Being in a sorority while being gay

[DrPhil]

You may feel it is none of your concern but that isn't how the average person sees it. Whether people support LGBTQ rights or not, there are ways we express our social positions on a daily basis. This includes basic conversations.

Here is a basic conversation rooted in heterocentrism:
Sorority member: Are you familiar with this philanthropic event? We were presented with an award at the homecoming game.

Sorority aspirant: Indeed and I appreciate this excellent philanthropy. My boyfriend and I attended one of your service events last year and were at the homecoming game.

That was an unintentional or intentional announcement of (assumed) heterosexuality and traditional woman-man relationships. The same applies to ways in which people convey other group identifiers such as socioeconomic status and race.

I know that people are attempting inclusion and equality when they claim they don't care. But in reality it usually becomes more "don't ask don't tell" rather than real social inclusion. It is similar to when people claim racial inclusion and then say "I don't care ether way because we don't see race." That usually is a passive aggressive way of telling people to assimilate as much as possible and to shut up about whatever differentiates you from the rest of the group.

[Titchou]

While I see your point, Phil, I would be more apt to say "my friend" rather than boyfriend. Maybe I'm just weird. My best friend is a lesbian...but I don't see that when I look at her. I see the person who not only knows where the bodies are buried but who has helped me bury a few.

[DrPhil]

I, too, use gender neutral language a lot.

But as with every discussion of social interaction and inequality, this is not about GCers as individuals. There are 7 billion people in the world, most of whom use gender specific and heterocentric language.

I have also had people in professional and personal environments get impatient with me and tell me that I need to announce whether I am talking romantically about a man or a woman instead of saying "partner" and "significant other." I was told that it makes people uncomfortable if they can't identify me as a heterosexual woman.

[Titchou]

Seems to me that is their problem - not yours!

[DrPhil]

The point isn't whose problem it is (and it would be my "problem" if I was stigmatized and excluded). The point is how social inequality is reinforced both through policies and practices. I don't believe in telling people to just smile and think of the glass as half full. Thousands of years of humanity are not so simplistic.

Basic conversation is one component of GLOs therefore we shouldn't be clueless as to how people are identified, labeled, and stigmatized.

[*winter*]

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1555835880

This is a good book. Keep in mind some of the more negative stories took place in a very different time.

[Sophiestication]

Thank you for the book recommendation! Like I needed any more fuel for my online shopping addiction, lol.

I agree with what all of y'all are saying. It shouldn't matter, but it does. While I would prefer for it not to be a big deal, it unfortunately could become one. There are crappy people everywhere in the world who will judge me, but I would prefer to go somewhere where there are less of them. Being in a sorority is important to me. I would go to an all-girls school but I can't afford the extremely high tuition, so a sorority would be my first experience of a sisterhood, as all I have is a brother. I know that I wouldn't hit on my sisters, but other people don't understand that, so I have to be careful.

(I don't know exactly where that paragraph went so I hope it makes sense.)

[KDCat]

Just a general tip, as you apply for college: if you see a private school that you really like and can get it, apply even if you can't afford the sticker price. Many private schools adjust the sticker price for students who have financial need. The cost of the school may be much closer to the cost of a state school than you would expect, and it could be affordable.

It can't hurt to apply and then talk to the Financial Aid office to see what they can do for you.

[Sophiestication]

I'll keep that in mind.

[Alpha O]

I am a recent graduate and on my campus it wasn't uncommon to see people who were gay being members of Greek organizations. Having said that, even on my liberal campus it was "unofficially" known which houses would be more accepting and which would be less.

I don't know what kinds of schools you're looking at, and I don't think that you should bring up your sexuality directly during recruitment. That could be quite awkward just because it's not generally seen as an appropriate topic to talk about.

However, if you want to say something indirectly, perhaps mentioning being involved with the LGBTQ group on campus would get the point across without being too forward. I know on my campus they had a lot of activities, so it could be as simple as saying you plan to get involved with a sub-section of the organization (or that you are, if the recruitment is in the Spring and you're involved already).

[shadokat]

Something to think about... While some may be accepting and cool, be prepared for women who say, " if we take her, we'll become known as the lesbian sorority." I think this would be what one might hear a lot vs. actual acceptance. This of course differs depending on your school and size of chapters, but just some food for thought.

[Alpha O]

I think it's better to be cut from a chapter like that during recruitment than to join and then have someone say that when they find out more about who she is later. No one should have to hide important parts of who they are to be part of a Greek organization. I can't even imagine how horrible it is to feel like one has to hide parts of him/herself in order to be a member of something, and I know I would rather not join than hide who I am.