How do you drop your girlfriend? - Page 3

Honey77484 · #1 07-28-2001, 08:59 PM

What does it mean when a fraternity makes you a sweetheart?

dzsaigirl · #2 07-28-2001, 10:45 PM

At my school, people NEVER get pinned. You only get dropped. Even so, it is up to the guy if he wants to drop you. Usually the guys in his fraternity know you well and like you and so they are supportive of him. Also, I am now engaged to a fraternity man (who just graduated) but he never dropped me. This is because we tried hard for our relationship to not be centered around being greek. It was part of who we were, but not the reason that we were together. We love our respective groups, but just chose not to do the whole drop thing. However, I did get my song circle when I became engaged and I loved it!

XO_Princess · #3 08-16-2001, 12:52 AM

About wearing letters that aren't yours:
I was made a sweetheart of Sigma Nu, and was also lavaliered by my boyfriend(also a Sigma Nu). I wore their letters, and no one ever gave me a hard time about it. I also wore my own letters, of course, but none of my sisters had a problem with me wearing my boyfriend's letters. On the contrary, whenever a girl in my sorority was made a sweetheart/little sister of a frat, or lavaliered by her boyfriend, we were happy for her! To me it was an honor that the men of Sigma Nu chose me to be a sweetheart, and we felt that way about our other sister's who were chosen as well. No one was ever beaten up-god forbid!-or given a hard time about it.

ladybug16 · #4 08-16-2001, 01:19 AM

I know this is an old thread but I just have to comment on how appalled I am by Cucci74's posts. I looked at her profile to find that under her "interests" is the name of my GLO. I hope to God that she is not really a member of my organization. That makes me sick to think that my sisters somewhere would be engaging in that type of behavior. I want to make it a point to say that this is NOT a national tradition of our organization and that our nationals would NOT condone this type of behavior AT ALL! I just had to add my 2 cents b/c I would hate for someone else to click on the profile and see my sorority name and think that every chapter did this. I am really disheartened

arrowgirl · #5 05-27-2002, 08:47 PM

When I read the post about the sorority that beat up one of its members for getting lavaliered... I was shocked! I am so happy it wasn't my sorority or I would turn their asses in, sisters or not. I am a Pi Phi, and we actually have rules against hazing, and a hazing hotline number (for Pi Phi) we can call if anyone in our chapter tries to. It shouldn't matter if she 'asked for it'. You're sisters, and that is not right at all.

ZTAngel · #6 05-28-2002, 11:10 AM

Most chapters have strict policies against that. I know that when I was lavaliered that I had a beautiful candlelighting ceremony. It is a great moment and should not be ruined by hazing!

kristiAZD · #7 05-29-2002, 02:16 AM

I couldn't believe those posts about sisters beating up one of their own! My sisters would NEVER do that. I am embarassed for that person. In my chapter, being lavaliered or being named sweetheart is a big honor. We have a candle "secret" ceremony to announce it. We are proud to say that we have sisters who are respected enought to represent a fraternity. One year my sorority had a sweetheart in every fraternity on campus. That was a major source of pride for us because it showed how well-recieved and respected we are on campus. I would NEVER beat up one of my sisters.

To respond to the thread starter's post (which is so old they might not even post anymore): I know that in my boyfriend's chapter of his fraternity you DO NOT just lavalier your girlfriend without asking the permission of the entire chapter. You must have all members present, get up and tell them why you want to lavalier the girl and about the prospect of marrying her, and then you leave so the brothers can take a vote. They are not just your letters to give, they are the fraternity's and I feel you should ask permission. My boyfriend was not tied to a pole because the brothers have seen us together and I am always down at the house with them so they knew how devoted to eachother we were. In fact, most of the brothers that have gotten up to speak were granted permission. However this year one got up and spoke for his girlfriend, who was not well liked by the brothers. They did not like the way she treated him, and felt that she was not devoted to him. So they brought back the tying to the pole to test her love for him. They tied him up to a basketball pole outside in his underwear. Then they called her and told her where he was and that she needed to go get him. She refused. So, she was not lavaliered. I don't know the exact circumstances after that, but he either decided not to give them to her, or the brothers told him he was not allowed to. It was a sensitive subject, so I didn't ask. I was in agreement with their opinion, she treated him like dirt. They are no longer together. My boyfriend told them that they could tie him up if they wanted to, but that I would be down there in a flash to get him and have curt words for them when I got back. They all knew I would, so that's why it didn't happen to him.

For the person who asked about sweethearts, I can only tell you what I know about the fraternity to which I am sweetheart. I consider it to being recognized as the fraternity's "girl." The person who is picked is usually a long-term girlfriend of one of the brothers or a very close friend to all of them that has always supported them. It is a very big honor at my school to be named a sweetheart.

GreekGuide · #8 05-29-2002, 06:36 PM

When I was an undergrad, the general procedures/etiquette were as follows:

1) After two Greeks have dated for a considerable time (i.e., usually a year or more), the fraternity man lavaliered the sorority woman. Usually on this occassion, there was no major celebration between the chapters. He may or may not have been subjected to the tree tying event. She always received a candle pass ceremony from her sorority sisters. We sang a song as we lit a candle and passed it in a circle. It was a big deal because no one in the chapter knows ahead of time, who the lucky honoree is...except usually her closest of sisters or pledge family members, who would read a verse or quote when the candle reached them. The last person to read announces something to the effect of "I am so excited to announce the lavaliering of my pledge daughter Susie Gam to Doug Delt. Lavaliering was very commonplace when I was in school. Sometimes, it was given after only six months. People who are against lavaliering often say having his letters hang from your lavalier symbolizes that you're owned by his fraternity. That you're property.

2) As time goes on and the relationship blossoms, a pinning usually follows. In reference to some previous posts, the woman usually is known by many of the fraternity man's brothers and well liked and vice versa, the woman's sisters known and like the man. It's usually a big secret. The men come over the woman's chapter house and serenade her. She gets another candle pass ceremony.

Pinning is a HUGE deal as it doesn't happen very often anymore. It was much bigger in the 40's and 50's. It is also a really huge deal because as some of the other posts have said, the woman is not only wearing his letters, she is now wearing his badge as well. She ranks equal to his fraternity brothers and vows. By the way, from what I understand, most fraternities have a special badge that is given in pinnings or also to chapter sweethearts. The men don't typically give their actual badge to the woman. It's generally a smaller and more feminine version of their actual badge.

Usually once the pinning takes place the chapters have a party together. Susie and Doug's Pinning Party. At my school, it was customary that the couple paid for their own party. It rarely came out of chapter funds.

Just to reiterate, getting pinned is a HUGE deal as it doesn't happent hat often. From a timing perspective, usually the couple starts dating their freshman or sophomore year, and the pinning happens towards the middle to end of their senior year. So, they've been dating throughout college. You don't start dating freshman year, get lavaliered second semester and then sophomore year get pinned. Pinning is a very special, thing. It truly means that you are about to get engaged. It's like a promise ring for greeks.

3) An engagement almost always follows a pinning. Woman gets another candle pass. No big hoopla. It is usually reserved for the pinning.

As far as sweethearts go, differernt fraternities have different criteria. Sometimes, it's simply a woman who has been elected as sort of a queen other times it's a woman who has done a lot in terms of service for the fraternity or other times it's a woman who has been pinned by the fraternity. She usually is good friends with many members of the fraternity brothers. It's similar to a little sis. In fact, sometimes it is the little sister of a fraternity brother. No matter what, a woman who is a sweetheart, lil sis, pinned, lavaliered, etc...is very well respected by the fraternity.

Hope that helps. Remember, this was just at my school. Different strokes for different folks.

SigKapSundevil · #9 05-29-2002, 06:56 PM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Cucci74
[B]Do you earn your letters or does someone pull you aside and talk to you about getting letters? I was just wondering. Because you don't seem to be as proud of your letters as I am and know that my sisters are.

It seems to me that you should care more about the people who are actually wearing the letters then just being proud of the letters in themselves. Is beating someone up what you do in order for them to "earn" their letters?? I have never heard of anyone thinking that a girl should have to go through something like that because the sisters don't think she has earned the right to where her boyfriend's letters. There is a Phi Mu chapter in my hometown and a lot of those girls went to high school with me, and I KNOW for a fact that they would not haze nor brag about such a terrible thing.

AngelPhiSig · #10 05-29-2002, 07:45 PM

At my school this is our take on the whole laviliering/pinning/sweetheart deal-

A guy can lavilier his girl when he feels its right... some orgs on our campus have the girl make the fraternity a paddle- some orgs will only let a guy lavilier one girl, if shes not 'the one' too bad, he cant go and lavilier 'the one' when he finds her. Most likely girls then are able to wear the fraternity letters on a shirt.

Some orgs a guy can pin a girl- giving her his 'pin' and then she has the ablility to wear their crest.

Engagement- duh

We have two sweethearts in our sorority right now, they both have shirts with the fraternities letters and 'sweetheart' below. She then can wear letters.

I have seen at some chapters of my sorority the girls can lavilier their b/fs.

Thats my .02

Lil' Hannah · #11 05-29-2002, 10:48 PM

haha, I never read this thread because on my campus we don't call it "dropping" and I thought some creep was looking for a way to dump his girlfriend.

Anyway, on my campus, lavaliering is a bit of a curse...the couples have been together for a considerable time but end up breaking up within a few months.

AlethiaSi · #12 08-24-2007, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lil' Hannah

haha, I never read this thread because on my campus we don't call it "dropping" and I thought some creep was looking for a way to dump his girlfriend.

ahahahahahah since this was just bumped, i've never seen it before and i thought the SAME thing.

lavaliering/pinning wasn't something we really did at my school until you were married.... but greek life was also fairly small...

rcboarder76 · #13 08-24-2007, 09:38 PM

our fraternity doesnt really have a ceramony for it but my g/f sorority def. has a a ceramony for it, and its a huge deal to sorority girls... my girl wants me to lavalier her so damn bad lol but im holding off for a lil while more.

KristenLynn · #14 08-25-2007, 07:24 PM

In my sorority, lavaliering is such a huge thing. We're all super happy for the girl--I can't imagine why anyone would haze a girl for getting letters! One of my closest sisters got a lavalier over the summer and I've been bragging for her to everyone I see.

I'm kind of hoping that my boyfriend will get me a lavalier after our anniversary, or maybe at the fall Delta Gamma date function (that was our first kiss!). I just bought him a really nice Kappa Sigma badge for his birthday because his big brother never got him one and I thought, "Maybe I'll get this back one day!"

Also, Allison is one of my sisters. Don't worry, I'll keep your secret!

MenaceKiller · #15 05-29-2002, 10:54 PM

This is the first I've heard of any of this.

Lavaliering? Pinning of girlfriends? Dropping? News to me...

However, after reading through this whole thread, it may be very possible for me to start a new tradition. Of course, it can't apply to me, as I proposed to my GDI girlfriend and THEN gave her my letters with "sweetheart" attached. The boys never did anything except rag on me a bit.

I'm interested in making it a bit more of an event if more things like this occur in the future. It just sucks that my group is a bit more diverse than most greeks -- we've got many, many young guys who leave college early, never go steady until after graduation, marry late in life, or joined LSP at an older age. Gah. I'll probably be long gone from college by the time another event like mine happens again.