Pre-Marital Sex is... - Page 3

Ideal08 · #31 03-11-2002, 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jihad1906
Wwweeeeellllllllll, lookey here lookey here. been so long on GC i feel like a born again virgin. and my first time back we's all on my favorite subject.

shyt I've had "oh my, goodgod whatabody sex" damn ---hod on i'm haveing a visual, oookkkkay now i'm having a moment.------ damn that was like whoa.

Now that was some funny isht!! LMAO!!!

Reds6 · #32 03-12-2002, 08:57 PM

LOL. How can something wrong be so dang good.

Quote:

Originally posted by OneOneTwo
it's wrong, but I'm going to be BRAVE enough to say

1. I tried it...
2. I liked it...
3. I'd probably do it again, although right now it's been a long time since the last time.

But as always, I can't wait until I meet that ONE I was destined to be with.

Word... yep.

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Reds6 · #33 03-12-2002, 08:58 PM

How about Oral sex, even if you are married. Some consider it a sin...

Sugar_N_Spice · #34 03-12-2002, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Reds6
How about Oral sex, even if you are married. Some consider it a sin...

IMO, oral sex is just as bad as having full-on sexual intercourse (although with oral sex many say that a lower amount of emotion is involved

). Sex is SEX--no matter what form of it it is...

APhiAce · #35 03-13-2002, 02:47 AM

I don't think its a sin to have sex for fun...as long as both people are honest about there intentions and consenting. I Personally, try and ONLY have sex with a person I'm in a committed relationship with. I don't think casual sex is as worthwile and pleasureable as loving/committed sex.

Sex is VERY important to maintaining a marriage. If the sex suffers, there is a HIGH probablility that the relationship will suffer and the relationship will end. Marriage statistics show that.

Women and men have alot of issues when it comes to sex. In my adventures in fornication have found that out. Alot of these issues aren't solvable. Some of these issues take a long time to resolve, and some people don't WANT to resolve these issues. For example, I know some women who don't like giving oral sex. I know men who don't and won't as well. The fact is many MANY MANY people enjoy recieving this kind of pleasure. If you can only be intimate with one person forever (marriage vows) and they woun't do this...you will be unhappy, resentful, and want to roam. Forget all that "understanding" stuff. It is unfair to demand someone to perform a sexual act they are against. It is also unfair for a person to not beable to be satisfied in the way they desire. If you don't do it...someone else will. this is just an example.

Many people aren't sexually compatible. You can "TALK" about sex "HYPOTHETICALLY" till your sacks are blue, but all my fornicators out there know... sex TALK and ACTION are TOTALLY different. Ladies especially should feel me on that one.

Nevertheless, I think you should work out your issues while you're dating and not committed(trapped). You all can see if you are sexually compatible and if you all can satisfy each other. Sexual gratification is a big issue with women and one of the main causes for them to "roam" too (don't sleep). Once you know that you can have great sex with your partner then that is one MILESTONE in marriage that you have less to worry about. Of course there are other elements like trust, common interests, compassion, etc., but we're talking about sex. Just because you have great sex dating, doesn't mean its smooth sailing in marriage, but you will at least discover what the other person is willing/not willing to do. You will discover their issues and work thru them (if they can be worked thru). You will get a feel for them sexually.

I look back to some of my past episodes and all the issues that some of my sexual partners had, their restrictions, inhibitions, and inabilities. I can only imagine how miserable I would be if I was locked into a marriage with these women. Some were really nice. But lets not kid ourselves. Sex is IMPORTANT. I don't care how nice and sweet you are, if we aren't sexually compatible It WOUNT WORK. I'd rather roam as a bachelor then roam as somebodies husband...its sounds foul...but THATS REAL!!!!!!!

OneOneTwo · #36 03-13-2002, 12:01 PM

I think me and APhiAce is reading from the same book... so many truths in his statement, I couldn't have said them better myself, especially...

"Women and men have alot of issues when it comes to sex. In my adventures in fornication have found that out. Alot of these issues aren't solvable. Some of these issues take a long time to resolve, and some people don't WANT to resolve these issues. For example, I know some women who don't like giving oral sex. I know men who don't and won't as well. The fact is many MANY MANY people enjoy recieving this kind of pleasure. If you can only be intimate with one person forever (marriage vows) and they woun't do this...you will be unhappy, resentful, and want to roam. Forget all that "understanding" stuff. It is unfair to demand someone to perform a sexual act they are against. It is also unfair for a person to not beable to be satisfied in the way they desire. If you don't do it...someone else will. this is just an example."

So I guess now the real question is how many of us talk to our women (or for the ladies, how many of you talk to the men) about what you expect from sex. I make it a requirement that all women who I have the potential to be ACTIVE with share with me what they like and don't like and I do the same. I ain't no mind reader and I'm not going to do ERE'Ding so that needs to be discussed up front. I also tend to let them no that I'm anti-abortion so if I help make the baby... SHE KEEPING IT.

This way, it won't be no chit later on.

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Steeltrap · #37 03-13-2002, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by OneOneTwo
I also tend to let them no that I'm anti-abortion so if I help make the baby... SHE KEEPING IT.

This way, it won't be no chit later on.

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Well, if "she keeping it," I trust that you will be a responsible father and you "supporting it."

Reds6 · #38 03-13-2002, 12:56 PM

But some believe that oral sex is a complete sin even in marriage

Quote:

Originally posted by Sugar_N_Spice

IMO, oral sex is just as bad as having full-on sexual intercourse (although with oral sex many say that a lower amount of emotion is involved ). Sex is SEX--no matter what form of it it is...

Blackwatch · #39 03-13-2002, 01:03 PM

APHIACE's comments are intersting to say the least. He seems to think that sex is about a physical compatability or ability to gratify yourself and your partner in a relationship.(Can you satisfy me, can I satisfy you PHYSICALLY). I know that many times, that's how we in America are socialized to view sex, as a commodity that we exchange in order to estimate the value of a person. From this we get statements like "Test drive" and "taste the milk before you buy the cow" these things are done in a market place of commodities. It's a shame because sex is soooo much more than than. Let's look at God , the first being to every have sex!!!

In creation, God is said to have made mankind in his own image and likeness, even stating in Gen 1:27 that he created them "Male and Female" we see here that if male and female are created in God's image, then male and female must be in God. Later on, when describing how Adam and Eve would relate to each other, it is written that "a man will leave his father mother an be united with his wife and the two will become one body"(2:24) we see here that the love that is shared by Adam and Eve will give them metaphorically one body, but in God there is literally a union of the genders, male and female. And from this union in love, creation was created. God made Love to God and from that love came for human life, beauty, more love, "the earth and the fulness thereof", knowlegde, EVERYTHING. Therefore, when a man and a woman come together, in love, making love, the potential to create life is there, but more importantly, we are as close to essence of God that we will ever be (worship in the ultimate sense of the word). So when we see sex reduced to mere musings of physical gratification and "compatibility" it is just evidence of how far we have fallen from the divine destiny that God wants for us.

I, as a married man, understand the importance of sex in married relationships. But let's not limit sex to the physical compatibility issue, more importantly, sex reveals to each partner things that only God knows about that person. The connection made is on a spiritual level, for you are only joined physically for a short while, spiritually, the union is not broken, even in divorce (that is why Jesus taught that divorce was not from God, but from Moses due to the hardenss of people's hearts.) I say married because of the vows that you take when you marry state that this union that you are about to enter is until death do you part, but many of us know that love surpasses death, (do you stop loving a deceased loved one?) that 's because love is the most powerful force on the planet. The marriage contract is a social one, the marriage covenant is a spiritual contract that hits at our relationship with God. That means it endures forever, or until we meet God in that Glorious day of rapture, where all relationships will be lifted to the intmacy of oneness with God. Sex consumates this covenant, uniting people at their most intimate level, spiritually.
Just my 2 cents

lovelyivy84 · #40 03-13-2002, 01:35 PM

I am not a religious person. I see nothing wrong with having sex before you are married if you are prepared to handle the emotional repercussions.

Casual sex though, seems pointless to me. You can't tell me that you can be comfortable in that situation or that it would be a lot of 'fun' if fun is what you were looking for.

One last point: I have to agree with Ideal08. I do NOT want to get married and then discover that my man won't do x,y, or z in bed, or has some weird fantasy that I am not comfortable with. I don't want to get married and come out feeling like "this is it?" Granted for some sex is not about 'fun', but it really really should be a part of it. If you are not enjoying it regardless of who you are with then there is a problem. And just because you love someone doesn't mean that they will be able to bring you great joy in the bedroom - especially if they have some sort of hangup.

Basically, my point is grown folks are going to do what they want and I am not going to judge them for it as long as it is with another consenting adult. I expect the same courtesy from others but if they can't give it then oh well too bad, so sad, I won't care anyway, lol.

And to OneOneTwo- what exactly would you do to keep the woman from having an abortion? Chain her to the bed? I hope you wrap it up eeeevery time cause I would hate to find you in a bad situation caused by carelessness. Pregnancy is not the only thing you can catch.

TLAW · #41 03-13-2002, 01:38 PM

To keep it short, I have to be honest and say I think sex is best kept within marriage. You can give any number of arguments both ways. However, I find it hard to equate the "shoe/food sampling" argument with something as binding as sex. Surprisingly, it would seem more ladies use that argument nowadays. Do we forget that everybody is born without experience?
Contrary to popular opinion, the more people one has sex with does not automatically make that person a better lover. Speaking from a male point of view, there is no one surefire way to please every woman all the time. If having an "experienced" partner is what you prefer, hey, go for it; realize, however, that more is not always better. It was said that Wilt the Stilt, the granddaddy of exponential promiscuity, was definitely not the best lay a woman could have.
There is nothing wrong with waiting, but I am not gonna preach about how the good Lord intended it, though I believe that pre-marital abstinence is what He wanted. What I do believe is that there is nothing one cannot learn from scratch. Yes, it is possible for to sexual novices to develop an outstanding, satisfying sex life (I hear the gasps of disbelief). Remember, even 007 had to develop his renown technique somewhere. I am sure having a deep love for your partner within a legal marriage is the best start.

APhiAce · #42 03-13-2002, 07:14 PM

I think Blackwatch brings up a CRITICAL point that alot of people (especially men) fail to realize. He says that some seem to think:

"sex is about a physical compatability or ability to gratify yourself and your partner in a relationship... It's a shame because sex is soooo much more than that"

I couldn't agree more. As I stated in my previous post

"I don't think casual sex is as worthwile and pleasureable as loving/committed sex."

I believe that sex is mental, spiritual, and physical. If you don't include these three powerful elements, your sexual episode will fail to reach its highest potential for satisfaction. Many people have never been "spiritually" gratified during sex. They don't know what they are missing! Alot of people haven't been mentally gratified...they get dissapointed. These aspects of sex are kind of abstract. The most readily Identifiable aspect of sex is the physical, and not getting gratified on this level is what many people focus on. They are really selling themselves short! If you really want be satisfied, you should try and connect ALL 3...but hey...some people are cool with settling.

I agree that the spiritual aspect of sex is important. But the physical aspect is IMPORTANT TOO! God made sex feel good ON PURPOSE! It's sole intention is not just for procreation. Its also a means to PHYSICALLY express your love for someone. If you can't do that, then there is a lack. I can tell someone I love them all day, but if I can't EXPRESS that love...verbally or in my actions, then there will be a lack. Just because you pray and have faith isn't gonna make everything alright. Faith with out acts is dead. Many people don't deal with the physical issues involved in sex, and retreat to spritual anecdotes. You have to APPLY that stuff. Just telling someone...you're my wife...I love you...now blow me. That woun't make everything all better. If they have issues about "checkin the mic" thats not gonna do it. You have to talk with her and see what the problem is and if she's even WILLING to work on it. Some have posted here who think "checkin the mic" or giving a woman a "taste test" is a SIN.

My point is the physical is just as important as the spiritual aspect. I don't think the spiritual should be ignored, but the physical part shouldn't be ignored either. The best way to see if you are on the same page physically is to crush before marriage. Sexual compatibility doesnt = Marital compatibility. Of course there's more to it then just having great sex...but were talking about sex in this forum...not the other aspects of marriage.

Blackwatch · #43 03-14-2002, 01:35 AM

APHIAce is right on target, there is nothing wrong with enjoying sex physically. I think though that we sell ourselves short because the physical is all we strive for. Sex is physical, mental, and spiritual. I tend to stress the spiritual because I believe that the spiritual connection can only be made with that special someone whom God has set aside for you. Physical gratification can come from anyone willing to listen and satisfy,but spiritual connections come from eternity to infinity. For it is on the level of spirit that we can commune with God and also we can truly connect eternally. It is that connection that is strengthened and reaffirmed during lovemaking between a man and wife. True, just because you are my wife doesn't mean you will satisfy me sexually (physically) at first, but with the spiritual connection comes the knowing that you will fulfill me even more physically, mentally , and spiritually as time goes on.

OneOneTwo · #44 03-15-2002, 01:57 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lovelyivy84
And to OneOneTwo- what exactly would you do to keep the woman from having an abortion? Chain her to the bed? I hope you wrap it up eeeevery time cause I would hate to find you in a bad situation caused by carelessness. Pregnancy is not the only thing you can catch.

I don't have sex wit' ere'body (although I will be one to admit that the thought has crossed my mind more than one time and I KNOW some off ya'll out there have thought the same 'ting

. I do have limits as to with whom I share my body with. They must be (in no particular order)...

1. Female (I don't get down like that 'though I don't have a problem if you do).
2. Between 17-30 (what can I say I like older women)

.
3. Value education (that means no DUMB girls, I'm attracted to intelligence).
4. Have some religous belief/morals... (I don't claim a denomination because I believe it separates GOD's people but that is another topic. I currently attend an AME church)
5. ANTI-ABORTION (I'm against all things that ends in murder of humans but that is another topic as well).

And I have some other requirements, which is why I haven't slept with ere'body and anybody. I happen to like the mental aspects of sex as well because it should be exciting and fun, not just "sumptin' to do." Even though I could just do it, it wouldn't be no fun. That is why talking to the girl (see #3) is important to me.

To Steeltrap: I got what you saying because I almost got in a situation like that. But I always let women know what my stance is before anything goes down... I want to be part of ALL my children's lives (not just the ones I happen to have with my future wife).

Aight, that is Anuff drama for one night and I'm getting sleepy... will talk to yall later.

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ASAChick · #45 03-15-2002, 02:11 AM

I think that you should wait to have sex before you're married. That is what God intended it for. I will admit that I have had sex before even though I believe that it's wrong outside of marriage. The guy I had sex with I have been with for five years. I guess after awhile things just led to it, and it was hard to say no. I found out that my parents and everyone was right when saying that sex is meant to take place inside of marriage. Even though The first three years were great...we didnt have sex then. After we had sex our relationship went down hill. He became over protective and jealous...kinda fatherly. I became very jealous too. Sex just complicates things and finially destroys them. Me and my boyfriend over the past few months have stopped having sex. I think it's the best decision we've ever made. We plan on getting married within the next 2 years and we're going to wait to have sex again until then. It's really helped mature our relationship just in this short time, and know we wish we never would've had sex in the first place.