Keep these things in mind

[kddani]

BUMP

[adpiucf]

I love that the PNMs are posting so actively, but...

Ideally, if it is known that the person is rushing your alma mater or if your sorority is represented on her campus, I honestly think it would and could be a good thing in the spirit of recruitment silence to refrain from posting in that thread from the day recruitment begins through Bid Day. I don't think it's necessary to elaborate, and I know some may see it as unrealistic. I'm not trying to censor anyone-- just be fair to the PNMs and this process (which was established pre-Internet!).

The same goes for their pseudonyms! The whole reason for the pseudonyms was to eliminate shameless plugs or preference for your sorority in the posts. I know, I know-- you may not know what sorority "Yellow" is-- but the comments "Oh I love Yellow! Yellow all the way!" ... I just think that defeats the whole purpose.

I've also been seeing some subtle plugs for individual sororities in the posts. I'm not expecting anyone to change their screen name or signature, but I think its time to stop commenting about the pseudonyms and saying "I hope its XYZ" or something to that effect.

I feel the that NPC and the sororities need to address silence and the Internet-- it just feels like a double standard right now.

And another thing: if you don't know about a campus's recruitment culture, please keep your 2 cents for the McDonald's drive-through! While one southern campus may cut you for not having 5 recs at each chapter, another southern campus may not fill that mold. In that respect, better to encourage the PNM to get recs to make her feel prepared and confident-- but is it really necessary to put the fear of God into her if you don't have experience with that campus's recruitment?

Now, to the PNMS:
Remember that a sorority is a cross-section of the women at the university—you can easily --truly-- find your niche in any of them. All sororities are devoted to the same ideals—friendship, scholarship and service. And the sorority you join is not the one you graduate from—it is constantly growing and evolving because of you and your fellow members!

You don’t have to love every single member—but you should feel like this is an organization where you can make friends and be yourself without putting on an act. You can’t possibly expect to be best friends with every single member of any org. Acquaintances with some, friends with many, best friends with a select few—that’s true of any group!

Bottom Line: The chapter you don't connect with today can be the one you love in the next round-- and choose to accept a bid to if offered to you! Keep an open mind and maximize your options.

Also, while you're not revealing which chapter is which, chances are you may tell us who's who of the pseudonyms after recruitment... and we do go back through the thread to read your impressions of "Yellow" which we now know is really XYZ sorority... it can cause some hurt feelings, depending on what you've said. So if you're going to be brutally honest in your posts, don't reveal a who's who at the end.

ETA: Random things keep coming to me. I'm not hating on anyone, and I don't want the PNM's to be in the dark... but I feel this is the time for them to be going to a recruitment counselor for recruitment-specifics... and for everyone to be more discrete during recruitment week.

[PM_Mama00]

adpiucf, I think you hit just about everything on the nail. I cannot agree with you more.

[kddani]

bumping b/c of some posts by newer GCers

[kddani]

BUMP, I think it's about that time

Good bump.

Being that it seems like there are more PNM parents than actual PNMs themselves this time around, I really hope that they do take some time to read old recruitment posts.

It would totally suck if a parent was responsible for their child having a horrible recruitment.

[kdonline]

Originally Posted by OTW

Being that it seems like there are more PNM parents than actual PNMs themselves this time around

Yeah, why is that? I think this is the first year GC is truly experiencing the Helicopter Parent syndrome!??

Or was the link to GC posted on that collegetalk (collegeconfidential?) website...???

[srmom]

Hey, parents get bored at work too

Doesn't mean they are helicoptering.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by kdonline

Yeah, why is that? I think this is the first year GC is truly experiencing the Helicopter Parent syndrome!??

Or was the link to GC posted on that collegetalk (collegeconfidential?) website...???

I don't know about GC, but I've noticed a change in the parents at my school in the last two years.

The thing that worries me about it isn't that parents support their kids through recruitment; it's that I've seen more and more parents who do the work for the kid when it comes to high school organizations and responsibilities. (It's weird; it's like the kids delegate some of their responsibilities to their parents.)

How far off are we from parents clubs running the chapters or moms doing the work for the officers?

I'm not kidding.

[alum]

In old GC posts, PNMs were criticized for posting their stories because they were naive and revealed too much. I even vaguely recall comments insinuating that if a PNM (or even a girl who was just thinking about going through rush) was on GC, then she wasn't social enough to handle Greek Life if she was posting her rush/life story.

Now there are criticisms regarding the mothers (and the few dads) who post their kids' recruitment stories. From what I have heard, some of the GCers go out of their way to find out info on the posters and end up spoiling the girl's rush even if the girl's mom is a GC regular.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by alum

I even vaguely recall comments insinuating that if a PNM (or even a girl who was just thinking about going through rush) was on GC, then she wasn't social enough to handle Greek Life if she was posting her rush/life story.

Wanna provide a link to back that up?

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by alum

In old GC posts, PNMs were criticized for posting their stories because they were naive and revealed too much. I even vaguely recall comments insinuating that if a PNM (or even a girl who was just thinking about going through rush) was on GC, then she wasn't social enough to handle Greek Life if she was posting her rush/life story.

Now there are criticisms regarding the mothers (and the few dads) who post their kids' recruitment stories. From what I have heard, some of the GCers go out of their way to find out info on the posters and end up spoiling the girl's rush even if the girl's mom is a GC regular.

Alum,

I'm not seeing the criticism of the moms for posting the story. I'm seeing criticism for the level of involvement and control the parents seem to expect to have and their willingness to seek validation from strangers on the internet.

A daily phone call with the results of invites for mom to post: totally normal. I love to read the threads; I'm grateful that people post.

Multiple daily phone calls and a high level of investment in the actual groups and results (beyond legacy chapters and daughters overall feelings) from the mother: a little weird.

Think back to your own recruitment. Wouldn't it have been odd for your mother to share your experience with so many strangers particularly if you had results you felt bad about?

Just because a large segment of a generation of parents has decided to act a certain way doesn't make it a good idea, normal, or healthy. And some people feel like they see a trend in parenting right now that popping up here.

(I'm not talking about regular posters with children who we feel like we know. I think we are sincerely interested in how their kids do and how they feel about it. But if your total posts are under 10 in number, maybe you don't need to replay the conversation that you had with your daughter for us. Have more respect for her than that.)

[alum]

I definitely think that there are more helicopter parents than in the past. It could be because people are more affluent and wait longer to have kids. It could be attributed to the advent of IM, texting, even simple email. However, it is not an entirely new phenomenon. Remember Douglas MacArthur's mother resided at the Hotel Thayer on West Point for the entire 4 years he was a cadet.

I didn't really know any Southerners until I was in college and even then, very few. I did not go to a big state school where Greek Life was huge and rush was held before school started. Then as now, my GLO's magazine did spotlight various chapters across the country so I certainly was aware of the importance Greek Life played in different regions but at the same time, I knew those schools would not have been good fits for me.

Once I got married and moved to a southern state, I heard from the other LT wives and women from my GLO's alumnae association about how intensive the process could be.

3 things have not changed in the decades based on stories I heard:

According to these women who had undergone these uber-competitive rushes during my era, mothers set themselves up in hotels nearby the schools during this week.

There were girls of my generation who wanted a certain group at a certain college. They would pledge the organization where it was less competitive and then transfer.

Apparently other girls would double-enroll at 2 colleges just in case they didn't like their results at the first rush.

____

I think the upset mom who posted just wanted the anonymity. Perhaps she was too embarrassed to discuss this with her real-life friends especially if their daughters were also going through Auburn rush.

[UGAalum94]

I didn't know a single mom who stayed in town for recruitment. It may happen some places and at some strata of selectivity of groups, but even as a SEC/UGA alumna, that's foreign to me. And while I too have heard the stories about transfers and enrollment, I never knew one in real life. (I did hear one friend of a friend stories about a girl who when rush went bad at UGA just went home and didn't come back. I don't think it was that she wanted in a sorority that badly, but just like the mom who wondered about whether Auburn was the right choice, she thought that recruitment was a predictor of what the rest of the college would be like.)

I think that these stories, rather than being generally true are the overblown urban legends of southern Greek life. For every 1000 SEC PNMs who get bids, how many girls do you think drop out and transfer in a given year? I bet it's not even one.

While there may have always been helicopter parents, the difference is that many of them today believe that the rest of us should regard their behavior as normal, positive, and healthy when it's all the more likely to encourage dependence, self-centeredness, and narcissism in the kids. (I'm emphatically not saying that every mom posted recruitment thread is evidence of this, but maybe 5% of folks need to get a grip on reality and quit ruining their kids for real life.)

(And in that generation, don't you think people thought MacArthur's situation was weird? Would the world be a better place with more MacArthurs or would it be intolerable? I don't dispute he was a great man, but he's complicated.)

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by alum

I even vaguely recall comments insinuating that if a PNM (or even a girl who was just thinking about going through rush) was on GC, then she wasn't social enough to handle Greek Life if she was posting her rush/life story

I know what comment you're referring to, and I believe you've remembered it out of context.

I'm nearly positive the comment was made in speculation as to why it seemed like so many GC PNMs had unhappy recruitment outcomes. Someone ventured that it was because a woman who was more likely to be actively involved in an internet social scene (e.g. GC) would likely be more introverted or -- gasp -- even geeky when compared to a PNM who had no idea what an internet message board was.

This comment was made a number of years ago, before the explosion of Myspace, Facebook, everyone and their mom having a blog, etc. I can't say that speculation would have been totally off the mark for some PNMs a few years ago, but I think that's changed since 2002 or whenever. I don't think it's really fair to bring up that example now.