drama between sisters

[Zetagymnast]

Originally posted by kddani
Yeah it sucks, but what the heck does this have to do with your sorority? It's a personal issue between you, her, and your mutual hook up buddy.

Unless you sorority has a bylaw that says thou shall not hook up with a sister's f*$# friend, your sorority has nothing to do with it.

Leave the exec board out of it, don't get the sorority involved. It's not fair to pull more people into the situation than need be, and it's not any of their business.

It depends on the sororities bylaws....we have similar problem with a certain sister and though it doesn't say exaclty what you can and can't do...if this person is working aganist the priniciples and purposes of the sorority and they both are sisters the sorority is involved. It affecting other sisters too so they exec board needs to be involved.

[Lady Pi Phi]

Unless this problem is affecting chapter business, then your executive board should not be involved.

If you are having troubles with sister and the two of you can't seem to resolve them, then maybe contact your standards board or whatever you call it and ask them to mediate for you or offer suugestion on how you two can resolve this.

[norcalchick]

Originally posted by AlethiaSi
. she was told repeatedly by several people not to hook up with him b/c he and i were still on and off- and she's known our history- but she did it anyway- (plus i've already talked to him about it- and he verified it too) i feel so hurt and betrayed- and this is not the first time she's done this to one of us either... she's always a trouble maker- and i didn't even want her in the sorority- but she is- and so i was always nice to her- just not that close.... i'm so upset and mad at her.....

the guy's an ass, so forget about him. but i understand how you feel about her. if she's been told by others to back off, and still did it, and she's done it to others already,maybe you should have a meeting about it because it's breaking the trust between her and everyone else.

[PhiFriend]

Everyone is bagging on this girl...and they have some good points....but it just seems to me that the obvious angle is that she is hurt and is trying to find a way to be able to still like the guy and, to do that, she HAS to blame it on the girl for her own peace of mind. It doesn't mean it's right, but that's how she has to feel in order to not feel rejected by this guy. It's much easier to take if the guy is the victim of a manipulative girl....

But, IMO, if this guy really liked the girl and wanted to stay committed to her, EVERY ONE of her sisters (including the one she is mad at) could have jumped up and down naked in front of the guy and he would have said "no thanks, I don't want to be with you." The fact that he did not resist this temptation is NOT this girl's fault. (The sister is only guilty of finding this guy attractive and wanting to be with him....can she really blame her for that??? After all, that's what SHE wants too!) HE is the one who chose to let it or make it happen.

[Roseblum15]

Originally posted by norcalchick
the guy's an ass, so forget about him. but i understand how you feel about her. if she's been told by others to back off, and still did it, and she's done it to others already,maybe you should have a meeting about it because it's breaking the trust between her and everyone else.

I agree to often is it always the girls fault. If we loof futher a lot of the blame is on the guy, but of course its never their fault that they happened to sleep with a girl.

[Lady Pi Phi]

Originally posted by Roseblum15
I agree to often is it always the girls fault. If we loof futher a lot of the blame is on the guy, but of course its never their fault that they happened to sleep with a girl.

It takes two to tango. They are both at fault.

[James]

That was really insightful.

Originally posted by PhiFriend
Everyone is bagging on this girl...and they have some good points....but it just seems to me that the obvious angle is that she is hurt and is trying to find a way to be able to still like the guy and, to do that, she HAS to blame it on the girl for her own peace of mind. It doesn't mean it's right, but that's how she has to feel in order to not feel rejected by this guy. It's much easier to take if the guy is the victim of a manipulative girl....

[AlethiaSi]

Originally posted by DZGirl
I am just curious why someone would post things like this about their chapter.... "my "sister" who I never wanted in my house anyway is hooking up with my ex, well he's not really my ex, but we have been on and off for awhile, blah blah blah.." I think this is a personal issue between yourself and your sister. There is absolutely no need to get your whole chapter involved in your personal drama. Yes, you are mad at your sister, and your other sisters have lost respect for her as well, but honestly, is this guy (who sounds like a REAL winner by the way) worth dividing your house over? My guess is no...

this is true- its not worth dividing the house- i don't want to do that.... i think this also has to do with the fact that we're growing pretty quickly- and my sorority used to be really tight- and we all knew each other really well- now there are all these new girls since last fall- and i don't know them as well as i thought... i guess this is a reality check that i just can't trust everyone so i should be more careful.... i don't want more drama- i'm glad that we're done for the summer so i have some time to think about all this and come back in the fall ready to talk to her about it without flipping out... at least thats my hope anyway lol

i won't ever forgive her for this- and i don't think i'll involve the exec board but i'll try to be civil... but i know that my other sisters will not forget- and will make things very difficult for her... i'm oging to have to try to keep that under control...

thanks for the advice- i know it seems like my sorority is having issues- and we do- but its just one of those things i guess- growing pains....

[mommag2]

Originally posted by AlethiaSi
this is true- its not worth dividing the house- i don't want to do that.... i think this also has to do with the fact that we're growing pretty quickly- and my sorority used to be really tight- and we all knew each other really well- now there are all these new girls since last fall- and i don't know them as well as i thought... i guess this is a reality check that i just can't trust everyone so i should be more careful.... i don't want more drama- i'm glad that we're done for the summer so i have some time to think about all this and come back in the fall ready to talk to her about it without flipping out... at least thats my hope anyway lol

i won't ever forgive her for this- and i don't think i'll involve the exec board but i'll try to be civil... but i know that my other sisters will not forget- and will make things very difficult for her... i'm oging to have to try to keep that under control...

thanks for the advice- i know it seems like my sorority is having issues- and we do- but its just one of those things i guess- growing pains....

I'm sorry if my post will sound accusatory but, you say that it's not worth dividing the house yet sounds like you have already done that. By saying that you never wanted her in the house and some of your sisters didn't either, then you have already divided the house in some respects. Those that wanted her and you there will probably stay out of it just to keep you both in the house. Those that like her and not you will be on her side and vice versa so you have already caused a division.

I also don't think that you will make sure that the other girls won't make it hard for her and give her #%&@.

In my opinion I think you like that drama. Someone posted earlier that you wanted GC'ers opinion about whether or not to stay with a guy in London this was also during the time that you were with the guy that your sister kissed/messed around with...whatever.

So my question is if he is so important to you why did you want to stay with the guy in London?

[AlethiaSi]

Originally posted by mommag2
I'm sorry if my post will sound accusatory but, you say that it's not worth dividing the house yet sounds like you have already done that. By saying that you never wanted her in the house and some of your sisters didn't either, then you have already divided the house in some respects. Those that wanted her and you there will probably stay out of it just to keep you both in the house. Those that like her and not you will be on her side and vice versa so you have already caused a division.

I also don't think that you will make sure that the other girls won't make it hard for her and give her #%&@.

In my opinion I think you like that drama. Someone posted earlier that you wanted GC'ers opinion about whether or not to stay with a guy in London this was also during the time that you were with the guy that your sister kissed/messed around with...whatever.

So my question is if he is so important to you why did you want to stay with the guy in London?

i wasn't with dave- i was still trying to get over him

london was 3000 miles away- a little different

she slept with him though she knew that he and i had history- i wouldn't try to go get with her ex-boyfriend now would i? no

so for you to tell me that i like drama is interesting- considering gc is for entertainment/conversational purposes and you don't know me personally- yes i was asking for advice- no i wasn't asking you to take a crack at my personality

and my sisters happen to care about me- and will not forget what happened to me and they don't like her for other reasons- i am not trying to split my house- she has done this to us by becoming a slut and betraying me and my sisters she deserves what she gets- what goes around- comes around

but because i'm a reasonable individual- i am going to talk to my sisters to make sure that this girl is left alone (so thank you for having sooo much confidence in me )

[adpiucf]

Just because someone shares membership in the same organization as you does not make them your instant best friend. A sorority is there to make college a better social and academic experience. You don't have to be BFF with every person, and if someone starts seeing a guy who you had history with, you need to deal with it in a way that suits you without causing a catfight. Unless this guy is worth a catfight. Your best friend wouldn't do that to you, but this person clearly isn't your friend. You're still going to have to suck it up and be at the same functions together, so better to deal with it now like a mature adult and talk with her. Girls have this great habit of not telling each other how they're feeling, but love to spread the word to every other possible person who will listen. Confront her, yell at her, but deal with the problem. And if she really is causing the chapter so much trouble in so many ways with her promiscuity, as you have alluded, that is a chapter standards issue, because it deals with chapter reputation, not to mention that woman's physical and mental health risks. I would hope a standards committee would talk to her about her actions, both for her own good before she "catches" something or gets hurt, and before the Greek Grape Vine starts lableing your chapter unfairly due to the actions of one member.

[kddani]

Calling one of your own sisters a "slut" on a public forum is entirely unnecessary. Regardless of whether you like her or not, regardless of who she slept with.

In KD, that would be considered a "disparaging remark" about a sister and would be grounds for disciplinary action.

You spoke of going to your exec board/standards board about her actions. However, your actions are something that would be subject to disciplinary action as well.

It doesn't matter if all of these other sisters say they don't like her. She's still your sister. She has yet to be removed from the sisterhood. Who knows, those people may just be telling you they can't stand her to appease you. People do that all the time.

Bottom line is that you shouldn't be talking like that about a sister. It's one thing to seek out advice, but you could have left the personal insults and disparaging comments out of it.

[StumpsGirl]

I am not sure how the whole local (or multi-cultural, whatever the case) sorority thing works but maybe that is why she is talking about going to exec board. I know this is not true with all locals as I have heard of some really well established ones but from my own experience at my school the local groups are usually the ones having troubles like this because they are just not as established. Also, most of the locals I have dealt with have treated their organization more like an elementary school playground club and not like a sisterhood. This explains the whole "I want her out of the group" mentality. I KNOW I sound harsh and I apologize OPENLY for that but I am only speaking from my own experience. PLEASE DONT BRING OUT THE WET ROPE!!!!

[AlethiaSi]

Originally posted by StumpsGirl
I am not sure how the whole local (or multi-cultural, whatever the case) sorority thing works but maybe that is why she is talking about going to exec board. I know this is not true with all locals as I have heard of some really well established ones but from my own experience at my school the local groups are usually the ones having troubles like this because they are just not as established. Also, most of the locals I have dealt with have treated their organization more like an elementary school playground club and not like a sisterhood. This explains the whole "I want her out of the group" mentality. I KNOW I sound harsh and I apologize OPENLY for that but I am only speaking from my own experience. PLEASE DONT BRING OUT THE WET ROPE!!!!

hahahah of course not- i understand what you are all saying- and yes- you are right- i should NOT have called her that- it was uncalled for- but i've been so angry and stressed through the situation that the only way i can be angry is to talk about it- with other people- not the best way i know

i've already spoken to her and will talk to her again in the fall- i'll see how things go then

locals do often deal with things a bit differently- we are well established- we've been around 75 years- however, we are not well established in recent experience- my sorority went from 4 sisters to 35 in a pretty short period of time- its been VERY difficult to get things moving(with personal relations- and other sorority things) - and we do argue a lot- but we are all close... some more than other obviously....

i appreciate this input though- its been hard taking this criticism but i know that it is necessary- i would rather have you guys dishing it out to me- and me learn from it- then have other repercussions that could have been avoided... so thank you

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Unfortunately, these types of situations occur when people have no boundaries. You can only control yourself, your behavior, your reaction, and your feelings. You can't control your sorority sister or your ex-boyfriend. I think that you should carry yourself with dignity and self-respect and not talk about this sister. She did what she did and you can't change that. All you can do is learn and grow from this experience. Some people are worthy of your trust and friendship and some people aren't.

I hope that the summer break gives you the time and space that you need to heal from this painful experience.