Pregnant Pledge

[33girl]

Originally posted by kayla0deegee
Dear Exec Board,
I will not be able to attend the mixer on Friday due to the fact that I will be giving birth to a child.

Not every chapter has events every single day and mixers every week. Some do. I mean, we had a thread on here advising people to think twice about BAND and a sorority, let alone a baby.

Just because your chapter has lots and lots and lots of things that they do does not mean every chapter does.

[adpiucf]

So based on posts, it appears the primary reason most conservative campuses would hesitate to bid a pregnant PNM are:

1) Fear of slanderous gossip about the chapter and rumors about their members
2) Concern that a young mother would not fit with the culture of the chapter, making her and others uncomfortable
3) Concern that the woman could not fulfill membership obligations or would not be as involved as another woman might be

I think these are legitimate concerns that any chapter has during recruitment-- and not just regarding pregnant PNMS. We worry that the members we recruit will be ones that fit in, pay dues on time, show up to events and go above and beyond as members, and that they won't give others cause to question the chapter's reputation.

That is why it is important to meet PNMs face to face and hold several days of events and cuts-- to create a new member class who can fulfill membership obligations AND fits in with your chapter's exisiting culture.

Can a pregnant young woman (married or unmarried, with or without other young children) meet these obligations and fit in? Of course. But it just depends on the campus and chapter culture. If I was a collegiate member, I don't know that I would be comfortable recruiting a new mom. That is my bias. But I'm just one member, and one member's opinion doesn't determine a chapter bid list! (Lord help us if it did!)

Being pregnant isn't a curse, but there is a long-standing stigma associated with unwed mothers/to-be. It has come a long way, and still has a long way to go. Chapters have the right to cut anyone they do not think will be a fit for their chapter, and PNM's have the right to cut sororities where they don't feel they fit.

As KDLady00 pointed out (by the way, your son is adorable!), there's a big difference between getting pregnant once you're in the chapter as a new member or initiated member, and being a potential member hoping to get a bid. We will always rally to support a sister in need, any need-- We look out for each other and take care of one another.

[ZTAngel]

Originally posted by Munchkin03
I'm sure it's this fear of judgement that can be problematic to pregnant PNMs and actives that many sorority members are thinking about when they say they don't want a pregnant member. It's hypocritical to me because the woman in question didn't do anything most Greek women haven't done...she just has "proof," so to speak.

So true. Like JocelynC said, it is a concern depending upon the campus environment. A more liberal school might be more accepting of a pregnant member but a more conservative school would not be. I'll admit that the gossip mill would be working overtime at my school if one of the greeks got pregnant and carried the baby to term. I'm sure most of the greeks at my school have been involved with pre-marital sex but being pregnant is like wearing a scarlet letter. Personally, I wouldn't look down upon a girl that is pregnant out of the wedlock but not everyone is that accepting. Every member is a representation of their organization and some chapters may not want all the gossiping and whispering because of one member. I can understand the POV although I may not agree with it.

[AKA_Monet]

I find interesting and amusing and frustrating...

So like some of you all would give bids to girls that have had abortions for use as birth control, but not to girls who chose to keep their babies while pledging?

What kind of message does that send? Just asking?

What I am seeing is a double standard and doublespeak... In fact damn right near forked tongue...

And I see that most Sororities were founded years ago by college educated women to alleviate the strain and stress of permenant "baby making" by marital rape... That's history and fact--not my opinion...

However in the 21st century, we have the luxurious opportunity to actually MAKE decisions about our reproduction that is NOT mandated by government... AND we can have premaritial sex all night long if we want to and who cares what others think!

However we still are being "prissy" toward women who want to be members that may have chosen a different path than the "norm" (whatever that may be) given ALL that women have suffered?

To me that's a bunch of hogwash! Pregnancy Happens... That's life... And some of you all need one beyond your "highly esteemed" sororities beyond what you think your "reputations" might be showing... Because I can DAYUM sure tell you all, you are not the first little pledge girl that came up pregnant at a conservative campus...

Where are all the university administrative adults in this picture?

[roqueemae]

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
I find interesting and amusing and frustrating...

So like some of you all would give bids to girls that have had abortions for use as birth control, but not to girls who chose to keep their babies while pledging?

What kind of message does that send? Just asking?

What I am seeing is a double standard and doublespeak... In fact damn right near forked tongue...

And I see that most Sororities were founded years ago by college educated women to alleviate the strain and stress of permenant "baby making" by marital rape... That's history and fact--not my opinion...

However in the 21st century, we have the luxurious opportunity to actually MAKE decisions about our reproduction that is NOT mandated by government... AND we can have premaritial sex all night long if we want to and who cares what others think!

However we still are being "prissy" toward women who want to be members that may have chosen a different path than the "norm" (whatever that may be) given ALL that women have suffered?

To me that's a bunch of hogwash! Pregnancy Happens... That's life... And some of you all need one beyond your "highly esteemed" sororities beyond what you think your "reputations" might be showing... Because I can DAYUM sure tell you all, you are not the first little pledge girl that came up pregnant at a conservative campus...

Where are all the university administrative adults in this picture?

Little riled up aren't we? And the university administration has no say in membership selection.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by roqueemae
Little riled up aren't we? And the university administration has no say in membership selection.

You can take my tone how you want to...

But you chose your members from a nearby college campus do you not? You do not pick a girl that is not actively matriculating through a university at that time? So, there rather than the University or college straight up kicking off ALL greek lettered organizations where you can NEVER chose members from that campus again, then I think you all had better start working with them and let them know what is up...

Now that is my opinion...

I don't know, but my Sorority has to do that "articulation agreement"... I am pretty sure several others do. All I know is my own organization...

[roqueemae]

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
You can take my tone how you want to...

But you chose your members from a nearby college campus do you not? You do not pick a girl that is not actively matriculating through a university at that time? So, there rather than the University or college straight up kicking off ALL greek lettered organizations where you can NEVER chose members from that campus again, then I think you all had better start working with them and let them know what is up...

Now that is my opinion...

I don't know, but my Sorority has to do that "articulation agreement"... I am pretty sure several others do. All I know is my own organization...

We take members from the campus on which our organization is chartered. (we do not have city-wides) The university has no say in membership selection other than they must be matriculated on that campus.

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
I find interesting and amusing and frustrating...

So like some of you all would give bids to girls that have had abortions for use as birth control, but not to girls who chose to keep their babies while pledging?

What kind of message does that send? Just asking?

What I am seeing is a double standard and doublespeak... In fact damn right near forked tongue...

I think that was what I was trying to say.

I'm not sure how much of it has to do with a liberal vs. conservative campus. My undergrad is arguably one of the nation's most liberal universities, and my sorority still received a lot of negative scrutiny for simply supporting a sister. Greek systems are still, even at the most liberal schools, pretty damned conservative.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by roqueemae
We take members from the campus on which our organization is chartered. (we do not have city-wides) The university has no say in membership selection other than they must be matriculated on that campus.

So what happens when the University Admin says to you all that "NO! Your organization can NEVER EVER choose members from our school. Regardless of your charter. We will sue if you have members from our school."

My sorority has had interests from those "pay for the degree schools", such a DeVry and Phoenix... We had to deny membership to them because the schools did not want ANY agreement with our organization or them...

Just asking for knowledge and clarification.

[roqueemae]

If a university says "no you may never have students from our school" then I am guessing there would be no charter. I don't know how that works at schools whose Greek System is unrecognized.

[roqueemae]

Originally posted by AKA_Monet

My sorority has had interests from those "pay for the degree schools", such a DeVry and Phoenix... We had to deny membership to them because the schools did not want ANY agreement with our organization or them...

I have had interested ladies call my University wanting to join AKA from those schools too. I ended up telling them no because the Administration would not allow non-students to be a member of a student organization.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by roqueemae
If a university says "no you may never have students from our school" then I am guessing there would be no charter. I don't know how that works at schools whose Greek System is unrecognized.

Well based on what I saw last night with Al Roker (which is pissing me off), I am getting the feeling that many at the University are more that happy to dissolve EVERYBODY'S charter... Just so students do not have to "suffer hazing" or whatever... That is what I am thinking...

[roqueemae]

But in any event, why would a university care if a chapter did or did not pledge a pregnant girl? Membership selection is private and no one should know why a girl is cut.

[aephi alum]

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
I find interesting and amusing and frustrating...

So like some of you all would give bids to girls that have had abortions for use as birth control, but not to girls who chose to keep their babies while pledging?

Not to nitpick but I doubt a PNM would come in advertising that she'd had an abortion or was planning to. "Hi, I'm Susie, I just had an abortion last week, tell me all about XYZ!" An abortion can be handled pretty quietly, especially if it takes place during the first trimester, so it wouldn't necessarily have made its way into the rumor mill.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by roqueemae
But in any event, why would a university care if a chapter did or did not pledge a pregnant girl? Membership selection is private and no one should know why a girl is cut.

Long time ago, my Sorority did not have to explain itself as to why they did not extend membership to somebody...

But nowadays, it makes for good legalities to clearly be explicit as to why membership was not extended... Take it from MANY BGLO Sorority's experiences... You do not want to have some Sorority mom pissed off with you all because you did not choose her legacy daughter... Maybe your system is different and I will never understand. But, in today's Jerry Springer's World of Reality TV there is a limit to privacy and it can be bought by the highest bidder on ebay...