The gender war: GC women against GC women?

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by winnieb
I am sure there are some offices where people pick up the slack for missing co-workers. I have never worked in one of those offices. My work sits there until I am there to do it. When my kids are home sick I take work home, and work from home. I have access to email and can get into our systems at the office. I always have my cell phone available too. I have never worked in a situation where some covered for me. Even when I go on a scheduled vaca, my work for an entire week will still be there when I return.

Maybe they mean in a retail-like setting?

Like you, unless it was a dire emergency, I've never had a job where people had to cover someone else's work when absent nor when I had to do the work of a co-worker who had to leave to care for a child.

[Munchkin03]

The thing that bothers me the most about a lot of female attitudes on GC about marriage/relationships is that so many young women define themselves by who they're dating, whether or not they're pinned/lavaliered/engaged/shacking or whatever. These things don't last forever, and when you're 19, you have to prepare yourself for the possibility that they won't happen at all.

I'm hardly anti-marriage or family--in fact, I intend to stay at home for at least a few years after mini-Munches. I just understand that things don't always go as we hope--and I have to prepare myself for that.

[BetteDavisEyes]

Originally posted by Munchkin03
The thing that bothers me the most about a lot of female attitudes on GC about marriage/relationships is that so many young women define themselves by who they're dating, whether or not they're pinned/lavaliered/engaged/shacking or whatever. These things don't last forever, and when you're 19, you have to prepare yourself for the possibility that they won't happen at all.

I'm hardly anti-marriage or family--in fact, I intend to stay at home for at least a few years after mini-Munches. I just understand that things don't always go as we hope--and I have to prepare myself for that.

100% true. As women, society has made many women believe that they are defined by their marital status & the # of children they have. This is patently ridiculous but still, women out there continue to believe it. Why else did I get the pitying questions from friends & relatives everytime they asked me When was Mike FINALLLY going to marry me? It's as if my identity was only half there until I marry him. I guess dating someone for 7 years is too extreme for some people. No one believes that I preferred to receive a college degree first & start a career before I would consider getting married.

Just be prepared Munchkin for the looks you might get from someone (mainly women) if you tell them (after you've had kids & are staying at home) that you are a stay at home mom. Women are criticized one way or the other. We're mocked if we choose to work over having kids & we're mocked if we choose to stay at home with them. People are just ignorant.

[blueangel]

I've got to disagree with a few statements here.

First of all, I've NEVER defined my self worth by a man. I've gotten out and done things, and have plenty to be proud of. I did those things on my own!

I'm not anti-marriage. I'm just anti-marriage when you settle for someone "just to get married.". I will not settle. Some of the loneliest women I know are married and in love-less relationships. They feel trapped.

There's a lot to be said for singlehood:

Freedom: I can come and go as I please. If I want to go to Club Med, I call up and make reservations and just go! If I'm hungry and want to bake brownies at 2am, I do it. I don't have to explain to anyone why I was out till 4 in the morning, and I don't have to ask permission to do it.

Me time: Since I'm single, my time is my own. I can decide what I want to do and when I want to do it. If I want to go swimming, I just go. If I want to go into New York City to see a show, I just go. No babysitters, no strings, no ties.

Finances: my money is mine. I don't have to worry about hubby running up the credit card at Home Depot and getting me into debt. I have invested my money, and I know where it is and what it's doing.

Of course, on the flip side-- a single income can make buying that dream-house very difficult. And, you still have to pay property taxes to educate everyone else's kids even though you don't have any of your own.

Because I'm single, I have time for lots of out-side activities. Besides my regular career as a broadcast journalist, I run a judo school on the side. I am active with my sorority alumnae chapter. I have volunteered with the Coast Guard and helmed a 60' USCG Icebreaker down the Hudson River! I crew on tall ships all around the world on my vacations. I travel. I ride horses and show.

Some of the big DIS-advantages of being single-- particularly when you get into your 30's and up, is that your friends start getting married on you. Your travel buddy can no longer go with you because she has a husband. You find you don't have much in common anymore. You can't relate to the 4 O'Clock feedings and to the ballet school recital. You find yourself growing further and further apart.

When you're sick, you have nobody to get you orange juice. The dogs have to be walked whether you have a 102 fever or not, and somebody has to make your meals. And guess what, that somebody is you!

And-- you become "the present lady." LOL! You are constantly buying presents for your friends' engagement parties, wedding showers, weddings, baby showers, christenings, first birthdays, first communions.. and on and on.

I WANT AN "I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED" PARTY!

There is also a lot to be said for having a husband and kids. Those of you who are married with kids can write about those. I do know that it can be a very fullfilling way of life. Maybe some day I'll find out... and maybe not. But either way, I'll be happy.

As far as picking up the slack at work-- oh yeah-- I do that all the time! As I mentioned, I'm in broadcast journalism. That is an IMMEDIATE media. If someone calls in because their kid is sick, I've got to scramble through the free-lance list and find coverage, or we'll have dead air.

Sometimes, I have to work a double shift (I'm on salary, and don't get overtime or comp time) because I couldn't find an available free-lancer.

And now I've got one person on maternity leave. We've had to turn things upside down for her because she does a weekly segment. We've got to cover her segment for several months, and that means some of our reporters are doing double duty.

Then of course, there are the constant phone calls to Muffy and Buffy, and Biff at home. "Hi Honey, did nanna wash your blankie?" "How was school? You got gum in your hair?" There is one woman I work with who is on the phone with her kids nearly every two hours. That takes time away from her work.

And moms-- PLEASE don't talk baby talk on the phone. I'm in a busy newsroom and can hear every conversation. It's not professional to hear, "Huwwoh my snoogie woogie baby. Mamma misses you. Did you make pee-pee on the potty?" <cringe!>

I'm not complaining.. it's just part of life. But, I did want to make it clear that single people often DO pick up the slack at work. AND-- both single and married people can be just as happy.

Remember... the grass is always greener.

[CougADPi]

Originally posted by 33girl
I was required to take Home Ec class in jr high, and I graduated well after 1954. At the same time the guys all had to take shop, which I would argue is much more useless than home ec. I don't see anything wrong with having a high school class for women AND men to teach the basics of cooking, mending etc. Not everyone has someone around to teach them that stuff, and it's scary how clueless some people are about the basics of running a home and taking care of yourself.

At my Jr. High we were required to take one quarter of Home Ec and one quarter of Shop...boys AND girls. I thought it was great. My school had a philosophy that everyone should be exposed to the entire educational process then they could make an informed decision for their future courses of study. (THe other two quarters were music/drama and art). While I didn't continue in either Home Ec or Shop I know people of both genders who continued in them. I'm not sure how many guys would have gone into Home Ec or girls into Shop if they hadn't had the mandatory exposure to it.

Ok, I don't know what my point was....sorry.
Edited because ISUKappa already said the same thing! That will teach me to read the whole thread before posting!

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974
Maybe they mean in a retail-like setting?

Like you, unless it was a dire emergency, I've never had a job where people had to cover someone else's work when absent nor when I had to do the work of a co-worker who had to leave to care for a child.

It happens with attorneys all the time. If you have to miss court, someone needs to handle your cases.

[Zillini]

I'm a SAHM and when I tell that to other women, I'm often made to feel like I need to explain myself. I usually get 2 types of responses: 1) You're so lucky to stay at home! Then it's either I'm lucky to be able to be home raising my kids or because they assume I'm sitting at home eating bonbons and getting pedicures. 2) Don't you miss working, doing something important, getting promotions, etc? You don't know me, you don't know my family situation. Why is it that women can be so harsh to one another rather than supportive?

FYI - I don't feel obligated to explain myself here, but I will anyways. Before my daughter was born I worked full time at a large national corporation in data processing/tech support. I had a comfortable income, good benefits and opportunities for career advancement. When I got pregnant I had no intention of being a SAHM. But when my daughter was born everything changed and it wasn't because of the maternal/nesting instinct kicking in, although there was some of that too.

Sadly, my daughter suffered complications at birth that resulted in severe brain damage and subsequent cerebral palsey. I won't go into detail of her various health problems that are related to this because I'd be typing for 2 days. Let's just say that no company would give me the time off, and often unforeseen, that's necessary to care for her when she has health flare ups. No daycare could handle her needs either and wouldn't want to try.

She also has problems sleeping at night (always has). Now she attends a special needs school, but I often use the time when she's at school to sleep. To add to our mix, we have a 5 year old son who I swear has so much energy, he makes up for his sister's lack of being mobile. My Hubby and I are also trying to provide him with as "normal" a childhood as possible.

My home is not spotless, far from it. But I've often heard women who don't know our story say that it must be. That I must have all the time in the world to cook, clean, shop, etc.

We didn't have a choice in the matter. Hubby remained working because his salary was larger and his benefits better. It was a huge financial adjustment losing my salary. We made a deal that I'd do all the nighttime stuff so that he could work. He helps out around the house as much as possible. Sometimes it's bringing home carryout, because I haven't had time to cook. Sometimes he'll send me to bed early and watch the kids because we know I may be up most of the night. It's all about teamwork, loving each other, and loving our kids no matter what.

So what's the point I'm getting at here? Don't assume anything about anyone else. Some women work because they want to, others because they have to. Just like some women stay at home because they want to and others have to. Always be supportive of anyone and the choices they made, because you may not know if there really was a choice or not. Whatever is right for you may not be for someone else.

[CarolinaCutie]

Originally posted by Munchkin03
The thing that bothers me the most about a lot of female attitudes on GC about marriage/relationships is that so many young women define themselves by who they're dating, whether or not they're pinned/lavaliered/engaged/shacking or whatever. These things don't last forever, and when you're 19, you have to prepare yourself for the possibility that they won't happen at all.

I'm hardly anti-marriage or family--in fact, I intend to stay at home for at least a few years after mini-Munches. I just understand that things don't always go as we hope--and I have to prepare myself for that.

I definitely agree with this.

I also just wanted to throw in here that I love Family and Consumer Sciences (the PC term for Home Economics) and plan to teach it after I graduate. Most people who major in FCS are NOT training to be housewives; there are a wide variety of jobs these students can fill.

[honeychile]

Munchkin, CarolinaCutie, Zillini, and probably several others whose posts I didn't see - you have the right idea!

The whole concept of the women's movement was to have the choice to work, stay at home, or do both. The movie 9 to 5 goes into these options in a great, albeit antiquated way.

Marriage is a union, a partnership - not the benevolent dictatorship depicted in shows like Father Knows Best. As Lincoln (and the Bible) say, "a house divided against itself cannot stand." That's why it's so important to get those issues settled before you even consider getting married.

I was never so lonely as when I was married. I will not marry again unless it's certain it's going to be a union of two, not a fairy tale of one.

[AGDee]

Originally posted by honeychile

I was never so lonely as when I was married. I will not marry again unless it's certain it's going to be a union of two, not a fairy tale of one.

Ditto. I may borrow that quote sometime!

[aggieAXO]

Originally posted by valkyrie
It happens with attorneys all the time. If you have to miss court, someone needs to handle your cases.

And in medicine, sick people/animals can't wait.

[starang21]

Originally posted by sugar and spice
Okay, I guess this just goes over my head. Do you get confused really easily? Do you ever go to a restaurant and say, "There should only be one thing on the menu, I can't handle the fact that I can pick from 26 different entrees"?

lol, ouch. this is par for the course, though

[ZTAMich]

http://www.tshirthell.com/

By choice of course....

[kddani]

Hey ZTAMich:

[ZTAMich]

^Hilarious LoVE THEM!

Abercrombie had one that was lawyer themed and said "You've been served" LOL