Time Cover

[DrPhil]

I can understand feeling a sense of closeness with the child if you breastfeed and feeling as though you are failing if you cannot breastfeed or stop breastfeeding.

However, I admit that my eyebrow sometimes raises and my stomach sometimes bubbles when a woman says she enjoyed breastfeeding. I typically hear women say that when they defend breastfeeding at an older age. Using "enjoy" makes me wonder whether there was a "nipple feeling" going on for some of these women. Seeing this photo with the boy posing for the camera with a nipple in his mouth makes me nauseous. If he can hop on a chair and give the camera a side eye, he does not need to be sucking a nipple. It makes me think of when grown adults talk about sexual nipple stimulation. I do not blame TIME for getting the sales that they knew they would receive.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I can understand feeling a sense of closeness with the child if you breastfeed and feeling as though you are failing if you cannot breastfeed or stop breastfeeding.

However, I admit that my eyebrow sometimes raises and my stomach sometimes bubbles when a woman says she enjoyed breastfeeding. I typically hear women say that when they defend breastfeeding at an older age. Using "enjoy" makes me wonder whether there was a "nipple feeling" going on for some of these women. Seeing this photo with the boy posing for the camera with a nipple in his mouth makes me nauseous. If he can hop on a chair and give the camera a side eye, he does not need to be sucking a nipple. It makes me think of when grown adults talk about sexual nipple stimulation. I do not blame TIME for getting the sales that they knew they would receive.

The bold.

Also I'd like to note that I had to take formula at ten days old because we were in a very serious car accident. Momma WC couldn't hold me to breast feed me for months, so I had some milk from whatever they could pump, but I split formula and milk. I think I've turned out pretty well. I don't have a criminal record or anything.

Also even though my mother was stuck in bed, I rarely slept in the same bed as them. There was a crib next to the bed. I'm looking for more recent stats, but from 1993-1997 there were over 500 infant and toddler accidental deaths from co-sleeping.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

However, I admit that my eyebrow sometimes raises and my stomach sometimes bubbles when a woman says she enjoyed breastfeeding. I typically hear women say that when they defend breastfeeding at an older age. Using "enjoy" makes me wonder whether there was a "nipple feeling" going on for some of these women. Seeing this photo with the boy posing for the camera with a nipple in his mouth makes me nauseous. If he can hop on a chair and give the camera a side eye, he does not need to be sucking a nipple. It makes me think of when grown adults talk about sexual nipple stimulation. I do not blame TIME for getting the sales that they knew they would receive.

I guess it depends on why she enjoys it. For example, being able to provide nourishment to your child could be enjoyable. Having quiet snuggle/bonding time with a child could be enjoyable.

[I2K Beta Mu]

Originally Posted by amanda6035

Heli-moms, is this you?

WTF? CTFU! This is some funny ass shit. I haven't seen it until now.

[DubaiSis]

When my Mom was raising her children, breastfeeding was NOT cool, and her doctor kind of went against common trend in saying she should continue to feed us formula longer and delay the introduction of food to limit allergies and stuff. What I'm getting at is parenting is dissected and contradicted every several years. Think about baby on back, baby on stomach, baby on side, baby in parent's bed, baby absolutely not in parent's bed. Those have all been the absolute mandate at one time or another.

And I think there is a vast difference in what the WHO recommends and what American women need to do. First of all, the water you would mix with the formula could kill your baby in a lot of countries.

[pbear19]

I'm a bit close to this issue at the moment, probably because I was feeding my 5 week old when I pulled up the thread. He is exclusively breast fed, and I hope that he will be for a while. But we've had a number of issues in his first 5 weeks, all of which have lead to an incredible amount of pain for me. Breastfeeding him has been the most difficult and painful thing I have ever done in my life. (Note that I had a med-free birth. Yes, I am saying that breastfeeding him has been more painful and difficult than childbirth itself.) Because of my experience I will always do my best to never ever judge a mama who cannot breastfeed her baby. (I will still judge people like an acquaintance of mine who expressly said she wasn't going to breastfeed because it would interfere with her social life, aka her ability to drink as much and as often as she wanted to once her baby was born. But that's a whole other issue.)

I would hope that, in return, I would be given the same courtesy of not being judged if I manage to continue breastfeeding him past an age that others consider appropriate. I doubt we will make it that far, but who knows? Don't judge an AP parent and in the same breath criticize the AP parent for being judgmental. I don't consider myself an AP mama, I think I'm more in the middle. But I definitely see the judgmental attitudes going both ways

[AGDee]

Breastfeeding was very painful and difficult for me also and I only lasted a few weeks with each child. It turned out that both were lactose intolerant and felt uncomfortable almost all the time so they screamed for hours on end. They both wanted to nurse every 1.5 hours or so. Because of my size, the only position I could use for nursing wasn't comfortable or bonding to me. I reached a point where I was so exhausted I thought I was going to collapse and I couldn't handle not being able to leave the house at all for weeks on end because I had to be there to feed the baby. Maybe that was selfish and a lot of people tried to make me feel guilty but I bonded much better with my babies when I fed them hypoallergenic formula (yeah, her allergies are why she picked that username..lol) and we all got to sleep for more than an hour at a time. When I could rock with them in the rocking chair while giving them a bottle, I felt closer to them. While nursing, between the pain, the sleep deprivation,the weird position and the inability to do anything but nurse a baby and try to sleep, I was just growing resentful, not bonding. People need to do what is right for them. I have great admiration for women who can do it, but I couldn't do it. Nutramigen and mylicon drops worked wonders for us.

[IrishLake]

AnotherKD, holy shit. Do I know these people?


I multi-quoted a bunch of things yesterday, but then decided not to post. I'll just share instead today.

My baby girl is almost 4 months, and we are still breastfeeding! That is huge for us. My older two were unsuccessfully breastfed. I was miserable for a plethora of reasons. They were miserable, too. We started supplementing at 5 or 6 weeks, and completely stopped BFing at 10 weeks. For whatever reason, #3 kicks ass at breastfeeding. We tried formula once, and she screamed her blessed little head off. She has boob when I'm home whenever she wants. I'm pumping more than enough at work to keep up with her demands, too. It's my goal to at least BF until 6 months, possibly one year.

Now... there was nothing more demoralizing with my first two than hearing "it" from other moms when I told them we were not BFing. The LLL types made me feel like shit for quiting. This time though, I've found the LLL website to be a good resource, and I think it's part of why we're doing such a good job. I'm all for BFing a baby as long as possible IF that's what the mother chooses to do. However, once the psychological impact trumps the physical benefit, it's time to stop. (Like this case). I am also more offended by the title of being "Mom Enough." Fuck that shit. Just because her kid is still on the tit at the age of nearly 4, she is not a better mom than I. Just different. I am more than MOM ENOUGH.

FWIW, I was NOT breastfed. Formula for me from the get-go, and I'm a damn genius. That argument is moot. (I was also put on my belly to sleep. I let our baby girl doze off on her belly today during tummy time, and my husband about shit a brick).

Co-sleeping is a different story. Often times, co-sleeping deaths are a result of poor planning or other influences (drug or alcohol impairment). We co-slept with #1 and #2 a little bit during their first few weeks. #2 was a loud sleeper though, so we really didn't get good sleep. I was always very paranoid though and dozed more than really "slept". We had a large, overstuffed, soft pillow top bed, which made me paranoid. #3 co-slept more than the other two because we have a better bed (memory foam, very firm), slept with fewer blankets and pillows, and it was easier for me to just roll over and pop a boob in her mouth when she woke up for those middle of the night feedings. I would doze, she would eat, and she would fall off when she was done. We were happy campers.

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by IrishLake

#3 co-slept more than the other two because... it was easier for me to just roll over and pop a boob in her mouth when she woke up for those middle of the night feedings. I would doze, she would eat, and she would fall off when she was done. We were happy campers.

This was the only reason we co-slept with either of our kids. Had I not be BFing, I would not have co-slept because I would've had to get out of bed anyway to prepare a bottle.

I don't want to judge either way - I'm amazed that some women want to (and can) BF for so long. I'm also more than understanding of women who only do it for so long. And even more understanding of women who choose not to BF at all. And, if one of the reasons is because she doesn't want to have to either avoid alcohol altogether or pump and dump, so be it. She shared her body for 9 months - I don't see it as unreasonable (and certainly not worthy of judgment) to opt for the bottle.

The woman on the TIME cover, though... it's hard not to judge her simply because of her poor decision to exploit her kid.

[TriDeltaSallie]

I'm Mom Enough.

Medically necessary scheduled c-section? Check.
Baby in nursery at hospital so I could recover? Check.
Formula fed? Check.
Baby in own bed in own room from day one? Check.

I was mom enough to make my own decisions about what was best for our family.

The kicker for me was when a woman online (Catholic and militantly quiverfull) told me she was SURE I could have naturally delivered. Posted all kinds of research about why I could have delivered. Right. And you've examined me and my 97th percentile baby's head how many times compared to my doctor?

Women can be absolutely ridiculous about this stuff. They have WAY too much of their identity wrapped up in these choices.

And I think putting that child on the cover is child abuse, pure and simple. It's appalling.

[Old_Row]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

And I think putting that child on the cover is child abuse, pure and simple. It's appalling.

I think it's a disgusting and selfish thing for her to do.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

97th percentile baby's head

This would be a great name for a band.

But seriously, you hit the nail on the head when you said women have their IDENTITY wrapped up in what they do or don't do as far as parenting is concerned, from gestation all the way through to the kid's grad school and job choices. Any woman who says things like "my life didn't start until I had my child" is a step short of pathological, in my book...or maybe just really lame and stupid.

[IrishLake]

Originally Posted by 33girl

This would be a great name for a band.

But seriously, you hit the nail on the head when you said women have their IDENTITY wrapped up in what they do or don't do as far as parenting is concerned, from gestation all the way through to the kid's grad school and job choices. Any woman who says things like "my life didn't start until I had my child" is a step short of pathological, in my book...or maybe just really lame and stupid.

Ditto x infinity.

[AnotherKD]

I think it was that people assumed the child was biologically hers. Which was none of their business. Parents shouldn't have to advertise that their children are adopted in order to not be harassed by strangers.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

Parents shouldn't be harassed by strangers.

FYP

Maybe it's just my ignorance, but I never understood why folks even concerned themselves with the breastfeeding habits of others. If it works for (general) you, then YOU do it. Don't worry about what Nancy Newmother is doing.