Weight an issue . . . - Page 3

LexiKD · #31 09-17-2002, 12:48 PM

Weight matters in all aspects of lif and sorority membership is the same. I also think it depends on campus. At my school it was an issue and I think smaller or larger women can be assets but the main concern is personal presence and being polished. We had chapters that were certain types and they have been pretty strong and we have some that don't have a type and are as strong.

It doesn't matter to me, I just don't think any chapter would want to be known as the chubby girls and in todays world it looks like everyone is getting smaller and smaller so I'm sure eating disorders are more of an issue and I would rather my sisters be healthy than rail thin.

greekalumna · #32 09-17-2002, 04:17 PM

I agree with including nutrtion and exercise programs in chapter planning, but I think it is important to keep it more focused on improving members' health (and mood since exercise can make you happy!) rather than presenting the information with the emphasis on weight control. Eating a healthy diet and participating in regular aerobic exercise can improve self-esteem and improve one's health independent of weight loss whereas focusing on weight loss is more likely to alienate women who already feel separate because they have a more "unconventional" body type (unconventional for a particular school's system, not unconventional in the general population) while it may drive sisters who are already obsessive about calories and maintaining an unhealthily low weight further towards developping a full-blown eating disorder.
From working with women with disordered eating patterns, I've realized that it is not enough to try just to drop unhealthy patterns -- it is great to replace them with something else. No one of any size or weight should have to focus all their energy all the time on maintaining or achieving a certain ideal.

IvySpice · #33 09-18-2002, 01:43 PM

I think that "health" is sometimes used as a euphemism.

We all know chapters that wouldn't be caught dead with a size-10 girl at pref, much less in the pledge class. I've never known a selective system where big women were not cut more harshly than smaller women. I'm sure all the members of those skinny chapters would deny that they are cutting for weight...they'd say they want "healthy" pledges or "athletic" pledges or "pledges who take care of themselves."

The reason I don't always buy this explanation is: Do these same sororities cut women who smoke? That's a lot more unhealthy than an extra 20 pounds, but most groups I've come across do not inquire about smoking. I find that those skinny sororities are often full of smokers--and for that matter, tanning salon addicts, another extremely unhealthy practice. This is really about looks, not health, self-respect, or anything else.

I appreciate the few actives who are honest about this, and say, "We are looking for bright, motivated, kind, ATTRACTIVE women, and we define attractive thus." But most don't admit that this is what they're doing. Heck, at my best friend's alma mater, there's a chapter that may as well have a local by-law banning anyone over size 4...and their national creed mentions judging candidates by their moral worth, not their appearance!

Obviously, sororities are entitled to pick whoever they want to be in their group; it's the hypocrisy that bugs me.

Ivy

Lady Pi Phi · #34 09-18-2002, 02:16 PM

It's unfortunate that there are organizations out there that will recruit women based solely on the size of their jeans and how beautiful they are. I am not nieve, I know this goes on. However if this goes on on your campus, you have to ask yourself if this is the kind of organization that I want to belong to? If it is fine. To each his or her own. If it's not, then find somewhere else to go, or start an organization of your own. It can be done. I think it's great idea if GLO's discussed healthy lifesyles. Being at university is tough on everyone and it's difficult to find time to excersise and eat right. However, forcing your pledges to go on a weight loss program is awful. Being "overweight" doesn not mean that you cannot look beautiful, feel great, dress nicely, etc, etc. If a sorority has to force girls to go on a weightloss program because they are not living up to XYZ's ideals, maybe XYZ has to rethink it's ideal.

Emily

texas*princess · #35 09-18-2002, 02:23 PM

Lady Pi Phi,
I whole-heartedly agree!

sigmagrrl · #36 09-18-2002, 02:45 PM

As a formerly morbidly obese woman, I can attest to two things:

*A heavy person KNOWS they are heavy, you don't have to remind them.

*You never know what issues are behind the obesity, so stop judging people.

I will tell my personal story. Food, for me, was my drug, my alcohol, my cigarettes. It was and STILL IS my chosen drug of choice, an addiction. I ate to numb the pain of being abused as a child, nearly raped twice, and a social outcast. I was made to feel undesireable, thus making me hurt, so I ate to numb the pain, which made me feel bad, which caused me to eat more, which caused me to gain weight, which made me undesireable....ETC! So, as you can see, it's a vicious, painful cycle. It took me 26 YEARS to be ready to lose weight, what makes you think that just because you make a comment, that will work? It has to come from within, a place in ourselves so private and overwhelmingly personal, that only you know what trigger will set it off. For me, it was holding up a plane, making over 50 people a 1/2 hour late, becase they had to bump someone so I could fit in two seats. The humiliation and shame was all I could take. It was my wake-up call.

Obesity is usually a sign that there are deeper issues there, and the harsh, brutal treatment and judgement society feels so willing to give and thinks that for some ass backwards reason is helping, doesn't make it ANY better!

I fight with my self image everyday, because so many someones told me I wasn't anything worth their time, their love, their compassion. So, maybe that overweight girl you see coming thru recruitment is looking for friends who won't judge her, a place where she will finally feel ok. When someone becomes your friend, don't you feel a bit better about yourself? So too will she, and that may help her love herself more, start treating her body and soul with more respect, and help her lose the weight because it is unhealthy, not because society told her to.

I chose to lose weight because, just as an alcoholic who has hit bottom, I realized that my life was out of control, and I needed help. I got it. I still struggle everyday to pass up that cake, just like someone who gave up alcohol has to pass up that glass of wine. It's harder, because I HAVE to eat, my drug is in my hand 5-6 times a day.

Being heavy is made to be a sin, a crime. You are seen as a moral failure, and weight prejudice is the last acceptable form of vocal prejudice. It needs to stop. Just because a person has something about them that is different than the (illusion of a) norm, doesn't mean that there isn't beauty in them. There is, in all of us. Just as you would want someone to see in you, look for it in them. You may just see an angel looking back...

Just a quick note: when I was heavy, no one looked me in the eye. Now, people are saying I have beautiful eyes. It's probably the nicest thing about my new life....I can't stop looking into people's eyes.

alphaiota · #37 09-18-2002, 03:16 PM

thank you so much for sharing your story. it's sad, but very encouraging. i am an overweight person and i completely agree wilth you. i don't need to be told i'm overweight and that it is endangering my health. i know this. i get it all the time from my father. he thinks that if he tells me i'm fat i'll try to lose weight. he also tells me what to eat when we go out. excuse me!! i'm 22 years old!! i don't need to be told what to eat. i'm not a child. i know what i should and shouldn't eat. what i don't understand is why i'm staying the same size even though i only eat 3-4 meals a day that are properly portioned and i get the recommended amount of exercise. now, please don't come back on here and give me tips on what i should do to lose weight, cuz i'm tired of hearing it. i've tried everything in the book and i still don't lose weight. my weight was an issue when i went through rush. it was something that sisters looked at when considering me for their sisterhood. of course those are the chapters i didn't want to be affiliated with, but the fact is it happened. i know i'm overweight, but i don't think i'm ugly. i think i'm quite beautiful actually and it's taken me a long time to be able to say that.

shelley j
sigma k

ps - if you want to see what i look like, pm me and i'll send you a picture. then you can tell me how badly i need to lose weight.

alphaiota · #38 09-18-2002, 03:18 PM

in simplier words -
it's like telling an alcoholic or a drug addict they are an alcoholic or a drug addict. they already know that. you don't need to rub it in.

shelley j
sigma k

sigmagrrl · #39 09-18-2002, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by alphaiota
i think i'm quite beautiful actually and it's taken me a long time to be able to say that.

I envy you! I wish I was at that point, but I'm not yet. I try to, I'm told by MANY people I am, but until you believe it, you don't own it. I compliment and congratulate you on that...

FuzzieAlum · #40 09-18-2002, 05:00 PM

Even if your weight isn't due to anything traumatic, it's hard to lose it. And heavy people are aware they're heavy, and many of them are trying to lose it, without much success. My mom struggled for years with her weight before successfully shedding her excess pounds. She's hardly stick-thin now, but she's healthy and comfortable.

If appearance is your concern for your chapter, be up front about it. Chapters range all over from wanting girls who are neat and clean to wanting beauty queens. But if health is your concern, it's not just the heavy girls. I know that in college I was at a "healthy" weight but it was all fat, no muscle. Not healthy! Health can be addressed as a chapter or by a small group of women. Start walking together, for example, or make a pact to do exercise tapes together. But nothing is going to happen unless the individuals participating want something to happen, and they are supporting each other rather than criticizing each other.

alphaiota · #41 09-18-2002, 05:09 PM

i do have to say that one of the fun things my chapter did for sisterhood events was have someone come in and hold kickboxing classes for us. one time we even did yoga. it was a lot of fun and encouraged everyone, regardless of size, to get active and healthy. and everyone gets to go at their own pace. i strongly encourage everyone to consider this for their chapter whether or not your focus is health, it's fun!

shelley j
sigma k

MoxieGrrl · #42 09-19-2002, 01:37 PM

alphaiota-that sounds like so much fun! Yoga is definitely a great way to get healthy. And I dig the pants...they're comfy

IvySpice · #43 09-19-2002, 02:34 PM

sigmagrrl and alphaiota, thanks so much for contributing your stories. I am always happy to hear that women who are not Barbie dolls have found a sorority filled with sisters who love and accept them. I sometimes forget that every campus is different and that no matter how many schools I may have visited, there are others out there I know nothing about.

I can't deny James' point that being known as the chubby sorority can hurt a chapter's numbers. But on my best friend's campus, the emphasis on weight hurts everyone, including the prestigious sororities. Suffice it to say that the sororities there call one group the "____ Pigs" instead of the "____ Sigs." Even though my best friend is thin, she did not consider rushing, because she did not want to be judged on that basis. All the groups lost out on a great PNM.

Ivy

James · #44 09-21-2002, 11:02 AM

Ok, but can we stop for a second and say that telling a overly thin person she needs to gain weight is probably equally counter productive?

1. She may have the same issues the overweight person has in regards to eating.

2. She is usually trying to get thinner so telling her she is too thin is actually validating her eating system!!

A better approach might be teling her she looks unhealthy and unattractive because of a lack of muscle tone. And then leading the conversation from there.

IvySpice · #45 09-21-2002, 12:40 PM

>A better approach might be teling her she looks unhealthy and unattractive because of a lack of muscle tone.

James, one 18-year-old female saying this to another in ANY context is walking on thin, thin ice.

I honestly think most men don't realize how important weight is to a lot of college-age women (of all sizes), or just how sensitive they may be to criticism about it. The girl with the perfect body everyone envies probably cries every time she shops for a swimsuit. This is about what's in your mind, not what's on your thighs.

Telling a friend that she looks unhealthy and unattractive and has no muscle tone is a good way to lose a friend and/or start a war in the chapter.

If I had a friend who I thought was hurting herself with an eating disorder, I wouldn't say word one about how she looked, good or bad. I'd say, "I'm worried about you...I don't want anything to happen to you. If you want to go to College Health Services and see if they can help, I'll come with."

If she refuses help, it's like a drug addiction; nothing you say will make her stop. She needs to want help.

Ivy