depledging

[Tom Earp]

Originally posted by fighton10
Thanks for all you advice, the responses haven't been the most encouraging, but they have been one's I needed to hear nonetheless. I would like to say that this week I am going to take a break from "wishing" to be in ABC, DEF and GHI sorority. I'm in the one that I'm in and I am going to make the best of this week, trying to get to know the sisters and being an active pledge in the house. If at the end of the week if I still feel like I don't belong or more confused (which I think at this point is impossible) then I will think about depledging some more. I am going to pledge until initiation knowing that if I depledge I most likely will never have another opportunity to be greek. At this point I am a little disheartened because of the tiers at USC and the lack of social opportunities with certain fraternities that result from being in the house I'm in, but honestly I have come to terms with the fact that the social opportunities I will expierience will be far more that if I were a GDI and always wishing I were greek. Thank you everyone, hopefully the weeks ahead will be easier and I will find my niche at XYZ. It's just hard for me to stop thinking what if...

I have read these post with a lot of interest and some of it is amazing and some of it is Truely Just F**KING Amazing

Remember, that You and The GLO You Joined have to get to know each other from the initional meeting and bidding process.

Remember, the same thing could have happened at any GLO. Top Tier or not.

When you get to know YOUR fellow members, it is a lot easier Being The Top doesnt mean they are the best. Just look like it.

If you have been around on the boards as long as many of us have, you will find that even thought some did not get what they thought "Was The Best", it turned out that it was a wonderful melding of people and are some of the hardest workers on GC and Their GLOs.

There are many other parts of Being in a Female GLO than meeting the GUYS! What you are envolved in, working with Your Members with Charitys, Homecoming, or other functions.

With The Local, I never even thought about LXA as they were so new, 1909. I was turned down by the Biggies! But, guess what, I am still highly envolved after 40 years. I am very very glad that I am a Brother of LXA.

There is so much more to hang your hat on even after Graduation.

If it doesnt fit after giving them a fair chance, get out.

[bruinaphi]

For those who keep saying the OP can drop and someone else can have her spot...

At USC total is still only 130. Average chapter size is 185 with four chapters at 215. There is not much room to COB and the only way a woman can be replaced in the new member class is if she doesn't come to bid day.

[TxGirl]

Originally posted by bruinaphi
For those who keep saying the OP can drop and someone else can have her spot...

At USC total is still only 130. Average chapter size is 185 with four chapters at 215. There is not much room to COB and the only way a woman can be replaced in the new member class is if she doesn't come to bid day.

I'm pretty sure that the NPC rule is that you can replace anyone that does not go through your pleding ceremony because it is a vacancy in quota. However, once you have actually given your "pledge" then you are not creating a vacancy in quota and if your chapter is over total then you can't be replaced.


What happens at USC could be something unique to the school. Do they require that the women be pledged on bid day? If so then that would be the reason a women couldn't be replaced unless they didn't show up for bid day.

If my NPC info is incorrect I'm sure someone will correct me.

[AOIIalum]

Originally posted by kddani
And truth be told, I think we had more fun with the non-top fraternities. We trusted them more, became friends with them, and knew that they weren't going to be skeezy with us. They were happy to hang out with us and made an effort to show us a good time. Unlike many of the top fraternities who thought their mere presence was enough

I know I'm coming in late to this conversation, but ITA on this point. We had socials with the "top" fraternities and "mid-low" fraternities back in the day. My school wasn't terribly cut-throat then although there was a clear and strong tier system in place. Let me share the story of how an AOII started dating a guy in a lower tier fraternity. A big reason they were lower tier was that their house was well off the row and they just didn't know a lot of people. That was due to a combination of location, youth (this was a relatively young chapter), and a lack of networking on campus. She got to know guy's brothers pretty well and loved them as they were truly good guys. She dragged a lot of her sisters over to meet fraternity , sisters thought the same. Her sorority scheduled a mixer with his fraternity and sorority turned out in full force. Had a great time, word spread up and down row. Guy got to know a lot of other greeks through girl, guy's brothers did the same. Fast forward a couple of years, guy's fraternity membership had doubled and they were having socials with all of the sororities on campus on a regular basis. So, it can happen.

Edited because I'm an idiot and forgot basic grammar rules...

[valkyrie]

Re: replacing someone who drops out: What are the odds that an organization with 185 members and a campus total of 130 is actually going to even CONSIDER giving someone a bid if a woman drops out right before initiation? I don't think that would happen. When you're that big, does COB even exist to you?

What is really bothering me about this thread are the people who say stuff about how sisterhood is the most important part of sorority membership or I think the orgs. are all awesome or I hung out with other than the top fraternities and it was great or whatever so you should just SUCK IT UP AND DEAL. I mean, I might not understand any individual's reasons for wanting X, Y, or Z out of her sorority membership (and I did mention not understanding the importance placed on mixing with fraternities) because I might have different priorities. However, I don't think it's fair or productive for me to be overly critical of her for it. That would be like me going into someone's wedding thread and saying, "Oh man I would be perfectly happy getting married in jeans with two guests so you should just deal and forget the big wedding of your dreams." We all have different priorities and desires, so why not accept that other people don't necessarily value what you do?

[33girl]

I'm not critical of what she wants out of her membership. Different strokes for different folks. I'm critical of the fact that she made the problem out to be one issue and it was really something else. That's like trying to take a dress back by saying it has a hole in it when the real truth is the dress is fine physically, it just makes your butt look big. The dishonesty is the troublesome thing.

If she hates it, she can quit, but the fact of the matter is that there's a 99.9999999999999% chance she will end up being not Greek at all. Whether that's an acceptable avenue is something OP has to figure out for herself.

As far as the someone else having her spot comments - are any of the groups under total?

[bruinaphi]

There is only 1 group under total right now.

TxGrl, USC Panhellenic has interpreted the NPC rule as meaning that the women are pledged on Bid Night and cannot be replaced unless they don't show to Bid Night. Trust me, we, as a group, have been around in circles on this and have gone to our past area advisors about it many times.

Panhellenic is voting on total on Monday. We will see what happens then.

[sugar and spice]

Originally posted by valkyrie


What is really bothering me about this thread are the people who say stuff about how sisterhood is the most important part of sorority membership or I think the orgs. are all awesome or I hung out with other than the top fraternities and it was great or whatever so you should just SUCK IT UP AND DEAL. I mean, I might not understand any individual's reasons for wanting X, Y, or Z out of her sorority membership (and I did mention not understanding the importance placed on mixing with fraternities) because I might have different priorities. However, I don't think it's fair or productive for me to be overly critical of her for it. That would be like me going into someone's wedding thread and saying, "Oh man I would be perfectly happy getting married in jeans with two guests so you should just deal and forget the big wedding of your dreams." We all have different priorities and desires, so why not accept that other people don't necessarily value what you do?

Word. I don't understand this thread at all.

We complain all the time about women who go through rush, who have their heart set on one house, who don't keep an open mind, who will only join the "top houses" et cetera. This girl did NONE of that and everyone is still ripping her a new one even though she did keep an open mind and joined a sorority that was not her top choice. I think she's been very honest/brave/classy throughout this thread and I don't get the animosity at all.

I don't think it's impossible that she feels uncomfortable with her sisters AND disappointed with the social opportunities. Or that she feels uncomfortable with her sisters because they have different priorities regarding the social opportunities. There are a lot of leaps being made here that the OP was dishonest, when I don't think that that was ever the case.

[fighton10]

Originally posted by sugar and spice
Word. I don't understand this thread at all.

We complain all the time about women who go through rush, who have their heart set on one house, who don't keep an open mind, who will only join the "top houses" et cetera. This girl did NONE of that and everyone is still ripping her a new one even though she did keep an open mind and joined a sorority that was not her top choice. I think she's been very honest/brave/classy throughout this thread and I don't get the animosity at all.

I don't think it's impossible that she feels uncomfortable with her sisters AND disappointed with the social opportunities. Or that she feels uncomfortable with her sisters because they have different priorities regarding the social opportunities. There are a lot of leaps being made here that the OP was dishonest, when I don't think that that was ever the case.

Thank you, this is exactly how I feel, I'm not trying to be closed minded, nor am I trying to say I am better than anyone. I feel many different things and I was just attempting to express them all. I apologize if I have offended anyone. I will continue pledging and attemping to get to know the girls in my house for who they are. Thank you for everything, this will be my last post.

[gogoaphi]

Good luck to you at USC!!! Truly ... hang in there! I just bet you will have a happy ending. I hear stories like this all the time. You just need to give yourself permission to be really happy at the chapter you have and forget about what *could have been*. You'll see ....

[Tom Earp]

You havent upset Me, it sounds Like USC Greek Life just sucks.

Self Centered to thje Extreme.

Transfer to a School that has some sense! Maybe they dont have a Football Team sometimes!

Hell If I was a Soro PNM I would have second thoughts from the sounds of it!

Run, Dont Walk!!!!

[adpiucf]

I disagree, Tom. It's not very fair to make such a generalization. USC Greek Life is strong and a good program with good people. The poster came on here to get some feedback, and I hope she takes this time to adjust to her sorority to help with her decision. Best of luck Fighton!

[amycat412]

Tom, would you say the same thing about all the greek systems in the South/SEC? Because USC is very much like SEC rush. Traditional and competitive and tier based. It is a strong greek community and a lot of fun to be a part of, despite and sometimes because of the social tier atmosphere.

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

USC is a great greek system and just like every other system it may not be for everyone.

For those who may want to know, quota was 65.

[ASUADPi]

Okay I've read everything and here are my thoughts.

I think the advice (at the beginning of the thread) was right on the money, give the chapter a chance.

Although I am disheartened by her talk of "tiers" and "socials" and "fraternities". To me (again personal opinion) it sounded like the only reason she rushed was to get that "social standing" and go to frat parties. Then the talk of the chapter not being one of the "higher" tiered sororities really got to me.

My chapter of initiation recently closed. Prior to them closing I went down for homecoming and met my sisters. They were a wonderful group of girls. Some of them were drop dead gorgeous (at least to me) but b/c they were the struggling chapter they were considered "lower" and they were called "ugly". Were they, no. They understood the gossip, they didn't like it but dealt with it the best they could, with their heads held high. I say this because they were still proud to be ADPi's.

I tell this story because to me it sounds like she's really not proud at all to call this place home. She was (and might still be a little) hanging onto the "shoulda, coulda, woulda's" of not getting into the "top chapter" (in her mind).

I have to admit that I don't want to know what chapter she is in b/c if I found out she is one of my sisters, I would be slightly taken aback. I don't want someone to be an ADPi b/c they didn't get their top choice and they just wanna be greek, so their "settling". I'm pretty sure I can speak for other chapters when I say we don't want people to 'settle' for us.

I'm sorry if I sound mean or rude but that is really how I felt when I read this thread.

Don't get me wrong, I hope for the best for her. I hope she can work out her "issues" (so to speak) and give the chapter a chance. But if she can't I have to go back to my "settling" comment. No one should just "settle" because they are desperate to belong. No one will be happy in the long run.