Men: What if your Daughter Brought Home a Guy Like You?

[Rudey]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
LOL, Matt! You sound just like my husband!

Does he want to make sure she doesn't ever go out on a date or hold a boy's hand until marriage? Because I would do that to my daughter while I frequent gentlemen's clubs.

-Rudey

[LXAAlum]

Oh, wow. A bit too close to home. But, I would simply explain THE RULES:

Rule One :

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two :

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three :

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loose that they appear to be falling off. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during your date with my daughter, I will use my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely to your waist.

Rule Four :

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five :

In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six :

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven :

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight :

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough for my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine :

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten :

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car--there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face watching you from the window is mine.

[XOMichelle]

Originally posted by Kevlar281
Where are these women?

Ambitious guys, line up here. lol

eta- I like ambitious guys becaue I'm ambitious, not because I want money. I can make that myself, thank you! I find that guys that don't know what they want to do in life don't tolerate my ambition well.

[MaMaBuddha]

Originally posted by LXAAlum
Oh, wow. A bit too close to home. But, I would simply explain THE RULES:

Rule One :

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two :

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three :

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loose that they appear to be falling off. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during your date with my daughter, I will use my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely to your waist.

Rule Four :

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five :

In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six :

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven :

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight :

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough for my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine :

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten :

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car--there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face watching you from the window is mine.

LXA...you must be my father, you sound just like him.

[Rudey]

Originally posted by MaMaBuddha
LXA...you must be my father, you sound just like him.

I've gotten 4 emails forwards with that in there so it's not him.

-Rudey

[LXAAlum]

Originally posted by Rudey
I've gotten 4 emails forwards with that in there so it's not him.

-Rudey

Not, not mine...sorry I forgot to attribute credit where it is due.

My daughter is only 2 1/2 right now, so, I have plenty of time to commit this list to memory.

Even worse, IF my daughter still succeeds on going out on dates after I put forth those rules, she'll still have two other protective entities - her brothers: 6 and 7 years older than her, and they have both told me that they WILL be going with her on her first dates!

I've also noticed that my sons, now starting to realize that (gasp) girls EXIST...are also very considerate. My #1 rule for them dating is to consider if their date also has a brother...how would you feel if she was dating (or doing something)...keep that in mind, and always be a gentleman!

[Rudey]

Originally posted by LXAAlum
Not, not mine...sorry I forgot to attribute credit where it is due.

My daughter is only 2 1/2 right now, so, I have plenty of time to commit this list to memory.

Even worse, IF my daughter still succeeds on going out on dates after I put forth those rules, she'll still have two other protective entities - her brothers: 6 and 7 years older than her, and they have both told me that they WILL be going with her on her first dates!

I've also noticed that my sons, now starting to realize that (gasp) girls EXIST...are also very considerate. My #1 rule for them dating is to consider if their date also has a brother...how would you feel if she was dating (or doing something)...keep that in mind, and always be a gentleman!

You must not have heard about the double standard that males enjoy. Don't ruin it for your sons.

-Rudey

[starang21]

hell no...

[swissmiss04]

I seek out men like my dad, but unfortunately find them w/ the worst aspect of him: emotional distance. Aren't I a lucky girl? If I found a guy who was somewhat "here" and like my dad, I would marry him. And I think my dad would be ok w/ that.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally posted by LXAAlum
Not, not mine...sorry I forgot to attribute credit where it is due.

My daughter is only 2 1/2 right now, so, I have plenty of time to commit this list to memory.

Even worse, IF my daughter still succeeds on going out on dates after I put forth those rules, she'll still have two other protective entities - her brothers: 6 and 7 years older than her, and they have both told me that they WILL be going with her on her first dates!

I've also noticed that my sons, now starting to realize that (gasp) girls EXIST...are also very considerate. My #1 rule for them dating is to consider if their date also has a brother...how would you feel if she was dating (or doing something)...keep that in mind, and always be a gentleman!

My parents always used to tell my brother to be nice to me because he would want to date my friends one day. Man, were they right when we got to college!