How much is too much?

Originally Posted by 33girl

As for him bitching about the wine, that's just silly...if he wanted to buy her Budwesiser he should have taken her to a bowling alley or something. I'm not much of a wine drinker, so I really can't speak to that issue.

Agreed.

He had to have known what kind of price range he was looking at before he took her there.

When I was dating, I always made sure I had enough cash on me to at least cover myself in the event of an emergency. Of course the guy always paid, but my thing was "if I can't afford it, I won't order it."

A few years ago, a sister of mine got asked out by some dude she was crushing on from class. They went to Sunday brunch at a pretty upscale restaurant in a hotel. When the bill came, she slowly prepared to get cash out to pay for her share (allowing him time to whip out his credit card). Well, he offered to pay of course.

A few minutes later, their server came back and his card was DECLINED. My sister ended up taking care of the bill. Dude was so embarassed that he stopped showing up to class for the rest of the semester (it was early December)...which was okay, because she never bothered to call him again.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by BabyPiNK_FL

If I'm not mistaken...wine is still on the menu at Chuck E. Cheese. Perhaps he ought to take her there next time. But then maybe she'll ask for too many tokens or something else...

lol lol lol I totally forgot about that. They do have wine as Chuck E. Cheese. He and I have class together, and I won't see him until next semester, but I'll mention it to him when I do.

[cheerfulgreek]

I'll only go out with a guy if I'm at 1st physically attracted to him, but if during the date, I start to see that he's not my type, then I'll insist that we go dutch. He can pay for his, and I'll pay for mine.

I once went out with a guy and this very thing happened. He tried to insist on paying, but I told him no, that I would pay for my own meal, because I didn't want him to get the wrong impression. I told him I didn't see a romantic connection here. When I told him that, I could see he was disappointed, and then he stopped insisting on paying. He paid for his meal and I paid for mine. That was the last time I heard from him.

If I really like a guy, then I'll let him pay. I just think it's so not cool to accept a free meal or free gifts from someone you don't even like.

[SthrnZeta]

I agree, you know what price range you're looking at when you decide on the place. TGI Fridays vs Bonefish - c'mon guys, you know there's a big difference in the prices. And I won't be getting a couple of tasty (and expensive) martinis at Fridays, but I WILL get them at Bonefish I'm lucky now though, my boyfriend loves to spoil me and I got to go to Geisha House in ATL when I finished the real estate course

[AlphaFrog]

Miss Manners says that guests (which you are when the guy is paying) should always order from the middle (price range) of the menu. I agree, though, if you just feel like a sandwich or salad or whatever, order it, even if it is the cheapest thing on the menu. As far as alcohol, I *think* the proper etiquette (by the book) is to follow the host's lead - if they order alcohol, you can, but if they don't, you shouldn't. However, if it's someone you're thinking about seriously dating, and you are going to expect that you should be able to order alcohol on their dime every time you go out, I guess go ahead and order it, so the person knows what they're getting themselves into. Just be prepared to pay for it yourself if need be, such as the anecdote above.

[fantASTic]

Eh. I'm a fan of the "If he does it, I'll do it" game plan. If there's an entree I really want or an expensive drink, I wait and see what he orders. If he orders something above or around the same price range, then I'll order what I really want. If not, then I use my "backup" entree or drink that's cheaper.

It works, as long as I can get him to order first I usually use the "I'm not quite ready, but I think HE is" line for that one.

[skylark]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

Eh. I'm a fan of the "If he does it, I'll do it" game plan. If there's an entree I really want or an expensive drink, I wait and see what he orders. If he orders something above or around the same price range, then I'll order what I really want. If not, then I use my "backup" entree or drink that's cheaper.

It works, as long as I can get him to order first I usually use the "I'm not quite ready, but I think HE is" line for that one.

When I was in the dating game, this was always my strategy, as well. I would usually try to ask my date something like "oh it all looks so good, what are you thinking of having?" before the waitor/waitress comes back. That way, I'll have an idea of what entree range he is looking at before I make a decision and I don't have to panic by trying to remember what was entree I liked in each price range in the moment (I tended to panic easy on first dates).

I don't like the miss manners "pick from the middle" system because on many a first date, I picked a middle entree that looked okay, only to have my date pick the more expensive chef's special that I was really salivating over.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by skylark

I picked a middle entree that looked okay, only to have my date pick the more expensive chef's special that I was really salivating over.

"You know, I was thinking about that, and you changed my mind - I'd like to try that too."

Your waiter really won't kill you for changing your mind.

[KSUViolet06]

I think that guys should always pay for the first date. I'm usually conscious of what I order though. I try to stick to something moderately priced (i.e. not a $10 nacho plate, but not a $40 steak entree). I also don't really drink alcohol, so I never order any on dates anyway.

As far as this guy is concerned, he can't really be mad at her for ordering it. You need to be conscious of where you're taking her. Don't try to impress a girl by taking her to nice place with wine that will destroy your bank account if she orders it. Keep it real and take her to Maccaroni Grill, TGI Fridays, or some other chain. I'm sure if a girl likes you enough, it won't matter.

[skylark]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

"You know, I was thinking about that, and you changed my mind - I'd like to try that too."

Your waiter really won't kill you for changing your mind.

Ah yes, it sounds so logical in a vacuum... but in skylark-first-date-mode I think I'd be paranoid that I'd be viewed (by my date, not the waitor) as an unoriginal copycat who doesn't know what she wants. :-)

My goodness, am I glad I'm not still dating. As you can see from above, dating was not exactly a relaxing experience for me a lot of the time. Coincidentally, I shared the following revelation only a week ago with my husband: I knew he was the one because he was the only man I ever dated that I felt comfortable being 100% myself (as opposed to 90% me, 10% what I thought he'd prefer).

[skylark]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Don't try to impress a girl by taking her to nice place with wine that will destroy your bank account if she orders it. Keep it real and take her to Maccaroni Grill, TGI Fridays, or some other chain. I'm sure if a girl likes you enough, it won't matter.

I'd take into account the girl before I did this. I loathe chains and was always a little let down when a date wanted to go there instead of one of the more interesting local-business choices. Local doesn't have to mean expensive, but at least you're up for some diversity. Also, most of the chains I've been to tend to try to turn the table as fast as they can ... bringing your entrees only 5 minutes into appetizers! In contrast, I think local restaurants tend to be more conscious of whether you might be taking your time (several courses and slowly eating) because your meal is very much the event of your evening.

[tld221]

how much is too much on a first date? depends on where he's taking you. if its Applebee's or something like that, a $10 drink is nothing to sneeze at. if he can't wing a $10 drink... then really, i'd make sure my wallet was filled IF we went out again.

whoever does the asking out should take their date to a place they can afford, including tax and tip/gratuity. even if they order the most expensive item(s). but common sense should say to be considerate. i mean share an appetizer and/or dessert if you have to. some chicks may find it cheap, others may think its cute. roll the dice and see.

and if the chick is ordering a glass of wine, you want her to drink the cheap house stuff? at a moderate restaurant, that's at least $6-10 bucks... so umm, yeah. to your friend, let the broad have a drink! it may make the night a little more exciting. but dont let her get slizzered.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

You know you are wrong for that... But it's all cool...



To the OP:

Dude shoulda taken homegirl to Applebee's or TGI Fridays if he wasn't trying to spend $50 on a glass of wine. Girl may be from France and doesn't understand the American dating rituals.

Hayle, when I was young, I didn't order expensive items. I dated dudes who could afford high priced stuff. I ain't sayin' I was a gold digger... But I dayum sho didn't mess around with no broke...

While that may sound funny, I was serious as a heart attack when I posted that. No, I'm not broke, but then again, I'm not wealthy either. I refuse to take a woman (that I want for more than a friend) who I don't know very well to an expensive classy restaurant. Call me cheap if you want to, but my reason for this is because I used to go high class with every date I would go on everytime, and then come to find out that I was going out with sack chasing gold diggin' hoes. Money was never the issue, and it still isn't. It's the woman. If she can hang with me after a few dates of dining at the cheapo "abnorm", then that tells me she enjoys my company and likes "me" not the fancy places I take her. Believe me, once I've been with her for awhile, then we'll go anywhere she wants to. (High class) As long as I can afford it, we'll go. Also if money ever gets tight and we have to start dining "down" again, then she won't get upset, because these are the places we started going in the 1st place.

My ex (who I always went high class on) was a low down, lying, sack chasing, gold diggin,' fake cheat. I avoid women like her at all costs. I can see them coming a mile away. Now, I only get involved with the opposite of what she was.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

This is what I hate about guys. They spend money on a date and then they expect to get in her pants later, and if they don't, then they call her high maintenance.

That's not true with every dude. A lot of women like to choose trifling jokers like this. Of course if you keep accepting high class gifts or any gift from him for that matter, eventually he's going to want something in return. Like James said, maybe he wanted a kiss, a hug or whatever. I know for me, if I'm taking her out to an expensive restaurant, believe me, I'm not doing it for free. Hell, I can get to know her at Subway, but I do want something in return. No, of course I'm not saying I want to see the girl with her panties around her ankles after the 1st date, those kind of women are hoes, and I don't date hoes. I at least want a hint rather it be through a kiss or a hug, that she's interested in a 2nd date to something long term. I disagree with you here.

[whiteandblack]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I forgot to post this. I just wanna see what everyone else thinks about this. I thought it was funny. lol

When I get together with my study group, sometimes we get away from what we're supposed to be doing, like talking about other topics.

Well, anyway, this guy in my group was complaining about his date he had last night. Apparently he said she ordered too much. I asked him what she ordered and he said she ordered an expensive glass of wine with her food. Of course at this point I was trying hard not to laugh, because he was so serious about it. I didn't see the big deal, but he said she could have at least been a little more conservative in her ordering on the 1st date.

My thoughts on the whole thing was I didn't see what the big deal was. I always at least offer to help pay, but I still think the guy should pay for the 1st date regardless. When you go out with a guy on the 1st date, do you order whatever you want or do you think you should order light since it is the 1st date?

And for the guys, does it really matter to you?

she should dump his cheap ass. on the first date I let him know that I'll pay for myself because even though I'm tiny I gets my grub on and I want to order as many drinks as I want without him looking at me sideways. If he ends up paying it's all good.