advice needed

[summer_gphib]

I can't imagine how difficult it is to be a mom, with a daughter who has to be feeling rejected and unwanted. There are so many different things to enjoy about college; I would just encourage her to find her niche. Encourage her to get involved in her dorm and in campus life. Greek life isn't for everyone. That being said, I'm not sure about Auburn, but there may be a chance for COB or snap bidding if she's interested.

Give her lots of love and encouragement, and she'll find where she's supposed to fit. It may include Greek life, but it may not. There are many, many opportunities to get involved and to meet a lot of friends. It doesn't mean that the girls she met in the various houses aren't new friends, as well. It doesn't mean they didn't like her a lot. It just didn't work out this time.

Hugs going out to you both!

[PenguinTrax]

Did she attend preference round? If so, then she was on a bid list, somewhere. Who knows why she didn't get matched, but she should not take it personally. It's hard, I know, but maybe the less competitive atmosphere of COB would be better for her. If she really decides that Greek life is not for her, then she should immediately get involved in an organization or cause on campus to which she can dedicate her time and energy.

[tennesseemom]

They did rush a little different this year, allowing girls to be asked back to sororities they had already "cut" if they were "cut" by ones they listed. By doing that, it is my understanding that most filled quota, and some traditionally smaller ones, were able to accept more girls than the larger ones. I would agree that maybe you could call panhellenic and see if Alpha Xi Delta, Delta Gamma or Gamma Phi Beta is doing COB. I know Kappa this year was allowed to pledge 70 girls, while Alpha Gam was only "allowed" to pledge 55. I know about 2 years ago they did, and some great girls were able to join. they did wait about 2 weeks to see if anyone "depledged" and spots opened up. My heart hurts for your daughter, and for you. My advice is to help your daughter determine if she would like to pursue COB, and then help her find her way. she will need your help in contacting panhellenic, cause it can be overwhelming for a freshman who is feeling left out. Good Luck!

[auburnmom2007]

thank you for this information i will relay it to my daughter, she did mention a form for panhellenic but she wants to mail it rather than take it by. any suggestions are appreciated, her roomate is in kappa and is a highschool friend but the roomate had a rec letter for kappa and my daughter didnt have rec letters at all.

[UWGPhiBalum]

From what I've read on our International Website's message board, Gamma Phi at Auburn is "way above" house total after this fall's rush. So, I doubt that they'd be doing COB.

[Bamarox]

Too bad she didn't go through Alabama rush. If a Alabama PNM goes through and attends every round and maximizes her options she is guaranteed a bid. I am really surprised Auburn does not do this for their PNMs

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Bamarox

Too bad she didn't go through Alabama rush. If a Alabama PNM goes through and attends every round and maximizes her options she is guaranteed a bid. I am really surprised Auburn does not do this for their PNMs

Yes, but it might be a bid to a sorority she'd rather cut her face off than join.

When you have a group or two that's way under total, it's easy to "guarantee bids."

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by Bamarox

Too bad she didn't go through Alabama rush. If a Alabama PNM goes through and attends every round and maximizes her options she is guaranteed a bid. I am really surprised Auburn does not do this for their PNMs

Sorry Bamarox....they can promise all they want, but they can't guarantee. My daughter did this and was still dropped.

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by auburnmom2007

...[her] roomate had a rec letter for kappa and my daughter didnt have rec letters at all.

Sorry for the double post, but I just saw this.

Did Auburn's Panhellenic indicate that recs aren't necessary? This is one of my biggest pet peeves. If your school has a competitive recruitment (like Auburn does), it does PNMs a huge disservice to tell them that recs aren't necessary when, in actuality, they are.

Anyone here know what PNMs were told regarding recs?

[Army Wife'79]

A few years ago when my D went thru, the website and literature said "Recs are not necessary, if a sorority requires a rec, it is their job to secure one for you if they want your student as a member" (or something to that effect.) What a bunch of baloney. Since we were from out of state we didn't know any better and actually believed them!!

[WregleXO]

I know that right now your daughter probably doesn't even want to entertain the thought of going through the whole process again but when I went through rush at Auburn, I had three friends from my high school that were either cut out of rush on pref day or bid day. They all three went through rush again the next year and all ended up pledging their first choice (which ended up not being their first choice from their freshmen year).

[auburnmom2007]

on the website it said recs were not necessary, if the sorority needed them they would get them for the rushee I am now thinking this was a huge mistake on our part not knowing how important this was if there was such limited space with 1200 girls rushing

[Zillini]

Originally Posted by auburnmom2007

on the website it said recs were not necessary, if the sorority needed them they would get them for the rushee I am now thinking this was a huge mistake on our part not knowing how important this was if there was such limited space with 1200 girls rushing

First off, I hope no one takes this the wrong way as I'm not trying to criticize anyone who has been told this and follows it. Secondly, because I've been actively involved with Bama Recuitment for more than a decade it's entirely possible that my view is completely skewed by my first hand knowledge. Thirdly, I only quoted Auburnmom because hers was the most succinct post about this topic to make my point.

With all that being said, why do folks assume "not necessary" means "not needed at all"? From the info I've learned about all the sororities, none actually require Recs in order to participate in Recruitment. But a PNM's chances are much more slim without them when going through a highly competitive Recruitment. Why? First and foremost it's an easy cut along with grades.

All anyone needs to do is look at the the numbers that go through Recruitment on any given campus. If it's in the 1,000's then why don't PNM's do everything they possibly can to improve their chances? As with anything in life, if you are 1 out of 1,000+ it's going to be tough to stand out and make people remember you.

I have an example of how the circumstances of Recruitment were practically identical to my getting a job. Many moons ago I applied for an entry level position at a very large corporation. There were maybe 12 openings and several 1,000's of applicants. My Dad had a lot of connections with the company but told me I had to "stand on my own two feet". Despite a solid resume with experience in that field, I didn't even get an interview. A year later the same entry level positions opened up. This time Dad made some calls. His connections couldn't promise me a job, but they did make recommendations and I got an interview. Then it was up to me and I "wowed" the interviewers enough to get the job.

I don't look at this as a "who you know" vs "what you know" thing. Instead I view it as employers having 1,000's of candidates for a handful of positions. Even if they wanted to they couldn't review every application and resume they received and interview every single candidate. That would take years! They needed to whittle down the pool. I learned later the first cut was anyone who didn't have a college degree. The second was anyone who didn't have at least a certain college GPA. That still left several hundred applicants and they only planned on interviewing less than 100. So they looked at recommendations. Sound familiar?

Is it fair? Maybe not, but it's real life.

[tennesseemom]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

Sorry for the double post, but I just saw this.

Did Auburn's Panhellenic indicate that recs aren't necessary? This is one of my biggest pet peeves. If your school has a competitive recruitment (like Auburn does), it does PNMs a huge disservice to tell them that recs aren't necessary when, in actuality, they are.

Anyone here know what PNMs were told regarding recs?

At Auburn, PNM's are told to have at least one recommendation from each sorority, and the addresses of where to mail them are posted on the website.

[aujm]

Greek Chat Posters,
As the Panhellenic Advisor at Auburn University, I have some comments to add to the postings here. This very long post is my first time to post here, I wanted to make sure the correct information about us is included in this discussion.

• Auburnmom, the descriptions of bid matching that have been communicated to you here are not correct. Each sorority submits to us one ranked list of every woman who attended their preference parties, however many that is. This year, quota was 58, so I will use it as an example, but if a sorority had 150 women at their preference parties, their ranked list is 150 names long. First, a comparison is made to see who in Sorority A’s first 58 listed that sorority as their first choice. Anyone who did is matched to that sorority. Anyone in that first 58 on Sorority A’s list who did not rank them first is put on hold so that we can see whether they can be placed in their first choice(s). As people ranked high on the Sorority A’s preference list are matched to other sororities, we move down the Sorority A’s preference list to find matches. In other words, if someone Sorority A ranks #10 has been matched to her first choice, we move to #59 on the Sorority A’s list. If someone Sorority A ranks #10 has a different first choice, her bid to Sorority A is not given to someone else until the potential member has been matched to her first choice. The same rules apply in matching potential members to their third choices. This process has been successful for us in that 82% of our new members this year received were placed in their first preference. The bid lists are submitted by the chapters and can not be manipulated by our office and or be altered by the choices a potential member makes. In bid matching, for someone to not receive a bid, she must be lower on the sorority’s ranked list than the sorority needs to go to meet quota for each sorority she lists. If someone is not matched to her first or second choice does not list her third choice, there wasn’t a third choice to try to put her in, which results in her release. For her to have listed her third option would only have made her available to join the third chapter, which she was not interested in.
• The recruitment invitations this year were exactly the same as years past, but the way that we collected the information changed. In the past, potential members had to accept as many invitations as they had room for. So, if potential member received 5 invitations for a six party round, she must accept them all, even if some were sororities she did not want to visit. This year, we used a ranking system with the potential members so that they could tell us the invitations they would most like to accept. Then, we matched invitations from the sororities with the lists and scheduled each potential member to visit as many sororities as we could, prioritizing her acceptances by the rankings she had provided. However, if a potential member did not receive all of those invitations, the system would move down her ranked list to find which sororities did invite her back in an effort to fill her schedule. In other words, if a potential member listed a sorority last, she did not release them, she only let us know that this was the chapter she least wanted to return to. But, if there weren’t enough invitations from chapters she would rather visit, she would be sent to that sixteenth choice if the invitation was there. This system is not a brand new concept, but a system that has been in use for a while at schools with Panhellenics comparable to Auburn's. In addition, quota was the same for each chapter. We did not set a quota of 70 for some and 55 for others.
• While Auburn can’t guarantee bids to anyone, we have matched everyone who maximized her options in preference for the past three years. Every potential member who participated in bid matching and did not receive a bid this year did not list all of her choices in her preference rankings. You will find the same is true for schools that offer guaranteed bids. Our potential members also receive a Pref Day Primer describing all of the options available and what the outcomes might be. This year, we pledged just over 80% of the women who attended recruitment. We matched all but 43 of the women who participated in bid matching, an accomplishment that’s hard to beat with a Panhellenic and potential member pool as large as ours.
• Our website states that it is the responsibility of the sororities to find recommendations for the potential members. It is. However, the website also goes into detail about how to secure your own recommendations if you want to do that. It is not misleading to say that our sororities look for their own recommendations. They do. Our sororities do work to find recommendations for potential members they want to pledge who don’t have recommendations of their own. I have seen their processes at work. The bottom line is that no sorority is going to say, “This woman would be an ideal new member here… too bad she doesn’t have a recommendation.” There are many cases where a potential member does not have an invitation to a chapter where she did not secure her own reference, but she would not have received the invitation even with the reference. Some of our chapters receive thousands of recommendations over the summer, meaning that many potential members, even legacies, are released by chapters they like after our open house round. Additionally, many people forget that not every chapter requires a recommendation on a woman to pledge her. There are some chapters who find recommendations helpful, but don’t find one necessary. Others require that the recommendation be found sometime before initiation, so if the recommendation isn’t in by recruitment, the chapter has another month or so to find one.
• This year, our recruitment counselor team was truly fabulous. They were thoroughly trained and tested, from February right up to recruitment. They are taught to ask the potential members questions and to let them arrive at their own decisions. They also know that some potential members are going to withdraw. The recruitment counselors were told to discourage withdrawals, but not to stand in the way of a potential member who wants to withdraw. They are also told to encourage potential members to list every preference option available to them, but not to force anyone to list an option she doesn’t want to list. We face some no-win situations here. We receive calls from people who thought we should have worked harder at talking their daughter out of withdrawing. We also receive calls from people who are angry that we talked their daughter, who now has a bid she is unhappy with, out of withdrawing. The bottom line is that the recruitment counselors are there to inform and counsel, but never to instruct. All of the information is there for the potential members and they are ultimately responsible for their own decisions and the outcomes.
• Last, and most importantly, we have sixteen wonderful chapters who all contribute a great deal to our campus. We pride ourselves in how well our chapters work together and in the great relationship that we have with the National Panhellenic Conference. The National Panhellenic Conference has great knowledge, leadership, and foresight, offering big-picture information and advice that benefits potential members, our community, and its member groups. It is of the utmost importance to me that our council abides by the letter and spirit of Panhellenic policies, not only on principle, but because it is important to my employer. Think of it this way: Our athletic coaches report to Auburn’s Director of Athletics, but isn’t is part of each coach’s job to know and abide by NCAA policies? Auburn’s Panhellenic council does so much more than just recruitment, and it is not worth sacrificing a great relationship with the NPC just to go against them during recruitment. The idea that NPC policies should be tailored to schools like Auburn shows complete ignorance of National Panhellenic in general. There are over 600 College Panhellenics and the average one has 6 or fewer chapters. It is the schools with large Panhellenics that are the exception and not the rule.

When incorrect information is spread, it results in unrealistic expectations and even more confusion in what is already a confusing process. It is so important to me that interested people have the most updated and accurate information. If anyone has any questions about any of these explanations or anything else regarding Panhellenic life at Auburn, I invite you to call me at 334-844-4600 to discuss, rather than posting speculations in public chatrooms.

Thanks!
Jill Moore
www.auburn.edu/panhellenic