lady_chem's Disappointing Recruitment - Page 3

agzg · #1 10-10-2010, 11:49 AM

This is unrelated, but when I was a new member, there was a new member who really had her heart set on a certain woman to be her sister-mother. It didn't work out, and the person she was matched with didn't want her, either. They both cried on sister-mother night. Their pictures are awful - sulking etc.

Things got better through the course of her new member period, and at initiation, they still weren't besties but they had grown quite fond of one another. Things got better still until the time the sister-mother graduated from college and got engaged.

By the time the wedding rolled around, the sister-daughter was in her sister-mother's wedding party, and could not be happier for one of the closest friends she made in college.

I guess the point is that things don't always work out the way you'd like (neither of these women had the other on "her list"). If you put in an effort, it might be one of the most valuable things you can get out of sisterhood.

BraveMaroon · #2 10-10-2010, 12:14 PM

I also have to wonder if there's some revisionist history going on as well.

Which is to say, her recollection of DEF comes off as lukewarm, but I'm wondering if her bias for ABC has her forgetting things about DEF during rush that were more positive.

I hope she can get past her grief and enjoy a group of women who clearly appreciate her...

sherrybaby · #3 10-11-2010, 02:59 PM

those are valid points, I didn't think of those. I guess all I was saying is that some posters seemed to be making her out to feeling like DEF was beneath her, which wasn't the feeling I got. Hopefully everything works out for her!

BraveMaroon · #4 10-11-2010, 04:00 PM

Unless you have a chapter full of clones, or unless the PNM is completely impossible and anti-social, any chapter of any size will have something to offer a PNM.

I had anywhere from 100-140 sisters in my 4 years of college life. I wasn't dearest friends with every one of them. There were some I didn't like very much, nor did they like me. And that's OK.

But did I fit in? Sure - because in my house, there was room for all of us - the studiers, the partiers, the reformed partiers who became studiers. The girls who wore Birkenstocks and the girls who wore Laura Ashley (I'm dating myself, but still).

Fitting in is the ability to be comfortable in your own skin and allowing the people around you to be comfortable in theirs.

I'm not saying the OP wasn't crushed and doesn't have the right to be crushed. She's welcome to feel how she feels - I think we're hopefully trying to encourage and offer perspective.

The beauty of sisterhood is that there's room for all kinds of people. And that becomes even more apparent after college - because maybe DEF has the reputation of being the preppy house at Learnmore U., but they're allegedly the granola girl house at X State. I've met enough of my sisters from other chapters and they're as different as can be. Which is great - because it's more interesting that way.

It would be easy for me to say, "But I just KNOW I would have made a great ABC." That's possibly true, but that's not the point. The point is that ABC didn't think I'd make a great ABC, and I could sit around and wonder why, or I could get out there and have some fun as a DEF.

I know what I would pick.

DeltaBetaBaby · #5 10-11-2010, 06:58 PM

I think that we're coming off a little harsh on ladychem because she just happens to be the nth NM to post something like this in the last few months. We really got into the general topic of "NM's who don't feel they fit" and it just happens to be on her thread.

I really hope she does give it a chance, as I hope all NM's do.