Pregnant Yet Interested: What are your thoughts?

[Me By Nature]

Hello Everyone. Being a mother interested in AKA I decided to add my input on the topic. When I had my daughter I was blessed enough to have a lot of help (the biggest being her daddy- A wonderful black man!) Even with all the assistance I took a year off of college just to devote to raising her. I myself didn't try to begin pursuing AKA again until she was a bit older. But everyones situation is different so what worked for me might not work for someone else. If the women can handle the pressure of being a new mother and pursuing AKA- I applaud her strength. But I would highly advise her to do a careful evaluation of her duties and where her priorities lie.

[deja]

AKA2D,

In response to my Silver and Golden sorors, I have the utmost respect, for my mother is one. However, we have to keep in mind that we are of great sisterhood and we must respect ourselves before we can expect anyone to respect us.

AKATude, I agree, this thread took on an additonal topic.

Ladies the reason I feel so strongly about this is......well, on the other hand, perhaps I should only discuss this with my sorors. Feel free to e-mail me.

[LadyAKA]

Again I have to piggy back on what Soror AKAtude has stated, this original question was something like can it be done, answer being yes ... along the line we changed it to image so forth and another which is someone's personal opinion.
And again I will state if you can handle it go ahead, two BUT's
1)Still it is the CHOICE of the CHAPTER
&
2)Evaluation of priorities should be re-thought!

Sisterly
LadyAKA

[pinkice9]

First of all I would like to thank soror AKATUDE for her positive response to what I said about pledging while pregnant.

Although M.I.P is the process, you still pledge the sorority. Pledge does not mean haze and I think many people are fooled by that term.

Whenever you become a part of something that is bigger than you, you need to realize that what is best for the organization is best for you. If you want to pledge, you need to put yourself in the minds and the hearts of your potential line sisters or sorors.

Would you want to have your process altered due to the ideas and choices of another person on your line? Or would you want the opportunity to enjoy your process to the fullest like most. The pressure, time and effort of knowing what you need to know could be overwhelming to a pregnant woman.

I just think a woman or man should wait until they are stable and are handling things with that child, then she/he will be able to have sound mind and time to pledge that organization.

Much that is given is received and if you cannot give much you will receive just that.

Pinkice

[This message has been edited by pinkice9 (edited August 09, 2000).]

[chAKAlate]

Hello All!! I have been away from the chat board because i have recently become addicted to BlackPlanet.com...lol. Check out my page I am ChAKAlate2.

WEll I had to respond to this topic. I was pregnant my senior year in highschool and so when I entered my freshman year of college, I was in my third trimester.

Of course my first year or so, I was busy adjusting myself to being pregnant, then a new mom and still being a succesful student.

So I started my pursuit of AKA in my junior year. I am pleased to say that my big sisters were wise enough to see that despite my early personal mistake of being a teen mom. I still had all the other attributes of an Alpha Kappa Alpha woman. I was committed to my community, ladylike,committed to academic excellence and hd high ethical and moral standards (when did pre-marital sex become the ultimate sin and judge of character, there are worse ones in my book. I think I expressed my moral character when I decided to go through with my pregnacy and not terminate it..choosing life over death)

I think to disqualify someone from consideration based on their status as a single parent or parent alone, or even teen parent is to unfairly evaluate them. That status does not define a person's character.

I took no time off. I graduated in four years exactly, something that many non-parents at my school could not accomplish. I took no time off after my pregnancy and as a matter of fact for the first three months of my son's life he attended class with me. In fact my GPA was higher than my big sisters. I graduated cum laude at the age of twenty-one and now at the age of twenty-two i am at a top law school..I turned Harvard down. This is from a young woman who gave birth at the age of seventeen.

I am not ashamed of the fact that I was a teen parent. I am glad that I can be an example for other young woman, that if you make a mistake early on in life, it does not mean that it defines your future..you still can be the best you can be.

My big sisters made arrangments for both me and my sands (who was also a mother) in regards to pledging activities. Ironically us two parents were the only two women on campus who actually came to all community service activities etc. etc. that is why we were chosen. I do know there are some sorors who feel uncomfortable putting moms online..I was fortunate enough to have big sisters who did not feel that way. In fact I think I had their increased respect. And in fact because they knew we were moms and how responsible we were, they expected more from us!!! i.e. better results and less EXCUSES.


In regards to being pregnant...it depends on what type of pledging you participate in. MIP, then no it really shouldn't be a problem , other activities yes it more than likely would be a problem. I agree with other sorors that ultimately it is the chapter's decision alone.

Sorors remember part of our mission is to study and help alleviate the problem concerning girls and women, teen pregnacy and single parenthood is one of those issues and so we should be mindful that looking down on teen parents and single moms does not help alleviate the problem.

That is my $19.08 cents.


------------------
Aim for the moon,.... if you miss you'll be among the stars.

[This message has been edited by chAKAlate (edited August 09, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by chAKAlate (edited August 09, 2000).]

[Sexy Mocha]

ChAKAlate, you could not have said it any better! You are an inspiration to ALL women...single, married, childless, pregnant, single mom...you name it! Turned Harvard down?!? You go ahead with your bad self!

[blu_theatrics]

Well said sisterfriend. I too was pregnant my senoior year of high school. Did not take any time off and will be graduating this may. I absolutley HATE it when people use having children as an excuse for not succeeding. In my opinion, my son gives me the inspiration to never give up.

You go girl and keep up the good work.
If and when time permits try to talk to these young ladies who are quiting high school because they have children or are giving up on life. We have to show them that it is now even more important for them to continue with their goals

Originally posted by chAKAlate:

WEll I had to respond to this topic. I was pregnant my senior year in highschool and so when I entered my freshman year of college, I was in my third trimester.

[LadyAKA]

I respect all of you and the decisions you have made, but sorors and friends are now making this topic into something it was never meant to be. I still go back to it is the chapters choice and if you feel you can be pregnant or be already with child then go ahead submit and have fun!! To each her own....with that said I am leaving this topic alone!!

[Discogoddess]

"Sorors remember part of our mission is to study and help alleviate the problem concerning girls and women, teen pregnacy and single parenthood is one of those issues and so we should be mindful that looking down on teen parents and single moms does not help alleviate the problem."

I am inspired by your story, Soror ChAKAlate, but I don't think by glorifying teen pregnancy and single parenthood we are helping to alleviate it, either. And I think we glorify it when we accept single moms on the undergrad level, regardless of age, and have sorors (and other greek women) parade their kids around at step shows, service events, etc. What are we saying to young girls when we do this? That "hey it's okay to get pregnant, becuase I did it and still got in to a sorority"? Where is the encouragement to not get pregnant and not have to be challenged by the additional responsibility? Not everyone can/will do as you and blutheatrics have done, so I don't think it's wise to hold up these examples, however inspiration and impressive they are. I still want to know: what are we saying to kids when we ourselves don't follow what we tell them (delay sex and pregnancy to get an education, etc.)?

[OOHLALA]

Ladies, this topic is sure growing, and just when I thought it died down, it has been reheated!!!!I have been a quiet reader for quite sometime.......

Discogoddess: Your comments are going to down right upset a bunch of single women, especially those that are mothers!
I, myself, am a single mother. By defeating the odds placed on single mothers, by people with similiar ways of thinking as yours has caused such ignorance (I am not calling you ignorant)which has perpetuated the rate of drop-outs by teen women on both the high school and collegiate level. Part of society and even their families tell them they will never amount to anything, and many are sidetracked and believe this,therefore they lose any amibtion or motivation to prove people wrong.
Like CHAKALATE (shout out to CALI!!) said, she and countless others who have become members of your illustrious organization HAVE defeated the odds, which by no means has put any damper on the bright light that is upon Alpha Kappa Alpha.
I am now 22, and doing better than most of my associates my age. My son, gave my life a new meaning and directiion that at the age of 19, I so desperately needed. No, I was not the product of abuse, nor did I come from a broken home like society would like for us to believe. I simply made a mistake, and have corrected this mistake by taking charge of my future and my son.
Your words were particularly painful, and I am sure they were not attended as such. But how can anyone "Glorify Teen Pregnancy"? Should we shun those that fallen prey to such? No, we should uplift them and show them the proper course of action to correct the past to show them a brighter future. The girls and women who has taken this route, hopefully by the time they intend to express an interest into your illustious organization will hopefully followed such a past that her merits, character and service willl shine so brightly that who gives a D*&% if she was a single mother~~~ Put yourself in this scenario: You are volunteering at at teen center for pregnant, or single moms and one of them asked if they were to turn their life onto the right track, "Is it possible to become a member of your sorority?" What would your answer be.....

[Discogoddess]

I think you all aren't feeling me: I never said that one's decision to become a mother while young and not married is an insurmountable obstacle or "unforgiveable sin," so to speak. I also don't feel that by not extending membership to single mothers who are in college that I am saying go to hell! I'm just saying that I don't think it's a good example to set AND I think that mothers need to focus on the studies and family and working for their community. They don't need a sorority to do that.

I just don't understand why people feel entitled to join a sorority, A NON-ESSENTIAL, NOT REQUIRED part of the college experience. You aren't owed membership just because you're doing what you chose to do-be a mother, student, worker, etc. You can't be denied something you aren't owed in the first place.

I don't doubt that undergraduate single mothers contribute to their communities and families while juggling a great deal of responsibility. I'm saying that being in a sorority is not a right, it's a priviledge, and that those who choose new members to carry the torch should look carefully at the message they send when they choose people who CHOOSE certain life situations. Single motherhood is one of those situations, but I feel the same about academic mediocrity, sexual promiscuity and undignified behavior.

Oohlala: I would tell that young woman that yes, if she met the sorority's standards, she should consider it, but I would counsel her to wait until she graduates from college. Her focus in school needs to be on her family and studies.


[This message has been edited by Discogoddess (edited August 10, 2000).]

[PositivelyAKA]

i would not recommend a pregnant woman pledging a sorority period undergrad, many many chapters do still practice forms of hazing/pledging/mip whatever you want to call it. the activities and time needed may not be detrimental to most but a expecting mother is easily at risk depending on the situation. again sorority life is time consuming, expensive, these things need to be taken into consideration. you need to focus on getting to know your line sisters, doing work and learning more about the sorority during this time. If you already have a child and you want to pledge then i say go for yours, if you can give it your all and still handle your mommy responsibilities as soror Chakalate has done then wonderful, especially with college women being so diverse in age and maturity. (oh by the way you are tight soror Chakalate, but you know this, cali in this piece :0) you have just as much right to persue AKA as the woman with no child but is not married and having sex as an extracurricular activity, in love or not, sex before marriage is a sin according to God. We are all sinners. Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" with that said whether you got caught stealing or not, its still wrong. knowing all this the bottom line is what does the chapter want, and if the chapter is cool with it then so be it "pledge on", but if the chapter doesn't feel it will represent the image or values they are trying to uphold then you are out of luck. like my soror said AKA is not a right its a priviledge that comes ultimately down to the chapter vote and we need to respect that or find another sorority. some may feel for example that the gpa should be lower or higher etc. etc. but that's our decision to make and no non soror should be speaking on what the chapter has decided to have as its standard. that is my 1908 cents. good topic by the way.

[AKAtude]

Well said, Soror PositivelyAKA!

[thatgirl]

Discogoddess, I truly understand your concern with what message unwed parenthood is sending to our youth. But I'm not quite sure of what you would like for those who have gone that route to do.

To me, there is no such thing as 'glorifying teenage pregnancy or single parenthood'. It seems to me that people would rather have these people to fail and be poor examples than to excel. At least that way, I guess people would feel better saying "Don't do that, or you'll end up like (whoever)." The argument loses merit if (whoever) is succesful.

What you fail to realize is that a single mother will be the FIRST person to tell a young girl not to go that route. You probably have no idea of what we went through to get where we are. I can (and do) tell story upon story of sleepless nights and tears and heartbreak. However, I keep living and I countinue to SUCCEED, because that's what I'm supposed to do. A mistake is just that - a MISTAKE. It is not the end of the world. God blessed me to wake up the morning after I made that mistake, and I will continue to glorify HIM (not teen pregnancy, not single parenthood) until the day that he decides that my work here is done. And let me clarify what mistake I'm talking about, because some people continue to get it mixed up:
I made the mistake of having unprotected sex, not having a child. A child is NEVER a mistake, nor should he/she be regarded as one. God saw fit to bring life through me and regardless of the circumstances that allowed for that child's conception, God DOES NOT, HAS NOT, SHALL NEVER make a mistake!

You have to see past the act. Some of the strongest women in the world have been where I am. The world eats out of the palms of Maya Angelou, Oprah Winfrey, and Iyanla Vanzant. They have all been there.

[blu_theatrics]

Personally, I have never considere my self a single mother, yes I was a teenage mother, but not a single mother. My son has both of his parents in his life 100% and maybe that is why I was able to pledge and am still able to be a part of my organization actively.

But that is a completely difenerent topic, so i will get to what I intended on posting. Yes, i understand exactly what you mean when you say that what Ihave done may not be what will happen to others, but I don't believe I am glorifing teen pregnancy. I had a mind sey before my pregnancy that I kept after and during it and I know that is what made the difference in me. I will not ever go out and try to promote sexual sctivity or teen pregnacy, but I will try to be there for the young ladies who have had sexual intercourse and become pregnant to tell them that they can keep striving for their goals.