Cry Me A River... should I?

[valpogal99]

I have to say that there has been some really interesting advice on here. The only thing I know to do is post my story and hope someone takes something away from it... the ONLY advice I will give to the original post is DO NOT GO SEE HIM. You will only be left feeling embarrased when he walks by and tells you he has something going on... I agree that you should live your life, let him live his and see if you are brought back together.

Okay, on to my story... I was engaged at 18. It was my H.S. sweetheart and I got all caught up in the whole "first" thing. Neither of us was ready to wed but both of us were scared to break it off. He ended up finding someone else (behind my back) and it created hard feelings between us. In the end, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was able to move on (even though I didn't think I wanted to) and go to the college events I wanted to without having to justify why I was there or getting the 3rd degree about what happened there. My last year of college I was set up on a blind date over summer break. The relationship survived the 500+ mile distance and we were married at ages 27 and 28 (despite both of starting the relationship saying we did not want to get married). By the time we were married, we both knew what we wanted in life and couldn't imagine finding someone so "in-tune" with where we were and where we wanted to be. I think the reason we lasted and have remained as happy as we are is that neither of us pressured or felt pressure to get married. It was never an issue. In fact, when he proposed, I thought he was being cute and giving me a peanut-butter & jelly sandwhich after I had to work late. Come to think of it, I never had dinner that night...

Okay - don't know if the message will reach the people that need it but oh well... my last comment is that age is not as big of an issue, as is maturity. While the sometimes are related, they can often be very far apart.

[sugar and spice]

I'd just like to state the fact that I agree that there is a huge difference between 18 and 21. There's a huge difference between 18 and 19! I can see that already and I'm not quite 20.

I already gave my advice but since other people are telling their stories, I've decided to give mine too. When I first went away to college, I broke up with the guy I'd been dating. We'd been together for a year and a half but we were going to be halfway across the country from each other so we figured it wouldn't work. We both ended up being lonely and homesick first semester and decided to get back together over Thanksgiving break. As soon as I got back to school second semester I saw how much of a mistake this was -- second semester was so much better than the first and I was becoming a completely different person. I broke up with him over spring break and never looked back. I should have never gotten back together with him in the first place.

Not a single one of the "high school sweethearts" I know made it past spring break of their freshman year. You just change and grow too much over the course of college, and if you're in different places you probably will grow apart.

[AXOLiz]

Originally posted by James
Oh I agree, however, you must admit that you don't always answer things on here, "typically" lol.

But come on, aren't we all constantly amazed at how long our friends will stay in negative relationships? People (generalizing) will often stay longer in a negative relationship than a positive one. Think about it.

Not that this has anything to do with the original topic, but it seems to me like a lot of people would rather live for the good parts in an overall negative relationship than worry that something positive might end. My guess is that if you can deal with the negativity, it's at least consistent, and the only surprises in the relationship are good. The same people, when put in good relationships, get scared about the other shoe dropping and leave before they can get hurt. Yeah, negative relationships hurt too, but it's easier for some people to be in a crappy relationship that they really don't care about than get all emotionally invested in someone great because, at some point, things might get tough and they'll actually, *gasp*, care.

Screwed up, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

[ADPiViolets]

Originally posted by Blue Violet
that guys like it when you ignore them and treat them like crap. Sad but true.

No, not all guys like this. My boyfriend would be devistated if I treated him this way. He is much better than that.