Should we still spank our kids?

[nikki1920]

It depends. That's iffy.

[GroovePhi62]

Ok my question is this if you won't let others beat your child when she is becoming reared in society in general.....would you be upset if your son/daughter pledged old school, which is basically being reared in fraternal society? hmmmm

p.s. I'm not talking Grad chapter I'm talking when they're possibly 17,18,19,20 years of age.

[Lizanabavi]

Originally posted by GroovePhi62
Ok my question is this if you won't let others beat your child when she is becoming reared in society in general.....would you be upset if your son/daughter pledged old school, which is basically being reared in fraternal society? hmmmm

p.s. I'm not talking Grad chapter I'm talking when they're possibly 17,18,19,20 years of age.

When they come of age they are responsible for their choices. Not me. Once they decide they want to "jump out" with the "Big fish" then they have to swim -every pond, lake and ocean is different. Some have Salmon, Mullet or Catfish, each dynamic has its own flavor. They could'nt get in the water and not expect to get wet, nor change the wave in progress to fit their "liking". Those fish were there before they jumped in so they have to ride it until they reach the sands. I certainly would not expect them to divulge "What it was like" on their road to XYZ? That is a question that I would not ask another, nor answer if posed to me.

I have a question for you. How do you know what goes on in a Graduate chapter? Are you there?

[Lizanabavi]

To the woman who PM'd me, I have attempted to reply to what you have written, but your box is full so I will reply here.

Concerning what I wrote about "Old School" in my last post, I meant it. The comments that you made(wrote) were so ridiculous to a point that they were offensive.

For you to think that members in alumnae chapters are not as serious about DST as the undergraduates tells me that you have'nt reached that point yet. I'd dare you to go to a member with that sentiment and see what happens. Those women who you are now interacting with at your campus are not gonna be in college forever, and eventually will affiliate with a graduate chapter.

Instead of worrying about who is "real"? or "Who pledged"? Worry about whether you will continue to be active and financial if you are blessed to be chosen. Once again the "wave" is not gonna change for you. Those fish were swimming before you got there and will be if you decide not to swim.

Lastly, don't worry about how I know? That is not a question that you ask someone.

Now... will you please answer the question posed at the beginning of this thread.

[thesweetestone]

What I'm saying is I think you raise your children at home and when they are out in public that's the time that all your hard work training them should shine through. Meaning they should already know how to act when they get in public. What I'm see in some parents is spanking but not teaching. When I was younger I got spanked too, but my parent always kinda let me know why I'm was getting spanked. It was a lesson in it. You should learn form this. I think more than one method should be used. Spanking seems like a easy way out for the parents. When sometimes teachng is really needed.

[korkscru]

Originally posted by thesweetestone
What I'm saying is I think you raise your children at home and when they are out in public that's the time that all your hard work training them should shine through. Meaning they should already know how to act when they get in public. What I'm see in some parents is spanking but not teaching. When I was younger I got spanked too, but my parent always kinda let me know why I'm was getting spanked. It was a lesson in it. You should learn form this. I think more than one method should be used. Spanking seems like a easy way out for the parents. When sometimes teachng is really needed.

And I agree with you TOTALLY, Sweetestone!!! I'm sure that any "good and loving" parent does not just wake up and say that they are going to spank their child or children on that day. No, it doesn't work like that. What I'M saying is that ATLEAST 90% of the time, although you TEACH them and you EXEMPLIFY the behaviors that you expect from them, children will STILL test you. That's a FACT!!!! I AM a mother and I KNOW it to be true. It's like someone said earlier, it's in their nature to do. But it is our responsibility as PARENTS to set limits and to be consistent. Now I'm not saying that spanking is the ONLY form of discipline. In my home, spankings are ONLY the result of EXTEME and CONTINUAL inappropriate behavior. And THAT'S after SEVERAL warnings and attempts at other forms of discipline. And to be quite honest, my husband and I don't WANT to result to spankings. Hey, we work all day, we get tired, and we don't want to be bothered with doing the task. It takes a lot of TIME and ENERGY to "cut butt". BUT it WILL be done IF NEEDED and my children KNOW and UNDERSTAND that.

I've explained to my 8-year-old that I don't just "all of a sudden" CHOOSE to spank her. SHE has control over that by how she behaves and the EXTENT of that behavior. Both of my children are what others may consider to be "good" children...but they are by NO MEANS perfect. I know this because I GAVE BIRTH to them, I LIVE with them, and I KNOW them. I'm sorry, but my husband and I have to HAVE and MAINTAIN a certain amount of CONTROL within our home. Whenever any discipline results in a spanking, we don't hit them all in the back or head or whatnot. No, we go STRICTLY for the BUTT!!! We don't use all kinds of extension cords, paddles, and whatnot...NOTHING like how my husband and I were raised. We use a small belt or our hands.

And just so that you will know, in talking with my daughter one day, she said to me "Ma, I want to be just like you when I get older". WOW!!!! What a POWERFUL, LOVING, and TRUSTING statement that was. I cried when she told me that. She asked why was I crying. And I told her that I was crying because I don't want her to be LIKE me, I want her to be and do BETTER than me. I STILL get choked up whenever I tell or think about that story. Just to know that my child looks up to me and loves me SO much that she wants to be LIKE me. Hey, it's a BLESSING and I KNOW that my husband and I MUST be doing SOMETHING right.

[smlwonderdst]

Hey, I haven't posted in a while but I wanted to respond to this.

Yes, I am a big believer in spankings. I have a 3 year old son and I live by the same motto my mom did when raising me and my brother, "I am going to embarrass you wherever you embarrass me". And that spanking is a last resort, because I have been left no other choice because you have not responded to my requests to calm your behavior. Discipline starts early. You can not let your child run wild and then at age 5 and 6 pull out a belt and expect immediate results. It takes time to get a child to understand that I am the parent, you are the child and you will do what I say or suffer the consequences.

I really don't understand mothers who say they can't control their children. After carrying you for nine months, watching what I eat, not being around second hand smoke, not drinking, getting pre-natal visits, and then going through labor to get you here healthy and then the child turns around and disrespects you, I don't think so. I just don't get it.

Would I let other people discipline my child? Depends on who you are talking about. Family and close friends (those so close they may as well be family), yes. These are the same people who disciplined me and would go to the ends of the earth for me. I know they would do the same for my child. And most importantly, it is done in love. Other people, I will have to take as they come along, but probably not.

Angela
3-A-96 Veracious 64
Memphis Alumnae Chapter

[royalrage]

I feel spanking is fine but you need to explain why you are spanking them. Children are ultra intelligent these days so they will understand somewhat on what is right and what is wrong. My son knows that I don't like to spank him so he tests my limits and most children will do that so in short when they test the limits make that little fanny nice and red.

[Lizanabavi]

Originally posted by royalrage
My son knows that I don't like to spank him so he tests my limits and most children will do that so in short when they test the limits make that little fanny nice and red.

Ya know what? *I'm laughing* I was'nt ready for that one.

[thesweetestone]

Anybody still spanking their kids in public? I told yall don't do it!

[MaNessa]

Yes I will spank my child in public. There is a difference between spanking and just plain beating your child down. The media has to much influence on how we live our lives. All you have to do is look around you. Our young people have no idea of the struggle our ancestors when through to get us where we are. We have been hoodwinked and brain washed and don't even realize what is going on.

[delph998]

Spankings...please, I got WHIPINGS! I'm from Mississippi so my parents didn't care when, where, how, who! I got whipped with belts, switches, extension cords, etc. My teachers use to paddle me-EVERYTHING! I'm an advocate of disciplining children. And you know what, when these kids don't get checked, they bring that mess to the classrooms (I know because my sister is a tecaher and I teach too-BAD A-- KIDS) and they take that mess to the day care (my mom does day care and those two and three year old kids are AWFUL!) and the teachers and day care providers can't teach for them turning out the class. We blame the media for corrupting the minds of these kids, but I believe it STARTS at home. The media has a lot to do with it, but you need to be taught at the crib. That's my input on the matter.

Oh and you know what else? When I date, I ask the guy how he feels about disciplining children because I definitely want my husband to be a disciplinarian, not this softy that tells me to handle the situation. What do you all think about that? I'm out...

[MaNessa]

Delp998 I agree with you 100%. I am in Alabama I got some of them whipping too! Yes it all starts at home. But what I was trying to get across is we as a people have lost our sense of community. When I was in Elementary/High school you would get whipped in school if you messed up, and any of the neighbors wheter they were relatives or not got your behind straight fast. Wasn't no talking back to adults period wheter they were right or wrong. You did what they said and if you had a problem you told your parents and they handled it.
But today you had better not correct somebodies child they want to fight you or cuss you out. Since the 70's babies have been having babies and not getting the guidance they needed to become good parents. Then they feel they have missed something and the tv becomes the babysitter 24/7 so mommie can go hang with the girls in her hoochie mama clothes, and bring mr. wrong home and the cycle continues. I am not saying that all young mothers are like this but just look around you. We are buying into the hype. Everytime I see a young man with his pants hanging down showing is butt I want to kick them right in it.

[BearyCuteAPhi]

I think that kids NEED to be disciplined. I think spanking is very helpful and successful, but of course there is a diference between spanking and beating. Some parents do not know the difference. Personally I will spank my kids when I have some. I got spanked and I turned out well. Now my cousin did not she got time outs and well we won't even go there

ronnie

[delph998]

Originally posted by MaNessa
Delp998 I agree with you 100%. I am in Alabama I got some of them whipping too! Yes it all starts at home. But what I was trying to get across is we as a people have lost our sense of community. When I was in Elementary/High school you would get whipped in school if you messed up, and any of the neighbors wheter they were relatives or not got your behind straight fast. Wasn't no talking back to adults period wheter they were right or wrong. You did what they said and if you had a problem you told your parents and they handled it.
But today you had better not correct somebodies child they want to fight you or cuss you out. Since the 70's babies have been having babies and not getting the guidance they needed to become good parents. Then they feel they have missed something and the tv becomes the babysitter 24/7 so mommie can go hang with the girls in her hoochie mama clothes, and bring mr. wrong home and the cycle continues. I am not saying that all young mothers are like this but just look around you. We are buying into the hype. Everytime I see a young man with his pants hanging down showing is butt I want to kick them right in it.

MaNessa, you're preaching! I know about that too and I'm only 22 years old. I think you're exactly right on why our kids not getting proper guidance. Girl, I know all about that! My mom does day care and it becomes very stressful for her to put her all and all into teaching when she knows that the parents aren't doing anything at the house. Perfect story: this tweny-four young lady brings her 3 years old son to day care. Now, my mother has been teaching them colors for approximately nine months to a year. Why does everybody else know those colors but him?! However, she brings him dressed in the finest clothes (Timberlands, Fubu, Nike, Tommy Hilfiger, etc)-the boy has more shoes than me. It's obvious to us that she puts more effort in how "cute" he looks rather than his BRAIN! He never wants to listen during story time/learning time, but he'll cut my mom off and ask her if it's time to play yet. That's a prime example of parents not taking out the time to teach at home.

And since we're on the topic...what's up with two and three year olds having attitudes already? I'm talking about little kids who don't wanna speak and who's very disrespectful, but the parents say, "oh, he/she is cranky today." That's when you need to spare not the rod! These kids are out of control! I'm not asking parents to beat their kids until they're red, but let them know who's the HEAD of the household! When disciplining, there's a balance: LOVE & DISCIPLINE! They have to balance out though. And you know what, even though I was whipped with a belt, switch, extension cord, etc., I turned out quite SANE! I have manners, I know how to respect my elders (yes ma'am/yes sir), I have common sense, and I'm not bi-polar like most of the kids who haven't been disciplined. It bothers me to the max to see these kids turn it out in the public. What happened to raising your voice, say I'm gonna get those legs, something! Don't let these kids run us...we're the parents, not them. Another one of my mom's day care kids put HER MOM IN TIME OUT! What the hell is that about?! Go figure...

And one more thing: I feel so bad for those teachers like CT4. It takes a lot of patience, dedication, and prayer to deal with these kids these days.