Too fat to recruit: or, DePauw, the Sequel

[KillarneyRose]

During rush in college, I was always one of the sisters assigned to kitchen duty. Pictures taken back in the day reveal that I was quite adorable and thin, but I was a terrible rusher! Especially with the small talk in the first two rounds.

Can't always assume things are because of looks/weight.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by SECdomination

I agree. I think we are on the same page for the most part. I also don't believe for one second that ANYONE should be asked to stay away from recruitment. However, I do believe that there are ways for some members to be more proactive than to actively rush.

I agree too, and there are tasteful ways to request that they do something besides stand in the front row of rushers talking to PNM's every party. I am not telling anyone "hey, you're a fatty, hide," but rush isn't always pleasant for everyone.

We had a sister who wanted to be in a skit but could not dance to save her life. We eventually changed it so she would sorta "introduce" the skit, and someone else took her place as a dancer. It's the same thing, just find another place for the women who do not excel at rushing for whatever reason.

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

I guess what I fail to understand is why this is acceptable and why there is no one willing to try to change it. Of course, it will take years, maybe even decades of work, individuals skilled in marketing, and individuals with some strong values to lead the change. Maybe that's why it won't happen. It's just too much work for the few that are willing to do it.

It isn't though. Maybe as an alum I can help with that. I hope so. It's just extremely depressing how accepted this is. It is totally against what the organizations were founded for...and, like I said, despite my cynical distaste for Pledged, has made ME, already a Greek, believe it.

And no, it's not going to be one chapter that changes it. One chapter cannot take on a whole monster by itself. Especially if they are already tired and stressed out from constant recruiting battles. Nationals/internationals, for instance, sometimes help perpetuate this attitude. We saw it in the DePauw case. I've seen it myself...a chapter seemingly offered no help at ALL relevant to the campus it was on..."suggestions" based totally on a campus where Greek life is the norm. I haven't experienced it, but I don't doubt that my chapter might run into similar problems with officials if it found itself below on numbers. Maybe everyone just got too big for their britches, and that's a shame. It seems that those of us who became Greek on smaller campuses really got the sisterhood/brotherhood experience. It doesn't mean we don't have our issues or run into petty/superficial attitudes with both members and PNMs at times, but even based on just this thread there is a HUGE gap. I have little doubt that if the sisters at my chapter were presented with the decision to close and recolonize or totally exclude sisters for recruitment, they'd rather recolonize. And I really do think the others on campus would be the same way.

And I do agree with the point that once you have a reputation, it's near impossible to change it. Especially if it's a negative one. Think back to high school. Weren't the nerds nothing BUT nerds, even if they quit band and lost the braces? Teenagers have a tendency to be self centered. They aren't all completely STUPID and superficial as some keep saying, but in general...self centered...YES. It translates into their perceptions of others. BUT I think the talk with the council...both male AND female councils would be helpful. It isn't going to turn around the reputation, but it might SLOW the progression of nasty remarks. It would take some effort. For instance, having a Greek advisor on your side who would call a meeting of individuals in each organization who DO value sisterhood/brotherhood and are therefore likely to be more sympathetic to the plight of the struggling chapters. It is part of the fight to change the way things are. It's not going to happen overnight. That's just not possible. But if people put the EFFORT into it, it could be changed in a few years. Seems worth it to me...being Greek and an Alpha Gam is important to me...therefore making sure the reputation of neither is tarnished by this stuff is as well. Because to me, it's VERY tarnished.

[pialpha92]

I have read this entire thread - I think my original post is around page 8...

I still maintain that this happening is not exclusive to struggling chapters. It is not exclusive to competitive campuses. It is not exclusive to the SEC. It happens far to often than I would probably care to know.

I think it is sad that it happens at all. You can come up with whatever justification you want for it happening, but that does not make it any more ok. It does not have to happen.

Most of the discussion seems to keep focusing on the poor struggling chapter at a competitive school that is trying to compete. What about when the not-struggling chapter does it too? They don't have the 'fat girls' reputation. They obviously like those member enough to have offered them a bid in the first place and allowed them to stay an active member. If the member is good enough to be in the chapter the entire rest of the year and no one has a problem with that - why suddenly are the too unsightly when it comes to recruitment?

This is different than they aren't a good rusher, can't sing or dance to be in the skit, etc. There are ways to assign those people to other areas without insulting them. Per the OP - this is where we are talking about a purely superficial rejection of someone based on physical appearance (whatever that may be).

That is something that I would never consider to be appropriate, either in the years that my chapter struggled or in the years that it didn't. Not everyone feels that way, but coming up with what you consider a 'good reason' for it does not make it any more right.

[fantASTic]

Does anyone actually know of someone who was asked to stay away from recruitment for NOTHING BUT physical appearance? I know that this is being talked about a lot, but I'm not really seeing any anecdotes or anything..just what one girl told us, which I still believe isn't super reliable.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by pialpha92

I have read this entire thread - I think my original post is around page 8...

I still maintain that this happening is not exclusive to struggling chapters. It is not exclusive to competitive campuses. It is not exclusive to the SEC. It happens far to often than I would probably care to know.

I think it is sad that it happens at all. You can come up with whatever justification you want for it happening, but that does not make it any more ok. It does not have to happen.

Most of the discussion seems to keep focusing on the poor struggling chapter at a competitive school that is trying to compete. What about when the not-struggling chapter does it too? They don't have the 'fat girls' reputation. They obviously like those member enough to have offered them a bid in the first place and allowed them to stay an active member. If the member is good enough to be in the chapter the entire rest of the year and no one has a problem with that - why suddenly are the too unsightly when it comes to recruitment?

This is different than they aren't a good rusher, can't sing or dance to be in the skit, etc. There are ways to assign those people to other areas without insulting them. Per the OP - this is where we are talking about a purely superficial rejection of someone based on physical appearance (whatever that may be).

That is something that I would never consider to be appropriate, either in the years that my chapter struggled or in the years that it didn't. Not everyone feels that way, but coming up with what you consider a 'good reason' for it does not make it any more right.

Can you give examples of what you mean by "rejection of someone based on physical appearance" within the group?

What I see happening in the thread is that to see what we expect to see, we are kind of misrepresenting what was said by others.

People acknowledging that "image matters in recruitment in the SEC" in any form, even the ones that you kind of said were alright as far as matching people with what they were best at, translates to blaming the fat people, for example.

So unless you can give examples of people being singled out for appearance at chapters at non-competitive recruitments, it's hard to know what you are really talking about.

Do you mean dress check? Or do you mean having a concrete example of a young woman being told to stay away from recruitment at a strong chapter at a non-competitive school, and you know personally that her only "weakness" was appearance?

[Tom Earp]

What a shame that this just keeps going on and on.

No matter what is said, it is not going to change things is it?

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by dream*a*dream

people... everyone has now passionately espoused virtuous viewpoints for 28 pages and so many members of the gc community have and continue to literally argue and beat this "hypothetical situation" to death. however, have any of you ever bothered to realize that the original poster has never posted a single thing since their first post? where is the original poster... and why have they never posted again... 28 pages later?

there are no details, just this vague reference to what is "supposed" to happen in a upcoming recruitment... to an unknown member... of an unknown sorority... at an unknown school. nascar has nothing on greekchat... you have literally taken a post and have run like crazy... this one may have broken all known records!

where are the facts, where are the details... is this situation even true? while it seems like a great topic from which to learn... all it has served is to get every single one of you in a "total dither" trying to argue and out-post each other. granted, the poster raised a valid point and this should never happen... but the original poster literally dumped this "hypotethical tragedy" and ran... never to be heard from again!

i keep wondering if the poster is not laughing him/herself to death as members of gc continue and continue to beat this issue to death! no one, not a single person who has posted in this debacle even knows if this is even remotely true. where are the facts? where is the proof? great way to get a heated argument going and then totally disappear. why are we continuing to beat this thing to death!?!?!? does a single one of you know that this was even true... let alone where it is alleged to be happening? goodness, people... do you know how this makes us look? presumed highly educated arguing with each other for pages... over a situation we do not even know that is true...

*sweet*dreams*

But people can have conversations about hypotheticals if they interest them. And if it doesn't, no one compels anyone else to read it.

And really, do you even want to have a conversation about how threads on GreekChat make us look? This wouldn't even be the right forum to start with if that were the issue.

[kathykd2005]

Originally Posted by AlphaGamUGAAlum

But people can have conversations about hypotheticals if they interest them. And if it doesn't, no one compels anyone else to read it.

And really, do you even want to have a conversation about how threads on GreekChat make us look? This wouldn't even be the right forum to start with if that were the issue.

Agreed.

[NutBrnHair]

Originally Posted by AlphaGamUGAAlum

But people can have conversations about hypotheticals if they interest them. And if it doesn't, no one compels anyone else to read it.

And really, do you even want to have a conversation about how threads on GreekChat make us look? This wouldn't even be the right forum to start with if that were the issue.

Originally Posted by kathykd2005

Agreed.

A point that could not have been made by any two better people...since together you've posted on this thread 136 times!!! LOL

"Move away from the computer."

[kathykd2005]

Originally Posted by NutBrnHair

A point that could not have been made by any two better people...since together you've posted on this thread 136 times!!! LOL

"Move away from the computer."

That wasn't very nice.

[NutBrnHair]

Awww...I am sorry. I just have to agree with the opinion that the horse has already been beaten to death.

Please continue to post here -- I promise I'll be nice.

[kathykd2005]

Originally Posted by NutBrnHair

Awww...I am sorry. I just have to agree with the opinion that the horse has already been beaten to death.

Please continue to post here -- I promise I'll be nice.

Nannanaa. If I want to I will Haha But I agree, which I agreed with about a hundred posts ago, that the horse has been beaten to death, and thus, have agreed to disagree.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by NutBrnHair

A point that could not have been made by any two better people...since together you've posted on this thread 136 times!!! LOL

"Move away from the computer."

Aren't you free to move away from the computer as well?

[kathykd2005]

Originally Posted by AlphaGamUGAAlum

What's it to you?

Aren't you free to move away from the computer as well?

Ok let's all take a deep breath, this isn't recruitment