epchick's rush @UTEP

[epchick]

Originally posted by JenMarie
Agreed. That just sucks. But I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

Would your mom have agreed on maybe you paying some sort of rent per month? As like an alternative to a curfew? (If you can't afford it, then nevermind.) I guess I'm just trying to figure her logic for wanting you home at 9 pm.

In all honesty and fairness to my mom, the curfew wasn't something malicious. Its just that my mom doesn't like me to be out late when I have school the next day..and so she was upset that I got home at 11:30pm. I get rundown very easily and when i get rundown i get really sick (nausea, stomach flu, sore throat....the works) and she didnt want that happening to me just because i had to do something. It was ultimately my decision, i could have tried to work out something w/the sorority, but i decided not to. My mom wasn't doing it to make me mad or nothing, and i respect her decision. It just wasn't meant to be. And i'm too close to my family to move out b/c of this.

[kddani]

I'm really not trying to be mean, but you and mom both need to cut the apron strings. You're legally an adult, you're over 18, and if you don't start growing up now, when will you?

A curfew of 9pm for a grown woman (who is not a criminal!) is ridiculous. It's not like you're being disrespectful and coming home roaring drunk at 3am, knocking over furniture.

You may have classes that go past 9pm. You'll have study groups or group projects that have to meet at 9pm or later b/c that's when works for everyone's schedule. Many college jobs require working past 9pm. Hell, I worked until 3am some nights babysitting when I was 13.

I'm glad that you want to respect your mom, but this is time to live YOUR life. It's time to make your own mistakes and learn from them. You are going to miss out on SO much and think back and regret it. You can still be close with your family and live your own life and make your own choices and decisions. You can *gasp* even live away from home and still stay close. For many people they get closer when they move out.

You need to learn how to take care of yourself. Mom isn't going to be around forever.

I'm sure my mom doesn't like me being out late. My mom worries about me to. That's the virtue of being a parent. They'd love to keep us in a padded little cage so nothing ever hurts us physically or emotionally. But life doesn't work that way.

Maybe you guys need to see a family counselor of some sort to help you work out some of this and for both of you to realize that life changes when you go to college, etc.

[Xylochick216]

I agree with kddani. I know that living at home means living under your parents' rules, but it sounds like your mother is overly strict. Most high schoolers have curfews later than that. I know you don't want to "back talk" or anything since it may cause more harm, but a serious talk would really help. It's not fair for you to have to live with rules like that. They don't really help anything.

[JenMarie]

Originally posted by epchick
In all honesty and fairness to my mom, the curfew wasn't something malicious. Its just that my mom doesn't like me to be out late when I have school the next day..and so she was upset that I got home at 11:30pm. I get rundown very easily and when i get rundown i get really sick (nausea, stomach flu, sore throat....the works) and she didnt want that happening to me just because i had to do something. It was ultimately my decision, i could have tried to work out something w/the sorority, but i decided not to. My mom wasn't doing it to make me mad or nothing, and i respect her decision. It just wasn't meant to be. And i'm too close to my family to move out b/c of this.

I want to echo what the above have mentioned. And I'm sure the last thing you want is for annonymous Greeks to be telling you how to run your life...

HOWEVER... it sounds like you know your boundries. You know you get sick if you are overwhelmed. Within the above post, I don't see you as someone who would be staying out every night until 3 am. And if you brought this up to your mother and clarify that YOUR own boundries will keep you well, safe and sane enough that you don't need HER'S on top of that.

In college, I needed my 8 hours of sleep, no questions asked. When I pledged my local, I had a couple late nights. Most were optional... others were not. But I survived. And I learned to manage my time so I could do my homework, the sorority and so forth. It meant having classes 5 days a week and no job, but I did it somehow.

I just think you'll be kicking yourself later if you don't get involved on campus SOMEHOW and stay at home. And late nights are not limited to Greek events.

[adpiucf]

Best of luck to you this semester. Unless you and your family establish different guidelines regarding your personal life, I really don't recommend you try for social sorority membership again. There are some great organizations on campus that won't have such demands on your schedule, where you can make friends and enjoy campus life. I know dropping out of the GLO was the best decision for you and wasn't an easy decision. Good luck and stick around on GC to let us know how it's going!

[kddani]

Originally posted by adpiucf
There are some great organizations on campus that won't have such demands on your schedule, where you can make friends and enjoy campus life.

And even those would be very limited. So many student groups meet in the evenings and/or have events in the evenings so that students don't have to miss class. Any activity that I can think of that actually did something (not counting honors orgs that did nothing except initiation- which, btw, was at night) involved being out past 9.

[sugar and spice]

Damn, and I thought that my parents' 1 AM curfew when I came home from college was rough. Even when I was in high school, my curfew was only 11 on weeknights.

I have been involved with a number of different activities in college and all of them regularly went later than 9 pm. Sorority? Sometimes, if chapter was long it would go for a couple hours and we'd get out around 8:30 or 9 (not to mention the hours-long membership selection meetings, rush parties, officer appointments or initiation). Dance Marathon met once a week at 7:30 and meetings were usually an hour to two hours long. One lit mag meets at 9, the other at 7 but with periodic night-time events that started at 10 or even later on weekends. The political activism group's meetings started anywhere from 7:30 to 9 and would last for a couple hours. Yearbook met at 8 and would last for a while, and we'd pull late-nighters (or sometimes even all-nighters) to meet deadlines. I can't think of any organization that meets during the day -- it's just not practical.

Obviously it's your decision to make, but what you're saying indicates some boundary issues within your family. Why should your mom care if you get sick? You're the one who's getting sick, not her. If you know you get sick from staying out too late, you're the one who should be taking care of yourself -- your mom shouldn't have to look after you when you're 18.

I agree so much with what kddani is saying. You don't need to live with your family just because you're close to them. You can still see them all the time even if you do move out. I am one of those people who had a vastly improved relationship with my family after I moved out -- I am much closer to them now, and that's BECAUSE we have defined some boundaries between us.

If your family loves you, they will always be there -- but if you keep turning down opportunities and avoiding risks just because of family expectations, you'll regret it. I have a number of friends who lived at home their first year of college because of reasons similar to yours, or simply to save money, and not one of them fails to regret it now. Furthermore, the fact that their social lives and opportunities for friendship and just for emotional growth were stunted because of it is apparent to everyone.

I understand that your mom was not trying to be malicious and that your family is close, but the way you describe your interactions is not healthy, and I agree that family counseling may be helpful.

[copacabana]

I kind of understand where you're coming from...my mom does the whole "if you live in my house you'll follow my rules" thing too, and a lot of my friend's moms are the same way. I'd say your best shot is to move out asap! It's great that mom is looking out for you, but she needs to understand that you need to learn to look out for yourself. You're in college! If there's absoloutely no way that you can move out by next semester, I'd recommend some family counseling for you and your mom. It might help your mom realize that she's being kind overbearing and that she does need to back off a little and realize that you're all grown up now. However, I think ultimately you are going to have to be the one to take the initiative and to "cut the apron strings" because it doesn't sound like she's going to let go. Good luck!

[pinkyphimu]

i am very sorry to hear that you needed to drop out. i don't want you to feel like everyone is ganging up on your mom or saying that you made the wrong decision. you have to do what you have to do. one thing to remember is that your mom will always be your mom (for better or worse). when i decided to move to boston, my mom yelled at me, caused a scene and then told me she would never speak to me again. i was so angry i told her that was fine with me. i spent the next few weeks crying to my friends because maybe i was making the wrong decision, etc. by the time i was actually moving, my mom was upset, but hadn't stopped talking to me. she was hurt because her little baby was growing up and leaving the nest. it had nothing to do with the actual decision i had made. my parents still ask when i am moving home. i tease my dad that he needs to choose between me and my cat, and my mom because i am not moving home without my cat! my mom is deathly allergic to the cat!!! i can be hard some times, but you have to make your own way in the world.

[trojangal]

What a bummer that this had to happen. Is there any way that your mom could be more reasonable? I do think that 9 p.m. is set more to high school students, rather than college. What would she do if you had to take a lab class in math or science or computers that went until 9:30? Or had to take a class that met twice a week from 7-9 p.m. Granted, this might be a stretch, but I think now is the time for you two to really sit down and discuss, not just for the sorority but also for other t hings..such as dating as well.

Good luck, hon...

[mmcat]

i'm sorry for your dropping...
but i think i get it more than most because i get el paso. ultimately, you have got to stand on your own feet.

[epchick]

Originally posted by trojangal
What a bummer that this had to happen. Is there any way that your mom could be more reasonable? I do think that 9 p.m. is set more to high school students, rather than college. What would she do if you had to take a lab class in math or science or computers that went until 9:30? Or had to take a class that met twice a week from 7-9 p.m. Granted, this might be a stretch, but I think now is the time for you two to really sit down and discuss, not just for the sorority but also for other t hings..such as dating as well.

Good luck, hon...

I'm not saying that she is giving a 9 pm curfew for EVERYTHING. If its class, she's fine with that, but she doesn't like that (for the sorority) we had to have a mandatory meeting that lasted until almost midnight (when it didn't have to) and then REQUIRE us to attend another meeting the next day. There are reasons behind the 9pm curfew, relating to the sorority, but I rather not get into that either. I thank y'all for your opinions, but I guess you have to be in my situation to actually realize that it a curfew isn't a bad thing....at least to me. I dont really go out to clubs, to party, and I rarely hang out with friends (most of my HS friends have moved away). I do know that my mom probably has some trust issues (even though she says she trusts me). At the parent social, ALL she heard about was mixers, socials, hanging out with fraternity guys, and tailgates....she wanted to know about community service and things like that, but the sorority really didn't talk about that, so that left a "bad taste" in her mouth. The 9pm curfew was mainly for the sorority, because she really didn't like the idea of me continuing. I know what she is doing, and if I really wanted to, I could fight her on it. But I really don't because i know it is in MY best interest. I don't pay my college bills, I don't pay my insurance, I don't pay my medical bills, thankfully my parents have been there to support me (and so what if i'm 20?) and I do willingly (most of the time) abide by their rules.

i'm sorry for your dropping...
but i think i get it more than most because i get el paso. ultimately, you have got to stand on your own feet.

Thank you mmcat! I guess y'all don't understand because you don't know where i come from. It IS really a cultural thing, mexican parents are A LOT stricter than white (or even black) families.

Again, I thank y'all for your comments and concerns, but I really DO know what i'm getting myself into and I know that although we are a tad dysfunctional, we in no way need any sort of family counseling, but really....thank you guys!

[FSUZeta]

dear epchick,please let me join the others saying that i am sorry that you were not able to continue your membership. however, you know your situation and we do not, and you chose the best solution for you and we should all respect that. i hope that things work out for you in the spring.

[Xylochick216]

Good luck with your college career. The more I think about it, you probably made the right decision if you couldn't devote the time. I hope you find something else that makes you just as happy

[AchtungBaby80]

Awww. I'm so sorry to hear that you had to drop. But I do have to echo what everyone else has said--I think it's time your mom realized you're growing up and a 9 p.m. curfew is a little ridiculous. I know that you and I probably grew up very differently, but my mom had a very tough time letting me go when I went to college too and that's what I'm reading into your posts, even though the surface issues are that your mom is concerned about you and she's acting in your best interests. I think you made the right decision about dropping the sorority in light of your situation, but if you don't listen to anything else I say, please remember this--you're not just missing out on the sorority. I'm afraid you're going to miss out on a lot of the awesome opportunities associated with college if you don't manage to break away just a little bit. I hear you when you say your family is close and you want to preserve that; my family is that way, too. But I have been living on my own for a while now and I am still very close with my family. What it comes down to is that you need to do what you feel is best for you and no one else can tell you what that is, but at the same time, I just don't want to see anyone foregoing a big part of their college experience and then regretting it later. I almost did, but I am grateful that I learned that lesson in time.