what's the funniest thing you've ever heard a drunk person say?

[White_Chocolate]

something else my little brother said once
we were at a barbecue in Texas
and it was night and everyone was drinking
my brother. . .obviously drunk. . .comes out on the deck
and says:

'i'm sweating like a pedophile at a playground'


no one could forget that line

[SATX*APhi]

Friday night, outside of the SAE house at UT-Austin, I asked this one drunk guy who had an Australian accent if he knew where the SAE house. I knew he was standing right in front of it, but we were messing w/him b/c of him being a bit incoherent. He told me he had no idea where the house was (although the dude was partying at it) so I asked him if he was greek. He gave me this funky look and was like, "Uhh, no, are you Canadian?!" He flicked me off and walked away. The dude thought I was making fun of his accent, when all I was doing was asking if he was in a fraternity. My sisters and I will laugh about that one until the day we die!!

[The1calledTKE]

My good friend Ivory once said these when drunk...

I went through guys like underwear.

I got more play than a Britney Spears song.



Funny stuff!

[moe.ron]

I had a 5 minutes debate with a fire hydrant once. Then went decided that I didn't want to go home and tried to get the mail box to take me home. That didn't work, so me and this girl walked back to the house and the whole time we had an argument about walking.

me: "we are waking too slow."
The Girl: "you mean walking too slow."
me: "yes, waking too slow"
the girl: "you said we are waking too slow."
me: "no i didn't, I said waking, not waking."
the girl: "Scudz, you are useless"
me: "well, so are you cause you wake too slow"

And of course, I tried to start a fight with a phone poll once because it look at me weird. (Long story)

[AXJules]

Originally posted by Arya


And of course, I tried to start a fight with a phone poll once because it look at me weird. (Long story)

LOL!!! One time I was at a New Year's party and watched a drunk get in a fight with a Christmas tree. We were all standing around in a circle and talking. He is like, looking over my shoulder and glaring, like something was pissing him off.
He goes, "Scuse me, ladies..."
RUNS up to the tree with like, fists flailing and yells "You like that, bitch? You wanna stare me down??

Um yeah. It was really funny b/c HE's the one that got all scratched up.

[lalaelon]

geez i was in the worst mood, then i read all of these! i'll post some of my better drunken moments:

~one night my friends and i were walking back from the frats and i run up to this huge trash can and go, "oh look, a jumprope!" and proceed to get in the trash can and try and jump....my friends were laughing SO hard but they took a pic of me, its great bc i'm holding my purse very delicately but my face shows how drunk i was! now everytime we pass that trash can on campus my friends are liike, "hey laura, why don't you go jump?"

~one of my good friends, carey, tends to get REALLY drunk and do crazy stuff. well one night, we were going somewhere, and he starts telling us this obscure story about the cycle of life. and then he finishes, after like 20 min of nonsense, by saying "and basically, the BOOB IS LIFE" (none of us understood this.) carey also once saw a rock on the ground and said, "if you don't shut up, i wlil take this rock and knock out your metaphorical teeth"

~my friend kylene LOVES goldschalger. one night she was a little intoxicated and we were all sitting around. she points to a bottle of vodka and goes, "this, is vodka" then puts it down. then she points to a bottle of rum and goes "this, is rum". then she picks up the almost empty bottle of goldschalger and goes, "this, is god"

~my best friends and i went to waffle house one night around 4am. picture this: waffle house, right off the highway, in NC....yeah pretty sketchy. well my girlfriends and i weren't druink at all, but the guys were. so we get there, and we start ordering our food. this guy jason asks the waiter for pancakes. my friend brandon, who had been totally silent until we got there, goes "you dumb asshole. they dont' have f*cking pancakes here. it's called the f*cking WAFFLE HOUSE for a reason you pathetic fool" then got quiet again. it was HILARIOUS


thats all i have for now...these are great though, i like this thread!

[sairose]

at a Pike party once, this VERY VERY drunk Pike came up to me and my friend Adelle and tried to hit on us, but he was so drunk it was hilarious. He was so drunk that he kept forgetting our names and calling us weird stuff. He somehow thought that Adelle's name was really Anal!!

[honeychile]

This might be a "you had to be there", but...

My girlfriend & I were driving home from a soccer game. To get from the game to our respective houses, we had to go over a bridge (this is in Pittsburgh, land of a million bridges!), through a tunnel, and on a fairly major highway. We were almost home when K (who was driving) turned to me and said:

K: "Did we go through the tunnel yet?"
Me: (looking around) "I don't know."
K: "Well, did we cross the bridge yet?"
Me: "I'm not sure" (pause) "Should you be driving?"
K: "I'm not driving - YOU are!"

[PhiMuJulia]

ok so a couple of the guys from jackass/cky are from west chester and one night my roomate was drunk and in wawa as was bam margera and ryan dunn(jackass guys) she points at bam and says "that guy lookls like a serial killer" he found it rather amusing

[AlphaFrog]

Ok so my friend's cousin goes to my college and she was at the bars when she ran out of money...she went over to use the ATM at a nearby bank.

She didn't come back for awhile so her friends went to check on her....she was in front of the ATM screaming "I won, I won!!!" everytime money came out...I guess she thought it was a slot machine!

[tinydancer]

So this dude keeps saying " Well, a guy with hair down to HERE (holding his hand to his other elbow) told me that, AND I BELIEVE IT!!!"

Boy, that was a blast from the past. I hadn't thought of that in years.

[AOX81]

"Us three, we make a great duo."

"Panty soup, panty soup" (to the tune of smelly cat) - such a long story!!

[tunatartare]

*bump*

I was really drunk one night, and my roommate came back from a bar with two of our friends. And one was this guy Bob that I've known for like a year and when he came in I was like "what's your name?" to him and he was like "you know my name" and I was like no I don't" so he told me his name was Bob and we all just sat and chilled in our common room and then about 5 minutes later I tried to "introduce" myself again to him, and I asked him what his name was and he was like "just call me Ray." So then my roommate was talking to him and she said something to him and she called him Bob and I got so confused and he goes to her "Masha is soo drunk" and in response to him I go "you think I'm drunk?! your name is Bob and you're telling people to call you Ray!!!"

[sairose]

Haha...

Well, I tend to say WEEEEEIRD stuff when I'm tipsy.

One night we were drinking in a friend's room before heading to the Pike party, and someone mentioned that this girl was gonna be there...and I happen to really dislike this girl. Don't wanna use her real name...let's call her Jane. So I look to my friend Jared and said, "Jared, can we just accidentally set Jane on fire?: What the crap was I thinking?!

Another time, while drunk, I was on the top bunk of a friend's bed eating a bag of microwave popcorn. I started pouring the popcorn all over the floor exclaiming, "I can make it snow! I HAVE THE POWER!!!!"

[TriDeltaGal]

sairose...thanks for making my GC night with your drunk stories. Those are hilarious!