As an alumna, how WELL should you know a PNM in order to write a RecForm/Sponsorship? - Page 3

AggieDZ · #31 07-29-2002, 06:50 PM

JAM - PM'd you....

FuzzieAlum · #32 07-29-2002, 07:30 PM

Whew - all I have to say is, I'm glad I went to a school where recs basically didn't exist! Call me lazy, but it seems like too much work. I didn't even buy new clothes for rush.

I guess I can see why they're a big deal at larger schools, but still, it seems unfair to those from "non-Greek" backgrounds. It gives some girls not only the advantage of being a legacy somewhere and knowing other Greeks, but also of knowing what they have to do. I hope the schools where recs are truly necessary let PNMs know this well before rush so the girls don't find out the hard way. If I was told, "Oh, you don't need recs," and then found myself cut everywhere, I wouldn't be a happy camper - especially if rushing sophomore year had limited chances of success. I could easily see how that could make you a little bitter.

UC_Berkeley_jr · #33 08-03-2002, 02:11 AM

I was wondering how it is we are supposed to dig up a rec. if we don't know whether someone was in a fraternity? My point being this: I know a lot of people who went to school, but don't know if they were in a fraternity. I don't want to go around like an idiot asking everyone I ever knew whether they were in a frat. Is it possible for me to take a name, plug it into a search engine somewhere, and see if that person was ever in a frat? That way I'd be able to ask them for a rec. without asking everyone under the sun. It seems that you can only search at a single national frat organization at a time though (i.e. - put in a name at Sigma Phi Epsilon's site, search, repeat at every other frat's site). Thanks for any input.

Matt

SATX*APhi · #34 08-03-2002, 02:18 AM

Ya know, this gal e-mailed me on AOL asking if I could write a rec for her for one of our strongest chapters. I had no idea who this girl was. She sent me a whole bunch of info. about her, as well as a pic of her. I did not write a rec for her, nor did I ask anyone else to. I did think of possibly telling one of the girls I know from that chapter, "Hey, a stranger by the name of so-and-so e-mailed me....blah blah." I mean, this girl does seem very interested, if she went so far as to e-mail a stranger for a rec! I haven't mentioned this girl to my friend who is in the other chapter. I am not sure if I will......

justamom · #35 08-06-2002, 06:36 AM

Matt-It seems more difficult to go about finding fraternity alums than sorority alums. I don't know why, maybe it varies with different areas. We know pretty much who was what because way back when, pledging a fraternity was as big a deal (here in the south) as pledging a sorority. So Hubby REMEMBERS.

Iwould think-First look to the men in your town who are college graduates. The doctor-lawyer-local businessmen. Even asking an active woman may turn up the fact that HER husband was, or another teacher's husband was in XYZ. If their family is from the area, they will know who else around town is an alum. The smaller the town, the more difficult this could be.

If you have ANY kind of relationship with ANY of those kinds of men or women they may prove very good source. I wish I knew what to tell you. It really helps when a parent is behind you because it's easier for them to bring up the subject.
Best of luck.

PS-Some fraternities don't place the same emphasis on recs, it all depends on your Greek system and if the guys think you click.

kddani · #36 01-09-2005, 02:58 PM

big fat bump!

azdtaxi · #37 01-09-2005, 10:30 PM

I* know this is an old thread but it just got bumped so I have a question. When girls need to get recs you can go on panhellenic website and it always says stuff like contact your local npc chapter. Well these people arent going to necessarily know whoever needs the rec. Also I went through rush at Ole Miss when I was a freshman and if I wouldn't have been talking to a girl who was going to LSU I wouldn't have even known recs exsisted. My family doesn't know many greeks so we had a family friend friend write recs. I am sure a lot of girls are in this position what would ya'll advise?

Tippiechick · #38 01-09-2005, 10:46 PM

There's a big difference between writing a glowing recommendation and basically an information-only rec.

Chapters can tell the difference.

I see NOTHING wrong with an info-only rec. It is simply getting the girl's foot in the door. It says nothing about how much you actually recommend her for membership. It simply says, "Hey, take a look and decide for yourself. But, I wanted to let you know a bit about her so you could remember her during rush."

I have written one recommendation EVER that was not an info-only. I reserve those for the truly deserving of being highly recommended. (As a side note, she went ZTA

) I do understand and agree that it is not worth putting your reputation on the line for someone you do not know. But, I don't see how an info-only rec jeopardizes anyone's rep.

polarpi · #39 01-09-2005, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tippiechick
There's a big difference between writing a glowing recommendation and basically an information-only rec.

I do understand and agree that it is not worth putting your reputation on the line for someone you do not know. But, I don't see how an info-only rec jeopardizes anyone's rep.

Agreed - I have only written information-only profiles (and I make certain to put that in big capital letters on the form as well as tell the person who I'm submitting the form for). I agree if it's a way to have someone take a second look at a PNM who may be an asset to any chapter, I'm more than happy to give them that opportunity. Maybe someone has a difficult time in a formal recruitment situation (I know I wasn't very comfortable and had a hard time "selling" myself) and these information-only profiles may help the chapter to look closer at this person before they make their decision.

DolphinChicaDDD · #40 01-09-2005, 11:36 PM

Ya know, I was looking for a thread like this to bump. But I have a different take/question.

My mother's friend's daughter("Mary") goes to my alma matter, and she wants to go through recruitment. Mary barely graduated from high school (got caught plagerizing her senior paper) and less then steller academics all around. She also is very catty, vindictive, and is not one for the rules. Her mother informed me the other day that she also received phone calls from the police about Mary (probably regarding underage drinking/drinking in public) and has had community service "a few times" since starting school last semester.

Then I get asked to "put in a good word at your sorority for Mary." There is no way that one I would write a recommendation for this girl. In fact, part of me wants to write my chapter and warn them against her.

Should I write a warning letter? An anti-recommendation letter? I don't think she would be the correct fit for my chapter, but on the off chance, should I write or inform someone at my chapter?

Advice please.

carnation · #41 01-09-2005, 11:43 PM

You could call someone in the chapter and discuss it with them. Then if they need a formal "no-rec", maybe you could do it for them.

I've only written 2 no-recs and they involved girls who would've ripped up any sorority. It sounds like this girl may be one of those.

alphaalpha · #42 01-09-2005, 11:51 PM

Should I write a warning letter? An anti-recommendation letter? I don't think she would be the correct fit for my chapter, but on the off chance, should I write or inform someone at my chapter?

I don't know that much about rec's. i went to a small school in california, but i have to say that I would want to know about a girl that you have described. I know my chapter was very anti alcohol/drugs and there are many girls that came through with this ohhh i love the fact that you girls dont drink, only to find out that this girl gets drunk every weekend and partied every night durn rush. We eventually droped her because she got caught by the dorm people drinking otherwise we would have never know. She was so nice and sweet during rush and i swear i could not tell that she has been drinking.

Anyway, i am not super P.C. on rush stuff but I would want to know about a girls character, especially if its about drinking and getting in trouble with the police.

That is just my 2 cents.

Tippiechick · #43 01-10-2005, 12:46 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by carnation
You could call someone in the chapter and discuss it with them. Then if they need a formal "no-rec", maybe you could do it for them.

I can't believe I am saying this, BUT I agree with Carnation!!!

No-rec her. That way, you can make SURE that the chapter remembers her during recruitment. She won't fall through the cracks if she has a no-rec. (This is if I am reading you correctly that this girl SHOULD IN NO CIRCUMSTANCES be considered for membership.

honeychile · #44 01-10-2005, 01:07 AM

Let me see, I agree with:

TippieChick & Polarpi about the Info-Only Rec. If I know the PNM's family and/or her friends well enough, I'll add that, too.

DolphinChicaDDD - I haven't seen a Tri-Delta rec sheet in years (since my neighbor filled one out for me!). On ours, we have a box which we can check that says we do NOT recommend that the PNM is given a bid, no explanation needed. We do need to give our name/address/phone number, in case the chapter really loves that PNM and an Advisor can get in touch with you as to the "why". There's a huge difference between "she dumped my son & made him cry" and "she has a police record & is a horrible person all around." If you have that option, I would use it. That way, the PNM still maintains some privacy, and Tri-Delta is spared a horrible sister.

Good luck, and follow your conscience. And if there's an ADPi chapter there, you might want to PM me a heads up, too!

roqueemae · #45 01-10-2005, 01:29 AM

I asked this question on Phi Mu's site last year. I was so scared to write my first rec. How was I to know HALF of the stuff on those forms? I would have had to grill the girl for information. I had an alumna call me and ask me all of the questions on the form so she could fill it out completely for me but some of those questions were kind of intimidating. I don't write many because working in Greek Affairs is kind of a conflict of interest. I can't be recruiting girls for Phi Mu when I am supposed to be neutral. I do write them for the people I would have known outside of the office (co-workers, family friends). The Phi Mu form is very specific on what kind of rec you are giving (info only, good, know people who say it is good, Alum Panhellenic says is good, or no rec)

Sidenote: I had a frantic phone call from a mother to the Greek Affairs office the other day. She wanted to know if her daughter is late getting started finding recs for recruitment next August! I told her that she is early and made her not as worried. She had been talking to some LSU mothers and was quite worried. Their recs need to be in by June. Our chapters get about 15/150 sent in without asking for them. The rest are found by the chapters. I tell parents/girls that it is nice to get them if you know someone but they are by no means necessary. LSU can sometimes mess that up for us esp with Alum Panhellenic helping out by hosting Informationals.