Do Sisterfriends of OUR Sorority really want help?

[Ms_Thang24]

Like myself, I know that alot of SF dont know what is disrespectful and you dont know until you ask your question. I know the little things as expressing your opinion can be disrespectful to some members of your oganization. I think that we all learn from experience because experience is the best teacher. I know that in my experiences with certain forums and sites, some memebers of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated tend to "jump" down SF throats when they ask a question that the sister friend may feel that the question is innocent. That is why some SF tend to get on the defensive when someone replies to their question. I dont think that it is because they are not getting the info that they want, but part of it is in the manner in which the question is answered. SF must to come correct when they ask questions. If you dont ask a question properly in in the correct manner, you can expect the same answer to the question you put out there. I say think about what you wanna say before you type it. Try to look at things from all angles and that way you wont take it too personally, if it is not the answer that you expected.

[ENDROAD]

I decided to go ahead and post my reply before I finished reading the previous post, so excuse me if I am being redundant. YES, PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME IF YOU CAN!!!!!!!! I try to stress to people that I know all the time that someone can always teach you something. I get so mad at some of the responses that come out of SFs' mouths on this board and some of the attitudes I encounter on my campus. People want to dis the Ladies of AKA or they want to put them down. Sadly, these same people really want to be like them. I get really upset when people accuse me of brown nosing when I try to let a SF know that her response is disrespectful. I know that Alpha Kappa Alpha is not the kingdom of God. However, it is important to me. As most of my friends know what I love I protect. I am a firecracker too but out of Love, Respect and Desire for my own pearls I would NEVER disrespect the organization. So I ask that you Ladies please continue to offer your advice and wisdom and know that though some SFs may act up MOST of us Really Really are "Grateful"sp I know I went crazy with the faces but My this is very very serious. Without places like this and S&S, I would have never met some of the lovely people I know all around the country and I would not know so much as I walk down the ENDROAD of my journey.

[loviest95]

Well here is my 8 cents worth...
I feel you Sorors, six years ago-- I made my intrest known by going to service projects.. I spoke when I saw members--but I was never ever just up in their faces.

I never thought of approaching them with silly questions or any such nonsense like "when ya'll pledged did they make you do stupid stuff?" or "how much will this cost me?"

Lately young ladies are just too BOLD for my taste. I think that if a chapter has interest meetings, projects, teas etc.
and if you attend enough info is shared to help you make a descion..

If you are selected then all of your questions will be answered anyway..
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IVY in my HAND-- AKA in my HEART

[This message has been edited by loviest95 (edited May 15, 2001).]

[TempleAlum1993]

I can only speak for MYSELF, so..........I think the majority of "interests" DO NOT want to "Hear it or See it". I know that I have work (and research) to do if I want to achieve my goal. However, there are many folks who are looking for the easy way out by not doing anything at all. For example, they do not use the search function and ask the same questions over and over again. Now I'm not sure if they are lazy or just waiting for the "right" answer.

I'm probably older than many of the "interests" who visit here; so sometimes I think a lack of maturity (and wisdom) may be the problem.

I also used to think that some people "just don't know better" BUT with all the information available NOW thats just unacceptable.

While I read the information here, I KNOW that my "best" source is speaking with the Ladies in the chapter that I am interested in.

On a side note (since the topic came up) I would like to thank Ms. Revlon for the help she has given me.

[Sexy Mocha]

I just wanted to acknowledge the fact that there are interested sisterfriends that have shown respect and humility in this forum. We are aware that all of the sisterfriends are not rude and obnoxious. I commend the interested ladies who have always shown deference to my sorors and myself.

[AKAtude]

When I began my quest for my pearls, I didn't have access to the internet either like some of my sorors have mentioned, but I made. I didn't have a relative who was a member of the sorority, but I made it. I didn't know any members of the sorority when I first began attending events, but I made it.

My point is that you can make it, too.
I attended as many AKA sponsored events as my schedule allowed, smiled and acknowledged members when appropriate, kept my interest to myself as much as possible, and volunteered to participate in a tutoring program the chapter created allowing more members to get to know me and vice versa.

I believe that anyone seeking membership should have a good understanding and knowledge about the sorority. However, if you can't find the answers to your questions or you are unable to locate the information, then it probably isn't for you to know at this time. The problem is that in our society people tend to want what they want, when they want it, and they want it right then and there. Sometimes I detect that attitude from some sisterfriends. What would you do without the internet?

Be patient. Show respect. Be humble. These should not be seen as weaknesses, but as strengths. You will need all three to survive the journey. So, enjoy the ride. It's all a part of the fun and the beauty of entering AKAland.

[Classy_Diva5]

As it was stated earlier, the help that we sisterfriends have received by you members of Alpha Kappa Alpha here in this forum IS appreciated, and speaking for myself personally, I am EXTREMELY grateful. I know that it is a priviledge-NOT A RIGHT-to be able to network with you here on this forum.

The one thing that does upset me is the lack of respect shown by other SF's, because in a sense that makes all SF's here look bad. I think that some feel that just because we're on the net, they can show their a$$es and not get caught-I look at it this way: you never know who you'll meet, and if you want to become a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha, you'd better watch what you say to members.

What's so hard about being DISCREET, RESPECTFUL AND HUMBLE? If a SF can't do that here on this forum, then how is she supposed to manage when on line?

Like I said earlier, I'm not here to attack anyone personally, I'm just speaking on the few bad apples that have come into the barrel.


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"Mind ya own, stay true to ya own, be ya own."

Peace and God Bless
*Classy_Diva5*

[Steeltrap]

I'm also a new soror, as of last December.
Sisterfriends who are interested should be thankful that there are sorors on this board and in their communities who are willing to give tough love and good advice.
Having humility in your attitude always helps, because it's a constant learning process within the sorority and those who came before know about business and (at least in my case)are willing teachers.
Note: I didn't learn about GC until after I became a part of this sisterhood. I searched and examined many posts. Some interests' posts made me go "whaaa?" with the attitudes.
Sorors, do you find that attitudes toward help are different between undergrads and grads?

[Eclipse]

I thought long and hard about posting on this one, but I decided to give it a shot...

This post is for SORORS OF ALPHA KAPPA ALPHA AND SISTERFFRIENDS INTERESTED IN THE SORORITY, ONLY all others, please DO NOT respond. AKATUDE, please delete if others try to respond. No disrespect intended.

Honestly, if Sorors on this board or any other board, on your campus, in your area, etc. will give you tidbits, suggestions, criticism, etc. DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HEAR IT? SEE IT?

I can't imagine anyone actually saying "no, I don't want advice, tidbits,et al. when I come here", but I think the nature of people is full of contradictions. How many of you have had friends/associates who complained and complained about a boyfriend and when you advised them to leave him they wail "but I love HIM!!" Some people want validation not advice!

Why? Why does an interest have to go back and forth, round and round to make a point? Simply, take the point from the person who wears the PEARLS that you want to wear AND MOVE ON!

I think the more important statement here is why does ANYONE go "back and forth, round and round to make a point?" I am certainly not immune to this syndrome either, because I have been caught up from time to time, but in too many cases, I have seen people, both interested and members, who want to get the "last word" in. Sometimes we just have to be the bigger person and say "thank you", or nothing at all, and move on. But as a previous poster said, (sorry I don't remember who!) they way folks are being raised today does not lend itself to that attitude. Folks are concerned about being dissed, children don't show humility to their parents or other elders, it's no wonder they don't show it in work related situations or in situations like this.

Lastly, I must say that I agree that tone cannot be conveyed in these messages, but acronyms like LOL and j/k have become somewhat universal and add a lot to the message. In addition we have tons of similies that we can and do use and a or a vs a or a goes a long way. It's hard to misread someone's statement when it is accompanied by a

[Ideal08]

You know, I have thought about this a lot lately, and I might change my mind, but for now, this is where I stand.

You know the phrase, one bad apple will spoil the whole bunch? That's how I feel this forum is. I'm personally tired of how people can come up in her and speak in a patronizing tone, regardless if they are interests or not, and then expect us to be so goody goody and nice. I'll tell you what. That is unrealistic. PERIOD. People talk about respect and humility and all that, but it is rarely seen, and I do give kudos to those that do use it. However, I would be one to say that we should stick to friendly conversations that have NOTHING to do with Alpha Kappa Alpha. PERIOD. That way, there is no chance of anyone's tone being misconstrued. There is no chance of anyone asking questions that are inappropriate and getting a "rude" response. It just absolutely amazes me how many people (not just in our forum, either) have so many complaints about how rude some of the Greeks can be, but that does not stop them from coming up in here posting. AMAZING.

In answer to the question at hand, I think that our serious sisterfriends do want our help. However, if it was up to me, they wouldn't get it, not until the time was right, and not on GC. And before anyone gets offended or thinks I'm being rude or mean, understand something. We as members of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. are not obligated to do or say anything to assist anyone who is not already a soror, contrary to popular belief [this does not include community service, but helping people gain membership does not fall under that category, I know how folks like to get picky ]. Actually, it's probably better that we don't.

My suggestion: Form relationships based on friendly conversations that do not pertain to Alpha Kappa Alpha. We are human, and we don't think that we are untouchable. I have formed some pretty good friendships with a couple of SF's from this forum, whom I would gladly help if they needed it. But randoms, nuh-uh. Someone helped me into AKAland, and I will never forget that, and will be forever indebted to her. But she helped me when the time was right.

I guess that's all for now.

[1 Woman of Virtue]

I would have to agree with a lot of what Ideal08 said. I've found it to be much more suitable to all involved when relationships/friendships are formed on something other than "I'm a sisterfriend, so I need to get to know you so you can help me" type of mentality. On another board that I frequent, one Memberfriend who was an attorney found out that I was applying to law school. We communicated about that, and she went OUT OF HER WAY to help me contact people who had gone to the schools I applied to. While we've never really discussed my interest in her organization, we had, in my opinion, a real human interaction. In my mind, that lays a foundation that perhaps in the future can include help with my interest. Does that make sense? She knows that I'm not on a one-track mode, and just using her to get into her org. I don't know...it just seems more important to bond with someone on something more tangible (if you can, sometimes it just works out that you can bond on the interest) than just my interest in that persons organization. If it is God's will for me to pursue this to fruition, He'll make a way. IF that includes a Memberfriend wanting to help me, then great, but if not Let God's Will Be Done.
While I have found a LOT of useful information regarding my interest on this board, the conversations I've enjoyed the most, had little to do with information regarding your organization.

In the end, if you can help me, I appreciate it, and I thank God for moving on your heart and allowing me favor in that area. If I'm out of line, please correct me in a manner that will not leave me broken. If I'm so out of line that you have to go there, please pray for me at the same time! :P
Otherwise, I really enjoy this board, and will continue to gladly take any info/support a Memberfriend can provide.

[KELLYGIRL]

For every member who takes the time to help-
THANK YOU! From the bottom of this sisterfriends heart!
I dont post messages here that often and here's why...
1) people keep asking the same questions- if they where so interested then they would already know the answer, from the first time it was posted!
2) I think I've read everything that i'm suposed to know, I've seen almost every chapter 's web site, and if its not there then I dont need to know!
3) Some of us need to Pick up a book and read! Stop looking for information to be tied up with a little bow ,did you really think that it would be that easy !
Thanx for the patience!
Kelly

[AKA_Monet]

Some of you already know a post I made on another board, entitled: The problem with ivies--interests...

Looka here, like my Soror AKA2D91 said, we do not have to give you any advice. We can be like-- http://www.aka1908.com because really, some of you want to call us out and get Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. into trouble. But you know what, I don't care. 'Cuz my service to my Sorority has been impeccable. I have worked too hard for my pearls and no little ivy is gonna ruin it. So basically, I'm up for a challenge--BRING IT ON!!! I can flame with the best of 'em and I never give up and don't surrender--I'm a survivor...

As for you SF's posting your appreciation, it's okay to toot a horn, but really, your AKA-related questions should be amongst yourselves. 'Cuz like my Sorors AKAtude and AKAME92 said, back in the day, there was no web access. And back in my day there was no concept of the web even in the government... Like it was all floppy disks and Lotus 123--Trash 80's and Apple 2e's... Okay. So AKA information when I was interest had to be shared with all the interests, which inherently promotes sisterly bonds--all working for the same thing. That is a part of what we mean in terms of DISCRETION...

Sorors, I think the kids have this ME, INCORPORATED or ME.COM attitude now. I have some ideas why. But I won't go into them.

I think the "crazy" SF's--and boy, do I have some emails--want us to "put" in a good word for them at the local/campus chapter and they can't even past the paper!!! I guess they think they can "prey" on our sweetness, compassion and kindness. What they fail to realize that we are trained to see it coming by our elder sorors and get mad when we put them in check. Oh well...

[InquiringMind]

Originally posted by sharon36:
So to the ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha, please do not take the actions of a few sisterfriends as representative of all of us. Some of us DO know the meaning of humility

....and I am one of them. As you may tell from the username, I am constantly on a quest for knowledge. Personally I'm not one that asks for help because I like to find things out on my own. I do know a few members and I will ask them select things, but only if its confusing, conflicting with something else, or another "extreme" case--but I only do this because we know each other well and I trust what they have to say. I've been a silent reader since (before) joining and, personally, I have nothing but gratitude for the Greekchat members and their willingness to help as much as they can and have. Like Ideal08 said, they ARE NOT OBLIGATED to do anything. And they shouldn't be expected to.

[This message has been edited by InquiringMind (edited July 27, 2001).]

[InquiringMind]

And, finally, to answer the original question.....

In all aspects of life, not just AKA related, I have learned to take advice and (constructive) criticism. It has made me a better person and I have accomplished a lot because of it. As far as I'm concerned, who would know better than someone who has already been through the same thing?