Stepmother => legacy connection? (sorority) - Page 2

TigerLilly · #16 01-24-2004, 06:34 AM

Um, KaiKey, I think you're overreacting just a tad. I saw nothing in amycat's post that would indicate any thoughts that adopted children were less worthy of anything -- she was just asking a question!
A reasonable one, at that -- when you went through rush, did you let all the chapters know that you were adopted? Probably not, since you obviously see yourself as fully your mother's daughter and wouldn't see any reason how being an adoptee would effect your legacy status.
I think amycat may have just been pointing out that it probably doesn't occur to adoptees like you to write down on the recruitment form that they are adopted, since that fact is of such little pertainance to them when it comes to their acceptance and place in the family.

As a side note, my dad was adopted at birth, so I know how it is. His mother is his mother, not his "adopted mother" or anything like that.

aephi alum · #17 01-24-2004, 01:15 PM

Didn't mean to start any drama...

My understanding is that if a woman was adopted (let's say the adoptive mother is an AEPhi, for simplicity's sake) the chapter is not, strictly speaking, obligated to treat her as a legacy. However, I suspect that most chapters would treat her as a legacy anyway, especially if the AEPhi is the only mother this girl has ever known. I would frown on any chapter that did not. It is (as with any legacy relationship) a matter of courtesy to the AEPhi.

NutBrnHair · #18 01-24-2004, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum
Didn't mean to start any drama...

My understanding is that if a woman was adopted (let's say the adoptive mother is an AEPhi, for simplicity's sake) the chapter is not, strictly speaking, obligated to treat her as a legacy.

I disagree with that. I think the chapter would indeed be obligated to treat her as a legacy if her mother (adoptive or otherwise!) is a member.

kddani · #19 01-24-2004, 01:50 PM

I think that some policies specifically enumerate adoptees as being legacies. Others may no, but it's like one of those "doesn't need to be said" things. While a person's personal opinion may make them think that they're not the same, legally they are.

In the eyes of the law, an adopted child has the same legal rights as a birth child (forgive me if these aren't PC terminology, but this is the way it's been discussed in my law classes) except in a few, very rare circumstances (such as when it comes to estates and wills, too complicated and not really relevant).

Little E · #20 01-24-2004, 02:03 PM

Aren't Carnation's children adopted...and they are legacies. This adoptee tangnet is only gonna cause drama and that's not good

Anyhow, I have no idea what steps are considered, but why would it be different? I understand that you only have two birth parents but the world we know has changed. Divorce is more common and then it follows that step daughters and step mothers etc. will then be more common. I don't think the 'step' legacy connection should be any less valuable than the bio-mother daughter one. It seems disrespectfull toward your sister to devalue her relationship with a daughter.

Inregards to the idea that the step mother could choose if she wanted it to apply, I don't like that. Could a mother do that too if she didn't like her daughter? Sorority values do not get passed on geneticaly, they are taught in life. I just honestly don't get the greater importance to blood relation. It is absurd.
Just my 2c.

GeekyPenguin · #21 01-24-2004, 02:12 PM

Oh my word.

I think what amycat is saying that is that when Suzanne Rushee's mom sends in a rec/legacy form for precious little Suzanne, she is not going to write "Suzanne is a legacy but she is adopted." She's just going to say "Suzanne is my daughter and she is a legacy and I will just die if she isn't an Alpha Beta Fish like me!"

Now, the Clownfish chapter of Alpha Beta Fish is going to get this rec, and say "Hey, cool, Suzanne Rushee is a legacy." They aren't going to say "Mrs. Rushee says Suzanne is a legacy. We better call and make sure she's her 'real' daughter and isn't adopted or a stepdaughter or anything fishy like that." The point amycat412 was trying to make is that nobody could know she was adopted unless she said so! It's not like they see pictures of her mom and say "Oh, they look nothing alike, she's adopted so she isn't a real legacy so we aren't taking her."

aephi alum · #22 01-24-2004, 02:56 PM

I hasten to add that this is my understanding of AEPhi's policy, and that I do not agree - I feel that adoptive and step relations should be treated as legacies, and I applaud the GLOs that have formal policies to this effect.

I think the idea is that if a woman were adopted late in her childhood, when her personality and her values were pretty much set, and her adoptive parent(s) hadn't really had much influence in her life, the chapter would not have to treat her as a legacy.

But if a woman had been adopted early in her childhood, or if the adoptive parent(s) had been a big part of her life, she should be treated as a legacy, and I think most chapters would do so even without nationals twisting their arm. If I discover I cannot have children of my own, I fully intend to adopt, and woe betide the AEPhi chapter that doesn't treat my little girl as a legacy!

And really, what's the big deal? PNMs aren't going to be advertising their status as adoptive or stepdaughters during rush. You invite her back, and then if it's decided that she wouldn't fit well with the chapter, then you just don't invite her to pref, just as you would do with any legacy. It's not such a big deal.

NutBrnHair · #23 01-24-2004, 03:11 PM

The "big deal," as I see it, is that adoption is a legal (and of course emotional) relationship, whereas a "step" relationship is not necissarily.

aephi alum · #24 01-24-2004, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by NutBrnHair
The "big deal," as I see it, is that adoption is a legal (and of course emotional) relationship, whereas a "step" relationship is not necissarily.

I will agree with you there. Making the decision to adopt and raise a child is a pretty selfless act!

I'm speaking in the context of rush. I think all NPC sororities' legacy policies require the chapter to invite legacies back to the first invitational round. So, say you have a chapter of XYZ, and you have a PNM whose stepmother is an XYZ, but the PNM herself is just not a good fit for your chapter. It's not such a huge deal for XYZ to invite the PNM to the next round. It shows courtesy to her stepmother (this is the intent of legacy policies!) and gives the chapter and the PNM a second chance to look at each other. If the chapter still feels the fit isn't there, they don't invite the PNM back again. It's not like XYZ is being forced to give the PNM a bid.

NutBrnHair · #25 01-24-2004, 03:27 PM

I guess my concern is the fact that adoptive children & step-children are even part of the same conversation. That's the issue. (My issue, anyway

) Adopted children are "real" children...thus, "real" legacies.

OK, I'm done.

James · #26 01-24-2004, 04:46 PM

LOL . . . Someone actually thought to put an exclusionary clause in your national by-laws? Damn.

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum
For AEPhi, I'm almost certain that only a full sister, daughter, or granddaughter is considered a legacy. Step and adoptive relationships don't count, but I think most chapters would treat a step or adoptive relation as a legacy anyway.

James · #27 01-24-2004, 04:50 PM

Do you guys really nitpick that much? If you are agraduate of yale and your stepdaughter applies as a legacy thats both normal and fine.

As far as the lack of affection and concern for your step-relatives, be sure to tell the person before you marry them that you don't like their kids very much lol.

Quote:

Originally posted by NutBrnHair
The "big deal," as I see it, is that adoption is a legal (and of course emotional) relationship, whereas a "step" relationship is not necissarily.

phimuandfries · #28 01-24-2004, 05:16 PM

ok, now im wondering. what if a family adopts many children and their first adopted daughter joins QWE and the second daughter goes through recruitment. Is she a QWE legacy? and im assuming that no one in the family is biologically related... i would hope so since they are sisters, but is that a legal thing? maybe its a stupid question, but i have to know

rainbowbrightCS · #29 01-24-2004, 05:26 PM

They may not me sister by birth but sister by heart and family.

carnation · #30 01-24-2004, 05:54 PM

I have no clue what anyone's real intentions were when they wrote anything on this thread, but make no mistake:my 5 adopted daughters and my 4 biological daughters are EQUALLY mine!

I can't imagine the hurt we would feel if Pi Phi, AOII, or Chi O announced to my adopted daughters who haven't rushed yet that they didn't count as legacies. Luckily, they haven't; Chi O readily accepted BlazerCheer as Ballerina's sister and legacy although obviously they aren't blood-related. The AOIIs where my 4th daughter (she's adopted and Asian) will attend school have already contacted her and want her to come visit.

Most adoptees won't be obvious as such--no one will even know they're adopted during rush unless someone from their hometown knew it. Probably all of us have sorority sisters who were adopted and we never knew. I mean--adoption shouldn't even be an issue! I am just shocked to think that a chapter would even bring it up.