Don't Marry Career Women

[KAY10]

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

Not necessarily. Both my parents worked, and my mom worked AND went to school at night. But she made it to every parent-teacher conference, basketball game, and play. In fact, my siblings and I are all extremely close to my mom. Why? Because she was always there when I needed her. I didn't need her to be home with me after-school; in fact, her NOT being there made me more independent and responsible.

I definately want to be home with my children when they are little, but I don't want to give up on my career aspirations either. My mom didn't have to, and I don't think I should have to either.

Yup, both my parents worked too, I stayed with my God Mother when my parents were at work, but my Dad was still the provider. That's just how I was raised. The man must provide for his wife. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. That's Biblical.

[KAY10]

Originally Posted by mulattogyrl

Why?

Because he is supposed to be the provider by default, unless they both agree she provides.

[KAY10]

Originally Posted by amycat412

Wow some of the responses about women stayin' home make me feel like we're in the 1950s.

But sadly, it does resonate. I CHOOSE to be single because my overriding ambition scares most men. And I'd rather be who I am, follow my dreams and have fun than make myself less than I am to be in a relationship with someone who believes my place is in the home popping out babies.

I'm not saying women have to stay at home. What I am saying is, she has that option. He doesn't.

[neosoul]

Originally Posted by AchtungBaby80

I would rather wear tapered leg jeans for a year than live like that, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

Can I get a pair of those too? Marriage is not for everyone, and yes my mom constantly tells me how "selfish" I am for not wanting to committ myself to one person and do my best to populate the earth

[jubilance1922]

Originally Posted by neosoul

Can I get a pair of those too? Marriage is not for everyone, and yes my mom constantly tells me how "selfish" I am for not wanting to committ myself to one person and do my best to populate the earth

Wow...my mom is the total opposite. When she was my age, she was married with one child and another on the way. Now that my parents are divorced (after 21 years of marriage) my mom is very "Have your career, do what you want to do, don't sacrifice your dreams for a man, the right man will SUPPORT your dreams". And she's right.

I'm so glad I don't have a mother who's pressuring me to get married.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

Wow...my mom is the total opposite. When she was my age, she was married with one child and another on the way. Now that my parents are divorced (after 21 years of marriage) my mom is very "Have your career, do what you want to do, don't sacrifice your dreams for a man, the right man will SUPPORT your dreams". And she's right.

I'm so glad I don't have a mother who's pressuring me to get married.

My grandmother is like that. I think she would prefer none of us girls ever got married, but since I am she's telling me how I have to make sure to maintain my control and always make my own money so I don't ever let a man get the upper hand and have to depend on him for things. She wants me to make sure I don't ever have to ask any man for *nothing* because she knows how humiliating and demoralizing it can be.

My mom's not so extreme, but she would definitely never pressure me to get married and/or have kids. I think she probably didn't think I would until a few years ago ...

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by KAY10

I'm not saying women have to stay at home. What I am saying is, she has that option. He doesn't.

Well, that's your opinion, and some people disagree. In my ideal relationship, both parties have the same options and responsibilities, and I wouldn't even consider dating a guy who thought it was his "duty" to provide for me (and, of course, that guy wouldn't want to date me, either).

LOL what's the point? Everybody has his or her own idea of how relationships should work, and what's right for one person isn't necessarily right for someone else. Problems arise only when people try to have relationships with others who don't share their ideals or can't reach an acceptable compromise. There is nothing wrong with a guy who wants a woman to stay home and raise kids -- someone like me who doesn't want to stay home or have kids would be a fool to date him, and would be a bigger fool to say that there's something wrong with him because of it, or, worse, that men suck because they're tryin' to keep the strong women down.

As a side note, my problems with the Forbes article are numerous, but I don't even think it's worthy of discussion.

[PinkandGreenJ]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I don't plan on working when I have children, either. I might work from home part-time to keep my licensure active (I'm an architect), but it won't be my main thing. The quality of a family's life is just so much higher if one person stays at home.

Depends on what way you define quality of life

[Marie]

Does anybody know of a woman who took time off to have kids and successfully transitioned back into the workplace years later (meaning achieved promotions to middle or upper management)? If so, what industry was she in?

Right now, I'm not sure what my ideal situation would be. Coming from a household w/two working parents, I'm more inclined to want to keep working. Ultimately I don't have a desire to be a housewife long term, and I greatly prefer two incomes. However, there is an appeal to being w/the kinds until they enter elementary school.

I'm just trying to get a feel for whether or not folks have really expereinced a successful re-entry into the working world, or if their career has simply stalled after the break. Hmmm, maybe I'll start a business instead.

[amycat412]

Originally Posted by KAY10

No. I'm not scared of a woman making more than me. I could care less. I just know that man better provide for his wife rather you agree with it or not. Marriage is hard. Period, and I wouldn't do it.

Good for you with this attitude. Seriously. I made more than most of my boyfriends and it bothered all of them to different degrees, with some it was more of an issue than others.

My stance is basically yes, the man should be able to provide, but if the woman also wants to, more power to the couple.

For me, I've always wanted someone to take care of my emotional needs, not my financial. Someone to be a true partner, to lean on me when they need to, and to allow me to lean on him when I need to. A balanced situation.

[PinkandGreenJ]

Frankly, a real man isn't afraid to have his wife make more than him.

My husband and I make VASTLY different salaries. I chose lifestyle over money, and he chose big time corporate. But, that wasn't always the case. Last year, when my husband made the transition to the private sector from public, I was already in private. So, I made about $20K more than he did. What did he say? "Honey, I am fine with you making more money. Hey, can I be a kept man?"

Then when he entered private and now makes 2.5 times what I do...he still wants to be a kept man. ETA:

[amycat412]

I was just thinking also that the focus of that article was a lot on if the woman is a career woman she won't have time for a life. And I am sure that is true of some women, but of the ambitious, powerful, successful women I know--we still value the people in our lives very much. My family, friendships and relationship when there is one (lol) are MORE important.

Friends and I have discussed this at length and have boiled it down to what is perhaps overly simplistic but also pretty true: By nature women are multitaskers and men are not so much the multitaskers. Make sense?

[Rudey]

You know what makes me laugh? Women that called themselves "Career Women" when their jobs blow.

-Rudey

[RACooper]

Originally Posted by Marie

Does anybody know of a woman who took time off to have kids and successfully transitioned back into the workplace years later (meaning achieved promotions to middle or upper management)? If so, what industry was she in?

My cousin's wife - she took time off to have two kids, worked part-time until the youngest was three, then went back to work full-time. The youngest is now entering kindergarten, after being in daycare... while Kelly has just been promoted to a regional manager for her bank... so yes it is possible. The key is not cutting all ties with work while raising the kids, it makes the re-intergration back into the workforce alot easier.

[RACooper]

Originally Posted by KAY10

Yup, both my parents worked too, I stayed with my God Mother when my parents were at work, but my Dad was still the provider. That's just how I was raised. The man must provide for his wife. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. That's Biblical.

Man that last statement raises my hackles "That's Biblical"... well that's nice and all but you do know that the Bible reflects a different culture two thousand years ago right?

Sure the man must provide for his family... but does that mean solely financial support? The man and woman must provide more than just financial support for a family, as a team; if the woman wants to help with or take over the financial support, more power to her.