Down Low Brothas

[starang21]

Originally posted by laidbackfella
I am a Heterosexual Man who does not want, need, nor seek the touch of a male. My ONLY choice is a woman. Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.

Just a few tips for the ladies. I am tired of hearing DL Brothas being used as the main reason why AIDS is on the rise. Ladies, YOU, have to take responsibility for what goes on as far as your health is concerned.

Trust is one thing, but you can't simply be a passenger in your life and let someone take you for a ride.

1. Always use protection. It's just not safe anymore.

2. If he doesn't want to use protection, INSIST on getting a test every three months.

3. If you suspect that he is steppin out, with a male or female, stop having sex with him.

4. Talk about sex BEFORE you have sex. A lot of y'all wanna be spontaneous. Take time and find out about his practices before you "Get Busy".

5. It's OK to tell a man NO. It's your body. It's your perogative.

This 'discovery' of Black Men on the DL is another link in the unraveling of our Black Community. I will postulate on the exact ramifications but know that this is tearing us apart. Soon you will only have a few "choice" as far as mainstream thought is concerned to date.

Don't trust your man, Trust yourself.

co sign on this .....just thinking about it makes my stomach turn.

[DELTABRAT]

This was sent to my campus e-mail and although I feel like I am breaking the "don't post entire articles, post the link" rule, I didn't know where it came from so...


A recent front page article in the New York Times drew attention to
the growing concern about HIV/AIDS among African America women,
who represent the majority of new HIV infections among women in
the United States, and how an increasing proportion are being
infected through heterosexual transmission. According to data
from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, in 2001 an
estimated 67% of AIDS diagnoses among black women were due to
heterosexual sex, up from 58% only four years earlier. Part of
the challenge, say AIDS experts, are the numbers of African
American men having sex with men as well as women, so called
men on the "down low."

On Wednesday, April 14th at 10 p.m. ET / PT, the Showtime series
Soul Food takes on this tough issue as it hits close to home for
the four sisters.

In the episode, "Angelitos Negros," Maxine (Vanessa Williams)
throws husband Kenny (Rockmond Dunbar) a surprise birthday
party and his brother Kelvin, played by F. Hill Harper ("City
of Angels," "The Handler"), comes to town to join in the
festivities. During his visit, Kelvin discloses that he is
HIV positive. As the two brothers struggle to connect and
help one another through this difficult time, Kelvin opens
up and confides that not only is he afraid he's going to die,
but he is also wracked with guilt about the ruined lives of
the women he has infected. Learning about Kelvin's HIV
status prompts a discussion among the female characters about
what HIV means among African Americans and their own
personal experiences.

Cast member Vanessa Williams provides commentary about HIV
in the African American community.

This episode was produced as part of an ongoing public education
partnership being conducted by Showtime's parent company,
Viacom Inc., and the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation.
KNOW HIV/AIDS is an unprecedented effort that combats HIV/AIDS
through public service messages (PSAs), television and radio
programming, and free print and online content. Soul Food
writers and producers participated in background briefings
on HIV/AIDS conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation and
the LA-based Media Project as part of the initiative.

Soul Food is a Waterwalk Production, Edmonds Entertainment
and State Street Pictures production in association with
Paramount Network Television. Season five of Soul Food is
executive produced by Tracey E. Edmonds, Kenneth "Babyface"
Edmonds, George Tillman, Jr., Robert Teitel, Salim Akil and
Kathleen McGhee-Anderson.

[delph998]

That should be good. I do plan on watching Oprah on Down Low Brothas.

[CrimsonTide4]

I watched it last night and for those who know me, you know I am anti-Oprah (her show). I had not watched Oprah since she had Jill Scott and Alicia and India on back in 2001.

Anyway, she started the show off like DL brothas was BRAND BRAND new. I was surprised that she had not done a show on this before. E. Lynn Harris bought this to my attention (and many of yours) with his first book in late 1990s.

That 72% of ALL NEW AIDS CASES being Black women hurt me to my heart. I just could not sleep well last night. I am HIV negative according to JAnuary 04 results but I swear I wanted to go get an AIDS test last night just to reconfirm.

I will be getting J.L. King's book. I will read it and I will pass it on. My brothas and my sistas, ASK!!!

I asked my ex:
When was the last time you had sex with a man?
When was the last time a man had sex with you?

I HAD TO BE SURE. He got offended, but I would rather him be offended than I get AIDS.

I got pissed and paranoid thinking about all of these men out there who are living on the down low and think nothing of protecting themselves let alone their sex partners.

I got pissed that this was only a one hour episode and not a 3 parter. She could have spent just an hour with J.L King; another hour focusing on Black college students (Jonathan is here in Charlotte at JCSU, article in the 4.16.04 Charlotte Observer that tells how he acquired AIDS, he is fully and openly GAY not living on the DL) and then another hour focusing on the older folks who are getting AIDS in our society. I am glad that Phil Wilson mentioned that WHITE WOMEN are not safe either. Even if they are not into Black men, their WHITE HUSBANDS might be and bring it back home to them.

AIDS does not discriminate.
AIDS is real.
THERE IS NO CURE.

Oh and let me just say I think that all DL men are cowards. Yes I know there is a triple consciousness for BLACK GAY or BISEXUAL MEN but it is unhealthy to live that way. Like my pastor's grandmother used to say: JUST BE WHO YOU IS!!!! Love yourself enough to accept who you are.

I can honestly say that this single life is not easy and that it can be dangerous. COMMUNICATE with your partner. BE HONEST with your partner.

Oh and I do think for some men, being on the DL is a trend. Just like it is a trend for folks to be dating and start having sex with their mates' siblings and parents (see Maury Povich) but some things just should not be fashionably trendy.

I am not homophobic at all but I am anti-DL!!!

[Sistermadly]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
Oh and let me just say I think that all DL men are cowards. Yes I know there is a triple consciousness for BLACK GAY or BISEXUAL MEN but it is unhealthy to live that way. Like my pastor's grandmother used to say: JUST BE WHO YOU IS!!!! Love yourself enough to accept who you are.

PREACH, Sisterfriend. The longer I watched J.L. King, the angrier I got. How dare he justify his internalized homophobia by putting the lives of others at risk? I wanted to reach through the TV screen and smack that smirk right off his face.

[DELTABRAT]

Thank you CT4. Me and my SO talked about this for hours. He was getting a little touchy but I don't care. He knows me and he knows I have dedicated my life to HIV and STD research so he understands where I am coming from. These conversations for us are rather commonplace but for a lot of sistahs, they're not. And even though they are commonplace for me and him doesn't mean he's telling the truth.

That's what pisses me off. I HAVE to look at each and every brothah sideways now, just because.

On Oprah After the Show, JL told of how his ex wife remarried and it took her a long time to truct again "no sh__!" and that he has also been engaged 3 or 4 times since then to women who feel more at ease knowing that side of him.

I think the DL is a crock of sh__. I think these are gay men who have been socialized to date and marry and love women but deep down they are homosexual but cannot admit it or desocialize themselves to not feel some attraction for women. I am not homophobic in the least but I believe this wholeheartedly.

Now I do believe there are people out there who are genuinely attracted to both men and women but there is a fundamental difference between them and DL people and that is that they are not ONLY dating one or the other STRICTLY for SEX. The DL men are ONLY THINKING OF SEX WITH THESE MEN. PERIOD. I know bisexual men who genuinely have had relationships with both men and women. When Oprah said "so when you date..." he cut her OFF like "uh uh, I don't date men. I just have sex with men." But he"dates" women though because it's socially acceptable.

I just don't know. I am pissed of and bump all the brothas who feel it's another "ploy" to down the Black man. Now institutionalized and systematic racism is alive and well and yes, the Black man gets thr brunt of it all but I don't see a group of white men sitting someplace thinking "what can we do next? Oh, I know, let's print an article in TIME about what did that Black singer R Kelly say Keep It On the Down Low ...yeah, we'll call it Down Low men and we'll start some new propoganda to keep Black men in their places. Who's with me?!!!" No! Tell the truth jigga!

CT4 I also think this show should have been longer. Especially when the upcoming episodes kept flaching "What it really look like to be drunk. Next Oprah." WTF!!! Who gives? I am trying to save my life damnit!

Why can't they just protect themselves? Everyone needs to.

[NuQueen04]

I made sure to watch Oprah's show and aftershow yesterday because the subject of men on the DL hits close to home.

To be honest, I would not be surprised if my ex comes "out of the closet" at some point in the future. I would not be surprised if his "best friend" is his lover. Shoot, his best friend probably is his lover and probably has been for some time now. Let's see... they have known each other for ten years now, both have been married and divorced, so the likelihood of them being on the DL together for the 10 years of knowing each other is really strong. LOL, in fact that he was going to his "best friend" in North Carolina after I kicked him out.

I am too am anti-DL. DL men present themselves to be one thing, but in truth they are a whole different animal. The thing that gets me is the "lying" and the "double life." They are taking away a woman's choice to either accept them and their lifestyle or move on. I don't believe a man on the DL can love the woman he is in a relationship with; he can only love the man that he's with. I say that because the man that he's with knows him for who is his, not for who he pretending to be. My issue with DL men is their denial. Since they are denying their homosexual tendencies, they are putting their girlfriends, wives, and family at risk.

I respect an openly gay or bisexual man more so than a DL man. The openly gay/ bisexual man loves himself enough to not deny who he is or his lifestyle. He presents himself to the world for people to deal with him as is. He is not a coward like the DL man. To me a DL man is the epitome of selfishness, disregard, and deceit.

What DL men fail to realize is "what goes around comes around." I am thankful that I finally listened to the signs that God gave me because they delivered from a bad situation. When its all said and done..... in this day and age, who but God can you trust?
Its really sad.

Peace. Continued blessings.

[deuika]

I saw it...and I remain repulsed.
Sad really, if you want to be Gay congrats, want a cookie? But to hide it and bring it back to your wife, your family? What kind of silly mess is that?
Our community is deteriorating right before our eyes. Give it ten years, ten years without change and there won't be any decent men of African descent left.
But also, women need to take responsibility for themselves, yes, you can never be sure, but you control your legs, no one else. If you contract a disease due to your own foolishness, I am not sorry for you. You get what you look for.

[Neosoulchild]

So are women not supposed to have sex with their husbands? I don't understand how a wife can protect herself from her husband if he is lying about his behavior. If a woman knows about her husband's behavior and continues to have unprotected sex with her husband, then I think that's foolish. But they call it down low for a reason... cause the wife and no one else knows.

[prayerfull]

So, what I wanna know is where was Stedman during Oprah's show because he is has always been a little "suspect" to me!!

I just don't know what I would do if Mr. Prayerfull ever did some mess like that to me. I really do believe that I would kill him - -for real. I'm fully confident in his manhood.

Now, he was talking to a friend of ours a while back and this friend told him that while he was in college and pledging, one of his big brothers went down on him while he was asleep and he woke up - but didn't stop him. WTF? He also confessed to another incident at a club. He's married - with 3 kids. This is someone who I would never suspected as being DL. I don't know if he is out there now like that, nor do I know if his wife is aware of those previous incidents. However, just the mere fact that he ever ventured in that direction - and did it again - I would not be surprised.

[9dstpm]

I taped it then my co-worker/friend and I watched it at work last night. We were very disgusted. My friend didn't know that that kind of thing was going on until we watched the show. I was like for her. But I'm glad that she watched b/c I didn't want her to end up like that 68 year old woman who contracted HIV from an old friend that she didn't know was living the DL life. Hubby watched it this morning with me and he was like, "I'll screw every woman you know before I do you like that!" I'm going to talk to our boss at work and see if he'll allow me to show it at our next females only group so that these girls I work with can see what's out there b/c a lot of these girls are sexually active and are not protecting themselves and these boys (and men) could be living the DL life right here in Saginaw!

After the show, I went to my library's web page and placed a hold for Mr. King's book!! I will be reading it as soon as it gets to me!!

[candygirl]

I watched the show last night and I was appalled, disgusted, repulsed and any other word that would describe the discontent I felt for J.L. King and the lifestyle of the men who indulge in this type of activity.

Its hard enough for an educated sista find a good man, but now we have to add another fault to the list. Who do we date? Do we even get married? Should we trust our men? I am truly disheartened by this whole situation.

Whats the point of asking someone whether or not they are sleeping with men? Do we really think they're going to tell us the truth? That would go against the whole idea of them being on the down low.

Although I want to know more information about Down Low men, I refuse to purchase J. L. Kings book. This man seems to have absolultely no regrets about his lifestyle nor his deceit. Unless the proceeds are going to be used for HIV/AIDS research or counseling for these repulsive, deceptive, and sneaky men, then I'm not going to support it. I will not put money in the pocket of any man who supports this activity. He may want to increase awareness but he wants, even more, to increase his own wealth.

We are truly coming to the end of our days. I just pray that I regain my trust and I also pray for discernment. I want to live eternity in heaven and my God knows that if I marry a man like this I'll end up in hell for slitting a negros throat for deceiving me.

As a disclaimer, I am not against homosexuality(although I do believe its a sin, but hey sin is sin). I am against men who have heterosexual relationships with women and deny or lie about their sexual relationships with men.

[mulattogyrl]

I think Deltabrat made a good point that these DL men may just be homosexual but dating women because it is socially acceptable. What these men are doing is dispicable, but it just shows us how careful WE have to be with our bodies. Just because we fall in love and think the world of someone and want to give ourselves to them doesn't mean we're safe, and that's whether or not they're sleeping with men, women, whatever. And married women are in trouble too, not just us single ones. It's a sad thing. This epedemic has me looking at every man I deal with cross wise. My new year's resolution was actually to stop dating and dealing with men casually, and this was a big reason for my decision. I saw firsthand what AIDS does to a person, and while people are living a lot longer with it, it's still not something you want.

No matter if you're gay or straight, DO NOT put other people's lives at risk. More importantly, DO NOT PUT YOURSELF AT RISK.

[Ideal08]

I watched the show last night. I bought the book yesterday, before I even watched the show. It's mind-blowing. What scares me is that it doesn't make a difference if you ask your partner or not. What good would that do? Do you think he'd tell you?? Of course not! If he did, he wouldn't be DL!

Now, here is what you DON'T get to hear on the show. Carla, listen up. J. L. King is originally from where? Springfield, Ohio (where we went to college, for y'all who don't know). Where did he go after he split from his wife? Columbus, Ohio (where we lived after college, for y'all who don't know). After I read that, I was like, whoa. DL in Springfield, Ohio. Who knew? And the dude he got caught with was somebody in his church. You know it ain't that many black churches in Springfield. Girl, girl, girl. I wanna ask Kisha and Erika do they know this family. They gotta know his daughter, because she is our age. Lawd.

All I know is I'm going to pay CLOSE attention to dudes from now on, and observe the eye-contact.

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by DELTABRAT
CT4 I also think this show should have been longer. Especially when the upcoming episodes kept flaching "What it really look like to be drunk. Next Oprah." WTF!!! Who gives? I am trying to save my life damnit!

SOROR I said the same dayum thing!!! I saw that topic and was like WT?!?!?!?!!?

Like you said, this is about saving lives and she wants me to know what drunk folks look like!?!?!?

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OPRAH just BOO!!!!!

Originally posted by SISTERMADLY
How dare he justify his internalized homophobia by putting the lives of others at risk? I wanted to reach through the TV screen and smack that smirk right off his face.

He did have a very arrogant smirk on his face that made me want to beat the CHIT out of him!! It was like bruh you should be thankful your ex-wife is allergic to jail because you should be dead.

Originally posted by PRAYERFULL
So, what I wanna know is where was Stedman during Oprah's show because he is has always been a little "suspect" to me!!

As Sister King from your church said, "HOOOOLLLAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Originally posted by MY HOMIE MONI
Now, here is what you DON'T get to hear on the show. Carla, listen up. J. L. King is originally from where? Springfield, Ohio (where we went to college, for y'all who don't know). Where did he go after he split from his wife? Columbus, Ohio (where we lived after college, for y'all who don't know). After I read that, I was like, whoa. DL in Springfield, Ohio. Who knew? And the dude he got caught with was somebody in his church. You know it ain't that many black churches in Springfield. Girl, girl, girl. I wanna ask Kisha and Erika do they know this family. They gotta know his daughter, because she is our age. Lawd.

Well paint me purple and call me Barney!!!
Girl girl girl. . . **SMH**


My sistas,

Don't give up faith that we will find the man that God has ordained for us. Don't allow your fear to paralyze you. Be careful who you trust but be sexually responsible. Listen to that voice inside of you. It is better to doubt and be wrong then to ignore that doubt and be hurt. Be safe and be smart. Everything that looks good, ain't always good for you.