Marriage, Age and Other Stuff

[#1 Leading Lady]

Originally posted by Wonderful1908
btb87 and 9dstpm,

Sorry to hear about your seperations, I know how difficult it can be. First and formeost pray and ask God to help you through it. Secondly have either of you read "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. That book changed my life and whole take on marriage. I read it like 2 years ago and recently again. I was also seperated from Mr. Wonderful1908 cause he wasn't being so Wonderful, and I truly thought I was gonna have to divorce him, if anything just for my minds sake. I prayed and prayed and stayed on my knees alot, especially considering I was pregnant and we had just built a house. It was SO HARD because I began to think maybe I am crazy and clearly I am above this BS and I am to smart to be dealing with this crap, but prayer did work! Things are so good now, I had to learn to stop being so demanding and verbally assaulting him and realized where he was weak I was strong and vice versa.

I was going to PM you, but anytime God does something glorious in our lives we should let everybody know.

This post is most powerful and encouraging. When people say the first year of marriage is HARD.....BELIEVE THEM! Prayer does make a difference and I am a witness to that. I get paid tomorrow and I am getting that book. Thanks for the recommendation.

As far as kids are concerned my son is 9 and I am 5 months pregnant at age 29....I truly thought my child bearing days were OVA (over) especially after a few miscarriages pre-marriage but now married I'm all knocked up and stuh....

[Wonderful1908]

Originally posted by #1 Leading Lady
This post is most powerful and encouraging. When people say the first year of marriage is HARD.....BELIEVE THEM! Prayer does make a difference and I am a witness to that. I get paid tomorrow and I am getting that book. Thanks for the recommendation.

As far as kids are concerned my son is 9 and I am 5 months pregnant at age 29....I truly thought my child bearing days were OVA (over) especially after a few miscarriages pre-marriage but now married I'm all knocked up and stuh....

Great!! They sell the book at Wal-Mart for under $8. Just be prepared to check yourself before you try to check your husband.

[SummerChild]

DSTEasye74,
I guess that I will be one of the dissenters and say that I don't think that there is anything wrong with you wanting to get married and have children before 30. And there is nothing wrong with being proactive toward those goals. I would encourage you, however, to just make sure that the person that you marry is someone that you will want to be with forever (marriage is hopefully forever) and that you are ready for children. Don't make the mistake of falling in love with the idea of being married just for the sake of being married. I have always been told to make sure that it's the right *person* and I think that that's right. If this goes awry, you could end up a divorcee with children that you really don't have the patience for... a bad situation. Also, don't think that being married will make you happy. I have a few friends that are married and all have said that happiness really has to come from within b/c the husband will not always do it for you.

Good luck!
SC

Originally posted by dsteazye74
If ur brother's not seeing any1 tell him 2 hit me up. I"m single and looking. I'm 24, i'm a grad student pursuing a Master's in Accounting. For any further info please pm me.

[SummerChild]

Here's an interesting article that I read.

The thrill of traveling solo
By Emily Giffin

In the next installment of our "What I Wish I Had Known When I Was Single" series, one writer shares how to celebrate and savor the freedom of your unwed days.

When I was about 22 years old and in my first year of law school, I remember reading a wedding story in the newspaper about a couple who got engaged in Paris. It was the bride's first trip to the City of Lights. She said that she had been saving it, waiting to see it with the man of her dreams. Her husband-to-be, of course, knew this about her and so he chose Paris as the perfect place for his proposal.

It was the kind of story that makes single women swoon and dream and wish. For an engagement that satisfying, a husband that thoughtful. I remember reading that story and thinking that the bride's plan was a good one. I hadn't yet been to Paris, and so I, too, would save it for the man of my dreams.

Being one to stick to a plan whenever possible, that is what I did. I had many meaningful life experiences throughout the rest of my twenties. I moved to Manhattan, began my legal career, forged incredible friendships, met some memorable (and many other forgettable) men. But despite several opportunities to do so, I did not go to Paris for another eight years. Not until I met my (now) husband. He didn't propose on that trip, but we did visit the most romantic city in the world during that first flush of love for one another. We sipped champagne in our Left Bank hotel, wandered along Parisian streets, sailed down the Seine arm-in-arm. Now we are married with twin one-year-old sons, and every time I look at our photos or read our travel journal, I remember those five days in France with such sweet sentimentality.

Still, there is a part of me that wonders—and will never know—what Paris would have been like as an unattached woman. I read about that Paris sometimes—the Paris that is about being youthful, free, and adventurous in a way you can only be when you're single and the possibilities are endless. I will never know what it is like, for example, to stroll through the city alone with my guidebook, settle onto a barstool in a café, catch the eye of a tall, dark Frenchman…

There is part of me that regrets holding back on Paris in much the same way I would have regretted limiting myself in any aspect of life simply because I hadn't yet found the right guy. For me, it was Paris. (How wistful I get when I watch films like Out of Africa or read books like Under the Tuscan Sun and realize that I won't ever travel fully alone again.) For others, it might be waiting to have sex, waiting to buy a house, waiting to get a golden retriever. Whatever the case, I believe that it is a mistake for anyone to wait for a partner while limiting her life experience in any way. Because even if you later have that experience, it's not the same experience when you do it married. And the more you experience by yourself, the more you will bring to a marriage and the fewer regrets you will have. Being single is no better or worse than the married version of life, but it should be savored and fully lived just as any other stage of life. After all, once you're married, you will be married forever, if all goes well. And just as you can't return to childhood or college, you can't recapture your single days once you've passed them by.

So make your single memories count. Don't save Paris. Don't save your best pair of shoes. Don't save anything. Travel, party, live, and laugh as if it were the very last chapter in your single life. It just might be.

Emily Giffin is the author of Something Borrowed and the recently-published Something Blue. For more information, check out emilygiffin.com.

[soft&beautiful]

You know a lot of my single friends ask me, just how do you do it?
What is your secret for making it work? I tell them this, you see most people search for what they want and not for what they need. Ask yourself what do I really need? Another thing, stop searching for a man!
We, as women sometimes, never ask ourselves what does God expect of me and what do I expect from myself? Am I commited to this expectation? What will truly complete me? What things are absolutely necessary for me to have completeness?

Alot of women have unrealistic expectations from their mate and themselves;so once the "honeymoon" phase is over we begin to become either unhappy or begin to settle. We don't take into consideration what makes a healthy relationship:

Treating each other with respect
Feeling secure and comfortable
Are not violent with each other
Try to resolve conflicts satisfactorily:agreeing to disagree
Enjoying the time you spend together
Supporting one another
Taking interest in one another's lives: health, family, work, etc.
Having privacy in the relationship:keep friends, family, etc. out
Trusting each other
Are each sexual by choice
Communicating clearly and openly
Making healthy decisions about alcohol or other drugs
Encouraging other friendships
Honest about your past and present sexual activity if the relationship is intimate


God will always present someone to you in your life that you really need and who really needs you. We have been designed that way: to need each other. But as we normally do, we turn what God gives us away. Then you may ask yourself how do I know if this is it? The answer is simple: over time. There is no deadline on love or happiness. Stop setting the bar so high that it could become truly unobtainable i.e. married by 23, kids by 25. Life and love knows no course without divine instruction.

Good luck to all,
BTW, btb and 9dstpm, I am going to pray for you...God truly has a plan for your life.

[Live_Wire17]

Sorors...don't give up yet. I just celebrated my 34th birthday and my 1st year wedding anniversary in May. I also have a 10 year old son whom my husband adores and vice versa...there is hope for us all.

[Diovanka8]

I think being hooked up or being introduced through a mutual friend is the best way. Atleast you cut out trying to meet his friends, understanding him, etc. I say, go for it. Good luck to you!


I want to be married by the time I am 30. I want my master's before that age too! I wanted 5-8 kids. I am a bit behind, so I have to lower the amount of kids.