You should have been there to see it in person! There were other components to it that I won't post here because it would start to narrow things down a bit and I don't want to do that. 'nough said what happened and that it was in the south....
What kind of leverage does mom think she has to get DD into one of her preferred chapters? It's not like she is an advisor or National Officer or big time donor to the foundation and is threatening to withdraw her support. What does she think she can do?
Informal recruitment at the top chapters? There are very few schools where top chapters do informal recruitment!
Chapters choose their own members their own way. "Top" chapters especially have to make lots of cuts in the first round and they have to find a reason to cut PNMs or talk themselves into feeling good about a reason to cut a PNM. PNMs get cut from top chapters all the time because there were more women that the chapter wanted, they're not as well known, or simply because they failed to impress. Now, if a PNM has an obnoxious mom bullying the chapter who has to cut lots of PNMs per RFM, she is absolutely going to get cut because the chapter will resent feeling like they have to take her, regardless of her actual merit.
Simply explain that her overinvolvement will be a detriment and ask her how she thinks she can get her daughter into a particular chapter.
What kind of leverage? The court system my dear. Her daughter was discriminated against. That was what she was threatening to do.
Things did work out in a sense. She did pledge a chapter (I can't say where or how) that met with her mother's approval. Now her daughter can "compete" with my daughter. I never have seen any of this as competition. But she has.
Please do not take this in the wrong way ellebud, but I wonder why you continue to maintain a friendship with this mother? In what way is this person a part of a healthy relationship/friendship in your life?
I have been in a friendship or two myself that have been somewhat like this and when I really felt like I had been through the ringer I looked at the so-called friendship. I realized it was not a friendship that went both ways and in no way was it healthy for me. They were hard to sever, but it is so much better now that I have moved on. I wish them well, but if it was not a healthy and positive friendship for me it was better to not be in it.
What kind of leverage? The court system my dear. Her daughter was discriminated against. That was what she was threatening to do.
Things did work out in a sense. She did pledge a chapter (I can't say where or how) that met with her mother's approval. Now her daughter can "compete" with my daughter. I never have seen any of this as competition. But she has.
I hope the daughter is able to keep mom at a sufficient distance so as to have a good time with her Greek experience! If the daughter's happy, then good for her.
__________________ Green, green, the ivy twines...
*~*~Alpha Phi.♥AΦ♥.1872~*~*
What kind of leverage? The court system my dear. Her daughter was discriminated against. That was what she was threatening to do.
Things did work out in a sense. She did pledge a chapter (I can't say where or how) that met with her mother's approval. Now her daughter can "compete" with my daughter. I never have seen any of this as competition. But she has.
I bet we will be seeing her in a few years on the mother in law from hell thread!
Or a new poster on GC talking about a bitch on wheels helicopter mom
Ellebud, if you feel comfortable doing so, I would call the daughter directly and give her your very best, well-informed advice (assuming that she's still interested in pursuing membership in a GLO.) Tell her mom about it after the fact and make it seem like her idea.
I hate to see otherwise nice girls punished for their mom's perfidies. A sorority membership might be just what this girl needs to help her stand on her own two feet.
Well...the good news: The young lady did pledge a house. I do not want to be to specific because it would send a beam of light on the girl. But I will say that the girl did not sue (her mother was ready to pursue litigation), she did informal and wound up in a house! (I am happy for her!)
Is this a top four house? No. But the girl is happy. The mom is somewhat appeased because it is not the bottom house. And to all of us who care desperately about our children and their happiness (and we all do I think): This is such a cautionary thread. If the daughter hadn't gone with her hallmate to a party she wouldn't have had this outcome. She was open and her mother (perhaps because my daughter said something pretty much on point to the mom) was sort of ok with the outcome.
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