Letting go—or maybe not

[Dionysus]

Originally posted by AXiD670
One thing I've learned, especially since graduating from college, is that my parents don't always give the best advice, or even have the right answers.

Definately true. I should've been more specific. I'm talking about the kind of the questions that you know they have the answers.

[AchtungBaby80]

When I was an undergrad I was really frustrated that my parents weren't more involved in giving me advice on things like school, etc., but now I realize I'm glad they didn't. It wasn't necessarily because they wanted me to learn to make decisions and figure things out on my own, it was just that they didn't know how to help me (my mom never went to college and it'd been years since my stepdad did, so I was more familiar with the workings of the school than they were), but at the time I interpreted it as that they didn't care. But like I said, now I'm glad they let me sort of fumble around until I found the right answer, and I'm really glad they weren't the sort of parents that had their nose into every area of my life. How much would that suck?

[KSUViolet06]

I saw the Dateline episode about "helicopter parents". if my mom called me that much, I'd go insane. The lady they featured calls her sons every day when they have class to make sure they are there, schedules their CLASSES, talks to their advisors, and uses their personal university passwords to check grades, assignments, syllabi, etc. They even have a CURFEW (and they don't live at home).

Freshman year, my mom attended the one day parent seminar, helped me set up my TV , computer, and other heavy stuff, then she said "Bye. See you in a month."

The closest she came to being a "helicopter parent" was the occasional "How's school?" to which I replied, "fine."

She cared about me and wanted me to do well, but she understood that I have a free will. She told me I could skip class, do crappy in school, and flunk if I wanted- but that if I did, I'd be looking for somwhere else to live when I got home.

[KSigkid]

Helicopter parents - that's a neat term. I'd never heard that before.

Honestly my parents let me go off and do my own thing. I knew they cared and that they were there if I needed them, but they were never oppressive or overbearing. Part of that may have been that I only went home for holidays; I made it pretty obvious I was happy at school and had made a place for myself there.

Another ingredient was that I was working and paying for most of my expenses. I was self-sufficient in a lot of ways, so there wasn't much room for them to "butt in."

I've seen the opposite though; I don't understand how parents can expect their children to grow up if they won't let them.