Not in the Wedding? - Page 4

norcalchick · #46 10-21-2004, 12:33 AM

I'm sorry, but your brother needs to get some balls and dump her or put her in her place. They obviously aren't mature enough to get married if they're like that. They need to go date some more people or something. I understand sticking up for your SO, but saying that "you'd never disagree with her because that's the way love is" isn't right. The problem isn't just her, it's your brother also. He needs to speak up if all of this going on and if she's obviously hurting your family.

Sorry for sounding so harsh... I'm PMSing

#47 10-21-2004, 01:12 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KLPDaisy
Or this darling number?

OK i have t o ask....what in hell is that dress for...... i mean i have had my fair share of formals but that literally and techincally takes the cake!

If that is a bridesmaid dress than the bride must not like here attendants much! hehehe

astroAPhi · #48 10-21-2004, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KLPDaisy
Or this darling number?

That's the sort of thing I would have wanted to wear to play dress up when I was 5.

btb87 · #49 10-21-2004, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by norcalchick
I'm sorry, but your brother needs to get some balls and dump her or put her in her place. They obviously aren't mature enough to get married if they're like that. They need to go date some more people or something. I understand sticking up for your SO, but saying that "you'd never disagree with her because that's the way love is" isn't right. The problem isn't just her, it's your brother also. He needs to speak up if all of this going on and if she's obviously hurting your family.

Sorry for sounding so harsh... I'm PMSing

Hallelujah, somebody else saw that too!

Your brother is going to explode (or implode) one day. During the 1st month of their marriage, when he is fed up with her bossing him around, he'll get a backbone and tell her off (or worse).

Hopefully this marriage will work out and they both will grow during this time - marriage IS hard work.

Now as far as you're concerned, go to the rehearsal dinner, go to the wedding, smile as though everything is fine, and keep moving! Nothing would probably make her happier than to see you "boycott" the rehearsal dinner and wedding. I really don't think talking with your brother is going to work, because as someone stated before, he is blind right now. But you'll be grateful later that you didn't cause a big stink.

xo_kathy · #50 10-21-2004, 03:45 PM

You BETTER go to that rehearsal dinner! Tell your parents that you are going, and just go. Don't ask, don't fret, just go. Bridezilla needs to be put in her place.

And in all the "standing up to so and so" I personally think one of your parents should get on the phone to her mother and say, "BTW, I noticed our daughter wasn't on the list you gave us. Of course she will be there." It's not just up to your brother or you. If your parents are paying they can take the responsibility of informing her family of their "over-sight".

AOIIBrandi · #51 10-22-2004, 03:35 PM

I realize you want to be a lady and gracious about this, and I commend you for realizing that this is your brother and his fiancee's day,. You're right there should be as little conflict as possible, but please (if only for your parent's sake) don't let these people take advantage of your family. Go to the rehearsal dinner. Don't say anything about it to anyone either way. Your parents are paying/hosting so they will make sure they pay for the guest list + 1 ensuring that you have a plate and a place to site, and nothing will need to be said to anyone about it - they won't even need to send you an invite. As for the actual wedding, be glad you are not in it. Since her parents are paying for/ hosting the actual event you will just have to go with the flow there - whatever decisions she makes...

sageofages · #52 10-22-2004, 04:51 PM

My reaction is....don't fret over being excluded from all the wedding hoopla...

You will be able to be there to plan his divorce celebration...cause that marriage is doomed.

IheartAphi · #53 10-23-2004, 04:01 PM

I have a lot of cute, single sorority sisters that like to go out in NC. We could have an intervention mafia (I know that is horrible to even joke aout)

honeychile · #54 10-23-2004, 10:01 PM

With this dress, the bridesmaids don't carry flowers, they carry wands!

Cosign to what sageofages said!

RioLambdaAlum · #55 10-24-2004, 12:17 AM

i have a pain in the booty sister in law. i have a lovely tale about her but i will refrain for now on sharing that story. BUT if I were you I would tell your brother your opinions of her and what you think. Whether or not he listens to it is up to him. Unlike my brother when we tried to tell him things before and even now he don't listen.

ASUADPi · #56 10-24-2004, 01:30 AM

Jeni-
I have to cosign with what pretty much everyone is saying.

1) you should DEFINATELY talk to your brother. your feelings about being excluded will only develop and you might just explode at some point. Talk to him, express your frustrations.

with that...

2) you NEED to tell your parents that it is UNACCEPTABLE that you are not on the guest list for the rehearsal dinner. Screw that fact that you aren't in the party (which you should be counting your blessings) but to leave you out of the rehearsal dinner is just plain rude. Your parents need to stand up to this bridezilla and her mom and say "our daughter WILL BE ATTENDING".

Also, as for your brother "getting a pair of balls". I honestly have to say don't hold your breath and I'm saying this from personal experience.

One of my good friends married two years ago. I love her to peices but she is a manipulator. She manipulates her husband into doing her every whim. When they get into an arguement, she somehow turns it into his fault and then he goes out buys roses and chocolates and apologizes to her, when she hasn't even apologized to him. She is lazy, he does everything for her down to getting her water. She has been too lazy to get a job for over a year, so he has forgoed his ambitions of going back to school so that he can work as an assistant manager at Blockbuster to support the "lifestyle she has become accostomed too", although they can't afford it. It is deeply sad and it is deeply troubling because her husband DOES NOT have the balls to stand up to her.

Obviously I don't know your brother, but it sounds like your brother is a lot like my friends husband, both extremely manipulated by the females in the relationship. Until your brother is receiving therapy to regain his self esteem so that he can "take control", it doesn't matter what you or your parents say to him. My friends husband just started therapy and I pray that he realizes sooner rather than later to stand up to her and tell her that he is not her "doll".

I wish I could give you some more advice. My heart goes out to you.

I know I would be extremely pissed if I were in your place. If my brother was marrying someone I hated who was completely dissing me. A woman who is manipulating him. It would drive me nuts and I would feel hurt like you must feel.

((((((((((Jeni))))))))))))

Brianna

preciousjeni · #57 11-03-2004, 01:51 AM

New news:

My mom let it slip...my brother's fiancee doesn't want me in the wedding because I'm "fat." How nice!

So, I still haven't been invited to do anything though the girl did call me about 3 days ago to give me bridesmaid dress instructions. I thought that was in very bad taste...she doesn't ask if I'd like to be in the wedding, she just gives instructions. Whatever. So, the plan is that I'm not going to be involved at all.

In fact, my mom and aunt have devised a plan. I have been in the process of losing weight for a while now and I am doing so with renewed vengeance. By the wedding time, I will be a petite little lady.

So, here's the plan (I promise I had nothing to do with it - I'm just a pawn in their plot!)...

My mother is making me an Audrey Hepburn-esque (the pattern hasn't been secured but this is the original idea) tea length gown in...WHITE! LOL! I'm for real. My mother is fed up with the nonsense and she wants to step on as many toes as she can.

In addition, she is going to purchase Manolo Blahnik shoes - and a handbag - to peek out from under the dress. (After the wedding, I'll donate them to charity so they can be auctioned - I can't bear the thought of having shoes and a bag that expensive in my possession!)

Last, I have been instructed to revert back to my old school training - I'm going to be as poised as I can be and treat everyone with a little contempt and a little sugar.

Well...that's the plan anyway.

honeychile · #58 11-03-2004, 01:57 AM

Jeni, you have definite style!!

norcalchick · #59 11-03-2004, 03:22 AM

damn. can i get not invited into a wedding party?? i want some manolos! your mom rocks!

CutiePie2000 · #60 11-03-2004, 03:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by preciousjeni
She says the most horribly abusive things to my brother. I've been in this kind of relationship and I know he's broken and that's why he's staying with her. He told her that he will never disagree with her because he believes that's what love is about - he said this at a dinner with our family and his fiancee, so it was all out in the open!

Wow...someone needs to get Dr. Phil or a good therapist on this relationship, STAT! It sounds like your brother is setting himself up for a relationship of spousal abuse.

Jeni, it sounds to me that your brother has had his self-esteem eroded and he will tolerate ANY behavior, no matter how terrible, in order to perpetuate this relationship.