"When I have kids..."

[MoxieGrrl]

Yeah, I have the same question....when is older? Right now it's looking like grad school is in my future, and during those 6 years, a child *and* school would be waaayyy too much responsibility.

Then, there is always this thought in my head to have children young. Then I can be a MILF. (just kidding!!)

[aephi alum]

"Older" for me is in a couple of years. I want to have my first child before I'm 30, and the second one maybe a couple of years later. I'm in my mid-twenties, so I have a couple of years... until then, my husband and I are DINKs (dual income, no kids).

[KillarneyRose]

Originally posted by Fewdfreak
....if I had a kid, I'd have to tend to their needs, and it would get in the way of my perogative. I'm by no means narcissistic or anything, I'm nice, not selfish, etc... buy my career is/needs to be first and foremost. This is what I value.

Lauren, I think your post shows an amazing amount of maturity. I see so many women who have children for whatever reason and then afterward seem frankly surprised that their life and priorities are supposed to change. I am impressed that you recognize this!

I'm not going to insult you by saying, "Oh Lauren, someday your clock will start to tick and you'll want kids." Maybe you'll change your mind someday, maybe you won't. That is completely up to you to decide and no one else. Kudos for being such a self-aware young woman!

I'm not criticizing mothers who work. I can only imagine what a juggling act that must be to handle work and family and I have a lot of respect for most of them. But the fact is, in our society, the brunt of childrearing expectations fall on the mother and while it is possible to do two fulltime jobs simultaneously at an acceptable level, I think it would be difficult if not impossible to truly excel at either.

Everyone please note:

I am just voicing my opinion. I'm no expert. I know it is a woman's right to have a career and a family at the same time for whatever reason she wants. I know there are working mothers out there who look down on me, who think I'm some parasitic creature living off my husband's fat paycheck, spending money I didn't earn with reckless abandon. That's fine. I can accept that people's opinions differ.

ALSO: I'm not even necessarily talking about working women. I'm talking about any mom who is suddenly surprised to find that the child is a person with needs and not just the latest must-have accessory. This year's Prada bag, if you will Read the book "The Nanny Diaries". Women like the mother do exist; I know more than a few.

[Optimist Prime]

Is it harder to adopt older childern? Like 7-12 or even older? I would take in anyone when I have means to support them. Plus, I can teach them Chivalry. Good manners and propper etiqute, the basics of the laws of helardry, etc. I'd be good dad I think. Of course, untill my (adopted) children turn about 17 I will have no drugs, alcohol or firearms in the house. If my kids want to learn to shoot I will teach them propper safety. But kids find things, and unless I had two sepearte safes, one on the top floor for the firearms, one on the bottom floor for the ammo, they would not be there. IF I had children under the age of 15, they would not be there at all. I'd have swords though. Swords are cool. En Garde. Allons. Have at you. Ouch. Touche. Damn touche.

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
I'm not criticizing mothers who work. I can only imagine what a juggling act that must be to handle work and family and I have a lot of respect for most of them. But the fact is, in our society, the brunt of childrearing expectations fall on the mother and while it is possible to do two fulltime jobs simultaneously at an acceptable level, I think it would be difficult if not impossible to truly excel at either.

Everyone please note:

I am just voicing my opinion. I'm no expert. I know it is a woman's right to have a career and a family at the same time for whatever reason she wants. I know there are working mothers out there who look down on me, who think I'm some parasitic creature living off my husband's fat paycheck, spending money I didn't earn with reckless abandon. That's fine. I can accept that people's opinions differ.

Rose,

Some excellent points.

Parasite? Nope.

As I said earlier, my wife and I made an early decision that she would stay home with our children. She felt that having her mom (a college graduate and ADPi) at home really helped her early growth. While that put a fair amount of strain on our finances (and my career), we felt that constant attention, along with always having someone at home before and after school was important. Does that mean our children grew up "better" than others -- probably not. We had our share of problems, just like everyone else.

So, how did she fullfill her ambitions?

My wife is a dynamo. She would probably be a CEO of something had she chosen the business/career track. But having two BMW's was never important to us, so she chose to volunteer and ended up sitting on the board of directors for an international mother's support organization with groups in eighty-one countries. Later, she took a halftime job with another mom from that organization as co-director of a several thousand acre conservation center/outdoor museum. In both of those jobs, she was able to set her own hours and simultaneously support the kids. Now, she has her own home (new) business which is doing well and helped see us through a year's unemployment when my job was eliminated by a corporate "merger."

It really seems to me to be a matter of priorities, and I'm certainly in no position to judge anyone elses. We could probably have a much bigger house, etc., but we are very comfortable with our decision. We also realize that some moms -- single mothers in particular -- have no choice and absolutely must work to support their family. And, with the flexible hours of her business, we are able to watch our grand daughter a couple days a week while our middle daughter (challange child) and her husband get their careers going.

Finally, just as some kids aren't cut out to go to college, some people just shouldn't be parents. That's OK. We have one of each -- although the one who didn't want children recently became a step-mother through marriage and is doing well. Go figure.

Best of luck to all -- no matter what your decision may be.

[Love_Spell_6]

I want to have one child.........2 at the most!!! And that is after I have been married for at least 3 years! I want to enjoy life as a marred couple, before being a mother. When I bring a child into the world. I want to be ready to raise him/her.....not put them off on a babysitter or the grandparents every weekend!

I know this is idealistic.............but ya gotta have a plan right?

[Lady Pi Phi]

I do want kids, but it will be extremely difficult for me to conceive. This summer I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This will make my chance of conceiving very minimal, and very hard. When I was told this it didn't really affect me. I'm young (22) and I'm not ready to be married or have kids...but the more I think about, the more it upsets me because I know I do want kids later. If I'm not fortunate to conceive myself, I think adoption would be the best bet. There aren't really any fertility options, and there is way too much legal drama surrounding surrogate nowadays that I know I couldn't go through with that. But godwilling, I will be able to have children of my own.