Discipline: Spanking

[starang21]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I don't want to be spanked.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by starang21

The funny thing is that the joke WAS for you.

[starang21]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

The funny thing is that the joke WAS for you.

we are right >>>here<<<

hewwo

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

As all of my posts indicate, parenting begins at home. If you are unfortunate enough to have a loud and obnoxious child, that child generally didn't become that way in that public place. That child was that way at home or you observed a pattern of behavior somewhere and you didn't take care of it before you took that demon to a public place. All children have their ways about them but people can detect an out of control kid with clueless parents from miles away.

As I said, parents should eventually learn how to discipline their children (at home and) in public so that every outing doesn't become hell on Earth for themselves and others. I know what works in my household and people should figure out what works in theirs unless they plan on spending their lives at home.

By that same token, as I said, you cannot assume that because a child is obnoxious, the parents aren't doing their job. Some children are going to act out and you really can't know whether or not the parents are doing all that they can. My cousins were my example because they literally have tried everything (including a child psychologist to determine if there was a problem they were missing that was causing her to act out, like ADHD-so far two doctors have prescribed perseverance in their disciplining). The fact is, she's not a bad kid, she's just a really, really, really annoying one and is hell bent on being LOUDLY annoying at times. And her parents are better parents than 99.9% of the parents out there but they're probably going to have to continue to leave a few restaurants. It doesn't indicate that they don't know what they're doing or aren't trying. Again, children are individuals. Some individuals cannot be controlled at all times. It's a fact of life.

By your own advice the example I used is perfect. They have found a technique that works perfectly both at home and in public-when she refuses to respond to attempts at discipline, they remove her from the situation. It's their choice to refrain from using spanking etc. and to leave situations when they need to. That, IMO, makes them amazing parents.

PS-It is not a statement of fact that a child who begins yelling and misbehaving in a restaurant was doing so prior to arriving.

[DrPhil]

Alumiyum, I stand behind my comments. Parents need to figure out whatever they need to figure out for their children and whatever works for their kids. Parenting is difficult but it isn't impossible. It is your cousin's job to figure out her child. If that means they won't go out in public because nothing works for the annoying child then that's completely on them and, depending on who you ask (including some child experts), that reflects more on the parents than the child. If the child has special needs then the needs must be learned to the best of their ability. If the child is The Omen then...I dunno.

This isn't a "how to" thread for parenting. Everything that I have said can be applied however parents see fit. If parents want to stay at home, get take-out, or leave everytime their child acts up (often because they didn't fix the problem the first two times their child acted up in public...not every badass child has "special needs") then that's fine for them. I hope the parents don't end up miserable or their child never feels that he or she is in charge of their household. If that happens, they shouldn't really wonder why.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Alumiyum, I stand behind my comments. Parents need to figure out whatever they need to figure out for their children and whatever works for their kids. Parenting is difficult but it isn't impossible. It is your cousin's job to figure out her child. If that means they won't go out in public because nothing works for the annoying child then that's completely on them and, depending on who you ask (including some child experts), that reflects more on the parents than the child. If the child has special needs then the needs must be learned to the best of their ability. If the child is The Omen then...I dunno.

This isn't a "how to" thread for parenting. Everything that I have said can be applied however parents see fit. If parents want to stay at home, get take-out, or leave everytime their child acts up (often because they didn't fix the problem the first two times their child acted up in public...not every badass child has "special needs") then that's fine for them. I hope the parents don't end up miserable or their child never feels that he or she is in charge of their household. If that happens, they shouldn't really wonder why.

Simply put, I stand by what I said as well. Children, like dogs, are not robots and it is not always possible to simply input a certain program to get a certain result. Sometimes they will do as they please, regardless of the consequences.

I am simply observing that in some cases, my cousins included, this is absolutely not a case of the child acting up repeatedly and being allowed to escalate. The child experts they have consulted-yes, more than one- have found no special needs and all the creative disciplining advice they've been given they've tried (aside from spanking) so the result is that they just leave when she pulls this crap and discipline her at home. I don't understand the need to look down upon this action. Good parents do not subject the restaurant to a screaming child. And even the best parents will not get exactly the behavior they want out of their child 100% of the time.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Forrealdoe?!

All of my posts said this.

My response was mostly colored by what I perceive to be a disdain for parents who remove their child from the situation because of the assumption that this means they are not effective at disciplining at home. Because that is an assumption.