The Sin of Delaying Marriage

[Dionysus]

Co-sign. That guy had one too many puffs on the crack-pipe.

Originally posted by Exquisite5
I can respect that. I guess I did over simplify, but I think my answer came from the fact that I feel the article is making a big deal out of nothing.

I just don't get how its sinful if you're not fornicating to be single or delay marriage. I think that is just insane. At the turn of the century the life expectancy was approx. 47 so getting married in the late teens to early twenties made sense. It was necessary for survival. Now, however, the average life expectancy is 76 with procreation possible well into the 40s for women...why rush it?

I mean I want to get married when I can bring something to the table. Unfortunately, right now as a second year law student I can't bring too much, but some law books. Marriage is religious institution (I firmly belive this), but it is also a business partnership and it doesn't make good sense for someone to go into business with me right now. My boyfriend and I wait because God said for everything there is a time and it is just NOT our time right now.

I think to get married early because you are afraid you won't get married later is ridiculous. I truly believe EVERy Christian woman who has prepared herself in a Godly way can get married if she so desires. We must remember its not our time...its God's time.

[Love_Spell_6]

Originally posted by Exquisite5
I can respect that. I guess I did over simplify, but I think my answer came from the fact that I feel the article is making a big deal out of nothing.

I just don't get how its sinful if you're not fornicating to be single or delay marriage. I think that is just insane. At the turn of the century the life expectancy was approx. 47 so getting married in the late teens to early twenties made sense. It was necessary for survival. Now, however, the average life expectancy is 76 with procreation possible well into the 40s for women...why rush it?

I mean I want to get married when I can bring something to the table. Unfortunately, right now as a second year law student I can't bring too much, but some law books. Marriage is religious institution (I firmly belive this), but it is also a business partnership and it doesn't make good sense for someone to go into business with me right now. My boyfriend and I wait because God said for everything there is a time and it is just NOT our time right now.

I think to get married early because you are afraid you won't get married later is ridiculous. I truly believe EVERy Christian woman who has prepared herself in a Godly way can get married if she so desires. We must remember its not our time...its God's time.

OK...I don't believe that delaying marriage is a sin either...people are always making up new sins to fit their own agenda..

But at the same time...do you really believe that EVERY Christian woman can get married? Are there even enough men in the world to do that with the ratios? I hear what you're saying..but my only problem with this is that it causes women who are single and older is to question whether they're living "right" because they are not married yet. In my opinion...its sad but there are lots of woman that will never get married..though they want to...though they are living a Godly life... do you agree or disagree?

I am not being pessimistic just trying to be realistic

[abaici]

Originally posted by Exquisite5
I just don't get how its sinful if you're not fornicating to be single or delay marriage.

He mentions this as well, which is why it's beneficial to hear the entire statement. He points out that MOST OF US, do not have the gift of celibacy, therefore we are setting ourselves up in a way.

[AKA2D '91]

Originally posted by Exquisite5
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWN....
Get married when you wanna...

LMAO!

[Love_Spell_6]

Originally posted by abaici
MOST OF US, do not have the gift of celibacy, therefore we are setting ourselves up in a way.

LOL I didn't know it was a gift! But I think people do what they want to do..most people WANT to have sex..so they do...

[abaici]

Originally posted by Love_Spell_6
LOL I didn't know it was a gift! But I think people do what they want to do..most people WANT to have sex..so they do...

Maybe not a gift, but it takes a special person to do that for a long period of time. I'm not arguing about people doing what they want to do. Of course, people can do what they want to do. The thing is, fornicating is a sin.

[Love_Spell_6]

Originally posted by abaici
Maybe not a gift, but it takes a special person to do that for a long period of time. I'm not arguing about people doing what they want to do. Of course, people can do what they want to do. The thing is, fornicating is a sin.

i hear what you are saying..but i just dont think it takes a "special" person..I don't recall anything in the Bible that says you have to be special/gifted/talented to be able to abstain from sex.. your desire to please God just has to be stronger than the desire to please yourself... and quite frankly..many people just don't want to stop...but i will agree to disagree on this point

[Exquisite5]

Originally posted by Love_Spell_6
OK...I don't believe that delaying marriage is a sin either...people are always making up new sins to fit their own agenda..

But at the same time...do you really believe that EVERY Christian woman can get married? Are there even enough men in the world to do that with the ratios? I hear what you're saying..but my only problem with this is that it causes women who are single and older is to question whether they're living "right" because they are not married yet. In my opinion...its sad but there are lots of woman that will never get married..though they want to...though they are living a Godly life... do you agree or disagree?

I am not being pessimistic just trying to be realistic

I truly do believe that EVERY Christian woman who prepares herself in a Godly way can get married.

IMHO, there are a lot of women who go to church and are real Christians who seek husbands and their main husband-blocking issues are (1) distrust of men (2) holding new men accountable for the past sins of others- often an absent or emotionally detached father- (3) giving too much away too soon. I think one can really have a committed relationship with God and still not know integral things about oneself. I stress GODLY PREPARATION because to me that is what so many of our sisterfriends lack. We spend thousands making out outside look good and while we pray and nurture our spiritual selves we don't clean out and get in good working order our emotional selves.

This is why I think that some "good Christian women" are alone. It is not their relationship with God that is lacking- its their relationships with themselves that are lacking and often they allow their relationships with past men to get in the way.

We must take care of our little girl inside because alot of us while spiritually mature, are still emotionally little girls. We missed something when we were young or somewhere along the way and are not ready to deal with an incarnate live in living color man on a true level of maturity because while spiritual adults we are emotional five year olds. We become needy and insecure. I see this alot in acquaintances who jump from man to man and often bed to bed looking for a commitment they don't truy know how to nurture. Now the good Christian woman might not jump from bed to bed, but a serial relationships sans sex can be just as unfulfilling and emotionally unsatisfying.

Godly preparation, imho, enables us to allow our Father to heal our wounds and raise us to the level of emotional health and maturity necessary to share in a wholesome and health possibly marriage-resulting relationship.

So, no I don't think every Christian woman will get married, but I think that every Christian woman who has Godly prepared herself for the emotional commitment, responsibility and interaction of marriage can get married (if she's not too busy loving her new found emotional adult to chunk marriage the deuce )

[nikki1920]

Let me start by saying that I haven't read the articles yet. From the first post, my thought is that the gentleman was saying that the prevailing culture stresses that men spend as much time as possible "sowing his wild oats" so to speak, and society encourages this, thus men get married at a much later age or not at all.

I also agree that people carry too much baggage from past relationships into current or future relationships. I've been dating my boyfriend for going on 2 years now, and we both have issues from before (who doesn't?). The main difference in this relationship is that we both are trying to keep that baggage from entering our thing together.

I have trouble with the secular idea of marriage. People get married and divorced like its no big thing. I plan on getting married ONCE, and ONLY once in my life time. I need for my potential husband to be ready to be the head of OUR household, to fear God and to respect my role and contribution as mother and wife. I need him to be a man when we decide to get married, not to be some boy trying to play house.

[abaici]

Originally posted by nikki1920
Let me start by saying that I haven't read the articles yet. From the first post, my thought is that the gentleman was saying that the prevailing culture stresses that men spend as much time as possible "sowing his wild oats" so to speak, and society encourages this, thus men get married at a much later age or not at all.

Pretty good assessment.

[Rain Man]

Some of the posters get the jist of what Al Mohler was saying, others are missing his point.

He is not saying that it is a sin to delay marriage, per se, but rather it is a sin to not properly PREPARE for marriage if you know you cannot contain your flesh, and we all know ourselves well enough to determine that.

He is saying that young adults should know whether they want to be married or whether they want to be single. Those that do not have physical desires for the opposite sex are most likely to stay single and not get married. And singleness in that regard is a gift and has its challenges just has being married has its challenges. One is inherently not "better" than the other.

Anyway, once a young adult determines that s/he wants to get married or stay single, s/he should be turning to God to allow Him to prepare him/her for marriage or for singleness. The current trend, both in the body of Christ and in the world is "let me take care of all this other stuff right now and when all that is done, then I'll think about marriage/singleness." In actuality, marriage/singleness should be co-mingling with "all this other stuff" (college, career, finances, etc.).

In God's eyes, preparation for something greater (college, career, marriage/singleness) are not mutually exclusive activities, but rather, they all can happen simultaneously, and in His timing, will be properly executed for His goodness and His glory.

Hope this helps.

ETA: Generally, Al is saying that the sin is in not preparing for marriage as you would for college or career when you know God has ordained you to be in a marriage relationship, and as a result, marriage is more an afterthought rather than something that is an integral part of your life.

BTW, I heard Al on a WCDR (Cederville University Radio) chapel broadcast talking about this subject a few months ago and I think he hit the nail on the head.

[SummerChild]

Originally posted by Love_Spell_6
Your post brings up an interesting topic..I thought about starting a thread on dating vs. courting..but I guess it can be discussed here. I agree with abaici that we've placed the importance of getting ourselves together before relationships..then when we get it all together...we look for love and get frustrated when we don't find it when we want.

However regarding dating vs. courting, this has been something that I have been dealing with alot lately, and honestly I must say I am taking myself OUT of the dating game. I don't understand the point of dating for years, knowing you love the person, having sex with him (if that's what you do), opening your heart completely up to this person, then after 3-5 years deciding this isn't working. I really feel like at this point in my life..at the point I know I'm catching feelings for the person..its time to have the talk about where this is going..and if he don't know..or isn't sure..then I need to be on my way...

OK i went on a tangent...but the dating/courting thing has been coming up a lot in my convo's lately..

Lovespell,
In your opinion, what is the diff between dating and courting? I'm trying to understand the point that you are making above.
SC

[Love_Spell_6]

Originally posted by SummerChild
Lovespell,
In your opinion, what is the diff between dating and courting? I'm trying to understand the point that you are making above.
SC

Thanks for asking

To me dating is just meeting a guy..hanging out..having sex (if thats what you do) and just seeing where things go...no real agenda...just loving someone for the sake of loving them. Most of the time when its over, one has invested many emotions and time..hence baggage.

Courting to me is something thats intentional and has an agenda. It occurs at the point the parties realize its more than a friendship, and they decide they both want something more. Courting is the stage that prepares one for marriage. This is a mutual decision to commit to one another exclusively. Its the decisive turning point to determine whether this relationship is something that will turn into marriage. Here, unlike dating..its not just waiting to see what happens. TO me the natural biblical progression is Friendship..Courting..then Marriage.


I was once told that women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. I sincerely believe this..yet many women will hold on to a man that has told her through actions and words...he aint ready.

I hope I answered your question, please feel free to ask more if u have them.

[Exquisite5]

Here is my real quick opinion on dating v. courting:

Ask, are you interviewing or entertaining!

If your interviewing you're looking for a spouse- if you're entertaining you're looking for a good time.

[Love_Spell_6]

Originally posted by Exquisite5
Here is my real quick opinion on dating v. courting:

Ask, are you interviewing or entertaining!

If your interviewing you're looking for a spouse- if you're entertaining you're looking for a good time.

Yep! I think that puts things in perspective! It all depends in what you're looking for. I'm personally NOT looking for a spouse..I feel I can have a good time with the opposite sex..without dating them. I also think its important not to be so uptight and have your guard up so high that a guy can't talk to you without you talking to him about marriage LOL...so balance is always good. I guess for me..I am just going to be more careful not to be so careless with my heart..because once you begin thinking with your heart..you can get into trouble.

Is it just me....but when you start really taking care of yourself from the inside out..men just start showing up everywhere LOL..