A Bedlam Recruitment

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[Lovethesand]

You guys are too funny. Give me a minute, I have to make an edit, copy and paste, and I'll post Bid Day.

[Lovethesand]

Fingers crossed all morning for Debbie. I know God has more important things to do but I sent a few little prayers to Him throughout the morning. Debbie sends me a text an hour before they were supposed to meet their group and said she was dying to know. She said she’s very nervous. Me too. According to the Panhellenic email the night before, I will be getting and email and text by noon with her house. I may find out before she does or I may not. I am completely useless at home. At least during the week I had work to occupy my mind even if it took away from my GreekChat F5’ing.

Finally I get a call from Debbie about 11:50 am her time. Debbie is crying. I can barely make out what she said except that she didn’t get Coronado and got her second choice, South Beach. It’s so hard to talk to her because I can barely understand her. Think dogs howling. Debbie had the composure to at least have her mini-breakdown in the privacy of her room.

I don’t know any of these houses so I have no preference except for what Debbie wants and thinks will make her happy. She’s devastated and I’m sad for her for that reason. I try to let her vent meanwhile the practical/dark side mom in me wants to ask if she’s going to accept South Beach's bid and go to Bid Day in an hour. I tell her I’m sorry she didn’t get Coronado. I tell her how sorry I am she’s disappointed because I know she really wanted them. Funny how quickly even one with no preconceived notions can fall in love in a matter of days. I encourage her to talk to her Gamma Chi but she doesn’t want to. She says everybody got their first choice and she’s the only one who didn’t, she’s the only one unhappy. I have no idea if it’s true or not but she’s still crying. Then she says, “I wish you were here, mom”. Dagger.through.the.heart. Luckily somebody knocks on her dorm room and she says she’ll call me later. I get a reprieve and try to figure out what to say next.

About 30 minutes later she calls back to say she’s going to Bid Day but I can hear absolutely zero excitement in her voice. I encourage her to give it a chance, put her happy face on (don’t rain on everybody else’s parade), and try to have fun. One of the girls in her group also received a bid from South Beach so they’re going together. I have no idea if her friend is happy or not, all I know is Debbie isn’t.

A few hours later she calls back, said she went to Bid Day, and she’s going to meet up with some friends later. I have a million questions, a million platitudes to share with her but I know her and now is not the time. She said Bid Day didn’t turn out the way she thought it would and it’s hard to start thinking she’s a South Beach when she really wanted to be a Coronado. Now she throws in maybe she should have ranked Big Beach above South Beach. I think the pageantry of the other sororities having a physical house and South Beach not is making the day sting a little more. It was never an issue until Bid Day. No dig at Big Beach at all but I remind her that Big Beach was never a house she felt comfortable in since Round 1 and she shouldn’t let the lack of house make her crazy. I don’t want her thinking about what-if. I get off the topic of Bid Day because it’s like a big dark cloud and tell her to have fun with her friends and just relax.

Meanwhile her dad and I are talking. Debbie's dad was ehhh about her joining a sorority before this started because he had no experience with it. He is disappointed for her but wants her to keep an open mind and give South Beach a chance. He’s even done research now and knows how strong South Beach is nationally and he's even researched their values. Dad who knows nothing about Greek life thinks this will be a great opportunity for her.

We both decide it’s appropriate for her to be disappointed but after a day or two we want her to move forward and be positive about the opportunity she has. Now if I can only get her to understand and appreciate that. There are days when being a mom is thankless and this is one of them. They want you to say something but is anything the right thing? It’s a minefield of all the wrong things you can say.

I share with a few of my Greek experts Debbie’s results. They tell me that South Beach is a great sorority. They tell me she should give it a chance, a few months. They tell me this happens to lots of girls, some even get their #3 choice, and some don’t get a house. All the things I know and all the things I know Debbie will know once the drama and emotion of Bid Day passes. I think too the emotion of the entire week, leaving home, a new chapter in her life, highs and lows of a Bedlam recruitment, and a tear or two was bound to happen. I think she was just hoping to avoid one final rejection and even if it’s a numbers game, it’s the computer, it’s whatever other reason, it still feels like rejection.

So basically my Saturday mood is in a funk because my Debbie isn’t happy. I don’t feel like doing any of the things I was going to do. I decide instead to lie on the couch, drink Diet Coke, and watch tv. Sounds good to me. During my leisure I peruse (ok stalk) twitter and Facebook. What do I find? A Bid Day pic of Debbie with her new house. I enlarge the picture (thank you iPad for that feature) and closely inspect her face. No red eyes, no smeared mascara, and she has a smile on her face. At least for the purpose of memories she looks happy. I copy and paste the picture so I can print it out later. I’ll put it in a frame and send it to her later.

[Lovethesand]

I was looking at a few of my rants to some Greek friends during recruitment and all I can say about myself is WOW! Here are some of my personal gems:

• Mutual, schmutual. This is all about the houses. Why do they even say mutual?
• Why can’t they do the green, yellow, red light like other schools do regarding GPA? Be a little clearer so we parents who are clueless will have a better clue. I don’t need the PC talk, give me the facts, I’m a big girl, I’ll get it.
• Is every recruitment story on GC so damn perfect? Every girl gets the max every round? Really?
• There’s definitely a method to the recruitment madness. I’m not sure which concerns me more, the madness, or that I’m starting to get it.
• If this isn't a super competitive recruitment, I'd hate to see what that is.

I’m glad to say now that recruitment is over, I have returned to my regular ways. I feel like Dr. Bruce Banner now where last week I felt like the Hulk. I’m working, holding conference calls, writing policies (that’s where my writing comes from and a few Shakespeare classes in college). I turn my smart phone off at night. I still look at GC throughout the day and sometimes go hours between checking. I can talk to my husband in conversation that doesn’t include abbreviations.

Seriously though…. I would like to thank all the alumnae women who wrote Debbie a rec. Every woman was more than willing to help Debbie and all very positive about their Greek life experience. Complete strangers took time to meet Debbie, get to know her, and reach out on her behalf. As a mom that kindness means the world to me.

Thank you to the GCers for sharing their information about recruitment. It definitely helped this newbie mom. I had no idea there was this GC world and I’ve learned so much. There were days where I felt like you guys were speaking a foreign language and I’d have to Google an abbreviation.

I would also like to thank the great women I met on a Facebook group especially the creator. I’ve never had a Facebook account but I created one solely for recruitment so I could converse with a Greek group. I’m telling you the Hulk had nothing on me. The Facebook group was extremely welcoming and I don’t know how many times “Diana” talked me off the ledge. The epitome of southern grace.

And last but not least, a wonderful mom I met via a blog. “Pam” was so friendly, interested, and a wealth of information. She didn’t lie and tell me it was wonderful but she kept encouraging me and offered me great insight in how to help my daughter with recruitment. Some parts of it are parental common sense but some of the uniqueness of recruitment was completely unknown to me. “Pam” another example of grace and generosity.

Thanks for sharing Debbie’s recruitment with me. The writing has been cathartic.

[carnation]

Thank you for this honest and fabulous story! I wish that all girls' recruitment stories could be perfect but no, they're not.

[WCsweet<3]

Would you like to clean my house? Now that you have mentioned all that, I see all the stuff I need to do.

[Dixie_Amazon]

Can't wait. I wish your cleaning energy would rub off on me.

[Dixie_Amazon]

You are such a good mom. My son started touring houses last night. I am walking the tightrope of trying to get information from him without being too pushy.

[FSUZeta]

I hope that Debbie comes to see the value of membership in her sorority and comes to love her sisters. Please come back and let us know how things progress.

[irishpipes]

OSU is competitive for the top chapters - beyond that, PNMs have a great shot at getting a bid if they keep their options open. RFM has helped tremendously - a lot of PNMs go in wanting the top 5 and it just isn't going to happen. There are several chapters there that have struggled off and on over the years, but their numbers are improving thanks to RFM.

I'm glad your daughter is giving it a chance. I know at 18 years old it is hard to see, but as difficult as recruitment was for her, it is hard to be the new group too. A lot of PNMs won't give a new group a chance to show their value because they don't have a house yet or other "new" reasons. That really hurts for those young women who have worked so hard to put on a recruitment that competes with established chapters in mansions.

She'll have her chapter house soon enough, and she will have experiences that no other chapter can offer - the chance to move into a brand new facility, to take part in building a brand new chapter, leadership opportunities that may come later in other groups.

Pledging a colony or a brand new chapter isn't for everyone, but again, I'm glad your daughter is giving it a chance. Obviously those young ladies wanted her a great deal and saw good things in her.

Go Pokes and Go AOII!

[Lovethesand]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

OSU is competitive for the top chapters - beyond that, PNMs have a great shot at getting a bid if they keep their options open. RFM has helped tremendously - a lot of PNMs go in wanting the top 5 and it just isn't going to happen. There are several chapters there that have struggled off and on over the years, but their numbers are improving thanks to RFM.

I'm glad your daughter is giving it a chance. I know at 18 years old it is hard to see, but as difficult as recruitment was for her, it is hard to be the new group too. A lot of PNMs won't give a new group a chance to show their value because they don't have a house yet or other "new" reasons. That really hurts for those young women who have worked so hard to put on a recruitment that competes with established chapters in mansions.

She'll have her chapter house soon enough, and she will have experiences that no other chapter can offer - the chance to move into a brand new facility, to take part in building a brand new chapter, leadership opportunities that may come later in other groups.

Pledging a colony or a brand new chapter isn't for everyone, but again, I'm glad your daughter is giving it a chance. Obviously those young ladies wanted her a great deal and saw good things in her.

Go Pokes and Go AOII!

Have you been listening to my conversations with Debbie? You are preaching to the choir.

I don't think the lack of house was an issue until the very end. I think the final rejection after a week of rejections hurt the most. Every previous conversation was "it's going to be beautiful" when talking about the new AOII house. I told her a new house is new - new memories, new furniture, nobody's cooties. I told Debbie a new house is pretty and shiny but it's just a building. It's the people that matter and she's told me from Day 1 she likes the people. Like I said to her dad, too much emotion, too much drama.

Neither she nor I are naive and think that it won't be challenging which is why I think she's asking questions this week. What I'm trying to impress upon her is that one door closes and another opens. There's that platitude thing again. The opportunities she may have at AOII, if she's open minded and involved, may be like you said opportunities she wouldn't get at other chapters until her later years. I think she's getting the bigger picture here. College is such an exciting time but it's also laying the steps for the foundation of her future. While it may have been a bumpy start I think she's realizing that she's very fortunate and her life isn't too shabby.

Luckily my Debbie is a quick learner and adjuster. She's ok going outside her comfort zone. She texted me a few minutes ago and said she met an AOII who said how excited they were to have her. Debbie said "that was so sweet <3". I think she's realizing open mind + open heart = possibility of good things.

Thank you, irishpipes, for sharing.

[TrulyDevoted]

Loved this story! Thank you for posting this, it's so nice to read an imperfect recruitment story before my own recruitment starts in a few days.

[Katmandu]

Thanks for sharing Debbie's story. I hope that next year at this time, you come back and give us a "bump" to let us know how she is faring. I suspect that she will be knee deep in activities, surrounded by sisters she can't imagine living without and lots of great memories. Encourage her to spend as much time as possible with her new sisters.

Okla State sororities all have a lot to offer. There were 12 sororities on campus when I was there, but sadly, Delta Zeta and Alpha Xi Delta closed after I graduated. I am so glad that Phi Mu and Alpha Omicron Pi have established chapters in Stillwater. The chapter houses and living in are important at OSU--not going to lie, but AOPi will have a gorgeous house soon. It takes special girls to colonize a new chapter--they are carefully chosen and tend to be people who can hit the ground running so I imagine the actives are amazing girls. New chapters get a lot of national support as well, so she is in very good hands.

I'm sorry she had some bumps in the road, but so glad that she has the opportunity to experience a great Greek system. GO POKES!!

[Lovethesand]

Originally Posted by Katmandu

Thanks for sharing Debbie's story. I hope that next year at this time, you come back and give us a "bump" to let us know how she is faring. I suspect that she will be knee deep in activities, surrounded by sisters she can't imagine living without and lots of great memories. Encourage her to spend as much time as possible with her new sisters.

Okla State sororities all have a lot to offer. There were 12 sororities on campus when I was there, but sadly, Delta Zeta and Alpha Xi Delta closed after I graduated. I am so glad that Phi Mu and Alpha Omicron Pi have established chapters in Stillwater. The chapter houses and living in are important at OSU--not going to lie, but AOPi will have a gorgeous house soon. It takes special girls to colonize a new chapter--they are carefully chosen and tend to be people who can hit the ground running so I imagine the actives are amazing girls. New chapters get a lot of national support as well, so she is in very good hands.

I'm sorry she had some bumps in the road, but so glad that she has the opportunity to experience a great Greek system. GO POKES!!

Thank you for your insight and the background info. I'll share with Debbie as I can. I definitely will come back and share her experiences. I honestly, with all my dark side mom love, feel that she's going to be ok. Like I always tell her I have her best interests at heart. I know sometimes she thinks my goal in life is to ruin hers, but not so.

Debbie will be ok and I thank you all for your support and encouragement. You guys have all been through this, seen the good and bad. Debbie's little ride will make her stronger. I have to admit though with Debbie being so busy I haven't really had a chance to share my knowledge and insight with her. She's realizing a lot of these "things" this week on her on which is all part of growing up. I'm proud but damn I miss Debbie.

[gee_ess]

I think I love you...thanks so much for a fun, realistic, reenactment of Debbie's rush. It is definitely one for the archives of Recruitment Stories.