Courthouse Ceremony then "Real" Wedding?

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by 33girl

He's going to be deployed. That makes things a little different. It's not like he is going on an extended business trip and leaving her at home - or like they are eloping - he's going to fricking WAR. I'm sure that carnation and DeltAlum can think of LOTS of situations during Vietnam that were similar.

I think that the "only papers" comment is being blown out of proportion - I'm sure I would say things that weren't spot on perfect too, if I were going into a situation like he is.

What christiangirl described sounds perfect. Just put on your invite "SthrnZta & SthrnZta sweetie invite you to a celebration of love as they renew their wedding vows." I would NOT hide or cover it up the fact that legally speaking, you are man and wife.

We don't plan on hiding the civil ceremony from our guests, but we don't plan on advertising it either. If someone asks, I'm not going to lie about it and have family or friends mad at me for lying. We understand that we will be legally married and I will call him my husband, but both of us are Christians and want to be also married before God - we are choosing to have two ceremonies in order to do this and are sharing our religious ceremony with the majority of our guests - we will most likely have both of our parents at the civil ceremony and my MOH would also like to attend.

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

I'm not sure I understand why so many people feel this is an either/or situation. Why can't you want a big white wedding and a marriage??

My husband isn't in the military, but for us, honestly, the paperwork was just that - paperwork. It was necessary, official stuff, but hardly anything exciting or emotionally meaningful. The wedding was a party we put on for our family and friends, telling them they were all stuck with the two of us being together. The marriage itself (our commitment to one another and our life together) is really essentially unrelated to either the paperwork or the wedding - those were just outward signs of it, one boring and one fun.

Originally Posted by AGDee

After all the debates in the gay marriage thread, it's clear that some marriages are civil unions and some are religious covenants. It seems to me like they are considering the courthouse ceremony a civil union and the ceremony to follow as the religious covenant.

Yes, exactly. Thank you!

[lilzetakitten]

I'm with DSTRen on this. I know a lot of people (myself included!) see the church ceremony as the actual beginning of the marriage, and the civil part as just paperwork that's neccessary to be married. I know that when I started Pre-Cana, our priest told us that we had to remember to bring the marriage license because he could be put in prison for not doing the legal aspect.

The paperwork really is just paperwork to some people, and the religious ceremony (or the ceremony in front of friends and family) is when the marriage actually begins.

GL with whatever you chose, SthrnZeta!!

[SthrnZeta]

Just an update - we talked at length about it (as much as you can on a satellite phone) and decided ultimately we'd like to be more traditional so the courthouse wedding is off! The big day is 9-6-09 (booked the venues today). Thanks for all the support though, it gave me a lot to think about and I appreciated everyone's opinions. {{{GC}}}

[KSUViolet06]

Glad to know you figured something out that works for both of you. How does this work out in terms of heath insurance and what not (I know that was something that you were concerned about)?

[SthrnZeta]

J gets out of the Army officially in April and will be home in January so it's not like we'd have those benefits for very long anyway. Ultimately we decided that maybe getting married for strictly financial reasons wasn't such a good idea (I mean, duh, we're in love with each other, not each other's bank accounts and benefits) and his parents really wanted us to follow a more traditional path. In the end, I think we'll be happier with this scenario

[alum]

No stop-loss for his branch?

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by alum

No stop-loss for his branch?

Having just come home in January with an ETS date 3 months later in April, I don't see how they'd stop-loss him... ArmyWife, correct me if I'm wrong.

[Army Wife'79]

My 2 phrases for Army life are:
"Never say never" and "the truth changes". So, what is factual today may not be factual tomorrow or next April. Military life is very fluid and changes constantly, which can drive a person totally bonkers. Don't stress over it. Just live day to day and when he takes off his uniform you will know he's out. Until then, keep in the back of your head that nothing is certain until he has that form in his hand and drives off Post.
(I know guys who were set to retire, took post retirement jobs, then were not allowed to retire).