Disappointed mom

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

It depends...ever heard of Momzillas? In some areas of the country, it's sororities. Others, it's sports like cheerleading, gymnastics, and figure-skating.

My mom coached cheerleading in the fast, so I do kind of understand this. She dealt with Momzillas on a fairly regular basis.

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

For some mothers, THIS IS THEIR HARVARD. In some circles, what sorority you joined at Fillintheblank U. dictates what their friends are going to be like, who they marry, and what their lives will be like as adults. I'm not saying that this is right, but this mentality is very real.

I see.

[MaggieXi]

I preface this by saying I have limited knowledge to know or understand what it must be like for someone who is going through recruitment in the highly competitive universities in the south. However, that being said, if the OP knew where the daughter was going to school, knew she was going through recruitment, knew or had a reasonable belief that this could be the outcome, why didn't the OP do everything in her power to prepare her daughter for recruitment? And/or prepare herself (the OP) for this type of outcome?
I'm not talking about buying new clothes, or wearing make-up or getting nails done, I'm talking about investing in a little panhellenic spirit and education.

BTW - if I were OP's daughter and stumbled upon this thread I would be mortified and furious! Even worse would be if someone from OP's daughter's new chapter were to find this and confront her about it.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

This is why I said the crucial qualifier, "in some circles ."

I just didn't want people to take away that it was the most socially prominent circles. It's the circles that still need a whole lot of external validation who are most bummed.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

BTW - if I were OP's daughter and stumbled upon this thread I would be mortified and furious! Even worse would be if someone from OP's daughter's new chapter were to find this and confront her about it.

Seriously. If I found out that my mom were that concerned about the sorority I joined, I'd be mortified.

[exlurker]

UGalum94 and Munchkin03, well said!

[kapsigcub]

Elaborate Scenario Troll

[Bamamom13]

I do live in the south and know that people have this prevailing attitude. But, I, for one, just want my daughter to be happy. My daughter had a terrible rush her freshman year and withdrew. I was not embarrassed. I was very proud of the way she picked herself up, had a great freshman year and rerushed at a very competitive school and had a great rush the second go round. It was all her doing and that is as it should be. I agree that if the OP's daughter found this thread, she would be mortified, but, how many other girls could possibly think that this is their mom? By this mom putting her feelings in an open forum, many other daughters may get hurt feelings.

[NutBrnHair]

Seriously, I'm changing my signature right now. Certainly I can understand a PNM (and mother) wanting to be a member of a group which is perceived as "successful," but really...if your daughter is happy -- that is ALL that matters.

As a parent, if I thought my friends were looking down on my daughter's choice of sorority, I would be bold and firm in my statements of how happy she is and how great it all is.

[ellebud]

The OP is not a troll. I have an acquaintance who's daughter just finished rushing at a fairly noncompetitive western campus. The daughter decided to rush at the last minute so she didn't have any recs nor did she have the "right" clothes. (For Pref she wore a dress that her much older mother had picked out for a "good" occasion...it had a huge bow in the back and the girl isn't skinny.)

The pnm is now a pledge at a house (Yeah for her!). MY acquaintance was hysterical because her daughter was with "nerds". Equally, if not more upsetting for the mother was the fact that one of her daughter's ex best friends got into the "best" house. (The fact that in the dictionary under "nerd" is the mom's high school picture is beside the point.) I tried talking to the mom...but she is simply too upset.

The girl's reaction? "Mom, some of us may have pimples, some of us need to lose weight...but we're nice girls. And I am happy."

And, if anyone doubts the school/sorority story, pm me and if you really need to know, I'll tell you the school and the house.

[CougarGrad]

Originally Posted by ellebud

The girl's reaction? "Mom, some of us may have pimples, some of us need to lose weight...but we're nice girls. And I am happy."

Bravo for her! If she feels good where she is, that's what matters.

This is pathetic. My sorority is one of the smaller ones on campus and I LOVE IT. You actually know all of your sisters. Can you imagine being shy and being dropped into a house with a lot of girls? When your shy that isn't something you want. Speaking from experience starting with a smaller group of people made my adjustment to campus life a million times better and then I started to branch out. Let your daughter make her own choices because she is the only one who has a say whether or not she made the right decision!

[ZTAMich]

Originally Posted by sail100

I have received some very kind PM's, and for that I am grateful. They have given me some things to think about and have put some issues in perspective.

And yet none of those people are here in this thread to offer any kind words. Fishy.

[violetpretty]

I understand that there is intense pressure in the South to be in the "right" group, but I can't Sure, the OP could very well be a troll (she's even received PMs from people who agree with her!), but even if she is, there probably are mothers and daughters who have been in the same situation.

Actually, I take that "probably" back. I have heard of a specific situation like this. Daughter goes through recruitment, only has one chapter at pref (bottom, struggling chapter), and ranks it because she likes it. Daughter gets a bid. Mother goes nuts, gets angry at the members of the chapter and Panhellenic for "tricking" her daughter into joining such an inferior group. In fact, the mother gets so angry that she threatens to stop paying for her daughter's tuition if she does not depledge the group. So, the daughter does depledge and joins a "top" group the following year via in-house legacy status. Apparently she dove right in during her new member period and became very active, but I wonder if she actually fit in there.

Ignoring the un-panhellenic-ness or even the sorority context of the situation, the most disgusting aspect of the OP's post is that she can't be happy when her daughter is happy. That she would ask her daughter to give up her happiness to appease her mother who is dependent on others for self-gratification. The OP basically has said that she thinks that the others in her life are more important than her daughter. It's a totally different situation than a mom being upset alongside her daughter because she did not get the chapter she wanted.

Mom, I have news for you. Membership in any NPC sorority provides opportunities for personal growth and great memories, no matter the tier or the social climate. Membership is what you make of it.

[kappalove17]

Wow...I think people need to be nicer. She's not the worst mom in the world. Bad moms don't care. This woman clearly does care, maybe a little TOO much. Since I am originally from the south, I can understand the situation. Luckily I go to school elsewhere and didn't have to deal with quite so much pressure. I can honestly understand being embarrassed, but only because, lets face it- we ALL think our sorority is the best. If I had a daughter and the kappa chapter at her school cut her, I would be heartbroken too. I think this mom means well, but is having a little trouble letting go. And maybe she is concerned because she knows her daughter well and thinks she would be better off elsewhere. If this girl were really socially awkward, I dont know that any mom would pressure them to join a sorority...

to the OP: A family friend's daughter went through recruitment at FSU this year, and we thought she'd have an easy time. She's smart, adorable, athletic, and very funny. She's a legacy to a top notch sorority on campus, and she had recs to several of the chapters as well.

I was shocked to find out that she had been dropped by almost all chapters by the first couple days, and only preffed one. The sorority is probably what most would call one of the more "unpopular" sororities on campus, and we were all very disappointed for her- until we saw how much she loved this group of girls. She is having a great time, and has absolutely no fear wearing letters and telling everyone of her pride to her sorority. It may not be what we wanted for her, but it ended up being the perfect fit. So if you feel its your duty to make sure she knows the commitment she's making, I'm all for that!! Not enough people realize when they initiate into a sorority, its for life. But if she seems satisfied with her choice, the only thing you can do is be happy for her. And when your friends ask what she joined, DO NOT lie or avoid the subject...just tell them how much she's enjoying herself.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by kappalove17

Wow...I think people need to be nicer.

I'm just going to chuckle at the impending comments you'll get for this.

Originally Posted by kappalove17

She's not the worst mom in the world. Bad moms don't care. This woman clearly does care, maybe a little TOO much.

That's your opinion. I think overinvolvement and trying to live vicariously can be just as damaging as moms who "don't care", just in very different ways.

Originally Posted by kappalove17

I was shocked to find out that she had been dropped by almost all chapters by the first couple days, and only preffed one. The sorority is probably what most would call one of the more "unpopular" sororities on campus, and we were all very disappointed for her- until we saw how much she loved this group of girls. She is having a great time, and has absolutely no fear wearing letters and telling everyone of her pride to her sorority.

Unlike the OP, you decided that you could be happy for this girl when you saw that she was happy. That's how it should be.