Pregnant Pledge

[FirstAndFinest]

Originally posted by HelloKitty22
Being a drug addict or a prostitute are both illegal

Being an addict is not illegal. Possession and sales of non-prescription drugs might be illegal, but addiction is a disease. If Suzy's disease is active, she probably won't go thru recruitment. If she is in recovery, the topic of addiction probably won't even come up.

[aephi alum]

Interesting thread.

KDLady, what a cutie!

My chapter has never had a pregnant new member or active sister, to my knowledge, but I wouldn't have a problem with it... IF the woman were able to fulfill all her obligations to her baby, her academic program, and the sorority. Caring for a small child is a lot of work, and so is being a full-time student, and being in a sorority isn't exactly a zero time commitment either... so that's a pretty big if.

A friend of mine is a single parent and was attending my school while raising a little girl. The father was nowhere in sight. I saw what she went through, scrambling to arrange for day care, finding a babysitter so she could go out once in a while, etc. It got a little easier when her little girl started kindergarten. Still, she was crazy busy; with her academic program and her child (and no father helping out or family in the area), she didn't have time to breathe, much less join a sorority.

Anyway... all this is reminding me of something that happened at my alma mater early in the 20th century. There were only a handful of female students at the time. One young married student became pregnant. The powers-that-were demanded that she drop out of college until she had had the baby (even though she was not due to give birth until after the end of the semester). She refused. After a lot of back-and-forth, they agreed that she could stay in school but she was only allowed to take one class. She chose one of the hardest subjects from her program, and since it was the only class she was focusing on, she completely blew the curve and got one of the highest grades in the class. So that was the end of that policy.

[Little E]

I think we need to trust women to decide for themselves BEFORE they rush, if they honestly believe that they could do it. We let RAs rush, and they can have 50 freshman to take care of, I know its not the same but that RA who is also in a sport and a sorority has just as little time as a mother. I'm not saying all women who are mothers should join, I'm just saying if they can care for a baby, they should be able to manage their time. I also realize that some may get in over their heads not realizing what it means until that baby is really there.

I do wonder if sorority membership can help women with post-partum depression...

KDLady- your son is so cute!!

[kddani]

there are a lot of women out there who have kids and can't handle them as it is. Having a kid doesn't automatically grant you a large amount of common sense...

[sigmajill]

i just wanted to say that if being a mother had anything to do with being in a sorority, it would be that at least you would know that the PNM was responsible. I was initiated 2 years ago and at that time, my daughter was 2. It is not only possible but easy(for me anyway) to be a good single mother, a full-time college student, a good employee, and an excellent sister(I am now the tresurer). I do understand that this isnt possible for everyone but a woman shouldn't be jugded on how good of a member she will be just because she is a mother. All of my sisters love my daughter and there has never been a time that she and I weren't accepted fully. They even make letter shirts for her and they all call her thier neice. What a wonderful oppurtunity to not only watch one of your own legacies grow up, but to teach her all that is important about your sisterhood. My daughter, at four, knows 2 of our sorority songs. my point is that you really shouldn't judge a pnm for that because she turn out to be one of your most devoted members.

[kddani]

Originally posted by sigmajill
i just wanted to say that if being a mother had anything to do with being in a sorority, it would be that at least you would know that the PNM was responsible.

While you may be, and many women may be, there are many women who are NOT responsible mothers.

[sigmajill]

yes and those are the ones that usually dont end up going to college, much less gradulating high school.

[kddani]

Originally posted by sigmajill
yes and those are the ones that usually dont end up going to college, much less gradulating high school.

Not necessarily. You're making quite a few absolute generalizations. A woman's level of education does not reflect on how responsible you are or how well you can raise a child.

There's also an argument (not saying that I necessarily support it or whatnot) that getting pregnant out of wedlock to begin with shows a lack of responsibility.

[texas*princess]

Originally posted by sigmajill
yes and those are the ones that usually dont end up going to college, much less gradulating high school.

that's a huge generalization.

i'm pretty sure there are some people out there who have graduated high school or even college and ended up being not the best of mothers. like kddani said, huge generalization & the level of education does not equal being a good or bad parent.

[sigmajill]

while that may be true, I do belive that it shows how responsible a girl is when she goes to school full-time, works, makes excellent grades, etc while she has a child that she takes care of by herself. Having a child may end up being what makes her a responsible adult in the long run. My point before was that there probably arent going to be many girls who rush when they have a child if they arent responsible and dont think that they can handle being in a soroity and if they arent responsible then what are the chances that they come to college anyway...

i never said that your eduaction level had anything to do with being a good mother...just that i have never heard of a girl who was an all around student who was a bad mother...

Then again i could be wrong....it happens

[Little E]

Originally posted by sigmajill
i just wanted to say that if being a mother had anything to do with being in a sorority, it would be that at least you would know that the PNM was responsible. I was initiated 2 years ago and at that time, my daughter was 2. It is not only possible but easy(for me anyway) to be a good single mother, a full-time college student, a good employee, and an excellent sister(I am now the tresurer). I do understand that this isnt possible for everyone but a woman shouldn't be jugded on how good of a member she will be just because she is a mother. All of my sisters love my daughter and there has never been a time that she and I weren't accepted fully. They even make letter shirts for her and they all call her thier neice. What a wonderful oppurtunity to not only watch one of your own legacies grow up, but to teach her all that is important about your sisterhood. My daughter, at four, knows 2 of our sorority songs. my point is that you really shouldn't judge a pnm for that because she turn out to be one of your most devoted members.

I just think that women like sigmajill should be given a chance at sisterhood and sorority life. Not all women can handle it, but why catagorically deny the ones who can based on the actions of a few.

[adpiucf]

I don't remember running into this situation as a collegian or an adviser, but it is certainly one way to stand out at recruitment-- which could be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on the school and how conservative/liberal the students are.

There certainly were women who became pregnant when they were fully initiated members, but at my school, those ladies became alumnae or cancelled their memberships-- they left the chapter to get married and/or have their babies and didn't return to active membership.

I think it depends on the culture of the Greek System and university. A young mom could be a very good sorority sister. She'd probably be the one that came to the weekly meeting and did a lot of community service activities, and a social here or there... rather than someone who would be in a time-consuming leadership role or the life of the party at every social. Or not.

My friends with small children and babies do a lot of juggling and need their "me" time. So I would guess a sorority could fulfill those needs.

However, for me personally, if I was in that situation, I don't know that I as a new mom could relate to the hormones-raging traditional college activities-- and would probably only come around for the tamer sisterhood events. Also, coming from a traditional conservative campus, I don't think my Greek System when I was a student would give an obviously pregnant PNM a very competitive recruitment-- however, if the woman became pregnant as a member, I could certainly see her sisters being supportive and encouraging of her to keep her ties to the chapter (but perhaps not so much from the local advisers!)

[roqueemae]

Originally posted by ladypi
cynical, that is exactly what happens with girls who got pregnant in my sorority at my school. Everyone was very supportive and were even bridesmaids in their weddings, but they bowed out gracefully. I honestly NEVER even saw pregnant girls around my campus, a large southern school.

I am going to ditto this one.

We had several of these situations this year. The girls now show up as alumnae to Homecoming and other large events with their children.

Originally posted by kddani
Not necessarily. You're making quite a few absolute generalizations. A woman's level of education does not reflect on how responsible you are or how well you can raise a child.

There's also an argument (not saying that I necessarily support it or whatnot) that getting pregnant out of wedlock to begin with shows a lack of responsibility.

I have to comment on some of this...first of all...
I believe that if your determined to do something..you can! There are a lot of mothers out there...younger and older that can be great mothers or they can be total deadbeats!
I know girls that have gotten pregnant and had babies before their sixteenth birthday and were better moms to their babies that some older mothers in their 20's & up...
Its very true that the education level has NOTHING to do with how well you raise your baby...
As far as getting pregnant out of wedlock...NOBODY can control that unless they chose to be irresponsible and not use any protection or birth control...thats what makes a person irresponsible! I was on the BC patch not to metion my fiance used protection and obviously the man upstairs wanted me to have a precious gift of life!
I believe that what makes a woman responsible is putting her baby first before anything and actually raising her child instead of passing it off on someone else and if the time permits her to be an active member of a sorority then good for her! I know if it was me back before I pledged Kappa Delta and found out that I was pregnant..I probably wouldnt be a proud KD today! Being a responsible mother is a very hard job and I know it takes all my time up! I am not very active with KD at all but when PJ gets old enough for me to trust his father with him them maybe I can devote some time to the local AA...

[futuregreek]

somebody said: "I think, for me, this would be the issue. If i were in an undergraduate chapter how are 18, 19 and 20 years olds who are at college to get an education suppose to relate to someone who has a baby and has to deal with (ie illness, other stuff). "
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just curious, let's say a PNM had a serious illness...just because others can't relate to that, does that make her less of a candidate?