Recession Proof Dating? Is there such a thing?

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by AGDee

See, that's the whole thing. For me, it's EASIER to do it on my own... so much easier than dealing with "him" on a daily basis. Of course, he's as dedicated a father as he is capable of and we do have 50-50 custody so my kids firmly have two active and involved parents. Plus, I get the "alone time" that I so badly need.

I do think that two marriages was enough and I can't imagine doing it again. I think I've lost all credibility with saying those vows! I ascribe to the notion that I would do best in a long term relationship with His and Hers houses right next door to each other! That would suit me fine.

Dee, it's safe to say that the next guy that comes along will have to be used to the role of long term boyfriend and respect your independence.
What happens if time goes by and they want more?

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by AGDee

See, that's the whole thing. For me, it's EASIER to do it on my own... so much easier than dealing with "him" on a daily basis. Of course, he's as dedicated a father as he is capable of and we do have 50-50 custody so my kids firmly have two active and involved parents. Plus, I get the "alone time" that I so badly need.

I do think that two marriages was enough and I can't imagine doing it again. I think I've lost all credibility with saying those vows! I ascribe to the notion that I would do best in a long term relationship with His and Hers houses right next door to each other! That would suit me fine.

Breathe!!! Talk about EASY!!! I can see how devoted you are... And hey, be devoted to some who appreciates it--YOURSELF!!!

Do you think it is a matter of "credibility"? Pardon me if I am overreaching here, but you have boundaries and space that you hold dear and are important to you. Apparently, it sounds like your relationships just did not respect that aspect about you!!!

So, if I may, can your next love gain your respect and for your boundaries?

His and her houses might be one way, but is that realistic?

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Breathe!!! Talk about EASY!!! I can see how devoted you are... And hey, be devoted to some who appreciates it--YOURSELF!!!

Do you think it a matter of "credibility"? Pardon me if I am overreaching here, but you have boundaries and space that you hold dear and are important to you. Apparently, it sounds like your relationships just did not respect that aspect about you!!!

So, if I may, can your next love gain your respect and for your boundaries?

His and her houses might be one way, but is that realistic?

Hey...if Oprah and Stedman can do it...LOL


Saying it as she did, she needs a man who is strong enough to be her man and let her stand on her own two an without the pressure of marriage.

I applaud her for that.

Too many times you see people who are still married and miserable but stay just to go through the motions of trying to do as society has them do as a married couple but at least she is honest about how she feels about the institution.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Hey...if Oprah and Stedman can do it...LOL


Saying it as she did, she needs a man who is strong enough to be her man and let her stand on her own two an without the pressure of marriage.

I applaud her for that.

Too many times you see people who are still married and miserable but stay just to go through the motions of trying to do as society has them do as a married couple but at least she is honest about how she feels about the institution.

Well IDK about Dee's situation with the two housed marriage? Whatever her answer is, I wish her the best!

Yeah, there are people who go through the motions. But those of us who are married, like me, meant what we vowed to do--even in a court of law. Not saying anything what Dee's situation currently is, just saying, all of us do have to go into the marriage KNOWING key things about ourselves and putting them on the table...

Her's was her independence and space... I think a woman who can hold her own like that, is like wow!!!

My issue was my insecurity and fear of losing my husband... They say that 3 days doesn't change a person... Well, after being trained with hospice care--3 days lasts a lifetime... When questioned about my own death, the last "thing" I was "willing" to give up... It was my husband... But for my own selfish reasons. So many times I was willing to give up all kinds of things, especially my life--when I saw the reality of it, in the tiny exercise in hospice care training, just for being a volunteer!!! I am not afraid of my losses--I am more afraid of loved one's loss of me!!!

IDK how I made that connection with my husband? But I must say I love him holistically... And I hope everyone has what I have and if I lose that, I am glad I had that experience and if alive, I will move forward... That's when I speak to Dee and ask, help me?

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Hey...if Oprah and Stedman can do it...LOL


Saying it as she did, she needs a man who is strong enough to be her man and let her stand on her own two an without the pressure of marriage.

I applaud her for that.

Too many times you see people who are still married and miserable but stay just to go through the motions of trying to do as society has them do as a married couple but at least she is honest about how she feels about the institution.

Pretty much that is where I am. What I plan to do for a living requires me to be in remote places for extended periods of time, often forming friendships with people of the opposite sex and being in close quarters with them. If a man doesn't trust me or respect my independence, he isn't going to be my man. That was a huge reason why my engagement ended, he couldn't handle me being gone and since we were together all the time before that the jealousy and controlling behavior never showed itself.

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I do think that two marriages was enough and I can't imagine doing it again. I think I've lost all credibility with saying those vows!.

My aunt has for quite some time been happily married to husband number 4.

It can and does happen.

On the opposite side of that, a few years ago, I was sitting in on a deposition and came to find out that our client was on husband number NINE. She's still married, btw. Good luck whatever you do. You may be someone who is happier on their own. That's great if you know yourself that well. That really cuts down on the fights and such.

[nittanyalum]

Wow, this thread took a turn somewhere - I didn't click in for a long time because of the "dating" title, but then I glance through and it turned into a singles vs. married thread! Reminded me of that SATC episode. I don't know, folks, all I got out of this so far is some of you need to get better friends and some need better taste in men. I know a whole bunch of happy, fun, cool married folks and some really miserable, lonely single folks. And just for the record, we don't find those single folks all that fun to go out with either, all they do is complain about their last boy/girlfriend, how they can't find a boy/girlfriend, how there are no good men/women left, etc. See? Turnabout's fair play, right?

[nikki1920]

AGDee: thanks for the flipside of the Marriage. I want to know the good and the bad. I know every relationship is different and has its own issues, so thank you and *applause* for sharing your experiences.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

Pretty much that is where I am. What I plan to do for a living requires me to be in remote places for extended periods of time, often forming friendships with people of the opposite sex and being in close quarters with them. If a man doesn't trust me or respect my independence, he isn't going to be my man. That was a huge reason why my engagement ended, he couldn't handle me being gone and since we were together all the time before that the jealousy and controlling behavior never showed itself.

Maybe it's not so much of controlling behavior as it is fear or a need to fill in the emptiness.

That's is another problem with us as humans and not just men. Your mate will be gone for extended periods and around the opposite sex. How does one cope with that unless both of your careers parallel causing the both of you to do the same. I think, and I could be wrong, this may be a part of why some military marriages either succeed or fail based on who gets left behind and how they cope with it.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

Wow, this thread took a turn somewhere - I didn't click in for a long time because of the "dating" title, but then I glance through and it turned into a singles vs. married thread! Reminded me of that SATC episode. I don't know, folks, all I got out of this so far is some of you need to get better friends and some need better taste in men. I know a whole bunch of happy, fun, cool married folks and some really miserable, lonely single folks. And just for the record, we don't find those single folks all that fun to go out with either, all they do is complain about their last boy/girlfriend, how they can't find a boy/girlfriend, how there are no good men/women left, etc. See? Turnabout's fair play, right?

I think you're right. Obviously, because there is at least one married couple that I enjoy hanging out with. And I definitely have some miserable single friends.

I guess that's my silver lining for moving away to Chicago and putting 8 hours between me and these friends.

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

Wow, this thread took a turn somewhere - I didn't click in for a long time because of the "dating" title, but then I glance through and it turned into a singles vs. married thread! Reminded me of that SATC episode. I don't know, folks, all I got out of this so far is some of you need to get better friends and some need better taste in men. I know a whole bunch of happy, fun, cool married folks and some really miserable, lonely single folks. And just for the record, we don't find those single folks all that fun to go out with either, all they do is complain about their last boy/girlfriend, how they can't find a boy/girlfriend, how there are no good men/women left, etc. See? Turnabout's fair play, right?

Exactly! It definitely works both ways - I think the people who constantly talk about their courtships are generally the people who constantly talk about themselves anyway; more of a "self-absorbed" thing than a marriage thing.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by KSigkid

Exactly! It definitely works both ways - I think the people who constantly talk about their courtships are generally the people who constantly talk about themselves anyway; more of a "self-absorbed" thing than a marriage thing.

And! These will be the same people who talk about their kids all the time.

I think a lot of it comes down to not having much of a life outside of the relationship. You don't have a lot of other things to talk about; ergo, you talk about the relationship all the time. I have a few friends--single and married--who are guilty of this.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I think a lot of it comes down to not having much of a life outside of the relationship. You don't have a lot of other things to talk about; ergo, you talk about the relationship all the time. I have a few friends--single and married--who are guilty of this.

Yep. And like you said, they're the heli-moms of our future.

First they have nothing to talk about except wedding, then they have nothing to talk about except hubby, then kids, then it's their kid's ACTIVITIES they become obsessed with because well, there's nothing left.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Maybe it's not so much of controlling behavior as it is fear or a need to fill in the emptiness.

That's is another problem with us as humans and not just men. Your mate will be gone for extended periods and around the opposite sex. How does one cope with that unless both of your careers parallel causing the both of you to do the same. I think, and I could be wrong, this may be a part of why some military marriages either succeed or fail based on who gets left behind and how they cope with it.

Well he had considered going into the military, which actually would have worked out well. He got scary mean and controlling, and I think he resented me for being the reason he was in a small town (though I would have been done with my career change education if I hadn't supported him through graduate school). He did and said a lot of things within a week of me going to the field that were huge red flags, and I am glad I got out.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I ascribe to the notion that I would do best in a long term relationship with His and Hers houses right next door to each other! That would suit me fine.

As much as I would love to have a husband one day, that sounds really appealing. I have always said that there would be "our" room and "my" room. It could be a study, a sunroom, a walk-in closet, whatever, but I need one enclosed space where I can have me-time. I have always been horrible at sharing and true love probably won't change that.


I love doing free things on dates, so the quality of my recent dates have been awesome. Walking on the beach, watching sunsets over the bay....priceless (literally). I don't think the economy's even really hit me that hard...I'm a student so I was poor before things went south.