Another Wedding Etiquette Question

[Lindz928]

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
You are lucky! My bridezilla screamed at me last night for not inviting enough of her friends to her shower. I have no idea how she knows so many details of the shower, but apparently there is a leak somewhere. She still hasn't called to apologize although she told another bridesmaid that she feels bad that she yelled at me. I was in tears, and it takes a lot to make me cry. I really feel like blowing off her shower and quitting as her bridesmaid.

Aww, you poor thing! That is so mean! I mean, I know it is about her wedding day and everything, but if my best friend had yelled at me like that, she would have gotten the same right back. Just cause it's your wedding is no reason to not be nice to the women who care enough about you to be a part of your special day.

[wrigley]

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
You are lucky! My bridezilla screamed at me last night for not inviting enough of her friends to her shower. I have no idea how she knows so many details of the shower, but apparently there is a leak somewhere. She still hasn't called to apologize although she told another bridesmaid that she feels bad that she yelled at me. I was in tears, and it takes a lot to make me cry. I really feel like blowing off her shower and quitting as her bridesmaid.

OMG what a witchypoo. That's pretty rude that you had to find out secondhand that she "feels bad". I hope she apologizes to you face to face.

If it's too late to cancel the shower and get your deposit back, don't throw in the towel. Show up and be the best Peaches-n-Cream hostess you can be and rise above her bridezilla ways.

If people were left off of your guest list, there's no reason that the uninvited can't give her another shower. Some brides have been know to have more than one shower.

I'm with you Lindz928. The brides I've stood up for never got to the bridezilla zone.

[Lindz928]

Originally posted by wrigley
OMG what a witchypoo.

Haha. What a great word!

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally posted by Lindz928
Aww, you poor thing! That is so mean! I mean, I know it is about her wedding day and everything, but if my best friend had yelled at me like that, she would have gotten the same right back. Just cause it's your wedding is no reason to not be nice to the women who care enough about you to be a part of your special day.

Thanks. I have been feeling crappy about this all day. I was in shock last night when it happened. I saw the first signs of bridezilla in July, but I never thought that she would behave this way. Her shower was going to be a beautiful affair this weekend with the women who love her. Now I don't even want to attend.

Maybe I'm doing things wrong, but I thought showers are for family and close friends. I invited 43 women plus the bridal party, but that isn't enough. I think that she wants a mini-wedding, but our budget won't allow that. I just cannot believe that she treated me so disrespectfully after all the work and planning that we have done. So basically, I was screamed at for throwing her an expensive party.

lol@ witchypoo. The shower is Saturday so it's too late to change anything. Until the screaming began last night, I was having fun. I'm just going to get my hair done, wear my cute dress, and enjoy myself. I hope that this outburst was just temporary insanity.

[MysticCat]

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
lol@ witchypoo.

Calling HR Pufnstuf! Calling HR Pufnstuf!

[Lindz928]

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream

Maybe I'm doing things wrong, but I thought showers are for family and close friends. I invited 43 women plus the bridal party, but that isn't enough. I think that she wants a mini-wedding, but our budget won't allow that. I just cannot believe that she treated me so disrespectfully after all the work and planning that we have done. So basically, I was screamed at for throwing her an expensive party.

I PERSONALLY think that 43 plus the bridal party is perfectly reasonable. No, she does NOT need a mini-wedding. I know she is your friend and all but to her for thinking that. AND for being so mean to someone who cared enough to put her own time, effort, and money into making a special party for her.

[honeychile]

IMHO, 43 people is TOO many people to ask to a shower!! I'd rather see a bride have 3-4 showers than have the mini-wedding this brat is demanding.

Frankly, I question if she's mature enough to marry. Can you imagine if the drycleaner or the rug cleaners get her order wrong? She's going to have a nervous breakdown!

[ladypi]

Originally posted by ladypi
Ok here's an addon to the original question....

I am a bridesmaid for an old friend in a few months. I earn a modest living as do most people just out of college. I have already spent 300 dollars on my dress, 100 on my shoes, was forced into 100 for the shower gift by the mother (I had planned to spend 50), 300 for my plane ticket, 150ish to rent a car for the weekend, in addition to a variety of other expenses like parking at the airport and putting my dog in the kennel.

So let's see
300
100
100
300
150
+??
= 950 dollars (almost one whole paycheck)

I know this all comes along with the honor of being asked to be a bridesmaid so don't bash me for that one.... but I just wasn't expecting at 300 dollar dress and 100 dollar shoes.

So my question... before I head into the poor house or have to give up my beautiful new car that I have worked so hard for...

What do you think is the appropriate amount for a bridesmaid to give?????

Ok Yall I have GOT to bring this back up. Remember from before how tacky it was for the mother to ask us all to give a 100 dollar gift to the shower??? Well because of this and all the above mentioned, I had decided th only spend 50 dollars on the wedding gift, which I think is perfectly reasonable since I am only one year out of college. Well I get an email from the bride's sister today. It says "I was wondering what ya'll thought about just giving [insert brides name] a big check since she's got everything else she needs and registered for. I also spoke with [insert another bridesmaid's name] about getting [insert grooms name]'s wedding party in on it, so hopefully we can give her and [groom] $1?00.00 on their wedding day. If everyone is cool with that, please mail me a 100.00 check and I will write one big check and get a card for all of us to sign at the rehersal dinner. Please have this to me BEFORE [bride]'s wedding [which it in 3 weeks] so I can write the check!"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I am so POed!!!! I mean. Now I feel forced into giving this money... which I don't have! I don't even want to go now because the mother and the sister are going to have it out for me if I don't do it. How tacky and uncouth is this? Goes to show you that money doesn't buy class doesn't it?

Please please tell me what I should do? I am kinda freaking out thinking I won't be able to pay bills next month. And my parents would give me the money but I shouldn't have to ask.

Ok, thanks for letting me vent!!!!!

[AlphaFrog]

Send her an IOU....

Seriously though, email her and say "since you were 'wondering what we thought' I will tell you what I think...I can't give this much money, my budget won't allow it. Thank you for including me in your idea, but I will be sending a seperate gift".

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally posted by ladypi
Ok Yall I have GOT to bring this back up. Remember from before how tacky it was for the mother to ask us all to give a 100 dollar gift to the shower??? Well because of this and all the above mentioned, I had decided th only spend 50 dollars on the wedding gift, which I think is perfectly reasonable since I am only one year out of college. Well I get an email from the bride's sister today. It says "I was wondering what ya'll thought about just giving [insert brides name] a big check since she's got everything else she needs and registered for. I also spoke with [insert another bridesmaid's name] about getting [insert grooms name]'s wedding party in on it, so hopefully we can give her and [groom] $1?00.00 on their wedding day. If everyone is cool with that, please mail me a 100.00 check and I will write one big check and get a card for all of us to sign at the rehersal dinner. Please have this to me BEFORE [bride]'s wedding [which it in 3 weeks] so I can write the check!"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I am so POed!!!! I mean. Now I feel forced into giving this money... which I don't have! I don't even want to go now because the mother and the sister are going to have it out for me if I don't do it. How tacky and uncouth is this? Goes to show you that money doesn't buy class doesn't it?

Please please tell me what I should do? I am kinda freaking out thinking I won't be able to pay bills next month. And my parents would give me the money but I shouldn't have to ask.

Ok, thanks for letting me vent!!!!!

OMFG. I would email her back and say "No thank you, I have already purchased a gift."

[valkyrie]

That is so tacky I can't even believe it. DO NOT GIVE HER THE MONEY. Doing so would only encourage this obnoxious behavior. I wouldn't even RESPOND or at most I'd say "NO THANKS" and that is ALL. Don't even offer an excuse.

[wrigley]

I agree with AlphaFrog. Be polite in your email. Inform her that you've already purchased your wedding gift .You choose not to participate, and to leave your name off of the card. Don't go into details about your budget. That's your business.You have to stand your ground ladypi. You're being reasonable and it's not worth it to go into debt.

This precious wedding has gone overboard. If the bride and groom have supposedly gotten everything from their registry, then everyone should be off the hook in chipping for the "big check" from the wedding party. It sounds like the family is having money issues if they have to hit up the wedding party. Unbelievable.

[AOIIBrandi]

I think (hope) the Bride would be really upset if she found out her Mother and Sister were pressuring people to give gifts that are outside their means.

I am not saying tell the Bride about it, but I would tell the sister. I tend to be a very blunt straight forward person, so I would just tell the sister that: "While you are happy to be in the wedding, and realize that there are certain extra costs involved, but that you already spent more than you had planned on the shower gift and that you cannot afford to give $100 for the wedding gift as well." I would also maybe throw in that you did have to purchase an airline ticket to get there (additional cost some of the others may not have had to pay) and that you would be happy to chip in what you had planned to spend on the wedding gift, but if that is not satisfactory you will send your gift seperate of everyone else.

DO NOT let these people pressure you into not being able to pay your bills. Some people get squeamish about actually telling people you don't have the money, but I think if they are going to pressure you being straight forward is the best way.

[pinkyphimu]

that is utterly ridiculous!! i agree with those who said you can email back and say you already got a gift. you don't have to tell her what it is or say anything about your budget. thank her for thinking of including you, too!

the bridezilla i knew also became a pregasaurus! they don't get better!

[honeychile]

Originally posted by ladypi
Ok Yall I have GOT to bring this back up. Remember from before how tacky it was for the mother to ask us all to give a 100 dollar gift to the shower??? Well because of this and all the above mentioned, I had decided th only spend 50 dollars on the wedding gift, which I think is perfectly reasonable since I am only one year out of college. Well I get an email from the bride's sister today. It says "I was wondering what ya'll thought about just giving [insert brides name] a big check since she's got everything else she needs and registered for. I also spoke with [insert another bridesmaid's name] about getting [insert grooms name]'s wedding party in on it, so hopefully we can give her and [groom] $1?00.00 on their wedding day. If everyone is cool with that, please mail me a 100.00 check and I will write one big check and get a card for all of us to sign at the rehersal dinner. Please have this to me BEFORE [bride]'s wedding [which it in 3 weeks] so I can write the check!"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I am so POed!!!! I mean. Now I feel forced into giving this money... which I don't have! I don't even want to go now because the mother and the sister are going to have it out for me if I don't do it. How tacky and uncouth is this? Goes to show you that money doesn't buy class doesn't it?

Please please tell me what I should do? I am kinda freaking out thinking I won't be able to pay bills next month. And my parents would give me the money but I shouldn't have to ask.

Ok, thanks for letting me vent!!!!!

Do NOT give in!! Send the $50 that you planned, and say that's all you can afford.

What's the worst thing that can happen? That you'll get kicked out of the wedding party? ($400+ saved) That you won't be allowed to go to the wedding (another $500+ saved)? That they'll talk about you? Because keep this in mind: what if you decide to get married, and make her a bridesmaid? A married woman doesn't have over $1,000 to spend on someone else's big day! She may even be pregnant, and beg off!

This is blackmail, pure and simple. Rise above it!