The Rashads

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by Eclipse:
Let me say this....until you have been there, don't say what you would or would not do!! Her rationale was that when she made vows for better or for worst (in front of God and all) that she did not put a stipulation on how 'worst' was 'too worst' and that God does not recognize divorce. Now of course, being the good Christian woman that I am, I wanted to remind her that Jesus gave her an out with adultery (I think it is in Matthew), but I kept my big mouth closed!

They are now trying to work it out, he is trying to regain her trust, and she is not trying to kill him everytime she looks at him. While I hate that my sister had to go through this it tells me a couple of things:
Just 'cause the cheated on mate stays, does not mean they are stupid or looking the other way. In this disposable society that we live in I think it is probably harder to stay than leave!
And ANYONE (yep, including you!) is subseptible to cheating if you don't guard your gate at all times.

I have to say that I agree with that. I can't sit here and say that if I were married and my hubby cheated on me that I would want out. I can't say that. I can't say I'd stay either. Until I walk a mile in those moccasins, I don't know what I would do. I would take the vows seriously, so I can see how your friend would work thru it, because of the for better or for worse. Now, a relationship is a whole 'nother ball game. I didn't make no oath to you, so I ain't got to stick around for the games and the lies.

I would have to say that I think it would be harder to stay than to leave. All of you have at least one friend that is in a relationship where there is no trust (or maybe it's you). Think about how busy they (or you) are: checking the pager, checking the voicemail, driving by the crib, checking the caller id, following him and his friends to the club, tagging along with him and his friends to the club, all the questions, all the doubts. Man, that's tiresome. I'll take the breakup any day over that drama.

Professor, thanks for sharing your story. How hard was that to do in a forum full of women?! I'm interested in your response (should you choose to give one) to LadyAKA's question.

Soror LadyAKA, welcome back!!!

[DoggyStyle82]

What exactly is cheating? I know what adultery is. Cheating can be many things and caused by many things. If it happened in college, it aint cheating!!. College is the worst place to try and have a monogamous relationship. Especially if you are in a Frat. I loved my girlfriend and would not want to hurt her but monagamy was impossible. For marriage or long-term relationships, things can get stale or people start taking each other for granted. The longer you have been together, the better other people start looking. You work late and all of a sudden a co-worker whom you have never shown interest in, wants to get with you. Cheating is complex and irrational. Are you cheating for the sex, the emotional connection, someone new to converse with, to get out of the house, to feel young, to feel vibrant, to feel desirable. If you are cheating on your woman, especially in her face, that is abuse. If you are cheating because it is fun and games, then that is immaturity. If you are cheating because the other woman is fun, stimulating, accomodating, with no pressure, but you love your wife and family and still treat them well, then.......

[CrimsonRage]

Aw bruh! Come on now. Cheating is cheating. I understand what you are saying about there being complexities to the term and concpet of "cheating" but it is CHEATING nonetheless. When a person cheats, regardless of their reasoning, they are betraying the mutual agreement of loyalty to their significant other. In addition to that, the cheater is disregarding the other persons feelings and dedication that they held for him/her. I say again, there is no EXCUSE for cheating, regardless of the circumstances that drove the person away from their wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend. If you are unhappy and you know you are finding yourself admiring other people, you OWE it to your better half to own up to that BEFORE it gets to the point of no return. Perhaps through discussing the problems the two of you have you all may come to a conclusion as to how to rectify them or what is best for the relationship even if that means ending it.

I love you bruh, but I had to call you on that one.



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P.H.A.S.A.D.
#14
D.S.G.H.O.S.T.S.
LAMBDA
4/15/00

[DST Love]

Originally posted by CrimsonRage:
Aw bruh! Come on now. Cheating is cheating. I understand what you are saying about there being complexities to the term and concpet of "cheating" but it is CHEATING nonetheless. When a person cheats, regardless of their reasoning, they are betraying the mutual agreement of loyalty to their significant other. In addition to that, the cheater is disregarding the other persons feelings and dedication that they held for him/her. I say again, there is no EXCUSE for cheating, regardless of the circumstances that drove the person away from their wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend. If you are unhappy and you know you are finding yourself admiring other people, you OWE it to your better half to own up to that BEFORE it gets to the point of no return. Perhaps through discussing the problems the two of you have you all may come to a conclusion as to how to rectify them or what is best for the relationship even if that means ending it.

I love you bruh, but I had to call you on that one.

Thank you!!!! Being attracted to or wanting someone else does not just happen in a few seconds. If you find yourself thinking too much about someone else, then it's time for you to not only be honest with yourself but also to the other person who loves you so much. If you think there is even the slightest possibility that you might cheat with another person given the chance, then just "get the hell on" !!!!!!

[LadyAKA]

Hello Shalom and Soror Ideal08 *waving*

LOL @ Soror Monet's comment on 'Y2K compliant relationships'

Still waiting for the professor to answer, will he answer.

Agreeing with ideal08 & Doggystlye Cheating is complicated and until I have walked in those moccasins I can't say what I would do either. But I will say that at one time being the cheater in the relationship (relationship of now 8 years). I can't understand why my man stayed ....but he was there, actually he is here, we are together, we made it work ...we still struggle, we are not married, but after 8 years if feels like it ...and the fire has not gone out. I was selfish, plain and simple ...all the things Doggystyle mentioned earlier came into play, all of them. Now what? Well we live day by day, as Dr Phil would say we are working through it openly (well sometimes I work through it myself, my man is a bit stubborn). I CAN SAY, Yes I am over it wholeheartedly, I don't ever want to hurt anyone that way ever again, and if I get treated in such a way (what comes around goes around) I am not sure what the heck I would do. But I have a higher faith and I will work with my lord on that one.

[DoggyStyle82]

CRIMSON RAGE and DSTLOVE: I was and will, in no way, shape, or form, condone cheating!!. I just said that it can be a result of complexities that are not easily handled. If communication was that easy, it would be done better and more often.

[Professor]

Originally posted by LadyAKA:

Two things
First I was going to jump into this conversation in a big way but then it turned way too funny for me, I mean with the Keith sweat bit and Patti's husband playing on the other team, talk about ROFLMAO ... so I stopped but then
SECOND I noticed the professor sneak a little something something in there and I wanted to say... in your maturity, could you do such a thing again? I am not asking about the past and I am not accusing you of anything, I myself have cheated in the past, I spoke with a certain someone on Greekchat about that, but I wanted to know PROFESSOR, will you/can you do such a thing again, and if not, how are you sure you won't fall into the trap again?

Oh and by the way, what's up GREEK CHAT - I am back!!!!
Skee Ya

I'm much older and wiser of many temptations. Your question is interesting but let me put this out first. If a man like JJ can be tempted then I am sure given the right circumstances I could also fall from grace. Seriously, while the question is simple the answer is only wishful and hopeful. I certainly plan to put forth my best effort to remain committed to my current relationship. However, even at my current maturity I am sure that given the right circumstances I could possibly have a one-time fling. If I find myself seeking affection from another more than once I would take steps to end my committed relationship. I can perhaps accept cheating once but not continued betrayal. I'm only a man and I struggle every day just like others to make the best decisions for me, my family and others involved.

[nikki25]

Hello everyone:

Just to posit my understanding of Patti and Armstead's divorce. When the story broke back in December, the reasoning was that Patti felt that her manager-husband was too controlling, as he told her that she couldn't wear furs anymore. According to family-friends, Armstead had grown increasingly controlling for many years, and that recently Patti just had enough. She was the star, and he wasn't.

Now, the whole mess about Armstead's preferences is a new one on me. I'd heard about something between her and "make it last" Keith, but I didn't take that seriously. Okay, I'm going to do some queries, and find the sources for this material..because if I don't hear it from a "reputable" source (a la` Jet, newsmagazines, etc...my sources for the Hollywood scuttlebut), then I'm not taking it too seriously.

Relationships in the new millineum have taken on a little twist. As I watch and read about the current state of "affairs", I really begin to wonder about folks understanding of a vow.

Just my coins on the matters...



[This message has been edited by nikki25 (edited February 22, 2001).]

[bcde]

But I will say that at one time being the cheater in the relationship (relationship of now 8 years). I can't understand why my man stayed ....but he was there, actually he is here, we are together, we made it work ...we still struggle, we are not married, but after 8 years if feels like it ...and the fire has not gone out. [/B]

Eight years is a long time to be together without being married. I have been happily married for 11 years to someone I had known my whole life. Girl I wish you much luck. I can honestly say from my experience there is no 50-50 in a relationship. It is 100-100 because if one is only putting 50% in a relationship the other 1/2 of that person is somewhere else. I'm glad to see that you have God on your side.

[LadyAKA]

Originally posted by Professor:
I'm much older and wiser of many temptations. Your question is interesting but let me put this out first. If a man like JJ can be tempted then I am sure given the right circumstances I could also fall from grace. Seriously, while the question is simple the answer is only wishful and hopeful. I certainly plan to put forth my best effort to remain committed to my current relationship. However, even at my current maturity I am sure that given the right circumstances I could possibly have a one-time fling. If I find myself seeking affection from another more than once I would take steps to end my committed relationship. I can perhaps accept cheating once but not continued betrayal. I'm only a man and I struggle every day just like others to make the best decisions for me, my family and others involved.

A wise man speaks the truth ...thanks for the honesty. I say ditto to most of it. Most of it because - though there is temptation out there, I never want to be the cause of destruction like that again, I have learned many lessons ... This is me on the straight an narrow hope I can stay on this line :-)

ADDED: About Patti - On the Oprah show she stated that she and her xhusband are still friends and she still respects him ... the bit about Keith sweat is funny, but I am not sure if I could respect my husband if he choose that lifestyle after life with me - hey just keeping it real!!

[This message has been edited by LadyAKA (edited February 26, 2001).]