When Shouldn't You 'Re-Rush'?

[JenMarie]

You probably shouldn't re-rush if you have to come to a message board and ask a bunch of annonymous Greeks if you should re-rush...

[sigmadiva]

If you don't mind me saying, this is the most honest and real advice I've seen about membership in a while here on GC. So opposite to blowing smoke up someone's @$$.

For NPHC we typically have a few interest meetings before a formal invitation to join is extended. It can be hard to see the same people show up to an interest meeting over and over when you know that for what ever reason (grades, reputation, attitude) they will not be extended an invitation to join.

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by sigmadiva
If you don't mind me saying, this is the most honest and real advice I've seen about membership in a while here on GC. So opposite to blowing smoke up someone's @$$.

Yes, and it's about damn time.

And for the love of dog, if you're someone who should not re-rush, chances are you are someone who should not pursue alumna initiation either.

[KSUViolet06]

When it's COB season and you show up at the house, and the girls say "It's HER again."

When this happens at EVERY sorority.

I know it can be hard to decide to throw in the towel because you want to avoid regret, but sometimes girls are fooling themselves if they think they are going to get a bid on the 3rd try.

I agree, it's about time we start being more honest because most of the time, we KNOW when it's not in a PNM's best interest to keep trying.

[OtterXO]

Originally posted by JenMarie
You probably shouldn't re-rush if you have to come to a message board and ask a bunch of annonymous Greeks if you should re-rush...

I agree with this 100%

[adpiucf]

I realize there are women on this board who have rushed multiple times with varying results. Do what works best for you. This is just some advice from sorority women who have been on the "other side" of recruitment.

My recommendation? If Formal Recruitment (once) and COR (once) don't work out, then move on to another activity. There are plenty of college organizations out there to discover where you will be a valued member and a strong fit.

Or if you transfer, give recruitment a shot. Again, once through FR and once through COR if FR doesn't end up as you'd hoped. Then move on to another activity.

If you rushed earlier in your college career, didn't bid and moved on, but have learned that there will be a new sorority colonizing in the fall/spring, check it out. This could be a good opportunity.

But again, multiple recruitments--- not my recommendation. A sorority culture doesn't change so drastically in 2 years' time. You're going into an interview again with the same people who cut you last time. You shouldn't have changed THAT much in a calendar year just to fit in with other people. That's not being true to yourself.

Similarly, if you had your membership cancelled (as a new member), don't go through recruitment again. Go on to another activity. It doesn't matter why you were cancelled-- grades, policy violation, etc. It is really hard to cancel a member of a sorority without a strong reason. Most Greek Communities will buzz with rumors and half-truths about why you were released, and this will likely compromise your reputation at recruitment

If you cancelled yourself voluntarily, and you are dead-set on another sorority, ask yourself why? Do you have friends in the chapter there and do they know your plans? They can't guarantee you a spot, but in such a case, it might not hurt to do recruitment a second time in this case and see.

[blueGBI]

Someone should not re-rush when even the most sympathetic non-greeks are laughing at her. I know someone who's going to rush again for the 3rd straight year and I don't know whether to laugh or get her a cluepon.

[carnation]

I know a woman who rushed 3 times at Auburn, every time hoping to get into this one selective sorority. In the meantime, she built herself up into this incredible campus leader.

And would you believe--the third time she made it in! (Unusual, I know, but it does happen!)

[Aphigal]

if you're someone who should not re-rush, chances are you are someone who should not pursue alumna initiation either

AMEN!!!

[Kasis-anon]

This topic just really came home to me a co-worker just told me the story of her niece rushing a few times with no bid extended. I think she was attempting to elicit some reason from me for this as the one sorority member she knows at work. Obviously I had none I don’t know the girl, the campus or the culture. Although I feel for her and her niece I can’t believe her family didn’t advise her to do something else, anything else!
Everyone understands that experiencing rejection is awful. The only thing that makes it feel better is time and living your life. Some rejections are worse than others, everyone knows romantic rejection can be life-altering and losing or not getting a certain job can be incredibly stressful. The best way that I have found to deal with it is to understand rejection as “re-direction.” My energy, my love, my time should not go to this particular job, man, creative project but should be re-directed elsewhere.
I think it is very much the same with sororities. If sorority membership has not been extended (esp. more than once) then it is time to concentrate your energies elsewhere.
Although it is admirable to go after what you want and try, try, again. This formula does not necessarily work out in terms of sorority recruitment. I wish it were different, but honestly one formal recruitment and one COR should be it, in fact I have seen that the more attempts at securing a bid actually decrease the chances of receiving one.
This has been posted about before, but I am worried about encouraging any woman to “never give up.” I think this is terrible advice. I’m also worried about any women who have this attitude. I think maybe there is something amiss in someone who has been turned away 2 or 3 times who goes back again. If the stove is hot, take your hand off.
Most, if not all, colleges and universities have counselors for undergraduate students. And I’m very serious in suggesting that if anyone is going back again and again to a place that has not welcomed them it is time to find out why they are pursuing the rejection, it is not a healthy pattern.

[DifferentDances]

When you've suicided a different sorority each recruitment you've gone through. Honestly, wouldn't it be easier to go into recruitment with all those sororities as options the first time through?

Normally, after two tries I say it's time to give up. There's only so much battering a person's self-esteem can handle, and I have to wonder why a PNM would put herself through the wringer over and over again. I went through twice, so I understand that mindset. If I hadn't found my home my second time around, I would've just gone on to other things.

Still, I know of a woman who went through and basically suicided the same sorority three times. On her third try, she got in, and she's been happy beyond graduation. In that case, her persistence paid off. I believe that's a relatively rare scenario, though.

But when a PNM comes back over and over and even the trained Rho Gammas are exchanging exasperated looks, it's time to give up and move on.

[lifesaver]

When the members of the fraternity start giving you excuses like:

"Our headquarters only allows us a certain number of new members each semester. Yes, I know 19 is an unusual cut off point, but it comes from a very complicated formula that I'm not very good at explaining. I'm a political science major."

OR

"It's cause you didnt pre-register for rush with the chapter. Pre-registration is manditory with our organization. If you dont pre-register and rush, we coudl get in a lot of trouble just for having you out here during rush."

OR

"Our HQ mandates an incredibly detailed vetting process. We had a few questions about some things that came up on your application and we'd like to schedule a time in the next couple of weeks to go over it with you. Our membership chair will be in contact with you to see when you can meet."

OR

"The alums never got to meet you and they are real sticklers for that kinda stuff. They are a huge voting bloc in the chapter and its impossible to break."

Which is generally guy speak for "youre a tool and there was no way in hell you were going to get a bid, but we also dont even want you hanging around us because you'll scare off the girls."

If its a really wierd elaborate excuse about some 'process' that you werent even aware of, it didnt exist and we just dont want to be assholes and tell you directly it just wouldnt take.

[aephi alum]

Originally posted by lifesaver
When the members of the fraternity start giving you excuses like:

<snip>

Which is generally guy speak for "youre a tool and there was no way in hell you were going to get a bid, but we also dont even want you hanging around us because you'll scare off the girls."

If its a really wierd elaborate excuse about some 'process' that you werent even aware of, it didnt exist and we just dont want to be assholes and tell you directly it just wouldnt take.

You couldn't just flush guys?

At my school, during fall fraternity rush, if a chapter wasn't going to extend a bid to a particular rushee, someone (usually the rush chair or president) would take him aside and say something like, "We don't think you'd fit in with our chapter." No excuses, no beating around the bush, just a straightforward statement.

This was as much for the rushee's good as the chapter's - with 25+ fraternities and only about 24 waking hours between the start of rush and the time fraternities could start offering bids, a rushee wouldn't want to waste his time at a fraternity he's not going to be invited to join.

The trouble with excuses is that sometimes they don't get through, whereas a straightforward statement usually does.

[PsychTau2]

One thing to remember (at least with sororities...maybe fraternities) is that on some campuses who do COR events, you don't HAVE to "re rush". Meaning that you don't have to sign up and attend every COR event advertised. There are a lot of chapters out there that can give bids without having an "organized, formalized" COR event. And if they are required to have an event before deciding on bids, they'll make sure you get all of the information and they'll make sure you get there.

If you know some women in the chapter you are interested in, and they don't say a word to you about their COR event or make sure you got a flyer/invite, that should tell you something.

PsychTau

Bumping for them GC newbies who don't think that my blunt answer was good enough.