really brings you together, because you'll have the same memories of what the fraternity used to be like before the new guys got there. You have the entire rest of college to make friends, it's not like these guys won't be there next term/quarter/whatever you have.

But no one will really want to take someone's left overs. They will think that you think you're too good for your fraternity, so then why bother with someone with an attitude that will just quit?

[RU OX Alum]

P.S.

If you are in the process of joining a fraternity, you are a pledge. You pledged your loyalty to them. How good is your word?

[Kansas City]

Originally Posted by kyang08

is it nearly impossible because im a sophomore? i plan on rushing winter term.

Like 33Girl said, it is nearly impossible because you broke your pledge to shop around for something better. My campus is pretty non-competitive where upper classmen regularly receive bids but I cannot imagine a chapter extending a bid to someone who had pledged and dropped out of another Greek organization on the same campus. I would either try a little harder to become friends with all members (not just your pledge class) of the organization or drop out of Greek life on your campus altogether.

[ASTalumna06]

Like Kansas City, I also come from a campus where Greek life is non-competitive, where upperclassmen receive bids, and where chapters are always looking for more members. I think the sororities would be a little more understanding, but if you're 4 or 5 weeks into pledging a fraternity and you drop, your chances of another fraternity welcoming you with open arms would be slim to none. Especially if it was for a reason such as the one you're giving.

My pledge sisters and I were never BEST friends, and we never really hung out much when we were new members. We became much better friends after the new member period was over. One girl I ended up living with, another one invited me to her very small wedding, another I talked to more than anyone in college (even though she dropped), and another became my "designated Saturday night bar buddy" after we realized we like the same drink.

The new member process is long and stressful. If the only reason you don't want to join is because you're not hanging out with your pledge brothers as much as you'd like to, maybe you need to completely reevaluate your situation.

Do you like the brothers?
Do you like your pledge brothers?
Do you like the fraternity in general?
Do you see yourself being an active, involved member?
Do you understand and uphold the values of the fraternity, and do you feel that the brothers do, also?

If you answered yes to these questions, and the only reason you’re questioning your circumstances is because you won’t simply pick up a phone to call your brothers to hang out, that makes me think that you’re having other problems. Either that, or you’re just blowing your situation out of proportion by thinking that this minor problem is actually something substantial.

[kyang08]

Originally Posted by lucgreek

No one knows what school you're at or the campus climate so no one could really tell you if you'd have a chance at rush in the spring. Generally if you've stayed in for 4-5 weeks and are about to be initiated, it would seem weird to drop at that point. If I was in another chapter and your excuse was "I didn't bond with my pledge brothers" I'd wonder if you put the time and effort to hang out with them.

Something drew you to those guys in the first place. I'd take an active stance in getting to know more actives and your pledge brothers. Trust me, if you aren't bonding with anyone in your fraternity then I'd wager you would have gotten the boot long ago, so the actives think you are a worthwhile asset (unless they are a really crappy fraternity and just need numbers and well we won't go into that).

Also you said in your OP you were in your freshman year of college, in one of your replies you say you are a Sophomore, which is it?

And if you didn't go through rush, why not? If you're a sophomore, it will be harder to get a bid in the spring, though it is possible. Again, I don't know what your school is or greek life climate, so at some places it will be impossible and others it will be plausible. Though with your excuse of not bonding with your pledge brothers I still would have reservations about extending you a bid.

My school has I believe 25 fraternities and 15 sororities. Nothing really drew us together. I just met the rush chair and he had convinced me to come to to an event. This was after rush week and I only went to one/two events before they decided to give me a bid so that kind of made me feel like they just wanted more members. They refounded a couple years ago so they are not very large. I'm a freshmen. sorry for the confusion.

I didn't go through rush because I had zero intentions on joining a fraternity. I feel like i only went with it because of curiosity. But now I really like the idea of a fraternity.

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Like Kansas City, I also come from a campus where Greek life is non-competitive, where upperclassmen receive bids, and where chapters are always looking for more members. I think the sororities would be a little more understanding, but if you're 4 or 5 weeks into pledging a fraternity and you drop, your chances of another fraternity welcoming you with open arms would be slim to none. Especially if it was for a reason such as the one you're giving.

My pledge sisters and I were never BEST friends, and we never really hung out much when we were new members. We became much better friends after the new member period was over. One girl I ended up living with, another one invited me to her very small wedding, another I talked to more than anyone in college (even though she dropped), and another became my "designated Saturday night bar buddy" after we realized we like the same drink.

The new member process is long and stressful. If the only reason you don't want to join is because you're not hanging out with your pledge brothers as much as you'd like to, maybe you need to completely reevaluate your situation.

Do you like the brothers?
Do you like your pledge brothers?
Do you like the fraternity in general?
Do you see yourself being an active, involved member?
Do you understand and uphold the values of the fraternity, and do you feel that the brothers do, also?

If you answered yes to these questions, and the only reason you’re questioning your circumstances is because you won’t simply pick up a phone to call your brothers to hang out, that makes me think that you’re having other problems. Either that, or you’re just blowing your situation about of proportion by thinking that this minor problem is actually something substantial.

Not bonding is not the only reason behind it. I went in without any experiences of other fraternities. On top of it is that I'm taking 17 credits this semester. I have to go home every two weeks as well because my parents do not speak english and I need to take care of affairs at home. All of this takes up a lot of my time and I feel like I won't get the experience I'm looking for because I;ll have less time commitment towards the fraternity. The guys seem cool but I always seem like the odd man out everytime I'm at the house. The fraternity is small and I feel like I'd like a larger fraternity more. This is a large commitment and I don't want to make the wrong decision.

[Elephant Walk]

4 to 5 weeks and youre about to get initiated?

[agzg]

This thread doesn't make sense.

In your first post, you say you're a freshman. In your second, it says you are a sophomore. Unless your school changes years every time it changes terms, that'd be strange.