DARK/LIGHT...SKIN COLOR.........Is this still an issue? Let's be honest Sorors & SF'

[Steeltrap]

Originally posted by 1savvydiva
@ ST, this was a very interesting article! Do you think it would apply to my situation? Actually, I was very heated when I wrote that HC this morning, I have calmed down considerably. I talked to my Auntie about it and she said that maybe I shouldn't say anything. I have basically chalked it up to ignorance (on her part of course), but I still don't feel comfortable (actually it burns me a bit) that she is so incredibly uncouth. Honestly, now that I am sitting here writing this, there have been occasions where she's made little inuendos about me going to RN school and "being so proper", and that makes me uncomfortable. I guess she may be jealous because I am trying to do something with myself, but I think sometimes she just does stuff for shock value. I really need to think about this before I proceed, but I do want to report it, (at the very least, it is just inappropriate), I am just weighing who I should report it to first. The first person that I actually SHOULD report it to is the ER RN Manager, but like I said, she is their little 'mascot' so I may have to take it elsewhere.

It might apply to your situation. I would check with the HR people at your hospital, too. If it were me, I'd report it. She needs to keep her tacky comments to herself.

As an aside, it seems like your co-worker is putting her lack of self-esteem, etc. on you. Classic crabs-in-the-barrel syndrome.

[exquizit]

Originally posted by miss priss
Thank-you so much for saying this...I have experienced this more than a few times and it pisses me off to no end!

When my daughter was born she was VERY light-skinned, everyone looked at me then looked at her--I sarcastically said her father was white, then they would say "oh that explains it" ;but, I would laugh and say her father was light-skinned. The killer part is they would say oh she is so cute but then turn right around and say she looks just like her daddy---even though I've been told she looks just like me but lighter....

I just completed a feminist class, and this issue was one I found very hard to explain to my white female counterparts. America is still shielded with the concept of race. And within the Afro-American

But ya know even today color is still an issue...it's so sad

I had the same problem with the brat when she was born. What kills me is that they act as though they're giving you a compliment by commenting on how pretty their light skin is , or just how much they look like a white baby...WTF?

I also feel it's stupid of them to say........"Oh she must have gotten her color from her daddy"

Does it matter? I mean we're beautiful no matter what shade we're in!!!

[1savvydiva]

Originally posted by Steeltrap
It might apply to your situation. I would check with the HR people at your hospital, too. If it were me, I'd report it. She needs to keep her tacky comments to herself.

As an aside, it seems like your co-worker is putting her lack of self-esteem, etc. on you. Classic crabs-in-the-barrel syndrome.

You know, what's sad is that Pastor spoke briefly about this on Sunday. He was saying that basically: My blessing is not predicated upon your failure. This is not a see-saw world...you don't have to go down before I can rise up. We do this, I don't know why! Everything that I am blessed with, God will do the same for you! Don't hate on me, just get YOURSELF on point.

ETA: I don't think that her comment this morning was so much directed at me, but it just made me uncomfortable. (I just wanted to clarify for someone who pm'd me last night )

[FeeFee]

Originally posted by 1savvydiva
You know, what's sad is that Pastor spoke briefly about this on Sunday. He was saying that basically: My blessing is not predicated upon your failure. This is not a see-saw world...you don't have to go down before I can rise up. We do this, I don't know why! Everything that I am blessed with, God will do the same for you! Don't hate on me, just get YOURSELF on point.

ETA: I don't think that her comment this morning was so much directed at me, but it just made me uncomfortable. (I just wanted to clarify for someone who pm'd me last night )

Even though her comment wasn't directed at you, your reaction to the comment is what's important. Same thing for sexual harrassment, it's not just what was done or said (directly or indirectly), it's also a person's reaction/comfort level with it.
I must agree, she is facing some serious self-esteem problems here, and she' projecting them on you.

[Kimmie1913]

Originally posted by iceandivy
I can only think of a handful of campuses who still use the paper-bag test. Very few care anymore. Greeks are always in the forefront, aren't they?!?

Please, please, please tell me you are kidding about being able to name any school that still uses the paper bag test??? See this is one of those behaviors and obsessions that we as Black people have that I swear is pathological.

I am light, bright and damn near white in complexion. I used to go to bed as a child and pray that i would wake up any color darker than what I am. It took a long time to get over that.

As far as color and BGLO's- you would be amazed how many people who try to guess my affiliation say "you look like an AKA." It is definitely still out there that light skinned, long hair = AKA. I think it is such a disservice to the members of both organizations. It infuriates me.

[Jill1228]

Unfortunately it is still an issue. I even heard my grandmother say "She is real BLACK but she is pretty". WTF is up with that!?
If I had a dollar for every time I was dissed for being dark (I am one of the darker ones in my family), I would retire!

Come on! Our community has other serious issues to deal with besides this BS!

Originally posted by mizzkes
I've heard children express the same things as mentioned above. My nieces and nephews came home saying that my mother is choclate and I am vanilla. My nephew told me that he like vanilla girls. Of course I gave him a long lecture on the issue. My mom had an exprience with a brother from her church. He is a dark complected man who is a single father of a really dark complected father. This man is the center of the attention of many of the single sisters in the congregation. Do you know that he had the nerve to say that he wants to marry a light complected woman?!!! My mother said to him "Well if every man felt the way you do, then your daughter will never find a husband. What do you think of that?" He was dumbfounded of course. I just think that it is a deep rooted issue that will be hard to change on the national scale. It is sad.

[evaclear04]

You would think that we have after all we have been through we would have gotten over this...
This type of racism happens to me every single day. If I have to hear...." Your so nice to be light skinned" I just might slap someone. I remember the first time someone ever said this to me... I was baffled... what in the hayle does my complexion have to do with my attitude??? Not a Dayum Thang!
As far as greek life goes... this is still prevalent. But not in the quantity that it used to be. My chapter was comprised of nothing but darker skinned ladies...so my LS and I stood out like sore thumbs. But that didn't deter us any... nor did it matter to a Sorors. We are all in it for one common goal. And our complexion can never effect that...

[Afrochic]

Originally posted by evaclear04

This type of racism happens to me every single day. If I have to hear...." Your so nice to be light skinned" I just might slap someone. I remember the first time someone ever said this to me... I was baffled... what in the hayle does my complexion have to do with my attitude??? Not a Dayum Thang!

You know I've had the same thing happen to me over and over. You would be suprised how much I had to fight as a child because of a stupid complexion issue and because I came from a two parent household, sad but true. When I was younger, I met a girl up the street and we hit it off. One day we were in her kitchen eating and she said she never thought we would be friends and I asked her why. She told me "I just didn't think you were that cool." Years later in college I've had people to say Afrochic, you cool peoples because we thought you were one of those "stuck up red girls." I've also gotten the "you look like an AKA" comment more times than I can count.

When I was in college I would style hair in the campus salon. There was an older lady (50ish) who eventually became my regular customer. One day we were chatting about women who have been in the cosmetology industry for years. She knew a lady who had varicose veins from the constant standing for years in a salon. That woman looked at me and said, "I wouldn't want to be as light as you because if you got varicose veins, you can see them, and that would be ugly." WTF?

Another thing I can't stand is job interviews. I have a name that you wouldn't know the race until I step in the door. I don't think white people mean it, but some act as if they have never been around a black person before who can speak English and dress in business attire. Sometimes they act as if I'm the spokesperson for the entire black race. One day I went to an interview and I was at the head of the table while a good seven or eight people in the company interviewd me. One white lady told me she wish she could tan and get my color because she turns red when she tans. She also wanted to know what hair color was in my head because she liked it. And the other lady said my God look at her teeth, they are gorgeous. I felt like sideshow damn bob up in that piece on display. What in the hell did any of that have to do with the job? How long have we been in America? There are a wide array of hues in the black race. Why is this an issue?

I've also gotten the comment, "Are you mixed with something?" And I say yeah, two black parents. Many people do not realize how ignorant their comments can be. But why do I remember the sarcastic and hurtful comments from childhood until now, and I'm 28 years old? Racism outside and inside of our race is alive and well. By the looks of it, it is not going anywhere anytime soon.

[LawyerGal]

That ranks up there with "you are pretty to be big" or "you have good hair"

Huh????!!!! I am visiting family in Jamaica and it is a serious issue here as well the paper had an article about it because all of the Miss Jamaica have been very light to med. complexion and 'coolie' meaning "good hair" or a person who looks mixed. The reporting was commenting on how sad it is that the beautiful sisters who are darker are discouraged from even trying to compete! And this is an entire island of people of color!!???

[Kimmie1913]

Originally posted by Afrochic
I've also gotten the comment, "Are you mixed with something?" And I say yeah, two black parents. Many people do not realize how ignorant their comments can be. But why do I remember the sarcastic and hurtful comments from childhood until now, and I'm 28 years old?

When I was an adolecent and going through it on this issue I was really upset over people asking me if I was mixed. My dad, (so cute) trying to make me feel better told me to tell them yes, I am mixed. East and west Baltimore. It still makes me laugh.

I have heard all the ignorant comments from "I thought you would be stuck up", "You think you are cute cause you're light," (Side note- no, i think I am cute cause I'm cute!!) From a white classmate -"I could almost forget you are Black," (DON'T! WTF!! That is supposed to be a compliment?) "if I wanted to date someone that light I would just date a white girl," "he is only dating you cause he really wants to date white girls," etc. Wake up Black people wake up!

[Steeltrap]

A good friend of mine who I worked with back in 10 A C was convinced that I was biracial because I'm fair and have fine hair (that some would consider "good," but I digress. ). I simply showed pictures of my parents (mom's fair, my late dad was dark).

I understand that intraracial discrimination exists, but I just think it's a waste of energy. Let's worry about improving education and securing economic opportunities.

[sweet26]

I think it is an issue for those that are insecure about themselves. If anyone of you watched the movie "Queen", it is a great example of how this type of insecurity was embedded in most of our ancestors years ago. Queen - (Halle Berry) was allowed to stay in the house, dress nicely ect, while our darker skin generation picked cotton and lived in poor conditions. What I learned from the movie was that, even though Queen may have had an advantage back then in many ways because of her skin color; she still ended up with the same negative effect, when times got bad.

It is unfortunate that some of our ancestors passed this on that it is visibally affecting us in the 21st Century.

[miss priss]

Originally posted by exquizit
I had the same problem with the brat when she was born. What kills me is that they act as though they're giving you a compliment by commenting on how pretty their light skin is , or just how much they look like a white baby...WTF?

I also feel it's stupid of them to say........"Oh she must have gotten her color from her daddy"

Does it matter? I mean we're beautiful no matter what shade we're in!!!

No, it shouldn't matter ;but it still happens to me to this day. My daughter is considerably lighter than I.

Now being from the South, I have found that what Northerners (West and East included) describe as light is not the same where I am from. For instance, Jada Pinkett would be considered as brown to some but light where I am from.
Although, most people I knew didn't care what color you were as long as you were pretty.

When I was younger, a guy I was dating (a jerk) once said in a conversation I overheard that he would marry a light-skinned girl and only f*** dark ones. Well I guess you know I told him where to get off!

But it used to really bother me and I would pray often that my daughter didn't experience those same prejudices.

My husband and I just had a discussion very similar to this (black men marrying white women and the reasons why--another issue another thread)--my argument was and still is that we, as an Afro-American community, have a social responsibility to enlighten, require, and demand that the face of the A-A female community is not just some chick with "slightly" dark skin with very "thin" features or some BBW with a hearty voice selling Pine-Sol. My color, or ANY woman's color should not set the standard for what's beautiful but should expose our blackness as merely existentialism.

[ShiningStar83]

I'm what some would call "light-skinned", but my roomate is dark. People are always telling her that she is cute to be dark skinned, and while she thinks nothing of it, I find it offensive. She is a very pretty girl and her skin color should not defined her beauty.

In another case, a guy I met at the movies told me that he would not have approached me if I were a shade darker. I don't know what kind of line he thought that was, but I politely left him standing there looking like the fool he is.

But on a lighter note, I have a "thing" for dark skinned guys

[Lady of Pearl]

Unfortunately some people are still colorstruck. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. Alas, some still ascribe to the eurocentric concept of beauty-light skin, thin, with long hair. It is up to the individual to be secure in themselves and not use the typical standard of beauty to measure themselves up against.
It is only when an individual accepts and love themselves for who they are contrary to what society dictates will they be secure in themselves.