How long would you wait until your SO popped the question?

[adpi*violet]

Before I met my husband, I always said date at least a year before even considering marriage...
Sometimes, people just connect though. I knew I wanted to marry my husband within a month of starting to date, he knew within 2 or 3. We started discussing marriage at about 4 months, were engaged by 5 months, and married 8 months after we first started to date. And no... there was no baby 9 months later. We just knew we wanted to be together, and life in the military sometimes forces your hand sooner then you expected. We expected to be married a year from when we first got engaged, but overseas tours somehow found their way into the mix of things.

Since knowing life happens, I wouldn't counsel friends one way or another on how long to wait. Maybe, you know and want to make it official right away, maybe you don't. Maybe you don't need to make it legally official to know how you care about one another. I guess whatever/whenever "floats your boat."

[Rio_Kohitsuji]

When I was younger I had a 2 year rule, thankfully when I met my now-FI that changed. We were engaged on our 3.5 anniversary..and will be getting married on our 5.5 (well, close to it)

We've watched our friends get married already and it's quite scary...1-2 years just isn't enough to tell if it's going to be a right fit.

[ADqtPiMel]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

In terms of relationships, two years is not a very long time -- especially if you're going to marry this person and "spend the rest of your life with him" -- that could be what, sixty more years. So two years is a tiny, tiny speck of that time. What if you start dating this guy when you're, say, 20 years old? You want to be getting engaged and married at 22? Unless you're in rural Amish country, I think that for almost all people, that's WAAAAAY too young.

I'm getting married at 23, and I'm not Amish. I think the appropriate age to get married totally depends on the people involved. Of course, if my fiance and I had implemented the "two-year" rule, we would have been married at 19.

PS - I saw some girl last week wearing a shirt that said something about RUMSPRINGA on it and I thought of you.

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

In terms of relationships, two years is not a very long time -- especially if you're going to marry this person and "spend the rest of your life with him" -- that could be what, sixty more years. So two years is a tiny, tiny speck of that time. What if you start dating this guy when you're, say, 20 years old? You want to be getting engaged and married at 22? Unless you're in rural Amish country, I think that for almost all people, that's WAAAAAY too young.

I agree with you that "OMG we must get married by this time" rules are silly, but I also think the age/relationship time aspects are more case-by-case. My wife and I started dating at 21, were engaged at 23, and got married at 24. Some would say we were too young, but for us it was the right time.

Then again, I never was told that I had to propose by a certain date; I don't think ultimatums like that ever work.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by KSigkid

I agree with you that "OMG we must get married by this time" rules are silly, but I also think the age/relationship time aspects are more case-by-case. My wife and I started dating at 21, were engaged at 23, and got married at 24. Some would say we were too young, but for us it was the right time.

Then again, I never was told that I had to propose by a certain date; I don't think ultimatums like that ever work.

I think that these two points are not only totally correct (that there's no way to set a time frame, and ultimatums are ridiculous), but also interrelated - you're more likely to get what you want if you stay away from the ultimatum and instead look toward being flexible in your timeframe.

[orighu]

My husband and I met when we were in college, neither one of us was ready to get married - I still had things to do and so did he. We dated for 8 years (there were a few bumpy moments) before we got engaged. In September it will be 6 years we have been married and I have to say if we had done it earlier we would have never made it.

Most of my friends w/the exception of one that dated less than a year before getting pregnant (who are now divorced) they all were dating over 5 years. We all had some growing up to do. Marriage is NO JOKE and if someone thinks that is just roses everyday they need to turn off the Disney Channel. Marriage is work and responsibility and if you are not mature enough to deal with that drama every day you need to think seriously before saying "I do"

I'm not saying it can't work, marriage after a short dating period, but I personally know of that to work for folks in their 30's + or its their 2nd marriage.

My 2 cents (although it seems like more eah) is don't put time limits on when you get a ring on your finger

[33girl]

Every relationship is different. The only solid thing I would say is what KSigkid said: ULTIMATUMS NEVER WORK. If they do, it really wasn't as much of an ultimatum as the giver thinks it was - the other person just needed a push. Kind of like if you flip a coin to make a decision and it doesn't come out the way you want - "oh, I'll make it 2 out of 3...4 out of 5...etc etc". That coin flipping really didn't make the decision, it just showed you what you really wanted.

However, since it's often quite hard to determine if you will be doing that, and since the people who think they ARE usually AREN'T, I'll just go back to saying ultimatums never work.

[sgrhofall95]

The two year rule is the rule of thumb. It doesn't take forever and none of us are getting any younger. Pray over the relationship and ask God for direction and then listen to His answer even if that means ending a relationship that is going no where

[GeekyPenguin]

I don't know. I know that I would like to marry my current significant other and that he feels likewise but we're not even going to be living in the same state until 2008 so in theory, it's not a big deal.

I do have a date in my head where if he doesn't have a ring on my finger I'm going to ask if we're sure this is going somewhere, but it's a pretty reasonable date IMO.

I have quite a few friends who suscribe to the 2-year theory who have been riding my ass lately. I've never understood why people always ask women when they're getting engaged. Like we know?

[tunatartare]

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

I've never understood why people always ask women when they're getting engaged. Like we know?

Haha. In Russia, it was believed that if a woman wasn't married by 22, then she was destined to be an old maid. My mom got married at 20. I'll be 23 next week. Every time my extended family sees me, all they ask is when's the wedding. Mind you I'm single. At this point they've actually started apologizing to my parents and saying that there's no hope left for me. Gotta love dillusional relatives who think that things here are just like they were back in the old country.

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

I have quite a few friends who suscribe to the 2-year theory who have been riding my ass lately. I've never understood why people always ask women when they're getting engaged. Like we know?

Because they're being busybody assholes, that's why. These are the same people who will start bugging you about popping out 100 babies during the first minute of your wedding reception. Really, you should feel happy that you're doing interesting things with your life and have better things to do than worry about when anybody else is getting engaged -- and sad for the people who have nothing better to do than ask you invasive questions about your personal life.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

Because they're being busybody assholes, that's why. These are the same people who will start bugging you about popping out 100 babies during the first minute of your wedding reception. Really, you should feel happy that you're doing interesting things with your life and have better things to do than worry about when anybody else is getting engaged -- and sad for the people who have nothing better to do than ask you invasive questions about your personal life.

When I get married can I wear a stand up for choice pin on my wedding gown?

[ZTAMich]

I just got engaged Saturday. While I def. feel I had pushed a bit to have the "where is this going" conversation I certainly stayed away from ultimatums, which I believe are HORRIBLE, and was just happy to know we were on the same page together. I was pretty content to let the relationship go forward and let him decide himself when to propose.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by ZTAMich

I just got engaged Saturday. While I def. feel I had pushed a bit to have the "where is this going" conversation I certainly stayed away from ultimatums, which I believe are HORRIBLE, and was just happy to know we were on the same page together. I was pretty content to let the relationship go forward and let him decide himself when to propose.

And those are two totally different conversations - you do have the right to know where it's going.

I think many women who give ultimatums don't realize that he might not go along with it.

[ISUKappa]

I agree with S. Each relationship is going to be different. I do think that after 2-3 years of dating you should have a fairly decent idea whether or not it will work for the long-term, but that doesn't mean you have to get engaged right this minute. And if/when you do get engaged, it doesn't mean you have to have the wedding within the year. I was 21 when I met my husband, engaged at 23 and married at 24. That worked for us, but might not for someone else.