Pre nuptual Agreement...?

[DaemonSeid]

Had an interesting call over the weekend.

My cousin called to give good news....her boyfriend of 5 years finally proposed to her and she accepted.

We are all happy for them of course and she is excited but then, she tells me that he brought up the question of getting a pre nuptual agreement.

Here is the twist on it.

- She is making more money that he is, which he has no problems with.

- His idea is that the pre nup should be good for 5 years and if thier marriage survives beyond that, let the agreement dissolve.

his ideology is that he want's to do this to protect her just in case something happens. They are an otherwise happy couple with no hang ups and 2 wonderful kids but he acknowledges how marriage changes people and God forbid if something happened and they divorce, it could get really bad.

One of thier other friends that we all know had a really ugly divorce after only 4 years but had been together for 10 and as far as we know are still fighting over property.

I told her, I think it may be a good idea...I especially like the part of it not being a long lasting agreement and I told her if that is his way of thinking, I don't think he is being selfish but in a way, pragmatic about the situation and perhaps should at least look into it.

Any thoughts or opinions?

[nikki1920]

I say go for it.

[AlphaFrog]

Honestly, I see the practicality of a pre-nup...especially in situations where one person is making significantly more than the other person, BUT if you go into a marriage that cynical, or with an easy "out" it doesn't bode well for the marriage. I went into my marriage with the expectation that it was going to be difficult, but lasting. I knew that marriage is not easy or magic, but hard work, and worth it. There are times when I'd love to strangle my husband, but I still wouldn't trade him for anything. I might feel different if millions of dollars were involved, but I still doubt it.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Honestly, I see the practicality of a pre-nup...especially in situations where one person is making significantly more than the other person, BUT if you go into a marriage that cynical, or with an easy "out" it doesn't bode well for the marriage. I went into my marriage with the expectation that it was going to be difficult, but lasting. I knew that marriage is not easy or magic, but hard work, and worth it. There are times when I'd love to strangle my husband, but I still wouldn't trade him for anything. I might feel different if millions of dollars were involved, but I still doubt it.

that's the thing...she does have a lot more than he does and owns 2 peices of property.

I met him and he is a really likeable guy and just trying to right himself in the world.....I personally think they would last but....you never know

[PhoenixAzul]

If they're planning on getting married in the Catholic church (dunno, you didn't mention?), then they may refuse to do the ceremony if you have a pre-nup. My future husband and I found this out through our pre-marriage classes. They say that it indicates a lack of commitment to the relationship. It is, however, permitted in cases where two widowers are marrying, and then it is to protect the inheritance of any children from the previous marriage.

Not that he and I were going to have one, we're both equally broke.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

If they're planning on getting married in the Catholic church (dunno, you didn't mention?), then they may refuse to do the ceremony if you have a pre-nup. My future husband and I found this out through our pre-marriage classes. They say that it indicates a lack of commitment to the relationship. It is, however, permitted in cases where two widowers are marrying, and then it is to protect the inheritance of any children from the previous marriage.

Not that he and I were going to have one, we're both equally broke.

nope...Baptist...heheh

[AKA_Monet]

I dunno? I kinna agree with AlphaFrog. Unless one spouse is exceptionally rich and famous, I could understand the pre-nup. However, if both are not filthy rich or famous, and they are of moderate income, then I don't see the need for a pre-nup.

A better choice is to go to a financial advisor that will walk a couple through their budgets and see how well the expenses will be shared and those that are not.

Either way, married couples get tax penalized unless they have great CPA's doing their taxes... The Franchise Tax Board of California went after me during our first year of marriage. I was so worried they would take money from my husband who has NEVER lived or worked in the State of California... Fortunately, I paid off the fools and we never heard from them again.

[DSTCHAOS]

She probably isn't, and will not be, making enough money for a prenuptial agreement to be necessary. A lot of people talk prenup to overestimate their income and wealth reality or potential, and also as a way of being a complete self-important asshole.

As far as I'm concerned, prenuptial agreements are for substantial income and wealth differentials in which people want to agree to a set distribution if things don't work out. It is unfortunate that people are looking forward to things not working out. But, the prenup shouldn't be applied to people who are just breaking 100K-200K a year but have no wealth accumulated. That's still a paycheck from broke, as far as I'm concerned. Some people are even obnoxious enough to do a prenup because they make 80K a year and their future spouse makes 50K--making more than someone who makes a relatively small amount isn't a substantial enough income differential for a prenup.

Now as for splitting up the property, although I still think prenups are a sucky concept, that makes more sense. But not if they only have 1 house that neither owned before getting married. Only if there is substantial property to be broken up--especially a house that's worth more than 100K. I think couples need to see what the nature of their breakup is before assuming that the person with all the money and property is not going to be the reason for the breakup--i.e. infedility.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

She probably isn't, and will not be, making enough money for a prenuptial agreement to be necessary. A lot of people talk prenup to overestimate their income and wealth reality or potential, and also as a way of being a complete self-important asshole.

.

You know what they say about assuming....and actually she does make more than enough that a pre nup probably wouldn't be a bad idea.


And again...it was HIS idea....so in my eyes...he was far from being a 'self important asshole'

let's face it...in this day and age...marriages don't last like they used to and divorce proceedings sometimes last longer than the marriage. And they tend to bring the ugliness out of people...at least I think they are looking at reality on both ends and trying to find a way thru should they have to go down that road.

No one should ever have to think about going down that road but with a 50/50 chance that you might, get it on the table and pack a canteen.....

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

No one should ever have to think about going down that road but with a 50/50 chance that you might, get it on the table and pack a canteen.....

I think their chances are actually better than 50/50. I know that the "50% of all marriages end in divorce" statistic gets thrown around a lot, but even if it is accurate, you have to remember that it includes people like my friend who is on his fourth marriage. Between him and me as it currently stands, 60% of all marriages end in divorce.

I think the odds on a first marriage are indeed better than 50/50.

[/sidetrack]

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I think their chances are actually better than 50/50. I know that the "50% of all marriages end in divorce" statistic gets thrown around a lot, but even if it is accurate, you have to remember that it includes people like my friend who is on his fourth marriage. Between him and me as it currently stands, 60% of all marriages end in divorce.

I think the odds on a first marriage are indeed better than 50/50.

[/sidetrack]

Very true. My aunt's got her claws sunk in to #5. Well, actually marriage #5, but guy #4. She married and divorced the same guy twice.

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Very true. My aunt's got her claws sunk in to #5. Well, actually marriage #5, but guy #4. She married and divorced the same guy twice.

We must be related! My aunt is a serial bride. Actualy, guy 2 and 3 were the same.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I think their chances are actually better than 50/50. I know that the "50% of all marriages end in divorce" statistic gets thrown around a lot, but even if it is accurate, you have to remember that it includes people like my friend who is on his fourth marriage. Between him and me as it currently stands, 60% of all marriages end in divorce.

I think the odds on a first marriage are indeed better than 50/50.

[/sidetrack]

as long as they have been together and all that they have been thru...I personally hope they are that one couple that stays together...period....hehehe

[honeychile]

All well and good, but the last statistics I saw showed that 80% of couples who live together over a year prior to marriage end up divorced. I really would have thought it was the other way around.

I'd go for the pre-nup, and not limit it. Donald Trump limited his pre-nup to Marla Maples to five years, and he filed with one month left of the five years. It's always better to know where you stand before a marriage before the family law attornies ending up with ALL of the money!

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

and actually she does make more than enough that a pre nup probably wouldn't be a bad idea.

If you insist. My points stand.